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Were your needs being met?

Furious

By Furious
in Infidelity

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ComingInHot Established Member

ComingInHot

Posted
Posted

Been thinking about this needs being met topic.

 

My fWH is quite an intelligent man. He knew he wanted the A, and he knew he didn't want to lose me, and he knew he didn't want to get caught so he manipulated ME into believing he was giving me what I needed and I should dang well be grateful. ..

 

He manipulated exOW into believing she was the only one who had ever met his needs, all while he and I continued to make love 5-7 times a week and shared intimate conversation between his short tempered "rants").

 

My H has explained it like this long after the A ended;

Everything was GREAT with my life. Business was doing well. Kids growing nicely. Marriage strong and the sex never still amazing. I had everything I needed and was Happy. Then I met young exOW and I WANTED it. I worked hard and I felt I Deserved to have what I wanted. So I did what I had to in order to obtain... More...

 

Ouch right?!!? The MC stated that this Entitlement issue is all to common in infidelity.

 

The whole time of the A, I felt I was missing something. I knew he was right there, with me, Every night but I missed him. I needed to feel ALL of him but I didn't, I was alone even when with him. That sucked.

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Furious Established Member

Furious

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Been thinking about this needs being met topic.

 

My fWH is quite an intelligent man. He knew he wanted the A, and he knew he didn't want to lose me, and he knew he didn't want to get caught so he manipulated ME into believing he was giving me what I needed and I should dang well be grateful. ..

 

He manipulated exOW into believing she was the only one who had ever met his needs, all while he and I continued to make love 5-7 times a week and shared intimate conversation between his short tempered "rants").

 

My H has explained it like this long after the A ended;

Everything was GREAT with my life. Business was doing well. Kids growing nicely. Marriage strong and the sex never still amazing. I had everything I needed and was Happy. Then I met young exOW and I WANTED it. I worked hard and I felt I Deserved to have what I wanted. So I did what I had to in order to obtain... More...

 

Ouch right?!!? The MC stated that this Entitlement issue is all to common in infidelity.

 

The whole time of the A, I felt I was missing something. I knew he was right there, with me, Every night but I missed him. I needed to feel ALL of him but I didn't, I was alone even when with him. That sucked.

 

 

CIH

 

What you wrote is heartbreaking. That feeling of missing something...I get it.

 

Hugs

  • Like 5
dreamingoftigers Established Member

dreamingoftigers

Posted
Posted

No my needs were not/are not being met.

 

And frankly, I am exhausted.

 

I can't even articulate how exhausted I am.

 

I feel like I just "never made the cut."

 

And I was supposed to be the only person left on the field. And it wasn't even supposed to be a competition.

 

Some of my needs pre-D-day were getting met.

Currently NONE of my needs are getting met. NONE. ZERO.ZIP.ZILCH. Been talking so much I AM SICK OF HEARING MYSELF.

 

I cannot think of ONE need that has been met in awhile.

 

Am I going to cheat?

 

Bwah-ha ha ha!

As if I need to run around expending on another selfish person that would engage in an affair! No thank you. Cheating is not on my menu.

Ugh.

I would just end up recreating this whole screwed-up dynamic again anyhow. Cheating just wrecks so much. It's incomparable to just about anything else.

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Furious Established Member

Furious

Posted
  • Author
Posted
No my needs were not/are not being met.

 

And frankly, I am exhausted.

 

I can't even articulate how exhausted I am.

 

I feel like I just "never made the cut."

 

And I was supposed to be the only person left on the field. And it wasn't even supposed to be a competition.

 

Some of my needs pre-D-day were getting met.

Currently NONE of my needs are getting met. NONE. ZERO.ZIP.ZILCH. Been talking so much I AM SICK OF HEARING MYSELF.

 

I cannot think of ONE need that has been met in awhile.

 

Am I going to cheat?

 

Bwah-ha ha ha!

As if I need to run around expending on another selfish person that would engage in an affair! No thank you. Cheating is not on my menu.

Ugh.

I would just end up recreating this whole screwed-up dynamic again anyhow. Cheating just wrecks so much. It's incomparable to just about anything else.

 

DOT

 

I'm so sorry you're going through a tough time. You're so smart and I always enjoy reading your posts and think you're an amazing woman.

 

Sending you a big hug:love:

  • Like 6
dreamingoftigers Established Member

dreamingoftigers

Posted
Posted
DOT

 

I'm so sorry you're going through a tough time. You're so smart and I always enjoy reading your posts and think you're an amazing woman.

 

Sending you a big hug:love:

 

I think I ended up recreating my parents relationship :sick:

 

But with less sex:sick::sick::sick:

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Furious Established Member

Furious

Posted
  • Author
Posted
I think I ended up recreating my parents relationship :sick:

 

But with less sex:sick::sick::sick:

 

 

That's not good....:sick:

  • Like 1
Confusion_Reigns Established Member

Confusion_Reigns

Posted
Posted

I think that people are all so very different in what they term needs vs. wants. I know some of my NEEDS many here would classify as WANTS…but does that mean that other’s views will make me feel any differently about it? No, not really. I still feel I need this or that to be happy inside myself, with myself, and actually respect myself.

 

It brings to mind my sister and one of my nieces…and one of my coworkers….all of whom are going thru some bad times with their significant others. Of course we talk, share our frustrations disappointments etc with each other. Two of them are dealing with husbands who are addicted to drugs. One husband is in jail the other won’t stay home at night. One of these ladies is dealing with a husband who is verbally abusive and cheats all the time (he actually has a baby with another woman!) all of which are bad bad bad scenarios to deal with….they love their husbands and it’s so hard to see them going thru this mess.

 

And I think, “Jeez, well at least my husband hasn’t hit me in years, he hasn’t cheated on me in years….” But is that a right way for me to think? No, probably not. I’m comparing my situation against theirs…and I can’t do that. It’s not right. We are different and have different wants and needs….the things I need now are different than the things I needed when I was their ages, you know? The reality is that my husband is an abuser. The reality is that I have the mentality of an abused woman. I never-ever…ever….thought I’d say that (even type it to an anonymous forum).

 

So, I guess what I’m saying is that the whole “needs vs. wants” debate is really very relative to the individuals and the situation. Who am I to say that what one deems a NEED is really just a WANT? I wouldn't ever want anyone to try to put those kinds of perimeters on me why would I do that to them?

  • Like 2
ladydesigner Established Member

ladydesigner

Posted
Posted
Wow. Sounds like you are talking about a sociopath. If someone has 'it all', they wouldn't want more, would they, as there would be nothing more. Whatever. If they 'felt' they were missing something, that is what matters, isn't it? God. All these excuses. And then you (generally on this thread) say you weren't getting what you needed. Well, then you can understand neither was your partner. I guess this gives you the moral high ground, that you were martyrs and just 'lived with not getting what you needed'. It doesn't make you martyr's I won't even say what it makes you. Our lives on this planet are so brief. Be happy. If you are not, don't stay in the relationship that makes you unhappy.

 

You would be amazed goodyblue. My WH was claiming he wasn't getting his needs met sexually. We had sex 3 or 4 times a week (great sex). He was never home, always complaining, always moody. I work full time too, take care of the kids full time and still manage to meet his needs, yet my needs still aren't being met 100%. Each situation is different. Many cases the BS too is not getting their needs met, but they are not seeking an A as a band aid.

  • Like 2
ladydesigner Established Member

ladydesigner

Posted
Posted
No my needs were not/are not being met.

 

And frankly, I am exhausted.

 

I can't even articulate how exhausted I am.

 

I feel like I just "never made the cut."

 

And I was supposed to be the only person left on the field. And it wasn't even supposed to be a competition.

 

Some of my needs pre-D-day were getting met.

Currently NONE of my needs are getting met. NONE. ZERO.ZIP.ZILCH. Been talking so much I AM SICK OF HEARING MYSELF.

 

I cannot think of ONE need that has been met in awhile.

 

Am I going to cheat?

 

Bwah-ha ha ha!

As if I need to run around expending on another selfish person that would engage in an affair! No thank you. Cheating is not on my menu.

Ugh.

I would just end up recreating this whole screwed-up dynamic again anyhow. Cheating just wrecks so much. It's incomparable to just about anything else.

 

I'm with you on this one DOT mine aren't being met either. My main needs being help with the kids. It is exhausting! Sorry you go through the same thing :(

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