youngandnaive Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 Hi y'all - Long time reader, first time poster. I can't even begin to explain how helpful this forum has been to me! A little background: I have been the OW for a little over two years now. I see my MM every single day (not over exaggerating), and I am truly in love with him. He's my best friend, and he claims I am his. Because of things I've read (forums, books, etc.), I have always tried to prepare for the worst outcome. As bad as I want to be with him, deep down I don't believe that will ever happen. He has told me before that we will be together. Again, tried to take those words with a grain of salt. I am graduating from college in May. He has a full time job in the town I currently live in. I have been offered two different career paths when I graduate, one is here and the other 1,100 miles away. I've never really thought about staying here because I've always thought that when I graduate he'll have to decide what he wants: me or her. I know I shouldn't let him control my future, but I'm not sure if I could stay here and see him regularly. If it ends, staying here doesn't seem healthy to me. To be honest, it sounds like torture. 1,100 miles away just seems like the best thing when going NC. He says he doesn't know what he wants to do, and a little part of me believes him. I also know that the odds are very much against me. I guess I'm just looking for advice. I've thought about going ahead and ending it only because I prefer to take the job that's located here. I thought it might be easier now then when I have to make a decision. I wish our relationship didn't influence where I go from here.
whichwayisup Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 GO! Do not stay. This man is married and not ever divorcing. The A is two years and as time goes on you fall for him deeper and deeper, all the meanwhile he continues living life with his wife, family outings, family gatherings, spending holidays with them. You're young and have a whole world ahead of you with new experiences, both romantic and in life! This guy is only going to hold you back. DO NOT put your life in the hands of him! It'll hurt and be hard for a while but well worth it in the future. Staying with him and not leaving...Well, you're gonna miss the boat. Imagine yourself 2-4 years from now? Still the OW, speaking to him daily, him still married, having a child with his wife.... Dig down deep and do what is right and best for you. This is YOUR life to live, not his. 4
Author youngandnaive Posted January 10, 2014 Author Posted January 10, 2014 I should go even though the job I want more is here?
blue963 Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 Choose for the job and not for him. You can still live where you are and end the relationship. A young person with no ties starting out a career should never ever get involved with a married man. You have too much potential and too many possibilities that lie ahead. Any person is not worthy enough to have you throw away your future for them. You are young and you will have many relationships ahead, dont limit yourself now. I am 50 and the biggest regret is that i didnt live my life for me when I was your age. Yes I had fun, but I didn't see the big picture.
heyjesse84 Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 Is the job that you want REALLY...here? Or have you tried to convince yourself that so you in your head arnt saying that HE is the reason? You dont need to answer thatbquestion outloud. Only YOU know that answer deep down. We are girls, in love, we try to convince ourselves oh it no big deal, when really it is. Ill tell you this as being one thats had a couple A's. Living in town together is the WORST. Even though honestly the chance of seeing your exMM or current MM is very rare, it can happen. Its a constant wonder in the back of your head and i hate it. But maybe im just crazy like that. I say end it, do you really want tobl live your life with a man who cheats and lies everyday? I know youre thinking to yourself oh he would never do that to me! Im sure his wife STILL thinks thats way. Go, youre young, my biggest regret was settling down to young. Go have fun while you can.
Nothisgirl Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 Please go, PLEASE. You're two years in, he's not leaving. If he was it would have already happened...like whichwayisup said, he's still loving his family life..that doesn't indicate he's making plans to separate. And yes, even if the job you want more is there take the other one, your career is young, they'll be plenty of opportunity for forward movement but this may be your only opportunity to force yourself to end it. I WISH I could put 1100 miles between stbxmm. Please make yourself a priority. You deserve so so much more.
Speakingofwhich Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 Personally, I'd take the job that was best for my career without factoring him in. I'd put my career before him. And then I'd break it off with him and immerse myself in my career. 2
WakingUp Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 Well, the way I see it is that you have to do what is best for you. Bear in mind that if you take the local job, you MUST end the affair. If you continue, then inevitably it will become more complicated, and sooner or later there will be a D Day. And then you will be extremely uncomfortable being in the same town, with the possibility of running into him / her around and about. Makes life very uncomfortable, constantly looking over your shoulder or avoiding places because of it. However, if you go, you will be 100% free. No more affair. If he comes after you well and good, but you already know in your heart that he probably won't. You are young. Decisions you make now will have repercussions for the rest of your life. Do not take the easy road, because it is easy... think very hard about the visions you have for your future. When you have made your decision, then commit to that. 100%. And best wishes to you. I think you know what you need to do, anyway. Follow it.
BrokenPrincess Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 Take the job that is here. Your career will far outlast the initial hurt from the breakup, so that needs to be the priority. Plus, you are young and still have many opportunities to meet a new guy. Just pleeeease don't come back & tell us you've fallen for your married boss!!
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