Kevin_D Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 It's been two months since I was dumped. When I said that I was dumped out of the blue, many people told me that I probably just was unable to see the warning signs when I was an emotional mess. I think I'm doing pretty well. I work out a lot, acquire new skills and hang out with my family and friends. But the thing is, I'm just getting more and more confused. I can be very nostalgic from time to time, but that's nothing compared to her. She wouldn't throw away anything I got her, she saved every little note, every card, every picture... And she always hated changes. And then, seemingly out of the blue, she got rid of everything that meant so much to her. Not just me, but the things we did together, the things I gave her,. Just a month before she dumped me, I made her a cuddly toy. She loved it so much, showed it to everyone and had it in her bed every night. And when I asked her what she wanted for her birthday, she mostly wanted things that we could enjoy together. I know it's pointless to think about these things. I'm probably never going to know the real truth. But I'm just so confused. Her behavior made me feel so safe. She seemed to love me and the things I did for her so much. And she hated changes. So how could she throw everything away? And I realise that sometimes changes are necessary. But she seems so happy about her decision. Zero nostaliga, no guilt over hurting me... She even heckles me with messages like: "The silent treatment won't make get over me any faster" And when I told her told her that I need to focus on myself she wrote something like: "Alright! We'll meet up when you're strong enough! :)" It's like she doesn't care at all... About me, about the relationship... And my confusions grows every day. I know it's a cliche, but I just want to believe that she has BDP or BD. Her mother had BD and it's heridary. I don't know why I wrote this. I'm not really looking for advice, because I know what I should be focusing and I'm doing pretty well. It's just so hard to understand how a person who hated changes so much, who never could decide what food she wanted to order, can throw everything away everything without regretting it for a second.
mantlefan Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 "Why?" is a prison. Everytime I break out or get released, I either walk back in, or don't put up much of a fight when it tries to drag me back. Someday, when we break out, we will run and not look back. 8
mtnbiker3000 Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 "Why?" is a prison. Everytime I break out or get released, I either walk back in, or don't put up much of a fight when it tries to drag me back. Someday, when we break out, we will run and not look back. Hahahaha! Yeah. I seem to keep violating parole and gettin' tossed back in, myself... I'm a repeat offender 2
Author Kevin_D Posted January 10, 2014 Author Posted January 10, 2014 Posting on LS really helps. Knowing that I am not alone makes me feel better. The good thing is that I feel no urge to break contact, because I realise that the person I love isn't there at the moment. Sometime I hope that she will come back and be her old self again though.
mtnbiker3000 Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 Sometime I hope that she will come back and be her old self again though. Careful!!! This is a slippery slope!!!
chris21422 Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 She might not realize that she change but people do change every time as the time goes by.. People change they're perspective in life. There might be a million reasons but usually they keep it to themselves.. We just gotta accept it and continue to move on. Sometime I hope that she will come back and be her old self again though. 1
Author Kevin_D Posted January 10, 2014 Author Posted January 10, 2014 She might not realize that she change but people do change every time as the time goes by.. People change they're perspective in life. There might be a million reasons but usually they keep it to themselves.. We just gotta accept it and continue to move on. Yeah, I know... especially at her age (24). But it's hard to accept that she changed so quickly. There are really two possibilities: a) She lied about her feelings and basically manipulated me b) She did a 180 within 1-2 weeks I checked our chat log again (big mistake) to see if I could find something odd in her behavior, but nada, nothing! Just weeks before she dumped me and went cold, she wrote stuff like: "I love you so much. Don't let anyone hurt you! You're so much better than those idiots. I believe in you. Just keep fighting, because I know everything is going to be all right!" She talked about christmas presents and how she wanted to buy a new game for me so that we could play together. It actually surprised me how good we treated each other in those conversations. I expected to see some kind of signs, but nope. We both seemed excited about our future and supported each other. Oh well... that's history now.
Haydn Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 Maybe we should all be tagged? Hahahaha! Yeah. I seem to keep violating parole and gettin' tossed back in, myself... I'm a repeat offender
chris21422 Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 (edited) Trust me man woman are complicated.. Actually my ex girlfriend almost did the same thing. Let me tell you a story When we were at the airport here in Los angeles she was about to go back to europe for a 3 month job. She cried in there hugging me kissing me telling me that she love me so much and that she will always be at my side. said that she will miss me so much. She's crying really hard and what do you know? after 2 months she just a different person. She wanted to be single and alone told me that there is no other person she's just wanted to be alone. The thing is whether there is a 3rd person or not it just doesn't matter anymore. I don't want to analyze they chose the life without us and they must live with that decision. We have nothing else to do but just have to accept the fact that is over and move on.. Yeah, I know... especially at her age (24). But it's hard to accept that she changed so quickly. There are really two possibilities: a) She lied about her feelings and basically manipulated me b) She did a 180 within 1-2 weeks I checked our chat log again (big mistake) to see if I could find something odd in her behavior, but nada, nothing! Just weeks before she dumped me and went cold, she wrote stuff like: "I love you so much. Don't let anyone hurt you! You're so much better than those idiots. I believe in you. Just keep fighting, because I know everything is going to be all right!" She talked about christmas presents and how she wanted to buy a new game for me so that we could play together. It actually surprised me how good we treated each other in those conversations. I expected to see some kind of signs, but nope. We both seemed excited about our future and supported each other. Oh well... that's history now. Edited January 10, 2014 by chris21422
David87 Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 Trust me man woman are complicated.. Actually my ex girlfriend almost did the same thing. Let me tell you a story When we were at the airport here in Los angeles she was about to go back to europe for a 3 month job. She cried in there hugging me kissing me telling me that she love me so much and that she will always be at my side. said that she will miss me so much. She's crying really hard and what do you know? after 2 months she just a different person. She wanted to be single and alone told me that there is no other person she's just wanted to be alone. The thing is whether there is a 3rd person or not it just doesn't matter anymore. I don't want to analyze they chose the life without us and they must live with that decision. We have nothing else to do but just have to accept the fact that is over and move on.. Yes you are right, but it's so fu**ing painful.
rosedl Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 It is her issue. Maybe she is narcissistic. Maybe she is afraid of commitment. Maybe she is just young and doesn't know what she wants. I know how confusing it is when you think someone really wants to be in the relationship and then they change their minds. My ex boyfriend did it to me. TWICE. I took him back after the first break up. He had all these insights and wanted to prove to me his devotion and commitment. Earn my trust. Six months later, he thought he 'might have made the wrong choice' and broke up with me again. He is a chronic commitment phobe. I am not the first one he had done this with....I thought I was different. I really thought he was in love with me. I spent the first month of our reconciliation with him in the ICU with him while his father died. I was there at the funeral and at the following family events. I started to struggle last October with some trauma healing stuff from a past abuse history and he disappeared. Fair weather friend. I didn't even ask much of him. Just to sit with me sometimes and not repeat his past behavior cycle which he promised he wouldn't do when we got back together.
Softie Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 Why = circles Going around and around and around with thoughts that you still come back to the same conclusion - you don't know! I was the same, then I discovered mindfulness & mediation. I can stop that round round process dead in its tracks most of the time by concentrating on breathing & a clear mind. I've always before been one to worry & also over think every god dam thing lol
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