love_pink Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 (edited) Not necessarily in a way for reconciliation, but for an apology. I'm young, and a newbie to the relationship world (18 who recently got dumped by her first boyfriend of 5 1/2 months) so I've got quite a few questions running through my mind. It's been exactly 3 weeks since I got dumped.... Over text.... 2 days before my 18th... 5 days before Christmas.. Simply because, and I quote his words "I'm not happy anymore. End of story." Very heartbreaking for a young girl like me who was experiencing her first love and tried my absolute best to make him happy. We didn't really end on bad terms, but not on a good one either. I'm not really over it, but I'm getting there thanks to this site! So basically my main question is, will he ever come to contact me in the future for whatever reason? I'm not expecting an apology anytime soon as it's only been 6 days of NC. But perhaps maybe in a month or two? Or maybe a year...? I have no idea but an apology from him would be nice! Lol! Edited January 9, 2014 by love_pink Typo
flightplan Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 Maybe, maybe not, but don't spend your time thinking, or wishing or hoping that he will. Your attitude should be if he's not happy, then don't let the door hit your ass on the way out. 1
strive Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 Don't hold your breath. He probably doesn't think there's any reason for him to apologize. But if you do your healing right, by the time he does (IF he does at all) you won't care about it anymore. 1
fixing Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 The only important thing right now is for you to heal. Continue no contact. He broke your heart, by text which is cowardly and pathetic btw just before your birthday. So keep up the no contact. He may come back to you in the near future to talk, but dont you go sitting there waiting for it. Move on and socialise, even date again. Stay strong 2
HeartinPain Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 Maybe he will and maybe he won't. I would bet on no.. because he seems really immature and selfish. Do you even want someone like that to contact you tho? He dumped you in the most insincere way possible. He is a coward and not worth your time. You are fortunate that it happened after 5.5 months rather than years down the line. Stay NC. You will look back in a few months and be relieved that you didn't invest anymore time being in a relationship with someone who would treat your emotions like that. 1
Mondmellonw Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 Sometimes they do. I was the dumper and tried to apologize, but things went wrong. What you should do, is... Expect nothing but to heal yourself. I, as you, am still young, I'm 20. We still have a long ride ahead of us... Smile 1
Ordinaryday Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 In my experience you usually hear from the dumper again, but believe me YOU DON'T WANT TO. Because they dont contact you for you, they contact you for THEMSELVES, because they are feeling really guilty about hurting you so they have convinced themselves that you really want to hear from them, so they have convinced themselves that contacting you with a meaningless breadcrumb like "hi how are you?" will somehow make you feel better, which in turn will make THEM FEEL BETTER. And then, even if you respond, they usually go back to ignoring you, now with a clear conscience. I outright tell ALL my dumpers "don't contact me EVER, for ANY reason" and they still do it! 2
pickflicker Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 This is a bit of a 'how long is a piece of string?' situation. If you've dumped, that person doesn't necessarily need to apologise to you. If they were mean, spiteful, if they emotionally blackmailed you, maybe, but ultimately, dumping a person is not grounds for an apology. So it's best to live your life not expecting one. 1
Ordinaryday Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 This is a bit of a 'how long is a piece of string?' situation. If you've dumped, that person doesn't necessarily need to apologise to you. If they were mean, spiteful, if they emotionally blackmailed you, maybe, but ultimately, dumping a person is not grounds for an apology. So it's best to live your life not expecting one. I HATE getting an 'apology' because it carries an expectation that I am meant to forgive them and that things will be 'cool' between us. A lot of dumpers have treated me LIKE DIRT, been so cruel to me, and while I cant control how they feel about themselves I am certainly not going to message them saying "thanks for your apology. it means a lot. all the best with the future". just no.
Mondmellonw Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 This is a bit of a 'how long is a piece of string?' situation. If you've dumped, that person doesn't necessarily need to apologise to you. If they were mean, spiteful, if they emotionally blackmailed you, maybe, but ultimately, dumping a person is not grounds for an apology. So it's best to live your life not expecting one. It depends on the situation. I've received the blackmail as the dumper. And he was the one who cheated on me... Who knows.
Ordinaryday Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 ask yourself why do you even WANT an apology? if he rings you up and says to you "sorry for the way I dumped you, it was insensitive and you deserve better. I was a rude jerk, hope you forgive me. Have a wonderful happy life, you totally deserve it" will that really make you feel better? Notice that in things like that never do they say "I made a mistake, I want you back" - so what is even the point of contacting you to say that? does it make you happy again? will it put you back in a happy relationship and restore your fragile ego? the answers to those, for me, is NO so I dont see the point at all. If they dump then having to live with the guilt is just a part of that. 1
Author love_pink Posted January 10, 2014 Author Posted January 10, 2014 I'm not even really sure why I want an apology to be honest. I'm sure it's the little part of me that's hoping for bread crumbs, surely knowing I will regret it if it ever happens. Like I said, since he was my "first love," my thoughts are literally all over the place with this breakup - it's so new to me it makes me so confused and I'm expecting answers from him I know I'll never get. It's only been 6 days of purely NC, and my thoughts of reconciliation are really fading. Slowly, but surely. I'm sure in a month or so I'll be completely over it to even care if he contacts me or not. But really, thank you all for your input! It's great to know of everyone's opinion on my situation and it's painting a realistic picture for me and my future. Why didn't I discover this site before I got slapped in the face with a breakup I wasn't expecting!? 1
Luke12345 Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 Not necessarily in a way for reconciliation, but for an apology. I'm young, and a newbie to the relationship world (18 who recently got dumped by her first boyfriend of 5 1/2 months) so I've got quite a few questions running through my mind. It's been exactly 3 weeks since I got dumped.... Over text.... 2 days before my 18th... 5 days before Christmas.. Simply because, and I quote his words "I'm not happy anymore. End of story." Very heartbreaking for a young girl like me who was experiencing her first love and tried my absolute best to make him happy. We didn't really end on bad terms, but not on a good one either. I'm not really over it, but I'm getting there thanks to this site! So basically my main question is, will he ever come to contact me in the future for whatever reason? I'm not expecting an apology anytime soon as it's only been 6 days of NC. But perhaps maybe in a month or two? Or maybe a year...? I have no idea but an apology from him would be nice! Lol! Omg I can't believe nobody has picked up on on this! Girl I would say don't even worry about ANY of this. I would say this a very small problem that in your mind you be making a huge deal about (no disrespect), but let me assure you, its over nothing. This guy broke up with, he "dumped.... Over text.... 2 days before my 18th... 5 days before Christmas.. Simply because, and I quote his words "I'm not happy anymore. End of story." This is not a decent guy and you I'm sure will find a lot better out there, at least I hope you dont experience this sort of treatment again. If he dumped you at this time any decent guy would have something better to say than that, and also the timing alone is incredibly disrespectful. Sorry to give you the tough love here but this guy should be an easy one to forget about, you will have bigger fish to fry when u find a man of real integrity. I do understand this was ur first love but if I'm honest, onwards and upwards until you find your first true love. 1
innocentbutterfly Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 Trust me it doesnt make you feel any easier. I am trying some weird friendship talk wit my ex who broke up with me a month and a half ago, long distance relationship and when we talked he said he is sorry. Well guess what? that sorry means **** really. It's not any better if they say it, trust me. 2
Author love_pink Posted January 10, 2014 Author Posted January 10, 2014 This is not a decent guy and you I'm sure will find a lot better out there, at least I hope you dont experience this sort of treatment again. If he dumped you at this time any decent guy would have something better to say than that, and also the timing alone is incredibly disrespectful. Sorry to give you the tough love here but this guy should be an easy one to forget about, you will have bigger fish to fry when u find a man of real integrity. I do understand this was ur first love but if I'm honest, onwards and upwards until you find your first true love. Oh wow, thank you for your reply. Yours really got through my hard head and it was something I needed to hear. It's like the reality just hit me of how much of a jerk he really was to time something like that during the most important week of the year.. I didn't think a guy like that could stoop down that low towards a girl who was experiencing her first relationship. Ah well, life sucks sometimes and I still have a lot of growing up to do! 1
Juha Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 LP, do not give this guy the time of day. If he contacts you ignore him, if he comes up to you turn your back and walk the other way. Do not give him 1% respect, he does not deserve it from you. I am sorry he is of poor character but you will encounter people like this in your life. Just move on and do not let people like this shake you, make you question yourself, or hurt your self esteem... ( ) big hug Now get out there and live 1
Kizmet Fisher Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 Not necessarily in a way for reconciliation, but for an apology. I'm young, and a newbie to the relationship world (18 who recently got dumped by her first boyfriend of 5 1/2 months) so I've got quite a few questions running through my mind. It's been exactly 3 weeks since I got dumped.... Over text.... 2 days before my 18th... 5 days before Christmas.. Simply because, and I quote his words "I'm not happy anymore. End of story." Very heartbreaking for a young girl like me who was experiencing her first love and tried my absolute best to make him happy. We didn't really end on bad terms, but not on a good one either. I'm not really over it, but I'm getting there thanks to this site! So basically my main question is, will he ever come to contact me in the future for whatever reason? I'm not expecting an apology anytime soon as it's only been 6 days of NC. But perhaps maybe in a month or two? Or maybe a year...? I have no idea but an apology from him would be nice! Lol! Magic 8-ball says: Don't hold your breath
Allumere Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 (edited) With exception of ex-husband (long story), my experience is they do come back. In fact I just had drinks with an ex I hadn't heard from in well over a year. My opinion is different then most (not saying anyone is wrong). If someone reaches out for forgiveness IMHO that tells me they have actually spent some time thinking about what they did or how they hurt you etc. It tells me they have grown-up a little bit and did some personal house cleaning. It also validates that at least some of the feelings at the time of the relationship weren't just my imagination. If that reflection results in guilt and they have balls enough to reach out, I will always respond. So I met with the ex and I can honestly say I walked away with a little less baggage. We had a long discussion about the relationship and breakup, including an apology on his part. He had done some serious work on himself and was very honest about everything that was going on with him then and now. It was actually nice to pick up and have a conversation like no time had passed. Now this is not about any reunion or anything close. He was married in July and is very happy and I am happy for him (and this is something I knew because of his daughter). It was obvious to both of us that there remains a great deal of love for each other and to be honest it simply felt good to know that. So where does this go? Nowhere in particular. I am sure we will keep in touch. Maybe get together a couple times of year (with his wife included of course). It's just comforting to know that there is another person out there that cares. I remained friends with the ex prior to him after all the emotions chilled and have hung out with him numerous times. As for most recent ex (too many "ex" in this post) I can't predict the future but I would hope to be on friendly terms somewhere down the line. These were all good men who handled the BU poorly but treated me well during the relationship and I genuinely love each of them. Edited January 10, 2014 by Allumere
iouaname Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 It's been my personal experience that yes, they do come back in some form (it isn't always as a reconciliation or an apology) - however, it was only when I showed dignity and a love for myself. The begging/pleading/crying stuff will push them away for longer if not for good. just my experience, of course... 1
Riou Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 The truth is if someone did the same thing to him,he might apologize to you if not he will never get the hurt he caused you.Dumpers will rationalize why they are right in breaking up with you and bury any guilt or contradictory feelings.
Stealth3 Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 My bitch never came back and its been like 5 months.
Never Again Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 You don't want an apology. An apology will make him look like less of an ass. If he looks like less of an ass, you'd be more inclined to forgive his immature move...which will lead to more hurt for you. If you forgive him before you're healed, you'll focus more on your love for him than the justified anger you should be feeling, and it'll take you longer to move on. My situation is different than yours (I was going through a brief personal rut...mild depression for 6-7 weeks, I lost a lost of self-confidence and energy during this time, ex saw this as unattractive, the "spark" faded and she bailed), but I got the apology and it SUCKED. She wanted things to be "cool". Many dumpers will apologize at some point if they feel like they'll bump into you. No one likes to be hated. However, by not apologizing he's doing you a favor. He's letting you get angry - use that. 1
Fufu Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 Not necessarily in a way for reconciliation, but for an apology. I'm young, and a newbie to the relationship world (18 who recently got dumped by her first boyfriend of 5 1/2 months) so I've got quite a few questions running through my mind. It's been exactly 3 weeks since I got dumped.... Over text.... 2 days before my 18th... 5 days before Christmas.. Simply because, and I quote his words "I'm not happy anymore. End of story." Very heartbreaking for a young girl like me who was experiencing her first love and tried my absolute best to make him happy. We didn't really end on bad terms, but not on a good one either. I'm not really over it, but I'm getting there thanks to this site! So basically my main question is, will he ever come to contact me in the future for whatever reason? I'm not expecting an apology anytime soon as it's only been 6 days of NC. But perhaps maybe in a month or two? Or maybe a year...? I have no idea but an apology from him would be nice! Lol! No one will ever know if he will come back to re-establish contact for whatever reasons. But really it doesn't matter. He's your EX, a PAST. Focus on yourself now and future, that's the most important. 1
Recommended Posts