Author RedRobin Posted January 13, 2014 Author Posted January 13, 2014 (edited) .... and whenever I do OLD, I'm just overwhelmed with frustration with how many men have let themselves go. Put the remote down and lose the gut. for crissakes... show just a little care for their body. ugh. I forgot how much I hate OLD. Would rather go to the gym and my running or hiking group and meet people that way. For now, I put the notifications down to once a week... and will give myself an hour max per week to do searches, etc. Edited January 13, 2014 by RedRobin 1
Author RedRobin Posted January 13, 2014 Author Posted January 13, 2014 Just cancelled the subscription. What was I thinking??! I'm sure the guy I've been seeing will somehow think that is a sign that I'm more interested in him. It's just the opposite. In the month I was signed up, he was the only guy I even thought about meeting. I appreciate everyone's input. It helped me clarify the things that I find attractive about the men I meet. I'm already doing the things that put me around those kinds of men IRL... and even if I don't meet anyone there, at least I'll have the health benefits of having done it... unlike OLD. 2
Emilia Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 ugh. I forgot how much I hate OLD. Would rather go to the gym and my running or hiking group and meet people that way. I did OLD when I had to be careful with money and didn't get the chance to go out as much as I do now. Never again. Frikken horrible. 1
Phantom888 Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 Activities may put him in friends zone if you have too much fun. Weird right? On the other hand, coffee/dinner would be more romantic, and he has a higher chance of taking you home to bed. It's all about probabilities.
Ruby Slippers Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 You sound fed up and stressed about dating, and I get that. But I think it's great the way you're being really selective and totally true to yourself. You cannot go wrong with that! Yes, you have high standards and are cautious, but you sound like a total catch - for the RIGHT guy. I know how hard it is to find that guy, but I'm sure you will. There are guys out there who want relationships and not just nebulous "arrangements". Most of the men I've dated all my life want a relationship, are clear about that up front, and behave that way. One of the early conversations I've been having the past few years is how unappealing the hook-up culture is to us. If a guy isn't on the same page with me there, it's probably just not going to be a fit. But I don't think it's as hard to find that kind of guy as you think. Hang in there! 1
PinkInTheLimo Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 .... and whenever I do OLD, I'm just overwhelmed with frustration with how many men have let themselves go. Put the remote down and lose the gut. for crissakes... show just a little care for their body. And they have absolutely no complexes about it, based on the number of shirtless pics they post in their profiles... And they think they are entitled to a younger supermodel woman. They feel too good for a woman their own âge... What I absolutely hate are these guys with a serious gut who somehow seem to think that this is a normal body shape, that this just comes with being an older man. Whenever such a guy on a dating site contacted me I was wondering what on earth he was thinking. How on earth does he even think I would ever want to go to bed with him? For starters, I am really slim and slender (1,69 m and 56 kilos) which means that these guys with a gut weigh almost twice as much as myself. Now how do you have sex with such a guy without getting totally crushed ? I am not expecting guys in their late forties/early fifties to have a rock hard six-pack but surely it must be possible to limit the kilos you gain with the years? Very often it is their alcohol consumption that is the cause of that gut, which is another turn-off. Imagine being in bed and see that mole hill under the covers (the belly), smell his alcohol breath and then being awake all night because he is snoring really loud. 3
gaius Posted January 14, 2014 Posted January 14, 2014 And they have absolutely no complexes about it, based on the number of shirtless pics they post in their profiles... And they think they are entitled to a younger supermodel woman. They feel too good for a woman their own âge... What I absolutely hate are these guys with a serious gut who somehow seem to think that this is a normal body shape, that this just comes with being an older man. Whenever such a guy on a dating site contacted me I was wondering what on earth he was thinking. How on earth does he even think I would ever want to go to bed with him? For starters, I am really slim and slender (1,69 m and 56 kilos) which means that these guys with a gut weigh almost twice as much as myself. Now how do you have sex with such a guy without getting totally crushed ? I am not expecting guys in their late forties/early fifties to have a rock hard six-pack but surely it must be possible to limit the kilos you gain with the years? Very often it is their alcohol consumption that is the cause of that gut, which is another turn-off. Imagine being in bed and see that mole hill under the covers (the belly), smell his alcohol breath and then being awake all night because he is snoring really loud. If only more women were like you and Red we would solve our obesity problem overnight. 1
Author RedRobin Posted January 14, 2014 Author Posted January 14, 2014 And they have absolutely no complexes about it, based on the number of shirtless pics they post in their profiles... And they think they are entitled to a younger supermodel woman. They feel too good for a woman their own âge... What I absolutely hate are these guys with a serious gut who somehow seem to think that this is a normal body shape, that this just comes with being an older man. Whenever such a guy on a dating site contacted me I was wondering what on earth he was thinking. How on earth does he even think I would ever want to go to bed with him? For starters, I am really slim and slender (1,69 m and 56 kilos) which means that these guys with a gut weigh almost twice as much as myself. Now how do you have sex with such a guy without getting totally crushed ? I am not expecting guys in their late forties/early fifties to have a rock hard six-pack but surely it must be possible to limit the kilos you gain with the years? Very often it is their alcohol consumption that is the cause of that gut, which is another turn-off. Imagine being in bed and see that mole hill under the covers (the belly), smell his alcohol breath and then being awake all night because he is snoring really loud. Ya right? and that's after he's 'pleasured you' for however long the little blue pill keeps it going... most of the time you'd be on top effing what feels like a biq squishy mattress with moobs. I have an active imagination. I think I we need to post a cleaned up version of that sometime. If Match would let it through their filters. Oh, what about the guys who are all natural with the going grey. Yes, let's cover the waddle with the greying beard... AND let whats left up top go all grey too.... yes, because women young enough to be your daughter love kissing Santa. NOT!! WTF?! You young guys reading this... please, please... make exercise a regular part of your life... and you older guys... if you haven't yet, it's never too late to start. Seriously.
Author RedRobin Posted January 14, 2014 Author Posted January 14, 2014 (edited) Activities may put him in friends zone if you have too much fun. Weird right? On the other hand, coffee/dinner would be more romantic, and he has a higher chance of taking you home to bed. It's all about probabilities. Not with me. ... Now, a guy who can have fun doing something adventurous with a total stranger? That sounds a lot more appealing. Plus I get to check out how they smell a little sweaty. Kind of a preview of the big event. Not sure why the ladies would be put off by letting themselves be seen or smelled too doing something active. They are the flower... let the bees come in and take a whiff. That's some good stuff there! Edited January 14, 2014 by RedRobin
Weezy1973 Posted January 14, 2014 Posted January 14, 2014 Ya right? and that's after he's 'pleasured you' for however long the little blue pill keeps it going... most of the time you'd be on top effing what feels like a biq squishy mattress with moobs. I have an active imagination. I think I we need to post a cleaned up version of that sometime. If Match would let it through their filters. Oh, what about the guys who are all natural with the going grey. Yes, let's cover the waddle with the greying beard... AND let whats left up top go all grey too.... yes, because women young enough to be your daughter love kissing Santa. NOT!! WTF?! You young guys reading this... please, please... make exercise a regular part of your life... and you older guys... if you haven't yet, it's never too late to start. Seriously. Of course statistically, overweight/obese women outnumber overweight/obese men by a 3 to 2 margin (according to the World Health Organization), so women please, regular exercise and healthy eating is your friend as well... 1
Author RedRobin Posted January 14, 2014 Author Posted January 14, 2014 Of course statistically, overweight/obese women outnumber overweight/obese men by a 3 to 2 margin (according to the World Health Organization), so women please, regular exercise and healthy eating is your friend as well... I agree. If more women my age took care of themselves, more men my age wouldn't have prejudices about dating women their own age. Although, there are plenty of women in their 20's who have let themselves go too. It's an epidemic. It felt kind of mean of me to say some of the things above. When I do OLD, this is what happens. It's why I had to stop it. I AM first and foremost, looking for someone who is relationship oriented who will treat me well and have set aside lots of other criteria in order to try and find that... but when I see people so radically DIFFERENT than me routinely hitting on me it just gets old and it even makes me feel sad. 1
Emilia Posted January 14, 2014 Posted January 14, 2014 It felt kind of mean of me to say some of the things above. When I do OLD, this is what happens. It's why I had to stop it. I AM first and foremost, looking for someone who is relationship oriented who will treat me well and have set aside lots of other criteria in order to try and find that... but when I see people so radically DIFFERENT than me routinely hitting on me it just gets old and it even makes me feel sad. I feel mean too sometimes but I do think people do OLD for a reason even in this day and age. There was a reason when I did it (didn't get out much for a period due to financial constraints) and I think most that are social meet enough new people not to resort to OLD - or at least not exclusively. It's a completely different mentality if you are happy to sit behind a keyboard to conduct your love life as opposed to getting out there meeting folks. 1
Author RedRobin Posted January 14, 2014 Author Posted January 14, 2014 I feel mean too sometimes but I do think people do OLD for a reason even in this day and age. There was a reason when I did it (didn't get out much for a period due to financial constraints) and I think most that are social meet enough new people not to resort to OLD - or at least not exclusively. It's a completely different mentality if you are happy to sit behind a keyboard to conduct your love life as opposed to getting out there meeting folks. It does emphasize to me still the reason why I probably need to leave this area though. My social networks are pretty broad... there just are not a lot of single people around here and those that are have some major issues that I complain about a lot. Addiction, criminal histories, financial, etc... At least doing my other fitness or social activities has a much lower chance of making me bitter while I continue to find a way to move out of here and into an area with overall healthier people. That way, I'll be in a much better place emotionally when I do finally get to my next location. 1
Emilia Posted January 14, 2014 Posted January 14, 2014 It does emphasize to me still the reason why I probably need to leave this area though. My social networks are pretty broad... there just are not a lot of single people around here and those that are have some major issues that I complain about a lot. Addiction, criminal histories, financial, etc... Yes, I couldn't date in the area I live in. Luckily it's only a smart part of London and there are lots of good areas around it but if the whole city was made up of the demographic that's in my immediate vicinity, it would be tough. 1
Author RedRobin Posted January 15, 2014 Author Posted January 15, 2014 (edited) So, I have a tentative date set up this weekend with the subject of this thread. He suggested we go roller skating (which I LOVE)... he was so cute talking about skating around like high schoolers holding hands. (he sent this by email) What a lovely idea. Sounds like SO much fun... but I just can't imagine kissing him based on this smell thing. I need to respond. I'm thinking I will call him tonight and find a way to let him down gently. What sucks is that I really like him as a person so far. The past month seeing him has probably been one of the better experiences I've had in OLD overall. I still don't see me going back to it though. Edited January 15, 2014 by RedRobin
Author RedRobin Posted January 28, 2014 Author Posted January 28, 2014 (edited) ... so it has been a couple more weeks. I agreed to go roller skating. We did have fun. Yes, we held hands and I wasn't grossed out. We ended up diner hopping until about midnight. No, we still haven't kissed. Oh, and his profile is still up. That's fine. I don't really care. People can be researching options regardless of profiles. It's not something I worry about. Last night on the phone he asked how long do I usually wait until having dinner over at someone's house. I laughed and said "oh, the old dinner at my place, wink, wink?" I told him that I don't have dinner at someone's house until I'm ready to be intimate with him. He asked me "does it always mean that? Can't you just have dinner?" I said, "that would be nice, but no. I've never been in a situation where the guy hasn't tried for that or it wasn't expected." I told him that I'm realistic about him seeing other women while we get to know each other. We haven't even kissed. At this point, I certainly wouldn't feel bad about accepting an offer for a date by another man either. This pace feels quite fine to me. I've definitely seen more of his personality come out in the past few weeks. One thing that bugs me though... he always has lots of questions about what *I* am doing on this or that day... but he doesn't volunteer about his whereabouts. Sometimes he'll mention it afterwards. This seems to be a trend with him. I've had other guys do this too. Feels like a double standard. If he's going to be checking up on me, he ought to be volunteering too, or else I'm keeping my mouth shut. I'm not the one with the profile still up anyway. Anyway, long story short.. I'm seeing him again this Wednesday. I enjoy his company. I enjoy talking to him. I'm still on the fence about him romantically. He's heavier than I like and his diet sucks. I doubt he works out as much as he claims he does either... and yes, I'm still not liking how he smells. Which we talked about the other day. He asked for diet tips, so it wasn't something I forced on him. Even after he asked, he seemed to have lots of excuses for why he doesn't eat better. Hmm... looks like that won't be changing. Might be a deal breaker. Made me think of something today. in dating... you've got "Attractive" - "Stable" - "Available" Pick two. If they are attractive and stable, they aren't available. If they are attractive and available, they aren't stable. If they are stable and available, they aren't attractive. I'm just wondering which one I am. Yes, I know what you'll say. I'm attractive and available... lol. Edited January 28, 2014 by RedRobin 1
Author RedRobin Posted January 28, 2014 Author Posted January 28, 2014 More shallowness. I thought I've seen it all. Smell? Would you kiss something that smelled like *ss? yes, I've dated a couple of guys whose breath smelled like a rotting corpse due to a sinus infection or after a course of antibiotics. I broke up with one guy because of it... turned out he got frequent sinus infections and I really couldn't stand to even sit across the table and talk to him when he had that. Hey, unhealthy people aren't attractive. Are you surprised? It's not like we were married. I don't date smokers either... same reason. They smell bad. ... But I will add... I was VERY gentle with them... I even cried on the last one. I really liked him... I just couldn't get over how he smelled half the time. It was awful.
Under The Radar Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 Would you kiss something that smelled like *ss? yes, I've dated a couple of guys whose breath smelled like a rotting corpse due to a sinus infection or after a course of antibiotics. I broke up with one guy because of it... turned out he got frequent sinus infections and I really couldn't stand to even sit across the table and talk to him when he had that. Hey, unhealthy people aren't attractive. Are you surprised? It's not like we were married. I don't date smokers either... same reason. They smell bad. ... But I will add... I was VERY gentle with them... I even cried on the last one. I really liked him... I just couldn't get over how he smelled half the time. It was awful. I'm sorry, but the vivid imagery described here is morbidly comedic. In fact, it's downright hilarious, and had tears streaming down my face I was laughing so hard . The dating world never ceases to entertain me. On a brighter note, it also reminded me to brush my teeth before I go to bed . Thanks, RR. 1
abby_tx Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 I wish you were a guy. I'd date you! All I want is activities and the guys always suggest coffee. I hate coffee dates because they feel like interviews. 1
Author RedRobin Posted January 28, 2014 Author Posted January 28, 2014 I wish you were a guy. I'd date you! All I want is activities and the guys always suggest coffee. I hate coffee dates because they feel like interviews. If you are doing OLD, just put in your profile your thoughts about an ideal first meeting. I did that... plus mention that there was lots of cheap or free things to do. I think that's what lots of guys are worried about... spending too much time or money on a first meet. Guys who suggested or insisted on just coffee first I didn't agree to meet. I agree with you on the interview thing... not to mention I consider it boring and intrusive to be expected to talk about a lot of personal stuff with a total stranger. Don't be shy about explaining your reasons in email chats or on the phone in advance. Stay positive about it though. It's supposed to be fun I can tell you that this emphasis on activities (even cheap or free ones) has sorted out tons of guys who really don't do the things they say they do or are puffing up their profiles. Works like a charm.
Weezy1973 Posted February 1, 2014 Posted February 1, 2014 OP - you should move to the West Coast. I can see you doing very well in a city like Portland. I'm from Vancouver, and seriously it's all about healthy living and outdoor activities. We were rated one of the worst dressed cities in the world because our concept of beauty is much more closely tied to healthy living than it is fashion. I visited Portland over the past summer and it had such a great vibe - also people biked everywhere and were outdoors doing stuff. If these things are just part of the city's culture you should find plenty of men that at least share your values in these areas. Then you can focus on the important relationship values without worrying that you might not find another guy that's into health and the same activities you are. Just a thought... 1
Author RedRobin Posted February 1, 2014 Author Posted February 1, 2014 OP - you should move to the West Coast. I can see you doing very well in a city like Portland. I'm from Vancouver, and seriously it's all about healthy living and outdoor activities. We were rated one of the worst dressed cities in the world because our concept of beauty is much more closely tied to healthy living than it is fashion. I visited Portland over the past summer and it had such a great vibe - also people biked everywhere and were outdoors doing stuff. If these things are just part of the city's culture you should find plenty of men that at least share your values in these areas. Then you can focus on the important relationship values without worrying that you might not find another guy that's into health and the same activities you are. Just a thought... Definitely!! Portland, OR... Seattle, WA... Austin, TX... Denver/Boulder, CO... all high on my list of top places I'd like to live. My work is pretty specialized. I've been trying for years to land a decent job in one of those locations... in the meantime, I've been doing a bit of ethical moonlighting to see if that might translate into my own business... that would allow more flexibility in where I live.
WP4046 Posted February 1, 2014 Posted February 1, 2014 why are so many grown women so afraid to a situation leading to sex?
Author RedRobin Posted February 2, 2014 Author Posted February 2, 2014 why are so many grown women so afraid to a situation leading to sex? Because, as a woman, my reputation is harmed by association with not so great men... Should I find out after the fact that he's got something unsavory in his life that others know and I do not, or he is indiscrete, mean, or just plain lying about his intentions... it makes it that much tougher for me to attract the kind of man I want... while the reverse is true for the guy. His reputation improves... both in #'s and by association with a woman like me. It is just much easier to not put myself in a situation where my natural impulses will be tested or take over until I find out for sure if the guy is who he says he is and wants what he says he wants. Long story short, there is nothing in it for me to have sex with a guy I don't know well. Best not to even risk it.
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