LadyM Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 Mine is happier without me -- for now. He'll be seeing the flaws in his new girl any day now and will make her life miserable. But he'll be happy again when he sets his sights on his next victim. 1
2fargone Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 Even if he's happier, it's a 'fluid' thing. I'm pretty sure when you were together there were happy and less happy times. That won't change, no matter who you are with... 1
Author freebird31 Posted January 10, 2014 Author Posted January 10, 2014 Mine is happier without me -- for now. He'll be seeing the flaws in his new girl any day now and will make her life miserable. But he'll be happy again when he sets his sights on his next victim. You'll be happy too again. He's not the only one that has that ability. They suck. I wish I had more to say but I guess the truth is that some people realize their losses , some people don't. Perhaps we are not even a loss to them in anyway. Just a lesson a long the way...idk... 1
Author freebird31 Posted January 10, 2014 Author Posted January 10, 2014 Even if he's happier, it's a 'fluid' thing. I'm pretty sure when you were together there were happy and less happy times. That won't change, no matter who you are with... Then I guess what I really mean is I wonder if he's better off without me
LadyM Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 You'll be happy too again. He's not the only one that has that ability. They suck. I wish I had more to say but I guess the truth is that some people realize their losses , some people don't. Perhaps we are not even a loss to them in anyway. Just a lesson a long the way...idk... I don't think I'm a loss to my ex as he's in a new relationship. If he wanted me, he'd have stayed with me. But I'm the fool. I knew his entire life-long history with women and he has always hopped from one relationship to the next, none of them ever lasting more than 1-4 years. Towards the end of our relationship, he used a term I had never heard before. He said to me, sort of under his breath, that he doesn't want to be a serial monogamist and doesn't want another relationship to blow up. Two weeks later, he found his next girl. I feel so stupid for ever getting involved with a man who had this kind of history. A fool for thinking that I am different and he just hadn't met the "right" girl. Me. 1
TaraMaiden Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 Then I guess what I really mean is I wonder if he's better off without me Are you better off without him? In what way? 1
AnyaNova Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 Are you better off without him? In what way? Beautiful question. This whole thread had reminded me that I've come to the conclusion that despite that last night, right now I am less than a fart in the wind to him, and that was starting to dig a little. And then I read your question and it is perfect. For me, I am better off without him because when I was with him, unless we were in private where he was much more confident, I never got that secure feeling around him. And I always wondered, since he was so highly emotional, what thing he was going to misinterpret and be afraid that I was mad or angry with him (which I was once based on a misunderstanding about something, and then only later after our last night in September). But I think, back to the OP, that we tend to think that even if they are happier, that it is about us somehow, or it reflects badly on us. But people tend to be remarkably adept to find ways to be happy no matter what circumstances confront them. So even if he really isn't better off without you, he may be happy. That is not a statement on you, rather, a statement on human beings' remarkable capability to adapt. Though the part of me that is selfish and self-concerned sometimes wishes that his life is very dull and gray and boring without me, I know that God would want me to want him to be happy, and that there is a deeper part of myself, when I can shove the selfish part of me out of the way, that really does want him to be happy. 2
TaraMaiden Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 What we must accept and realise, is that, while contentment can be long-term, happiness is both brief and transitory, by comparison. 3
polynomial Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 I think he's more content with my out of the way because he can keep busy doing his stuff without me whining and wanting 5 minutes from his day to myself. I don't know about happy though. Maybe... But I will never know because I won't break NC this time!
TaraMaiden Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 Contentment is a self-developed, inward status. Happiness is generally brought about by what surrounds us. Contentment is dependent upon how at peace we are with the outside world. Happiness is dependent upon how the outside world matches our ideals. 2
Tryingtobegrateful Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 He must be. Otherwise he wont be breaking up with you. He decided that life without you is happier In the end, human beings are looking for happiness I know it sounds harsh, but that is what I am trying to come to accept too. My ex and me stick together in the same flat for a week after the breakup (because it's LDR, I planned a surprise visit and needless to say it did not turn out well). And he tried his best to be my company, but he just looked so unhappy and annoyed...and I realize how meaningless and painful it is to continue our relationship, that I could no longer make him smile... though I confess that when I know he is not happy even without me, it pleases me....(as in my other thread)
Author freebird31 Posted January 10, 2014 Author Posted January 10, 2014 Maybe I will never know .. He. Might be happier without me..in the end maybe being without each other was the best thing not only for him but me as well. If it wasn't for this break up, I wouldn't be this same person I have become. 1 year ago I was a complete different person than who I am today. I've grown much. And I take pride in who I have become. But happiness? I haven't been happy in a long time. I mean I'm not completely depressed or sad all the time. I just haven't found that "inner peace" of contentment^ someone spoke of above. I have learn to adapt to the losing him, I'm surviving...but happy..not even close. It's been 8 months now and every day is still as hard. I did not think a break up would take such a heavy toll on the person it made me and the emotions it left me with. 8 months. That is such a long time to deal with the emotions of a break up...I'm getting so tired...exhausted...I need a break. 1
Fufu Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 I wonder if he's happier without me.. Oh i can tell you for sure he is, which is why the decision made. But my dear, it doesn't matter. Most importantly, is to work towards that goal - BEING FREE and HAPPY without him 3
jphcbpa Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 if the reason the R ended was due to something they need to work on and might be in denial about, if they do not work on that "issue" then the same script will continue to run. they can change the actors (new partner), but that script is still the same unless they edit it by working on it. happiness is a byproduct of right living. it cannot be found. 1
MoooOinkBaaa Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 Happiness is a byproduct of right living. It cannot be found. I like that. Yeah just because they broke up with you it doesn't mean they are happier. People are retarded they things that hurt them. My ex is completely miserable four months post. She's on a downward self destruct with smoking, alcohol sex and drugs now. She was way happier with me.
2fargone Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 Then I guess what I really mean is I wonder if he's better off without me If he would be thinking that, then you would be better off without him. Don't drag yourself down or sell yourself short. From what I've read you're worth alot more than that. 1
Sugarkane Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 The one time I was the dumper, I was really lonely and depressed after. I questioned the decision. I didn't have a new bf 5 minutes later like most people's exes on here. It hurt alot.
Author freebird31 Posted January 13, 2014 Author Posted January 13, 2014 If he would be thinking that, then you would be better off without him. Don't drag yourself down or sell yourself short. From what I've read you're worth alot more than that. Thanks. a lot (:
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