Broken_Hearted1 Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 Hi everyone. I am new to this forum and after going through lots of threads I have finally decided to share my story. It’s a bit long, so here goes: I started dating this girl at the start of September. We are both in college and she is a year junior to me. We hit it off right from the moment we met. She is really beautiful and you could say the girl of my dreams. I was quick to know that she was quite the shy type and one who doesn’t like to talk much, especially on phone ( It was something that always bugged me because I saw every other couple trying to be in contact all throughout the day ). Anyway I texted her most of the time and she replied immediately and we used to chat for a long while. We went out a few times and things seemed great. Soon I was totally falling for this girl. I finally proposed her and she said yes that she loved me and that I was amazing. We started going out more, spend time with each other in between classes and after college hours. However there was this one thing where she hardly made any plans. It was like I was making all the plans to meet and she was just going along with it. I did ask her about that and she said that she didn’t make any plans because she knew I would. Well that cleared things up and she made it clear that she was interested in me. I would travel 50 minutes to meet with her ( we lived in different parts of the city) occasionally and would often wait 3 hours while she was doing her practicals just to spend time with her. Now she didn’t really did any of that ( again something which bugged me but I ignore it) Now fast forward to November before our semester. She seems a little distant from me ( we didn’t see each other for 1 week because our college was closed ). We soon have an argument that goes awry mostly because of me and she doesn’t talk to me for 1 day. I later apologize and manage to get things back to normal. After that she starts to show that she is really into me, even bunks classes for me and waits for me for 3 hours one day. Soon its time for semester. We spend one last day together and she says she is really going to miss me over the next two weeks. Semester starts and we remain in touch through whatsapp chatting late into the night. We ask about how the papers were and stuff..I am really happy because she was sharing so much now a days. Near the end of these 2 weeks is where the problem starts. I ask her to meet on the day my exam ends, she says she can’t ( her parents are strict and keeps tabs on her ). But the next day she says she can meet because her friends are having a get together near the college. I feel let down and have a little argument, nothing big. We decide to meet either on that day or the day after Now the night before my exam ends she goes to another get together. I text her asking where she is, she doesn’t reply. Late into the night I text again, she says she saw my text but forgot to reply. ( Its like she gives no importance to me ). I get heated up and tell her she needs to start taking things a little more seriously. She flips instanstly and says that she can’t….maybe its not in her….and finally says she is not serious about the relation like me ( a month ago she said she was damn serious). We argue some more and from this instance she starts being all cold towards me. The next day after my exam gets over she says she cant meet ( she was at the get together an hour ago still couldn’t meet ) and can’t meet the next day either cause her mom found her she was lying about where she was going. My heart broke and I kept blaming myself and asked for forgiveness. She says its not my fault but to me it seemed like she was punishing me. We finally meet a day later and she is like a different person. She wont come close to me and she wont let me hug her…says she doesn’t like these things anymore. I ask if she needs space..she says yes. I stop texting her but she gets all panicky and begs me to talk to her. My heart melts and I start talking. Over the next few days I learn that she is confused because her parents are strict and in the future we will have to break up surely. I try to talk to her but in vain. I ask her if she puts an effort we can work it out but she seems indifferent to the idea…so I finally ask her if she wants to break up. She says she is not sure. During the Christmas time I ask her if she wants to hang out on NYE…she says she has plans with friends ( what happened to strict parents now eh? ) and she even went out with friends again a few times after that but not once she could manage to meet with me. A couple days back I tell her since she cannot put an effort I don’t think I can be her bf anymore and we should stop talking. She says please don’t break up and I am your gf. ( Sure didn’t feel like it! ) That was the last we talked, I haven’t talked to her for the last two days I am really confused about what she wants. She says she wants me but she can’t put the effort to be with me. She even said she can’t spend time with me after college hours ( coz of strict parents! Lol ).I am truly heartbroken to see how she has fallen out of love. She was someone for whom I would have done everything, I tried my best and put in my best efforts to show her that I loved her but now she acts like its doesn’t matter. How can she forget ? Is it wrong to ask your partner to become more serious in the relation? I feel like my heart has been ripped out…although I have managed to control my emotions over the last few weeks I still wake up sad each morning thinking what went wrong College reopens soon and my heart bleeds to think that I will see her again but this time things will not be the same. I don’t know how to react when I see her again…she is my first true love…I am devastated. I wish I didn’t have to go to college again…I wish I never woke up !
Fufu Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 I can sense you are really into this girl. But your main concern is that this girl doesn't seem to put in the same effort in love as you do for her. The reality is you can't expect another person to love you equally or contribute to the relationship the same for both individuals. From what I see in your situation is that you have to give her some space. Some people doesn't like to be too involved in a beginning of a new relationship. They take some time to warm up and eventually feel like getting closer to their partner. You seem to get agitated easily when things doesn't go the way you want. And realize that she did not say the word break up to you. She feels overly "tied up" with you and also she mentioned her strict parents keep tabs on her. I can understand she may feel some stressed from her parents. If you love her, show her love by respecting her. I'm not asking you not to share your feelings if you feel she is not putting effort. You can try in a cordial manner letting her know how you feel exactly in this relationship. Let her know you want to work things out with her and want both individuals to feel love and happy being together. Now you have to think thoroughly if you are really into this girl and wants to be with her and feels that both of you can be happy together.
Author Broken_Hearted1 Posted January 10, 2014 Author Posted January 10, 2014 I can sense you are really into this girl. But your main concern is that this girl doesn't seem to put in the same effort in love as you do for her. The reality is you can't expect another person to love you equally or contribute to the relationship the same for both individuals. From what I see in your situation is that you have to give her some space. Some people doesn't like to be too involved in a beginning of a new relationship. They take some time to warm up and eventually feel like getting closer to their partner. You seem to get agitated easily when things doesn't go the way you want. And realize that she did not say the word break up to you. She feels overly "tied up" with you and also she mentioned her strict parents keep tabs on her. I can understand she may feel some stressed from her parents. If you love her, show her love by respecting her. I'm not asking you not to share your feelings if you feel she is not putting effort. You can try in a cordial manner letting her know how you feel exactly in this relationship. Let her know you want to work things out with her and want both individuals to feel love and happy being together. Now you have to think thoroughly if you are really into this girl and wants to be with her and feels that both of you can be happy together. Hey thanks for replying! I hear what you are saying! I am really into her and have been trying to work it out...but how can i do it if she doesnt show any interest. I mean i have talked it out with her she still seems confused. In this last month every time i have asked her to meet with me several time but she has given the same excuse...and then goes out with friends...it really hurts to know that ! How can i make it work if she doesnt give me a chance?
Chi townD Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 Sounds like you are more of a pet than a boyfriend. Just remember, actions speak louder than words. She says the right things and you melt. She's got you back in line. Just remember the times you wanted to hang out with her and she blew you off for friends or events. At those times, she valued other people more than you. Now, don't get me wrong, I think it's healthy in a relationship to spend a little time apart to do other things so you're not constantly around each other, but there also needs to be a balance of time spent and away from each other as well. I'm banking that the scales are very uneven. You're her pet. Her little back up plan. She goes out partying and doesn't try to include you. When she's feeling lonely she'll run to the sidelines to get some affection and ego boost from her pet and then she's off again. How is that fair to you? Time to heal and move on. I know that there are girls out there that know how to respect a relationship and to keep things balanced. You deserve that; not what she's doing to you.
MrMeh Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 You should try letting her initiate contact and meetups for a while. 1
Author Broken_Hearted1 Posted January 10, 2014 Author Posted January 10, 2014 Sounds like you are more of a pet than a boyfriend. Just remember, actions speak louder than words. She says the right things and you melt. She's got you back in line. Just remember the times you wanted to hang out with her and she blew you off for friends or events. At those times, she valued other people more than you. Now, don't get me wrong, I think it's healthy in a relationship to spend a little time apart to do other things so you're not constantly around each other, but there also needs to be a balance of time spent and away from each other as well. I'm banking that the scales are very uneven. You're her pet. Her little back up plan. She goes out partying and doesn't try to include you. When she's feeling lonely she'll run to the sidelines to get some affection and ego boost from her pet and then she's off again. How is that fair to you? Time to heal and move on. I know that there are girls out there that know how to respect a relationship and to keep things balanced. You deserve that; not what she's doing to you. I am that sort of guy who really takes things seriously! I don't mind going the extra mile for my love...actually i like it! Guess what you are saying is right....thats what they mean when they say 'love u too...you are my backup!
Chi townD Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 I am that sort of guy who really takes things seriously! I don't mind going the extra mile for my love...actually i like it! Guess what you are saying is right....thats what they mean when they say 'love u too...you are my backup! And you know what? There's absolutely nothing wrong with that. But, love is a two way street. My father told me when I was young that if you treat a girl with kindness, love and respect, then you're going to get that back from her and a lot more! But, the moment she doesn't do that, or does reciprocate the gestures and feelings, then she's just a vampire and she'll suck you dry until the next sap comes along.
Author Broken_Hearted1 Posted January 13, 2014 Author Posted January 13, 2014 I finally met her at college today...gave one look and turned around. She sent her friend to return a book but still she could not come. Anyways she texts me after a while saying she felt really bad that i didn't talk to her and asked when will i start talking..... It really killed me inside to see her standing and not talking to her...it feels rude....i have been trying to go NC too...i don't know what to do ? Any suggestions ? Thanks in advance!
Chi townD Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 Just keep telling yourself that THIS is what SHE wanted, not you. Therefore, she will have to live with the consequences of her actions. You are not her friend! I sure that you didn't get into a loving and caring relationship with her for the end result to be that you are nothing more than a friend to her. Remember at New Years she said that she couldn't put in the time with you? Remember, all the texts that went to her unanswered? Remember all the times she chose the hang out with friends rather than you? So, she saw you and you didn't speak to her. THAT'S WHAT SHE WANTED!!! She either has 100% of you or nothing at all! Ignore it! Do well in school and since you're back, I want you to join a club. Keep yourself busy. Meet new people. The next time you post on here I want to know what club you want to join. Again, ignore it! I think she just finally realized that the dog is off the leash and is not able to pet anytime she wants to! STAY STRONG DUDE!!!!
Author Broken_Hearted1 Posted January 14, 2014 Author Posted January 14, 2014 Hey thanks for the input! But last night i couldn't control myself and again got into a text conversation with her. I told her since she is happy with the break up...i can't b her friend...won't talk to her again. Then she asked y I BROKE UP WITH HER ( ironical lol )....i told her that she made it clear she could not give me time that's y....so she says RELATION DOES NOT DEPEND ON GIVING TIME TO EACH OTHER ( i was really shocked to hear this )....anyways it got clear again that she wants to keep me as a friend...to be in contact....i disagreed , told her i loved her and went NC. I cried last night after a long time...all those feelings came back, the good memories...i mean i still have feelings for her. Anyway she has been texting me all day today and i haven't replied once....and i want to tell u it hurts like hell not to reply her....just now she said ' Pls.talk to me m still ur gf...now pls reply' I am really a good guy...i mean i haven't ever intentionally tried to avoid someone...so m having a real hard time.. I want to forgive her and move on coz it doesn't seem like she is ready to make any effort for us. What should i do? Continue NC or act matured and give replies when she texts ( oh she even said m immature )...pls suggest sumthng !
bubbaganoosh Posted January 14, 2014 Posted January 14, 2014 You just can't keep giving and getting nothing in return. To me it seems like you give and she takes. I got a feeling that if you start over with her the way things are, it will go right back to square one. If she really wants you, then she's going to have to give more than she's been doing. Right now your the guy that's always there whenever she wants you. That isn't a fir playing field. Your the only one who can change it. It's up to you.
Fufu Posted January 14, 2014 Posted January 14, 2014 You can't arouse her interest unless she really wants it. My suggestion is to back up, I know this is tough but you just have to do it. Being there all the time and reaching out all the time, some people just won't appreciate it.
Author Broken_Hearted1 Posted January 19, 2014 Author Posted January 19, 2014 After all this time she says she couldn't consider me as her friend.she says i was a good lover but not a friend! I am deeply hurt by this.....for this girl i would have done anything...shared everything with her...gave her my full attention...and now this. It's like a different excuse each time i bring up our relation talk! I don't think i can ever trust another girl or fall in love again!
devo_7790 Posted January 19, 2014 Posted January 19, 2014 man this is my story every thing u've said happened to me i remember when she didn't want to meet with me and rather go with friends i remember when i wanted to talk more on the phone but she would rather talk to a friend and i keep call her 3 or 4 times but all i get is waiting call and after several hours she would call be back and tell me that she is sorry for not answering many times many days and when i finally become sure that she doesn't love any more i told her it's time for me to go she just just cries so hard and tells me plz don't go i love my hearts melts and i agree to stay because she was my first real love and still but this happened twice and this very important and gonna be really hard on you man i'm sorry but is going is that you are just a guy in her life and she is in the look out for other people and plase brace your self and i'm very very sorry to tell you that next time you will see her she will be with somebody else she will man she doesn't need space or anything right now she want somebody else or she is already with some else these get togathers aren't so innocent just looke close and cleare and you will find out sorry but what is happening to you happened to me from 2 years ago and sadly i'm still in love with her she has bf and they are planing to get married
Author Broken_Hearted1 Posted January 20, 2014 Author Posted January 20, 2014 I have visualized all the worst case scenarios in my head and I know next time I see her it will be heart shattering. I just want to stop thinking about her now...I know its over and she ain't coming back...ever. I have been a fool to think that she loved me...she was probably flirting with me. Sometimes I really don't feel anything but then again there are times when I feel really low. All those memories keep coming back...especially when I wake up in the morning...she is still the first thing I think about when I wake up and when I go to sleep. I just want to forget the last 6 months..
Recommended Posts