jimmy76 Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 Hello all First time of posted here, but i've read a lot and it's been truely lovely to see so many people helping others with these horrible issues! I've recently been left by my girlfriend of 4 years (just before christmas!) We were all set to by a house in the new year when suddenly it wasn't what she wanted anymore. She did that whole distancing thing coerced by her friend also, so for about a month before the break, i had the social situations of watching the distancing and odd comments about her future. At the time i thought it was all in my head but can see now what all that was about. I pretty much had to force the answer out of her as well when the talk came. She'd talk around the issue with no real meaning, leaving it to me to either 'get it' or keep on until i heard it from her mouth. Which is what i needed, and did. She lives in a flat that has a load of my stuff in it, records, guitar, clothes not to mention a sofa and chair! There was minimal contact over Xmas.. just sent her a Happy Xmas message etc... then i left it. She contacted me after a few days mentioning that my guitar (and only the guitar) was at hers and she can drop it off if i like... I said 'yeh' naturally and mentioned the other things but didn't get any response about those being returned. A week after New Years (with nc) i get another text saying she thinks it best i have my spare key back for my house... Can she come drop it off... What's that all about? Naturally as i'm the dumpee, i'm going through absolute hell and as much as all i want is to see her and hold her again, i know that's no good. I mention i'll come to hers and collect everything instead... Naturally i now feel bad as her messages etc were lovely and i'm having to be the mean guy it feels... Have i done the right thing? I feel terrible as i love her dearly. We broke up due to my complacency i guess. Nothing bad happened, but i don't really know the best way about all of this... it's just all so sudden, i just can't seem to get a straight thought that i feel confident with... Sorry this is such a rambling email but if feels good to type it out! Matt
Chi townD Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 As long as she's holding your things hostage, she's going to continue to breadcrumb you to death. Those things are the only things connecting you two for her to have a excuse to contact you. So, why would she want to contact you? More than likely for an ego boost. I mean, you can still miss someone and not want them back. So, if she's feeling a little down and lonely, "Hey, let me text Jimmy about his stuff!" She hears from you and she gets her "Jimmy Fix" I strongly advise you to rip the band aid off quickly. Assign a day where you go over there and get ALL of your crap! And get your key back as well. Then, she'll have a harder time coming up with a reason to contact you.
Author jimmy76 Posted January 10, 2014 Author Posted January 10, 2014 Thanks man, yeh i know. I'm actually going tonight to do it... I've just had a text reply asking if i want dinner! What does she think is going on... unless she's so over it she doesn't see it like i do... Yeh, gobble those bread crumbs! Anyway... Great words, it helps!
Chi townD Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 Remember, breadcrumbs are just that....breadcrumbs. The only things you should entertain is, "I'm sorry. I made a mistake and I'll do anything to be back with you." ANYTHING else is just breadcrumbs. And even if you do hear those words, it's up to you to decide if you want to have her back or not. You would definitely have to set up some boundaries and conditions. But, a lot of times, when they discover that it is conditional, they tend to change their minds.
Author jimmy76 Posted January 10, 2014 Author Posted January 10, 2014 Cheers Chi, wise words. Horrible as that horrid word 'hope' popped in the head earlier. It's so hard to keep my thoughts in reality. Breadcrumbs is breadcrumbs.
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