ponchsox Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 I'm going on 3 1/2 months post breakup and despite making good progress, I still think about my ex constantly and it makes me very sad we aren't together. I consider myself a very strong person, strong in he business world, great relationships with friends and family, yet my love life continues to be a train wreck. My last GF said she loved me after she broke up with me but circumstances in her life caused her to end the relationship. We dated for a year and a half, she's the strongest I've felt about marrying someone, and yet I was left heartbroken and confused. I'm starting to think I should just give up on dating all together because the pressure of meeting someone is getting to me. I'm not interested in dating someone unless I have that feeling about them that I can't wait to see them and they make me a better person. Anyone else feel like this? A I being too tough on myself? I'm trying to be my happy normal self but not having someone to come home to and talk to and plan dates makes me sad. 1
Fufu Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 I'm going on 3 1/2 months post breakup and despite making good progress, I still think about my ex constantly and it makes me very sad we aren't together. I consider myself a very strong person, strong in he business world, great relationships with friends and family, yet my love life continues to be a train wreck. My last GF said she loved me after she broke up with me but circumstances in her life caused her to end the relationship. We dated for a year and a half, she's the strongest I've felt about marrying someone, and yet I was left heartbroken and confused. I'm starting to think I should just give up on dating all together because the pressure of meeting someone is getting to me. I'm not interested in dating someone unless I have that feeling about them that I can't wait to see them and they make me a better person. Anyone else feel like this? A I being too tough on myself? I'm trying to be my happy normal self but not having someone to come home to and talk to and plan dates makes me sad. The break up hurt is still fresh, completely normal to feel what you are feeling now. Don't give up on yourself and love too early/easily. It is gonna take time for you to heal and move on. You have to give yourself the right to heal and move on and when in time ready to love again. Love comes unexpectedly most of the time...that is why when people are in love they feel magical. 1
JDPT Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 I rather get kicked in the nuts than this trust me. However, as they say, joy wouldn't feel so good if it wasn't for pain. It's inevitable for us to go through what we are currently dealing with. It helps us grow as men. We get to know ourselves in a deeper sense, learn form our mistakes, and know that we have value and can hold ourselves at much higher regards than we have in the past. I'm thankful for this experience as painful as it is. I probably wouldn't have wanted it any other way. 5
Fangorn Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 "This too shall pass" It hurts like hell, sure, you're depressed, unmotivated, don't know what to do with yourself. Rock bottom makes for a great foundation though and you think you were strong before? Well wait until you've moved past this. Focus on yourself, make you happy for you. Any relationship where you focus on the other person to make you happy is doomed to fail.
organizedchaos Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 I'm going on 3 1/2 months post breakup and despite making good progress, I still think about my ex constantly and it makes me very sad we aren't together. I consider myself a very strong person, strong in he business world, great relationships with friends and family, yet my love life continues to be a train wreck. My last GF said she loved me after she broke up with me but circumstances in her life caused her to end the relationship. We dated for a year and a half, she's the strongest I've felt about marrying someone, and yet I was left heartbroken and confused. I'm starting to think I should just give up on dating all together because the pressure of meeting someone is getting to me. I'm not interested in dating someone unless I have that feeling about them that I can't wait to see them and they make me a better person. Anyone else feel like this? A I being too tough on myself? I'm trying to be my happy normal self but not having someone to come home to and talk to and plan dates makes me sad. Dude, it's been 6 months for me and I still think about her every day and miss her. I know we're not getting back together. However, I just met someone that excites me again. It was totally random setup from a mutual friend, wasn't looking for her. But it will happen again for you when you are ready. 3 1/2 months is still too soon.
CaliBabe Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 This is totally normal. I too consider myself a very strong woman. In the business world, in life, just in general. And my breakup has completely destroyed me. But I suppose that is what love is. You will feel better with more time.
Author ponchsox Posted January 10, 2014 Author Posted January 10, 2014 This is totally normal. I too consider myself a very strong woman. In the business world, in life, just in general. And my breakup has completely destroyed me. But I suppose that is what love is. You will feel better with more time. Very true. Love can hurt as much as it can feel amazing. I'm just not sure if I want to go through it again. It has totally screwed me up far more than I would have imagined.
CaliBabe Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 Very true. Love can hurt as much as it can feel amazing. I'm just not sure if I want to go through it again. It has totally screwed me up far more than I would have imagined. I am on the exact same boat. But we are worthy of love. Are we going to allow our exes to ruin our chances to live our dreams?
carhill Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 If you've had a close loved one die, compare for 'weakness'. In reality, although the person themselves did not die in your breakup, the emotional bond with them did die a forceable death, not unlike with a loved one dies physically, and you can never exercise that bond of love with them again. Having experienced a number of deaths, and my fair share of breakups, and grieving the death of a person and the death of a marriage nearly contemporaneously, I found the parallels remarkable so wished to share them with you. My sympathies and good luck.
flightplan Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 Same here buddy. I'm very successful in all other parts of my life and really have nothing to complain about, however, this has destroyed me emotionally. I can't add much to what others have said, but you're not alone. We didn't BU because we we're mad at one another, cheating, affairs, personality quirks, etc,. She BU with me over religion which really stings. I have somewhat good days but mostly bad days, but experience has taught me this will pass... I just don't know how long it's going to take.
jphcbpa Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 if you were fully all in and completely vulnerable then feeling this way is completely normal. what a beautiful thing being truly intimate is. feel these feelings, embrace them, lean into them. this is life. 2
rosedl Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 Uhm...Excuse me. But, feeling grief around losing love is not a weakness. It is a strength. It shows you have the capacity to experience you emotions and not stuff them away. Our culture has a very weird definition of 'manly' which appears to include not experiencing or showing emotions. Apparently, stuffing them down and developing heart disease and ulcers is more manly then shedding some tears. Right. One of the reasons my ex and I are not together is because he invalidated emotions.....mine and his.....He had a lot of responsibility and respect for the practical. 'Taking care of business' type stuff. I think one of the main reasons he broke up with me is because he couldn't pull the ignore routine around his feelings and behavior with me, and I think that really made him angry. Manly? No. Actually kinda cowardly. Avoidance behavior. In any case, break ups are sad. They hurt. Go ahead and grieve and work through it. There is NOTHING wrong with it. 3
Author ponchsox Posted January 10, 2014 Author Posted January 10, 2014 Same here buddy. I'm very successful in all other parts of my life and really have nothing to complain about, however, this has destroyed me emotionally. I can't add much to what others have said, but you're not alone. We didn't BU because we we're mad at one another, cheating, affairs, personality quirks, etc,. She BU with me over religion which really stings. I have somewhat good days but mostly bad days, but experience has taught me this will pass... I just don't know how long it's going to take. My ex gf will never understand how hurt and betrayed I felt after our breakup. Like yours, it didn't end because she liked someone else, cheating, or loss of love. She was a single mom with a deadbeat ex, she worked 7 days per week most times, and her son was doing poorly in school. Even though I wanted to stick with her, she felt she could no longer give to the relationship. She told me after our breakup she loved me and if she couldn't make it with me, she couldn't make it with anyone. If I didn't love her and care about her, I wouldn't have been so angry and upset. We fought after our breakup because I said some mean things, but it was purely out of frustration and betrayal. I've been on a few dates since we broke up. Nobody has come even close to what we had. I'm just preparing for being single for years again. It sucks because I want kids so badly.
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