Winter blue Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 My ex gf emailed me again today, after I declined her suggestion for coffee and movie before Christmas. What exactly does she want?! Here is the email: Hey Winterblue Being a January boy definitely has its perks Hotel discount promotions at The Langham, Auckland Hope all is well. ex
Toddbt12y1 Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 You should seriously consider blocking her from all forms of contacting you, if possible. All you are doing is setting yourself up for a fall. This false hope will not be good. She is trying her best to reel you back in. Do not give up, keep strong. Move on for you. At this point, you are the only one that matters to you. 2
Kevin_D Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 I don't know about this one... She calls, texts you and bump into you... I would say that she actually misses you. It's possible that she would lose interest if you took the bait, but if you want her back, I wouldn't block her. I would try to act cool around her. Maybe meet her for a cup of coffee, make it very brief. Hang out with other girls as well. Show her that you have moved on and are quite happy. May I ask you how long you were together and why she dumped you?
pickflicker Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 (edited) I would say that she actually misses you. Unfortunately, that's not good enough - as today's cautionary tale illustrates: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/453634-she-just-text-me OP, I wouldn't be even engaging anything yet, until she makes it clear whether she just misses you, or if she actually wants to try again. Edited January 10, 2014 by pickflicker
fancy feast Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 My ex gf emailed me again today, after I declined her suggestion for coffee and movie before Christmas. What exactly does she want?! Here is the email: Hey Winterblue Being a January boy definitely has its perks Hotel discount promotions at The Langham, Auckland Hope all is well. ex Mang... did your ex send you spam?
Author Winter blue Posted January 10, 2014 Author Posted January 10, 2014 I don't know about this one... She calls, texts you and bump into you... I would say that she actually misses you. It's possible that she would lose interest if you took the bait, but if you want her back, I wouldn't block her. I would try to act cool around her. Maybe meet her for a cup of coffee, make it very brief. Hang out with other girls as well. Show her that you have moved on and are quite happy. May I ask you how long you were together and why she dumped you? We were together for 2 months only, we were friends before that (about half a year) and the last few months as friends we were pretty much on the verge of a relationship. She left her then bf to be with me, the guy never gave up, kept contacting her while she was with me. She got really confused at the end (according to herself) and she ended it saying she can't give me what I want in a relationship, plus she still has feelings for the ex. I left it at that and never look back. She did say she wants to stay friends but I also made it clear that if she goes back to the ex, then I can't not be friends with her. I don't know what is she up to now, she has been emailing, calling, internet stalking and bumpping into me all that in the last two months. I have tried my best to stay cool and only replied with short, cold but polite messages. To her last request for hanging out I simply replied with no thanks so I don't know why she still doesn't get the message that I can't be friends with her, and stop being friendly to me! I'm sure she misses me but for godsake, she dumped me for her ex! how dare her to think it's okay to come back in my life now after 6 months not talking, and pretend nothing has happened?!
Author Winter blue Posted January 10, 2014 Author Posted January 10, 2014 Mang... did your ex send you spam? Lol. kinda. My birthday is in January and the link she sent me is to a hotel where we used to frequent a lot to, they've got a promotion on for people with January birthdays.
Kevin_D Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 We were together for 2 months only, we were friends before that (about half a year) and the last few months as friends we were pretty much on the verge of a relationship. She left her then bf to be with me, the guy never gave up, kept contacting her while she was with me. She got really confused at the end (according to herself) and she ended it saying she can't give me what I want in a relationship, plus she still has feelings for the ex. I left it at that and never look back. She did say she wants to stay friends but I also made it clear that if she goes back to the ex, then I can't not be friends with her. I don't know what is she up to now, she has been emailing, calling, internet stalking and bumpping into me all that in the last two months. I have tried my best to stay cool and only replied with short, cold but polite messages. To her last request for hanging out I simply replied with no thanks so I don't know why she still doesn't get the message that I can't be friends with her, and stop being friendly to me! I'm sure she misses me but for godsake, she dumped me for her ex! how dare her to think it's okay to come back in my life now after 6 months not talking, and pretend nothing has happened?! Okay, I changed my mind. I think you should ignore her as well. Clearly she doesn't know what she wants. 2
Author Winter blue Posted January 10, 2014 Author Posted January 10, 2014 Unfortunately, that's not good enough - as today's cautionary tale illustrates: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/453634-she-just-text-me OP, I wouldn't be even engaging anything yet, until she makes it clear whether she just misses you, or if she actually wants to try again. I know, and I won't. Have been following that thread and oh boy did it end well. A friend of mine suggested I should just ask her what does she want, what do you guys think? I feel like if I do that it makes me weak and it's like I'm desparate, which in fact I'm not.
pickflicker Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 I know, and I won't. Have been following that thread and oh boy did it end well. A friend of mine suggested I should just ask her what does she want, what do you guys think? I feel like if I do that it makes me weak and it's like I'm desparate, which in fact I'm not. I think you can stand to leave it for now. Make a plan for now that you'll continue to ignore attempts for another few weeks. Then you can reasses. How about that? 1
Author Winter blue Posted January 10, 2014 Author Posted January 10, 2014 Did I mention she even blocked me on fb last month, that's after 5 months NC? clearly she doesn't think we are friends anymore neither. Any now she changed her mind again, seriously:mad:
Author Winter blue Posted January 10, 2014 Author Posted January 10, 2014 I think you can stand to leave it for now. Make a plan for now that you'll continue to ignore attempts for another few weeks. Then you can reasses. How about that? Yeah I will just sit back and relax for now, see what else she has got. Suprised me a little she didn't got put off by my cold language in last email. where I called her full name instead of what she likes me to call her, she used to hate it when I call her full name, because that's usually when I'm not happy with her. And because she emailed me at work address I also have my signature (new job title and new qualification in it) made it pretty much like a work email. This time she emailed my personal email address. funny exs.
pickflicker Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 Did I mention she even blocked me on fb last month, that's after 5 months NC? clearly she doesn't think we are friends anymore neither. Any now she changed her mind again, seriously:mad: You don't need to ask her what her intentions are, she needs to spell them out of her own volition, if she wants to see you. I think the best thing you can do right now is exactly what you're doing. Keep NC, keep posting here for support.
Author Winter blue Posted January 10, 2014 Author Posted January 10, 2014 You don't need to ask her what her intentions are, she needs to spell them out of her own volition, if she wants to see you. I think the best thing you can do right now is exactly what you're doing. Keep NC, keep posting here for support. yup will do. Oh god how I 'love' playing mind games with my ex
pickflicker Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 yup will do. Oh god how I 'love' playing mind games with my ex Well, we know that you're not playing any, and that's the main thing. Control the controllable. 1
Haydn Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 hey blue, the only time you talk to her, (Maybe) is if she chainsaws her way in to your flat screaming she was wrong. She is just dangling carrots now to get a reaction. 2
Author Winter blue Posted January 10, 2014 Author Posted January 10, 2014 hey blue, the only time you talk to her, (Maybe) is if she chainsaws her way in to your flat screaming she was wrong. She is just dangling carrots now to get a reaction. Exactly. I'm in no rush to talk to her, and she needs to try way way harder. Sending links expecting me to comment on? no way. I'm not the same old me anymore. 2
Fufu Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 If you obviously make up your mind to move on, do what's best for you (Ignore her) or block all her forms of contacts. 1
Kevin_D Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 hey blue, the only time you talk to her, (Maybe) is if she chainsaws her way in to your flat screaming she was wrong. She is just dangling carrots now to get a reaction. I don't agree. They only dated for two months. She would look like a freak if she acted like that, because she doesn't really know Winter Blue well enough to miss him that much. It's different when you've been together for years and know each other very well. I think this scenario is closer to the truth: 1. She got attracted to Winter Blue and left her boyfriend for him. 2. After a while together, she became nostalgic, forgot the bad things about her ex and felt bad for leaving. She wanted to give the relationship another shot. 3. She realised why she broke up with her boyfriend in the first place and that it was more fun to hang out with Winter Blue. Seriously, they dated for two months and she broke up with him in July. That's almost half a year ago. What do you expect? That she will tell him that she made the mistake of her life? That would just be really weird. I think it's pretty obvious that she's willing to give this one another shot. However, the reason why I think Winter Blue should stay away is because she seems to have no problem leaving her partners for greener pastures. It WILL happen again. 1
Author Winter blue Posted January 10, 2014 Author Posted January 10, 2014 If you obviously make up your mind to move on, do what's best for you (Ignore her) or block all her forms of contacts. This is something I'm struggling with now. I have made up my mind to move on after she broke it off, she said she wants to give the ex another try because of familiarity, she made it sound like nothing between us was serious, or meant anything to her. I know how bad it feels when they leave you for someone, but it felt even worse when they leave you for an ex. I was heartbroken, cause I really thought we had connections, obviously it was just not enough compare to what she had with the ex (they were together for 6 months). When she first decided to broke up with the ex to be with me, I felt bad but I thought it is true love that brought us together, there was great chemistry and strong connections and we were close friends at the time. We were only together for a short time but I guess, it's also because of that, I feel like we never really had a chance to fully explore the potential of a long lasting relationship. I didn't give her enough time to grieve her failed relationship that was my fault. We were still in the honeymoon stage while she broke it off, I knew she was torn at the time but at the end she made up her mind (as it seemed). I wish I could just brush off any residual feelings for her, but I admit her recent contacts have stirred up those old feelings again. I'm not the same old me anymore though, I won't let her back in my life again if the ex is still in the picture, neither I will be friends with her again.
Author Winter blue Posted January 10, 2014 Author Posted January 10, 2014 Kevin, I think you are right about the reason she went back to her ex, she did become nostalgic as herself mentioned, they had so much memories together whereas me and her was only together for two months. It was at that time I realized how silly I was to get involved with someone who was still half in and half out a failed relationship. So I respected her decision and just stepped back. Regardless how hard it was, I cut her off completely and just vanished from her life. She is a smart woman as I always know and I still like her as a person, she was a great friend too. But after I witnessed how wishy washy she could be when it comes to relationships, I really am scared to let her in again.
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