chelsea2011 Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 Were you ever in a situation while with friends that something happened and you realized suddenly what a real friend is? This happened to me over the weekend. I was at a party with friends and I have this one friend who I truly care about, but our relationship has had it's ups and downs over the years. As a result I've had to protect myself by being a little reserved with her so I don't get hurt. It's a delicate complicated situation. I do know her pretty well and understand that she really likes to flirt for attention. I get it. I really do. I've come to accept it and it honestly doesn't bother me anymore once I realized that is just who she is. When ever she is around I treat her with total respect and go out of my way to make her feel welcomed and comfortable because that's what friends do right? Plus, that is who I am. I care about peoples feelings especially if I care about them. Honestly though, I can't say I am treated the same way by her. So anyway, we were hanging out at the party and a new guy joined our conversation and she was all over him in a way like she was trying to make a point or something. For the record, I was in no way interested in this guy at all so that is not the issue. It was totally fine with me because again, that's how she is, so I didn't really make anything of it. What does hurt and bother me is the way she goes about it. Why go about it in a way that shows her actions are targeted to get a response out of me? She doesn't need to prove anything to me. I've always complimented her and treated very well when we hang out. Now for the aha moment. Out of no where a guy friend of mine steps into the picture and went to bat for me. Apparently he was observing the situation and saw it the same way I did. He got into a conversation with the new guy and the new guy ended up complimented me in front of her. So my guy friend says, " did you hear that beautiful?" I was completely blown away because I realized what a good true friend he was! The kicker is that this guy friend of mine doesn't know a single thing about my friendship with this woman! It was such a defining moment for me. True friends look out for you, care about your feelings and don't try to make you feel uncomfortable. They have your back! I feel bad though about feeling this way about my female friend. I don't want her to not be who she is. I want her to be herself and happy. I just don't want her to go out of her way to prove things the way she does. It's not necessary. I like her for who she is when she's being real and a genuine friend. I don't feel comfortable saying anything to her because I fear she will take it as I'm jealous or something and I'm not. She has accused me of that in the past. Sorry this is so long and thanks for reading if you made it this far! Any thoughts on what I should do? Am I reading her wrong? Thanks in advance! 1
BlametheIrish Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 (edited) I think your friend is insecure and jealous of you. That doesn't make for a good friendship. Why do you think she acts this way in front of you? And what exactly are you getting out of your friendship? Edited January 10, 2014 by BlametheIrish
Author chelsea2011 Posted January 10, 2014 Author Posted January 10, 2014 I think your friend is insecure and jealous of you. That doesn't make for a good friendship. Why do you think she acts this way in front of you? Abd what exactly are you getting put of your friendship? Thank you for responding so quickly! Good questions. I have been asking myself that question lately. It has been a source of stress for me to be honest. I can say that with the ups and downs the friendship has evolved to a better understanding of one another. The problem is I feel like I'm always the one pointing out the issues. She has made many changes though and I have to give her credit for that. I don't like to be a nag an that is what I'm starting to feel like! I also don't want her to change who she is for me; I want her to be herself. That's why I'm wondering if I'm taking it wrong. Then my other friend stepped in and totally stuck up for me without even knowing anythin about this friendship. That made me stop and think about what I'm doing here. Why am I allowing this kind of stress when I don't need it.
preraph Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 Your flirty friend is very competitive, too much so, so much so that she doesn't mind trying to humiliate a friend. I have a very flirty friend and she has pissed me off at times, but I don't think it was ever just to prove she was better than me. My flirty friend, as far as I know, never did it to someone I was really in love with at least. She knew the boundary. Your friend is kind of toxic. She could really make trouble for you sometime getting between you and someone you care about. On the plus side, your male friend is awesome!! And he's already fixed her wagon , so worries there. By all means, invest in that friendship.
Author chelsea2011 Posted January 12, 2014 Author Posted January 12, 2014 Thanks everyone for your replies. All of them are very much appreciated! An update of sorts. We had a conversation about it and she seems to understand. I guess now it's a wait and see what she says and does kind of thing. In the meantime, I've decided I'm going to STOP over analyzing the situation and just get busy! Enough is enough already. I'm tired of over thinking and worrying about stuff like this. LOL. True friends rise to the occasion with understanding through actions. It's out there now so we'll just see I guess. If they do they do and if they don't they don't and you can take it from there. Have a great rest of the weekend! I'm going out to have some much deserved fun. 1
VeronicaRoss Posted January 14, 2014 Posted January 14, 2014 Wow. Who taught you that you deserve so little from a person you'd make someone like that a friend? And you practically apologize for needing air to breathe. You need to become a much, much better friend to yourself. If you rely on heros like that guy, you can find yourself in a really terrible situation with a man who takes advantage of your low standards. No statement about him, he might be great. But clearly you're sending the message out to others you will take a lot of abuse. Some will see that as an invitation. Please don't do that to yourself or your future kids!
youdunsay Posted January 14, 2014 Posted January 14, 2014 Perhaps your guy friend is more appreciative of girls who seek less attention.
Author chelsea2011 Posted January 14, 2014 Author Posted January 14, 2014 Wow. Who taught you that you deserve so little from a person you'd make someone like that a friend? And you practically apologize for needing air to breathe. You need to become a much, much better friend to yourself. If you rely on heros like that guy, you can find yourself in a really terrible situation with a man who takes advantage of your low standards. No statement about him, he might be great. But clearly you're sending the message out to others you will take a lot of abuse. Some will see that as an invitation. Please don't do that to yourself or your future kids! No no no. My guy friend is a friend of the family and I'm good friends with his wife. They are good peoples. Nothing weird there at all. And for the record I do not need nor do I rely on heros to come in and save the day. Definitely not. I didn't expect that to happen and had no idea he was even observing it. It was just a moment of clarity. I do not have low standards either. In any case, I resolved the situation and have moved past it now. Thanks for your input.
Author chelsea2011 Posted January 14, 2014 Author Posted January 14, 2014 No no no. My guy friend is a friend of the family and I'm good friends with his wife. They are good peoples. Nothing weird there at all. And for the record I do not need nor do I rely on heros to come in and save the day. Definitely not. I didn't expect that to happen and had no idea he was even observing it. It was just a moment of clarity. I do not have low standards either. In any case, I resolved the situation and have moved past it now. Thanks for your input. I would like to add one more thing. My kids happen to be very fine and have grown into wonderful happy healthy human beings.
Author chelsea2011 Posted January 14, 2014 Author Posted January 14, 2014 Perhaps your guy friend is more appreciative of girls who seek less attention. Could be. I think it had more to do with the fact that he knows me and saw it was an awkward moment.
VeronicaRoss Posted January 14, 2014 Posted January 14, 2014 No no no. My guy friend is a friend of the family and I'm good friends with his wife. They are good peoples. Nothing weird there at all. And for the record I do not need nor do I rely on heros to come in and save the day. Definitely not. I didn't expect that to happen and had no idea he was even observing it. It was just a moment of clarity. I do not have low standards either. In any case, I resolved the situation and have moved past it now. Thanks for your input. My point about your low standards wasn't about the guy, it was about the friend.
Author chelsea2011 Posted January 14, 2014 Author Posted January 14, 2014 My point about your low standards wasn't about the guy, it was about the friend. Yes, I know. Again, I don't have low standards. She is not a low standard person either by any means and has a lot of great qualities. The thing is, I understand her situation and know "why" she is like this at times. A person's situation can skew how they cope with things. Kind of like an adult living with their parents; their frame of reference is different than that of person who is living on their own and independent. The two may see and handle awkward situations differently. Most of the time they aren't aware of it until someone points it out. Just my thoughts. Thanks for posting. 1
Tayla Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 Chelsea, I compliment you as a Lady here , reading thru this. Your responses were mature and non critical. They were insightful. I wish you many more good times with both friends and social times. You seem like a well together kinda lady. We each have friends that carry quirks or a niche to their behavior, you seem accepting and that is the foundation to a good friend.
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