vagabonder Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 There is a personal trainer at my gym that I have had a huge crush on for 7-8 months now. I signed up for sessions with him a few months back, so we have been working together once a week. Other times I go into the gym, if I see him we usually have some small talk exchange. A couple of months ago, I got up the courage (through email) to invite him to have drinks with me to celebrate something particular. He responded with a thanks for inviting him but that he would be "unable to attend" my celebration. I know that it is so cliche-ish to have a crush on your PT. I know that they are good at their jobs in getting clients, but he looks at me this particular way that just makes me melt and with these eyes that says he is interested in me. He is not your stereo-typical trainer personality, which is part of why I am so attracted to him. So, after I asked him out, we kept training together, but the crush has remained intense and it is taking a toll on my personal life. I think the only way to move on from it is to stop training with him and try to go to the gym at hours I know he won't be there. Basically try to create NC for 2-3 months to see if I can shake it off. I'm planning to email him to tell him that he is a great trainer, but I need to take a break from the sessions for awhile. My question is, if he comes back and asks why, should I tell him it is because of my crush, or just make up some other excuse? On the one hand, if there is any chance he is interested and just can't date clients, I would want to put it out there. After I asked him out, he treated me nicely - no different than before. Chances are, though, that a few months down the road, I will run into him there again, or even potentially want to sign up for sessions with him (he is definitely the best trainer at the gym), so I don't want to burn bridges either, nor do I want to make his work environment awkward. So, do I tell him I can't shake the crush or pretend otherwise?
thinkingofhim Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 I don't think you should tell him. Ive known plenty of PTs and as far as I'm aware none of them had some strict moral code to not date people at the gym. If he was interested he would have taken you up on it. I wouldn't read too much into a PT looking at you, they are paid to look at you closely and make sure you are using proper form and technique. 1
Janesays Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 I wouldn't tell him about your crush. It puts him in an awkward and unprofessional position. This is his job. Let him retain his dignity and respect in his workplace. Personally, I have been hit on by many many clients. It's off putting and uncomfortable every time. Furthermore, even if I wanted to date them, I wouldn't/couldn't. It's unprofessional.
soccerrprp Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 ...or even potentially want to sign up for sessions with him (he is definitely the best trainer at the gym), so I don't want to burn bridges either, nor do I want to make his work environment awkward. So, do I tell him I can't shake the crush or pretend otherwise? Well, true on all counts. It will be awkward if you tell him and he doesn't reciprocate, not to mention, uncomfortable for you. You don't want to burn bridges either. If I were you, I would simply ask him out. That way there is NO DOUBT. If he refuses for whatever reason, you suck it up or find another trainer or facility. 1
Mrlonelyone Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 Well, true on all counts. It will be awkward if you tell him and he doesn't reciprocate, not to mention, uncomfortable for you. You don't want to burn bridges either. If I were you, I would simply ask him out. (IN PERSON) That way there is NO DOUBT. If he refuses for whatever reason, you suck it up or find another trainer or facility. I added one thing. Always ask someone out in person if you can. Further if he's a real macho guy you have to make him feel like it's all his idea.
Author vagabonder Posted January 10, 2014 Author Posted January 10, 2014 Thanks for the replies. I have enough humility, that it doesn't bother me if he knows. I'm sure on some levels he already does since I did ask him out before. thinkingofhim - It's not that he watches me when I'm working out, but rather the way he looks into my eyes when we're talking, even outside of sessions. I don't seem him do this with others, but perhaps he does. Janesays - it's good to hear from someone on the other side. That's exactly what I'm concerned of - putting him in an awkward position, so better to not. soccerprp - The thing is, I did kind of ask him out when I invited him to drinks. He said no. I got my answer. Although I didn't get any reason why. Yet I can't shake this feeling that we have a real connection beyond the training. I just wish his "no" would have allowed my crush to dissipate. Mrlonelyone - I wish I could have asked him out in person, but the gym is a small setting and there would be no way to do it without others hearing, unfortunately. Truth be told, it took all my courage to ask him out at all and I probably couldn't have done it in person anyway. Dang, I really want him to know how I feel. Not sure why that is the case, but it sounds like I better just not tell him.
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