tmsmbs99 Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 I have been in a LDR for about 2 yrs now we are about 900 miles apart and are able to see each other at least once a month but try to make it more. There is no doubt in my mind that this is the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with. She is truly an amazing woman and makes me feel like I never imagined was possible. Here is our problem. I spend many years progressing in my career making contacts becoming known in the community to the point where 2 years ago a partner and I were able to start our own business and become very successful. If I was to move to see her then I would lose all contacts and be forced to start over from the bottom meaning everything I've done for the past 7 years would be essentially worthless. And I can't ask her to move here because she has kids and I don't want to pull them away from their father. I'm not opposed to starting over in her town but I feel like I can't leave my business partner holding the bag of the company and I don't have the finances to completely start over yet. All my money is tied up in the company and will be for at least a few more years. The thought of having to wait a few more years absolutely sucks and I don't know how feasible that is. Has anyone ever had to deal with something like this and if so what did you do?
emi Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 You cant just throw everything away. Its not a good idea at all. Now thing is doing ok, but what if one day it gone sour? Feeling may change, career is way more important. You cant love if your stomach is empty right? I suggest you tell her to move and you would pay monthly fee for the kids to see their father. Since they already divorce and the dad maybe busy with his own life, i dont think it would do much difference. And you can always make up to them by providing with good education and etc and esp you need to show them love also. They wont hold a grudge against you 1
D-Lish Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 I was in a LDR with my exH. He lived and worked 5 hours away and was only able to make it home once and a while. The distance killed us- it ended our relationship ultimately. I didn't pick up and move with him because I had a business I couldn't leave. I don't want to give you advice on what to do here- only offer an experience with distance and trying to keep up a relationship.
OnlyHonesty Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 Moving and dropping the business will be one of the biggest mistakes you ever make but not at first. While things are all good, affectionate and she is still that wonderful woman, it will feel worth it but once the honey moon period has gone and you begin to see that she is just a normal human being and the excitement and novelty wears off you will wonder what got into you. Just telling it like it is. It would be completely foolish to do such a thing, do so at your peril.
Omei Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 You have to decide who moves. When I was in a ldr (im not now) our talks of closing distance was that I would move, I have children but he had the career. Imo whoever has the better career should keep it hopefully she will realize even tho she's got kids moving to you would be the better choice finance wise if you guys want to set up a life together as for her ex, the father they are no longer together she shouldn't be holding back any life choices on his account, it would suck for him but that's life things change.
d0nnivain Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 How solvent is the business? Can you open a 2nd location near her & hire employees to work with your partner? If you haven't already talk to somebody from the SBDC's nearest to both locations. You may be able to have the best of all worlds.
justwhoiam Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 The thought of having to wait a few more years absolutely sucks and I don't know how feasible that is. Has anyone ever had to deal with something like this and if so what did you do? Welcome aboard. If we were not facing similar issues, most LDRs would be over in 1 or 2 years to switch to cohabitation, marriage or whatever. I would say most LDRs don't survive. They end up after a few months or years (on average, they last over 12 months). If you ask me, your best (and wisest) option is holding on for another couple of years. Set a deadline. Make a plan with all the steps to get where you want. And let her know. Plan holidays together too, when you can spend 2 to 3 weeks together at least. Make sure the child is part of that too.
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