nomadic_butterfly Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 And then women wonder why they get labelled as "gold-diggers" by men. You just need to communicate next time about who pays. Don't do it in a mean way, but by all means express your views. If the girl is a nice girl, she will understand. If not, why would you want to keep dating her anyway. A $12 drink is "digging for gold?" Wow. LOL must be one of them low end diggers...gold diggers would not suggest drinks at some run of the mill bar. If she suggested a fancy dinner, broadway, etc. then you may have a point. If she does this with multiple men, yes, you have a point. There are too many unknowns to come up with such a grandiose conclusion. It doesn't make someone a "nice" or "not nice" woman depending on YOUR view. Everyone has different experiences and expectations! Suppose all other men she's gone out with in her life offered to pay? What if all the other women he's gone out with have offered to go dutch on first dates? Who's right? Who's wrong? NO ONE. His only wrong was not expressly stating from the get go what his expectations were. It would be extremely tacky to text her going beyond, "I think it was unfair for you to make me pay for drinks if you knew you weren't interested." The price tag dropping is what makes him look juvenile and cheap. She then could respond, "well if you had an issue, you should have said it at the time instead of paying and then whining long after the fact." I honestly am not buying he didn't feel a connection either. If he didn't, then why pay? It's simply a case of the fox calling the grapes sour because he couldn't reach em....plain and simply. LOL if she wanted another date he wouldn't post this. If he didn't feel a connection from the get-go, why didn't HE suggest dutch? Oh please. 3
Iguanna Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 You women accuse him for making a big deal for money, but it's exactly what you do. Who has created the rule that men pay on the first date? Why was this rule created? Is this rule maybe kinda outdated now that women make money as well? Isn't it better if there are no such idiotic rules and people just enjoy their date, paying each their part of the bill? 1
nomadic_butterfly Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 You women accuse him for making a big deal for money, but it's exactly what you do. Who has created the rule that men pay on the first date? Why was this rule created? Is this rule maybe kinda outdated now that women make money as well? Isn't it better if there are no such idiotic rules and people just enjoy their date, paying each their part of the bill? I wouldn't go as far as saying it's a "rule" but rather the "norm." It is what it is. Go against the grain if you wanna...the world is your oyster babe
JourneyLady Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 Clia, I understand what your saying but It wasn't a date. It was a meeting on a whim. She lives up the block. I said lets meet for coffee and she said lets go for a beer. Yes, you can say I could have insisted on going for coffee. I find it very difficult to speak up in these situations. before, during or after. How does a guy say. Ok that's 30 each? or Hey, lets go dutch. Yes, I do understand it doesn't make her a made person. Totally agree. I even said at the beginning that she seemed very sweet. Bolded right there is the crux of the problem. In advance I will say that when I meet someone for the first time, I always pay for my coffee or drink myself (sometimes before they get there). I am uncomfortable having people I don't know well pay for me the first time. However, you find it difficult to speak up and yet you hold resentment against the outcome of not wanting to speak up. That's going to be a problem in many areas and not just dating. You need to work on assertiveness - not being aggressive, but assertive. When she first comes in, if you say "I assume we are each paying for our own." If you state it as your expectation, then you can figure out her reaction." In any case, you will want to fix this. Otherwise you may end up the boyfriend or husband holding back resentment over things you didn't speak up on over the years and it killing the love you had. (Because I have an ex-husband like this...) Your complaint could be seen as a desire to control in retrospect the outcome of that date. However, it really comes down to you needing to lose the fear of speaking up in those situations. Because it's a no-win situation: you'll either not speak up and resent it, or you will speak up and the lady will be offended (that's your fear - it may not be the reality!). To be able to walk away without the resentment hanging on, you have GOT to speak up! I hope that makes sense to you. :-)
Iguanna Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 And the whole gold-digging thing is ridiculous. I don't expect men to pay my cable bill or give me access to his credit card or take me on shopping sprees. I can do all that for myself, thank you very much. Women who demand the man to pay on the first date (and second and third) are not that far from the point to demand them paying their tickets for travels, hotel stays, bills and rent. Trust me, I've see that. I have seen men who did pay all these things cause they wanted to keep the woman happy. I can't decide whose fault is more in this case, the woman's who manipulate the man for sex or the man's who just obeys to the rules and tries to keep the woman for sex?
Iguanna Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 Nobody is demanding anything. Right. But if the man does not pay, the woman rejects him. Really gives him no other choice now, does she? It's hypocritical to say "nobody is demanding" while the actions show "I'm pretty damn demanding!". 1
Weezy1973 Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 You women accuse him for making a big deal for money, but it's exactly what you do. Who has created the rule that men pay on the first date? Why was this rule created? Is this rule maybe kinda outdated now that women make money as well? Isn't it better if there are no such idiotic rules and people just enjoy their date, paying each their part of the bill? I believe the "rule" was created because in general women are looking for relationships whereas men would be happy with just sex or a relationship. A man "investing" means in a women would be an indicator that he isn't just after sex, but instead is looking for something long term. Of course the rule was created in a time where it was customary for people to know each other quite well when they went on their first date (i.e. often high school sweethearts) so investing would be a good indication of the male's intentions. Nowadays, it's often strangers that are going on first dates so the rule should no longer apply. How can a guy know his intentions if he doesn't even know the woman yet? I suspect that as long as dating trends continue towards strangers meeting to date more than people that already know each other, we will also see the trend increasing where women and men start more and more to pay their own way on the first date. I actually imagine that the pattern will be somewhat like this: 1st meeting: Dutch 2nd date to exclusivity: Man pays Relationship: Whatever they want - it's their relationship..
normal person Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 (edited) Pretty sure I live in America and pay taxes. And I respectfully and whole heartedly disagree that its a MANs" DUTY" to pay. I'm all about pay your way thru life and accept generosity with proper reciprication. Its a winning delight when two adults can be responsible for themselves ! I would agree that's a winning delight, but let's be honest, that's far from the case here. It's now the norm for American women (sorry, I don't know the custom in other countries) to expect to paid for, hence this whole discussion. If guys like the OP try and go into situations without realizing that, they're likely setting themselves up for failure. You holding this belief doesn't change the mentality of all the other women out there. The fact that it's even being discussed at this length is indicative that most women don't feel this way. I'm saying this: within our society, it's going to make the OP's life much easier if he just expects to pay for everything. He can't get into a debate about it there at the bar for fear of looking cheap. The girl will most likely dislike him. Even if he is "right," he still loses because she thinks much less of him now. A man suggesting a woman pay is likely not worth the dent to his image that it will cost him. So my message is to just expect to pay all the time. Otherwise, yeah, you saved $12 but now she thinks you're cheap and she doesn't want to see you again. You win (?). If you wanna play, expect to pay. If you don't want to deal with the $12 incidental expense, you shouldn't be playing. Wow. I wouldn't even take a wife out at those prices, let alone a random woman I didn't know. A Martini here only costs about £3, about $5, and most of that is tax. You can get a bottle for around $20. Taking a girl out to an average restaurant in Manhattan will cost you $100 minimum. Edited January 11, 2014 by normal person
Author High_hopes Posted January 11, 2014 Author Posted January 11, 2014 (edited) You women accuse him for making a big deal for money, but it's exactly what you do. Who has created the rule that men pay on the first date? Why was this rule created? Is this rule maybe kinda outdated now that women make money as well? Isn't it better if there are no such idiotic rules and people just enjoy their date, paying each their part of the bill? WOW. I ducked out of here for a while because I was busy but I see how this has erupted. Obviously there are different views. I have to say in my defense it had nothing to do with being cheap, and it has nothing to do with my views of women. This post was based on several factors that I don't care to repeat. If I ask a girl out I fully expect to pay. After all I asked her out. I am not making a big deal out of money or the damn 40 bucks. This has gotten way out of control but I am very intrigued by a lot of the responses. I see a lot of weird things. Like, why would your values and morals regarding dating and who should pay change based on geographic location? that's odd. That's kind of dumb. I wonder also, why it it such a big deal ? I just happen to think it's polite in some cases for a women to offer to pay. I think its kind of rude to put your coat on and head for the door when your having a drink with someone you never met before. I didn't meet this girl in the frozen food section in Whole Foods. Just so some of you know. I have met plenty of women over the years who have offered to pay, have no issue with paying and do not expect anything. These are your personal opinions. Don't think it's so absurd to think otherwise. I know some of you have different opinions. I don't think a women should expect it in all situations and if you do your probably not my type. If we meet online and it's our first meeting or you ask me out or we have been dating for a while you should offer to pay. I can decline and insist on paying. NOT offering in those situations can be considered rude as well. Believe me, the majority of men no matter how they feel about paying or how much money they have would think it was totally cool of you and like you so much more if you offered to pay. They certainly would not wake up the next day telling there friends what a bitch you were for offering to pay. Just again to remind everyone that my post was based on the different factors and considering those factors it would have been nice, nice, of her to offer to pay instead of heading for the door while I paid. If anything it's rude that she didn't. Not a word was said. I don't care if It was nickle night at the local saloon. I have to agree with Iguanna in some ways. Some of you are accusing me of making a big deal out of money and accusing me of being cheap but some of the responses make me think that its you making a big deal out of money. I am not accusing you of being cheap. If it shouldn't be such a big deal then offer to pay for your drink. Like I said, the guy will appreciate it....more then not. Edited January 11, 2014 by High_hopes 1
MissBee Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 And then women wonder why they get labelled as "gold-diggers" by men. I'm in agreement with Keenly. The woman you were with, OP, should have paid if she didn't feel chemistry. As others have said, she behaved in an entitled and manipulative way. I always offer to pay, at least for my own share when I'm out with someone who I feel no chemistry with. Even when I do feel chemistry with someone, I still bring out my wallet because I don't want the man to feel like I expect him to pay. I love it when a man pays, not because I've saved some money, but because I feel cared for. But it's not a requirement and it was rude of this girl to expect that the OP pay. That being said, OP, there are many women out there who will gladly pay, at least for their share. And of course, there are many women who would seize any opportunity for a free dinner/drink/etc. because oh right, they're entitled princesses and it's obviously the man's job to pay. You just need to communicate next time about who pays. Don't do it in a mean way, but by all means express your views. If the girl is a nice girl, she will understand. If not, why would you want to keep dating her anyway. You can't gold dig for $12....$12 isn't gold. I always find it comical and ridiculous when the majority of men who bring this up have no money and real gold diggers wouldn't target them at all. Gold digging is dating men who have significant amounts of money (wealthy men) so that you can get a come up in life. It is not going on a date and expecting a man to pay. It was tacky of her not to pay if she didn't want to see him but any man accusing someone of gold digging because they expected him to pay on a date hasn't the foggiest notion of what gold digging is and if he isn't wealthy it's an even more absurd accusation. 2
StanMusial Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 Probably should cancel your OLD account until you get a bigger stack. I have been on dates in which I would've paid the girl $500 on the spot to end the date. Just end the misery LOL.
MissBee Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 You women accuse him for making a big deal for money, but it's exactly what you do. Who has created the rule that men pay on the first date? Why was this rule created? Is this rule maybe kinda outdated now that women make money as well? Isn't it better if there are no such idiotic rules and people just enjoy their date, paying each their part of the bill? I don't think it is about whether women make money as well. There are lots of social etiquette rules that have nothing to do with dating that people follow because it's courteous and even if "outdated" (however that is determined) still works. But individuals are free to choose otherwise and the people around them can agree and accept or they find new friends and dates who believe similarly. I gave the example of when a friend comes to my city how it works and how I'll often pick up a lot of the tab for what we do that night/weekend. That to me isn't some rule I learned anywhere, although maybe it is somewhere in some etiquette book, but something generous I feel makes them feel welcome. My friends have jobs too and make their own money and it is still a nice and courteous thing to do and they would do that for me as well. If I paid for a guy's martini and he didn't want to see me again, that topic wouldn't make it to the forum as it simply isn't that big of a deal and I can count it is a "good deed" and move on. This all boils down to compatibility and is no different than any other kind of clash of worldviews. If a man is adamant about going dutch and believes women are gold diggers for his awesome networth of $25,000 because she wanted him to pick up the tab, he is allowed to feel that way. He is best suited to date women who also feel similarly, then everyone can enjoy their date drama free. There are men who feel differently and who wouldn't bat an eyelid at this and women who it works for as well, and those kinds should date each other as well, as there will be no drama and everyone will enjoy their date.
nomadic_butterfly Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 Just again to remind everyone that my post was based on the different factors and considering those factors it would have been nice, nice, of her to offer to pay instead of heading for the door while I paid. If anything it's rude that she didn't. Not a word was said. I don't care if It was nickle night at the local saloon. I have to agree with Iguanna in some ways. Some of you are accusing me of making a big deal out of money and accusing me of being cheap but some of the responses make me think that its you making a big deal out of money. I am not accusing you of being cheap. If it shouldn't be such a big deal then offer to pay for your drink. Like I said, the guy will appreciate it....more then not. The fact that you would tackily text her AFTER YOU MADE THE DECISION to pay for drinks, stating the PRECISE $$$ is what shows you are petty. If money was a non-issue, the nickle and dime calling out wouldn't have come to mind. If it was SHEER PRINCIPLE (which I am not denying you are entitled to) you would have been more BROAD and GENERAL about it just saying, "hey I thought it was uncool for you to ALLOW me to pay for drinks if you knew you weren't feeling me." The fact that you would name the specific amount is the telling sign of how you lack tact and are tight. It's not her fault the previous women you dated might have paid. You should have made your expectations very clear. You are just upset she decided to not go forward; if mutual disinterest was established you'd have no qualms going dutch or telling the bar tender it's on separate tabs, or politely mentioning the bill. It would behoove you to be more forthright in the future with women so there's less room for ambiguity since you apparently lack the spine to tell someone how you feel to their face rather than whining on an online message board. "And ye shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free...."
MissBee Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 (edited) I have to agree with Iguanna in some ways. Some of you are accusing me of making a big deal out of money and accusing me of being cheap but some of the responses make me think that its you making a big deal out of money. I am not accusing you of being cheap. If it shouldn't be such a big deal then offer to pay for your drink. Like I said, the guy will appreciate it....more then not. LOL! No, OP. Sorry. You said you would text this woman about paying for her $12 martini...come on....that is the reason people are even responding about you seeming cheap or are making it about money. If you had not said that at the very beginning maybe the thread would have gone a different way. People are responding to what they've read as your initial action of making a big deal...afterall you're the one who went from your real life to here to post about this and to make that very specific statement about "Next time pay for your own $12 martini" I mean not even "Pay for your own martini" you had it down to the cent! THE THREAD TITLE itself is $12 martini and you're telling me you don't see why anyone thinks you're kind of hung up on that priice tag...ohh okay.... There is a difference between "making a big deal" in a discussion topic and arguing your point or debating it, as is the purpose of a message board and making it a big deal in real life.Your real life events led you here to post on the forum about this issue, so ostensibly it was a big deal enough for you to do this. Others, like myself for example, are replying to this as a discussion board topic that is there. Which isn't the same as making a "big deal" of it in real life. Had this happened to me in your place I wouldn't have really cared to make it an LS discussion topic, as it isn't a big deal to me. Edited January 11, 2014 by MissBee
Lady2163 Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 I haven't read through all the responses, but as a woman, if I know the man is going to pay or I expect him to pay, I find a way to let him order first, so I know the price. "I'm not sure what I want...you go ahead." Before the waitress gets to the table..."what are you thinking looks good" Personally, you suggested coffee, she upped it to beer. She should have paid her own way, in my opinion. Had it been me, I would have asked, "you thinking beer or mixed drink?" Funny story...on the first date with my exhusband, we went to a movie. After te movie, I said..."since you paid for the movie, how about I pay for supper?" My movie ticket cost him $6. We went to a Mexican restaurant, where he promptly ordered a margarita. Then he ordered the most expensive thing on the menu. I ordered water and a SIDE salad. Our bill came to $25+. I had just enough. I then had to ask if he could cover the tip. It was like 6 days to payday and he nuked everything I had...it should have been a warning.
Author High_hopes Posted January 11, 2014 Author Posted January 11, 2014 (edited) MISS BEE This is where I find things to get funny. I never ever once accused anyone of being a gold digger. That is just down right ridiculous. I never said that. Your taking something someone else said and your applying it as if I said it. In addition, the title of the post was just meant to get attention to the post. Like a book or article. It's relevant but not the primary focus here. Like I said, I don't care if it were nickle night... I am not angry at this women and I said I THOUGHT OF sending her a text. I didn't say I was going to send her a text. The thought was in response to a text she sent me and I was never ever going to sent it. I have more class then that and I don't burn bridges. Please allow me to quickly explain the facts once again. We met online and had zero communication other then Hey we live in the same town. She said we should just meet I find the back and forth tedious. I said, ok lets meet for a cup of coffee and then she said no, I'd rather meet for a beer. I said ok. In a case like this a women (or a man) should offer to pay for her own drink. I don't care if it's a cup of coffee, a beer, a martini or toilet water. She should at least offer and I should not have to state it up front. When I meet a women in a bar, a store, anywhere and ask her out I fully expect and will pay but it is still nice when she offers. This is all Im saying here. I repeated the situation several times and only a few have taken all the factors into consideration. I don't dislike you or begrudge you for any of your own opinions. I really don't. I just ask you take all the factors in to consideration. My own personal perspective is that I appreciate a women who offers to pay and doesn't expect a guy to do anything, anything based on gender roles or traditions no matter where you live in the world. Edited January 11, 2014 by High_hopes 1
gaius Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 (edited) My last first date ran me around $200 between dinner, cab rides and the movies and it worked out fantastic. Because I actually made sure the girl and I had some kind of genuine connection BEFORE I invited her out. If you skip the chat, well then you have nobody but yourself to blame. Edited January 11, 2014 by gaius 1
Author High_hopes Posted January 11, 2014 Author Posted January 11, 2014 (edited) My last first date ran me around $200 between dinner, cab rides and the movies and it worked out fantastically. Because I actually made sure the girl and I had some kind of genuine connection BEFORE I invited her out. If you skip the chat, well then you have nobody but yourself to blame. Man...I do not blame anyone. Your right if anyone is to blame it's myself for allowing it to happen but I am not distraught over it. It is only 40 bucks or something. Lastly, AND for the last time. I in NO WAY at any moment considered it a 'date'. Anyone who is taking that look at it is wrong and that is where things go to ****. The point is we did skip the chat, didn't establish a connection, didn't get to know one another...we knew nothing. She's the one that asked me to go for a drink. That is exactly why it wasn't a date and exactly why she should have offered to pay for her drinks..... I guess I am of the majority here that sees it that way. If your a women who thinks that no matter what, not even considering all the factors I mentioned, that there is not one situation where you feel it's appropriate to at least offer to pay then your not the women for me. For women who say it's a guys job, or it's his role, it's how he shows he's a man....well, that is ridiculous too. I saw some of the posts here. You would hate it if a guy said your job is to cook me dinner, have a drink waiting for when I get home and bear my children....... you'd say piss off. Just how I see it..... Edited January 11, 2014 by High_hopes
edgygirl Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 I see a lot of weird things. Like, why would your values and morals regarding dating and who should pay change based on geographic location? that's odd. That's kind of dumb. It pretty clear you never dated in another country than your own. Ie. In the South American country I was last month, men DO NOT pay for dates. In NYC, they do, it's culturally expected. Dumb is to think you have figured out the world when you clearly haven't. 1
MissBee Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 (edited) MISS BEE This is where I find things to get funny. I never ever once accused anyone of being a gold digger. That is just down right ridiculous. I never said that. Your taking something someone else said and your applying it as if I said it. In addition, the title of the post was just meant to get attention to the post. Like a book or article. It's relevant but not the primary focus here. Like I said, I don't care if it were nickle night... I am not angry at this women and I said I THOUGHT OF sending her a text. I didn't say I was going to send her a text. The thought was in response to a text she sent me and I was never ever going to sent it. I have more class then that and I don't burn bridges. Please allow me to quickly explain the facts once again. We met online and had zero communication other then Hey we live in the same town. She said we should just meet I find the back and forth tedious. I said, ok lets meet for a cup of coffee and then she said no, I'd rather meet for a beer. I said ok. In a case like this a women (or a man) should offer to pay for her own drink. I don't care if it's a cup of coffee, a beer, a martini or toilet water. She should at least offer and I should not have to state it up front. When I meet a women in a bar, a store, anywhere and ask her out I fully expect and will pay but it is still nice when she offers. This is all Im saying here. I repeated the situation several times and only a few have taken all the factors into consideration. I don't dislike you or begrudge you for any of your own opinions. I really don't. I just ask you take all the factors in to consideration. My own personal perspective is that I appreciate a women who offers to pay and doesn't expect a guy to do anything, anything based on gender roles or traditions no matter where you live in the world. I never said you said that.... I responded specifically to the person who said it when I quoted them. My very first response to your thread was that I would have paid if I didn't like you and that although she didn't, please don't send her a text about "Next time pay for your $12 martini" as that part will make you seem extremely cheap and tacky and as though the $12 is what is bothering you. I also added that I'm not sure how you broach this subject but you can simply put it out there on your profile or in person that you expect the woman should pay half and that way you'll most likely end up on dates with women who don't mind so there is no drama. (Aside: maybe you answered before and I didn't see, but if there was chemistry and there would be a second date, but she still didn't offer to pay, would you have still made this thread? Is it a case where you feel it should always be split or only if it doesn't go well?) All other remarks I've made have been as the conversation has continued and people have added other elements about gold digging and what's expected or not as well as who is making a big deal and I've chimed in with my thoughts on those things. But my original response was the above, which is a simple way to deal with this kind of thing. You're gonna always have this issue be split between those who are more traditional about it and those who aren't, neither is right or wrong but a preference that you have to make clear and not simply "expect" people to know. Unfortunately, the more longstanding norm is that the man pays so if you feel differently it's most likely gonna be on you to voice your views as if you don't the default expectation will often be that "the man pays", it's not about right or wrong, which is the argument which has been hashed out here. That is a whole other topic about what should or should not be, however, it's simply that this has been the norm so it is still what lots of people will default to in dating, but maybe 20 years from now the default will be dutch. I don't see a point in dating people who feel differently than you about it, so all you can do is be upfront about your views before you go anywhere so that everyone is clear on it beforehand and can choose to proceed or not. I don't think this woman was malicious or seriously sitting at home thinking "Man I want a free $12 drink on this dude's dime" (which some have alluded to), she just had different expectations than you and was following what is usually the default and since you made no effort to say anything differently, she felt it was fine, so next time, be clear about it. Edited January 11, 2014 by MissBee
MissBee Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 I haven't read through all the responses, but as a woman, if I know the man is going to pay or I expect him to pay, I find a way to let him order first, so I know the price. "I'm not sure what I want...you go ahead." Before the waitress gets to the table..."what are you thinking looks good" Personally, you suggested coffee, she upped it to beer. She should have paid her own way, in my opinion. Had it been me, I would have asked, "you thinking beer or mixed drink?" Funny story...on the first date with my exhusband, we went to a movie. After te movie, I said..."since you paid for the movie, how about I pay for supper?" My movie ticket cost him $6. We went to a Mexican restaurant, where he promptly ordered a margarita. Then he ordered the most expensive thing on the menu. I ordered water and a SIDE salad. Our bill came to $25+. I had just enough. I then had to ask if he could cover the tip. It was like 6 days to payday and he nuked everything I had...it should have been a warning. You shouldn't have offered to pay if you were tight on funds or you should say what you can afford to pay for. If I don't have more than $25 I am not gonna offer to pay for food or expect the person should just order a side salad or something. I mean...that seems crazy lol. That's my rule of thumb. If I invite someone to eat, I know the price range and factor in, what if they order the most expensive thing, will I still be able to afford it? I make sure the price range is within my budget, as unless it is my sister who I can be like "Look you can only order something under $20" lol, I would feel very awkward about saying that to someone else, so when I offer it is because I can comfortably afford it, otherwise I am not gonna offer with a ton of stipulations. But on the other side of it, if someone is treating me, I don't go out of the way to be exorbitant. I take my queue from them and order something similarly priced to what they're having. However I would be pretty annoyed if someone took me out to eat or suggested paying but expected me to drink water and order a salad because they only had just enough for that. It isn't wrong to assume someone offering to pay can pay.
Lady2163 Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 (edited) You shouldn't have offered to pay if you were tight on funds or you should say what you can afford to pay for. If I don't have more than $25 I am not gonna offer to pay for food or expect the person should just order a side salad or something. I mean...that seems crazy lol. That's my rule of thumb. If I invite someone to eat, I know the price range and factor in, what if they order the most expensive thing, will I still be able to afford it? I make sure the price range is within my budget, as unless it is my sister who I can be like "Look you can only order something under $20" lol, I would feel very awkward about saying that to someone else, so when I offer it is because I can comfortably afford it, otherwise I am not gonna offer with a ton of stipulations. But on the other side of it, if someone is treating me, I don't go out of the way to be exorbitant. I take my queue from them and order something similarly priced to what they're having. However I would be pretty annoyed if someone took me out to eat or suggested paying but expected me to drink water and order a salad because they only had just enough for that. It isn't wrong to assume someone offering to pay can pay. It was 23 years ago. We were both in the military and didn't make snot. $20 was a damn excessive meal back then. So....he paid $6 for a movie ticket AND then ordered $20 worth of food? You have to realize, a Big Mac cost $1.45 in 1988, probably under $1.90 in 1991. We should have easily been able to both eat well on that. I didn't count on him going for the most expensive thing on the menu or an alcoholic drinks. Edited January 12, 2014 by Lady2163 Added last paragraph
gaius Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 Man...I do not blame anyone. Your right if anyone is to blame it's myself for allowing it to happen but I am not distraught over it. It is only 40 bucks or something. Lastly, AND for the last time. I in NO WAY at any moment considered it a 'date'. Anyone who is taking that look at it is wrong and that is where things go to ****. The point is we did skip the chat, didn't establish a connection, didn't get to know one another...we knew nothing. She's the one that asked me to go for a drink. That is exactly why it wasn't a date and exactly why she should have offered to pay for her drinks..... I guess I am of the majority here that sees it that way. If your a women who thinks that no matter what, not even considering all the factors I mentioned, that there is not one situation where you feel it's appropriate to at least offer to pay then your not the women for me. For women who say it's a guys job, or it's his role, it's how he shows he's a man....well, that is ridiculous too. I saw some of the posts here. You would hate it if a guy said your job is to cook me dinner, have a drink waiting for when I get home and bear my children....... you'd say piss off. Just how I see it..... Well look, there are billions of people out there who are looking to take advantage of you if you let them. If it seems too good to be true.... I was at the bank a while back trying to get a replacement something and the banker lady was flirting and giving me the ask me out signs. Why would she do this? We just met then, never had any kind of conversation before and she wasn't drunk. So I didn't buy into any of it and of course just as I was about to leave she tried to hook me into some new banking service she probably got a commision on. Always be suspicious if a girl isn't making you work for her. Dude I don't even make a ton of money but I don't take 4 different girls out for drinks every month so when the one I really want does come along I have some money to spend on her.
lollipopspot Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 Always be suspicious if a girl isn't making you work for her. How far do you take that? How much interest is o.k. for her to show before you feel that she may have an ulterior motive? Not being snarky, just curious. I read that some guys REALLY want women to work harder and resent that they feel they have to do the pursuing. But you distrust female pursuit. What's a girl to do?
Trnamakesnse Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 Why did you give details about the woman? If she had wanted to see you again, you would not have written this. You wrote this because you feel rejected. Otherwise it would have simply been...'met a woman, we had a drink and she just assumed I would pay'. reality check. You are another guy who is just bitter because you think a woman's affection is a reward of some type...you earned it. It doesn't work that way.I've actually met women who say sex is their reward. To boyfriends but that they don't really enjoy it.
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