Walter W. Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 Hello I tried posting before but no one gave me advice but I think Im in the right forum I am a young man still in HS and I am clueless about courting the opposite sex you can check my other post here http://www.loveshack.org/forums/general/general-relationship-discussion/426961-im-clueless#post5228651 So I would like some advice on what to do and to calm my nerves and not panic when Im with a female. I've never been on a date but I am texting girls and theres this one girl i have a crush on (shes the cute girl that turned me down on the other post) but I think I have to get her to like me first before getting her to accept a date with me idk do you guys think thats a possibility anyway I would like advice about girls my parents are absolutely no help with this stuff and I feel like people goes through this at one point in there life so I guess my question is how do I get her to like me in a non platonic way?
d0nnivain Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 Self talk is important. Be your own best coach. Think positively -- you can do this; you are a nice guy; you will be a good BF etc. Do some visualization exercises. In your mind's eye play over some scenarios -- see it going well, see it going badly & plan how you will counter that. Focus more on the good. Remember to breathe. 2
Author Walter W. Posted January 12, 2014 Author Posted January 12, 2014 Thanks for the reply I was beginning to think this was a waste of time and I was left to my own devices When I am around girls I think positively and it helps. I'm just uneasy making it up as I go along. I really like this girl and the doubt, insecurities and not knowing what I'm doing gets to me at times but I just chalk it up to me being young and inexperience or because this girl is an enigma as she sends me very mixed signals that she likes me. She's definitely an introverted and shy person so I have my work cut out for me like I said I think I have to woo her to get her to agree on a date. I really like her and enjoy her company be it by text or in person. I have one question. Is texting her everyday bad? I ask because on the week days this week I have been texting her everyday getting to know her and to talk about anything. I am always the one to start which I dont know if its bad but I always end the convo about an hour in which is good (keeps me in control) But my doubts is that I might appear clingy or needy if I text everyday could this be the case? Should I stop texting her a day so it I dont appear clingy? Any advice would be appreciated.
Shashasha Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 Thats great you are texting her! I say that maybe instead of messaging her everyday, take it and gauge her response. She has already turned ypu down once, so messaging her everyday would probably just turn her off. Give it a break - if she s not responsive, i say you move on. It is tough but you want someone qjo interested in you - not someone whom you need to force.
Author Walter W. Posted January 12, 2014 Author Posted January 12, 2014 Actually she turned me down 3 times and I'm giving it one last shot with me trying to woo her. This girl is EXTREMELY shy like you wouldnt believe. So far its been positive our relationship is better we talk and learned more about each other than we did than in the last four months and she is more open than she has ever been before she would hide behind her hair and talk in a very low almost whisper like tone with almost nothing to say but now I see her face more and the tones improve not normal but improved and we have conversations now. But I do sometimes think that she is not interested but then I think she does. For example she looks at me when she thinks Im not looking and when I look at her and she looks at me we both smile and continue on. Or like on Friday when I made a joke I apparently made a look (which was just a smile) and smiles back and says "why do you look at me like that?" to which I always reply (this has happened more than one occasion) "Would you like me to stop?" and she would always look down hide behind her hair smile and say "no" Leaving me both happy and confused and after class this week I would say "text you later?" and she would smile and say yeah sure. I even asked her what would we talk about (I know stupid made me look weak) and she said we could talk about anything. I have been told that when dealing with introverted and shy person I have to be a little "aggressive" so to speak. I did not text Sat and Friday to see if she would text first (and because of my doubts on being clingy) but she hasn't which is making think either she is not interested or its just her being shy. I don't know its been two days since I last texted her should I today? I really like this girl but sometimes I feel like Im making a fool of myself. Also to that "look" thing what should I say the next time that happens because this happens a lot and its always the same.
d0nnivain Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 I'm old enough to be your mom so my answer probably isn't in line with the current standards. I hate texting, especially over an extended period. To me texting should be reserved for short messages not conversations. I'd rather talk on the phone & hear the person's voice but I know that's not what young people do these days. When you say she turned you down, what do you mean? Did you ask her to be your GF or did you ask her to do something with you, like go to a movie? If she said no to GF, try for a date or even a hang out / study date. Go more slowly 1
Author Walter W. Posted January 12, 2014 Author Posted January 12, 2014 I hear you I dont like texting when I ask her for her number and got it I told her I would call her and she said she would prefer texting to which now I almost prefer it as she expresses herself more in texts. As to what I mean when she turned me I mean attempt number 1 I ask her to a movie she 2nd week of school said no number 2 ask her again month later said no Number 3 ask her to eat something 2 months ago said no So in December I was thinking maybe I was being a little to forward asking her to a date to someone who she barely had a full on conversation with so im' going slllllooooooooooowwwwwwwwwww thanks donnivan for replying but should I text her today to see hows shes doing talk a little bit? Also from a womans perspective does what I written my previous post mean that she likes me cuase to me that means that she does.
d0nnivain Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 If she likes texting you are doing the right thing by using her preferred method of communicating. At this point I would not ask her out again. I suspect you have probably been friend-zoned. It may not be a conscious choice. She may not feel ready for a BF or to date. Not every girl in high school wants a BF. Some prefer to put off that aspect of their lives. You can still be friends with this girl but you need to give up on the romantic prospects for now. She may change her mind in a few years but you can't count on that. 1
Author Walter W. Posted January 12, 2014 Author Posted January 12, 2014 I was hoping that wasn't the case but I think your right its a shame cause I really like her but I guess I have to face reality. Thanks donnivan for being direct and honest Ill give up on the the romance. Maybe I can just be a friend maybe we can hang out or whatever I dont know. Thank you again at least this wasnt a waste of time.
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