counterman Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 So I've been seeing this girl for 5 months now. We were in a relationship for almost 4 months but every time we argued, nothing would get resolved and it would be really intense. She couldn't deal with it anymore, so we broke up for a short while before getting back together. However, she said she wasn't ready to jump right into a relationship again just yet, so we're just "seeing each other". We both agreed it'll mean dating exclusively, with the option of having sex. We'll be seeing each other almost as much as we saw each other before but she just won't be calling me her boyfriend and I won't be calling her my girlfriend. It's confusing because if it seems like a serious relationship and looks like one, why doesn't she want to call it one? When I agreed to be in a relationship with we the first time, I knew what it meant. I knew that there would be arguments and I was willing to work through any issues with her. I thought she was just as committed but now I'm not so sure. Should I make a big deal out of this or just go with it?
d0nnivain Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 I don't see any appreciable difference between those two phrases "In a relationship" vs "dating exclusively". If you aren't hung up on the vocabulary words, let her call your interactions whatever she wants. 3
simplicity1 Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 Personally, it would bother me a lot that she wasn't willing to call it a relationship anymore. Sounds like you guys had a lot of trouble talking through problems and finding compromises the first time around, and the healthiest course of action would be to figure out what was blocking you from fixing your problems after an argument, remedy that, and then try a full-fledged relationship again if you're up for it. Anything less than that is just going to leave you with a lot of confusion and unresolved emotion.
Mrlonelyone Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 I don't see any appreciable difference between those two phrases "In a relationship" vs "dating exclusively". If you aren't hung up on the vocabulary words, let her call your interactions whatever she wants. The only difference is "in a relationship" sounds like the oh so significant FB status which some younger folks treat as such a big deal, and others treat with utter contempt. OP, don't worry so much about what a relationship is called. Go with what you do together or don't do together. My now Ex's father asked me "So whats the relationship between you and my daughter?" I said "It depends on how she's feeling on any given day". He laughed and said "That sounds like me and my wife." SOo I say again, go with how your GF treats you and what you do together. That, and not some status or label or words defined relationships for most of history.
deathandtaxes Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 You have bigger problems than what to call what you two have. You need to figure out why you would argue and never resolve anything.
Author counterman Posted January 10, 2014 Author Posted January 10, 2014 I don't see any appreciable difference between those two phrases "In a relationship" vs "dating exclusively". If you aren't hung up on the vocabulary words, let her call your interactions whatever she wants. I'm not really hung up on it, unless it interferes significantly with our interaction. I'm certainly not going to kick up a fuss about it. I did jokingly say that "I guess I can stop doing boyfriend stuff now" and she said that would lower my chances of me becoming her boyfriend. Personally, it would bother me a lot that she wasn't willing to call it a relationship anymore. Sounds like you guys had a lot of trouble talking through problems and finding compromises the first time around, and the healthiest course of action would be to figure out what was blocking you from fixing your problems after an argument, remedy that, and then try a full-fledged relationship again if you're up for it. Anything less than that is just going to leave you with a lot of confusion and unresolved emotion. It bothered me a lot initially. We did have a lot of trouble talking through problems and finding compromises. When she broke up with me, she was angry... and it was a rash decision. She found that she really missed me and we talked things through. I offered her some suggestions on how we could work on our issues, without arguing (let's face it, when we argue, it's impossible to solve anything). And I also said I wanted us to work together in a relationship. She said she wasn't ready to jump into the relationship just yet (even though I told her we would be taking it slow and it won't be like it would be before). It did leave me confused because I had always thought she wanted a long-term relationship. All the indicators, what she said and how she acted, showed that's what she wanted when we were in a relationship. And now, she doesn't want to call it that. It did bother me initially but this past week it's been pretty much as though we are together in a serious relationship. The only difference is "in a relationship" sounds like the oh so significant FB status which some younger folks treat as such a big deal, and others treat with utter contempt. OP, don't worry so much about what a relationship is called. Go with what you do together or don't do together. My now Ex's father asked me "So whats the relationship between you and my daughter?" I said "It depends on how she's feeling on any given day". He laughed and said "That sounds like me and my wife." SOo I say again, go with how your GF treats you and what you do together. That, and not some status or label or words defined relationships for most of history. Thanks for that I won't go with the labels and won't bring it up or talk about it unless she does. Honestly, now it's really no big deal. We've been interacting with each other as we did before, without any arguments. We're having fun The one thing that is different though is that when her friends ask about me, she says we're dating but we aren't together. And when we might run into her co-workers or friends, she gets a bit weird and slightly uneasy. It reminds me of 500 Days of Summer
Arieswoman Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 I've mentioned this book a few times recently. I don't have shares in the publishers, I just think it's a very useful read. "It's called a Break-up because it's broken" by Greg Behrendt & Amiira Ruotola-Behrendt ISBN 0-00-721559-2 published by Harper-Collins
Author counterman Posted January 11, 2014 Author Posted January 11, 2014 I've mentioned this book a few times recently. I don't have shares in the publishers, I just think it's a very useful read. "It's called a Break-up because it's broken" by Greg Behrendt & Amiira Ruotola-Behrendt ISBN 0-00-721559-2 published by Harper-Collins I'll give it a read; thanks for the suggestion
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