polynomial Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 So lately i have been battling with not breaking NC. ive been having some health issues and am super depressed because of them. lately all i do is lie in bed and cry and think about texting him about how much i need him right now because life is going downhill. only things stopping me are a) it would look pathetic, b) him potentially ignoring me or replying something other than what i expect is scaring the shxt out of me. so.. i wont do it, i know. but could someone please give me some insight how to move on.. ;(
iworthmore Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 sorry to hear that. ur priority now is ur health focus on it. do exactly what ur doctor tell u and anything can improve it like sports and healthy foods. once ur health issues r gone ull be feeling much better. i know its hard to deal with the urge to contact him, that can backfire on u and make u feel worse. talk to close friend or family member. get support from someone close to u and do things that cheer u up. eliminate that option of him can make u feel better and share those times with u. u must find something else to ease ur hard times. all things we say here r easy said than done. if we face the hard times alone and get thru them that can make us stronger and happier and prevent us from being needy for outer support. ill pray for ur health. be strong and patient.
Author polynomial Posted January 9, 2014 Author Posted January 9, 2014 sorry to hear that. ur priority now is ur health focus on it. do exactly what ur doctor tell u and anything can improve it like sports and healthy foods. once ur health issues r gone ull be feeling much better. i know its hard to deal with the urge to contact him, that can backfire on u and make u feel worse. talk to close friend or family member. get support from someone close to u and do things that cheer u up. eliminate that option of him can make u feel better and share those times with u. u must find something else to ease ur hard times. all things we say here r easy said than done. if we face the hard times alone and get thru them that can make us stronger and happier and prevent us from being needy for outer support. ill pray for ur health. be strong and patient. Thank you so much, your reply means a lot. you are right, i need to focus on myself and once im done i will come out stronger and better. it just gets hard sometime but i do realise i wouldnt get the support i need from him anyway.
pickflicker Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 By maintaining NC. You will move on, if you maintain it. It may take a while, but it will work.
Author polynomial Posted January 9, 2014 Author Posted January 9, 2014 Ugh i keep composing these pathetic texts in my head that i could send him..seriously need to break out of this cycle somehow.
pickflicker Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 Ugh i keep composing these pathetic texts in my head that i could send him..seriously need to break out of this cycle somehow. Do you know his phone number off by heart? If not, delete it. Don't answer any calls/texts from a number you don't recognise.
Author polynomial Posted January 9, 2014 Author Posted January 9, 2014 Do you know his phone number off by heart? If not, delete it. Don't answer any calls/texts from a number you don't recognise. I do know it by heart, sadly..
StringsAttached Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 Don't give him the satisfaction of knowing you're depressed and feel like ****. Picture it from your perspective. If you dump a guy and he tells you he cries and mopes around all day because of you imagine what an ego boost that would be for you. Even if you still care about him, you will feel like you have control over him and power over someone is something even the most empathetic, pious person can't help but feel good about. If you tell him it'll just make him feel better about himself knowing that he has that kind of control over you. He doesn't deserve that. He's your ex. If you break NC you will be at square one and I promise you that and all the progress you've made so far (even if it is very little) will be pointless. In your case you need to take it hour by hour. Eventually you'll be able to take it day by day after that and then week by week etc... 1
pickflicker Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 I do know it by heart, sadly.. You need to delete it from your phone, at least that way, you're not looking at it all the time. If you contact him, he'll just use you again.
LostConfused123 Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 You can message me any time Even during football. . . Hahaha!! I'm a female, NOT hitting on you. Anyway, I'll be hoping the best for you and sending prayers. Stay strong with NC! ((hugs!!))
margot13 Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 Hi, I understand completely that you want to contact him especially if your health is scaring you, because you want the comfort. I can't really judge wether you should or shouldn't. I can only share my experience. 2 weeks after my ex and I seperated I needed to go to hospital with an ongoing problem which got worse and needed treatment. I called my ex to tell him, and he was sympathetic initially. But never came to visit me the week I was in hospital. And sent a text every now and then asking how I was. For me it was terrible, it wasn't the care I was wanting from him. I do regret telling him as it made it even clearer that he wasn't going to be there for me. Instead I decided my health was more important and not tell him anything anymore... Sometimes it feels better to do it alone, even if it is scary, it makes you stronger.
Author polynomial Posted January 11, 2014 Author Posted January 11, 2014 Hi, I understand completely that you want to contact him especially if your health is scaring you, because you want the comfort. I can't really judge wether you should or shouldn't. I can only share my experience. 2 weeks after my ex and I seperated I needed to go to hospital with an ongoing problem which got worse and needed treatment. I called my ex to tell him, and he was sympathetic initially. But never came to visit me the week I was in hospital. And sent a text every now and then asking how I was. For me it was terrible, it wasn't the care I was wanting from him. I do regret telling him as it made it even clearer that he wasn't going to be there for me. Instead I decided my health was more important and not tell him anything anymore... Sometimes it feels better to do it alone, even if it is scary, it makes you stronger. That's what I'm mainly afraid of, how he'll react and how much support he'd actually be willing to give me. Just about every possible response he could give me scares me tbh so I won't contact him. Sorry to hear about your situation. Hope you're feeling better now, health & emotional-state wise.
BC1980 Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 That's what I'm mainly afraid of, how he'll react and how much support he'd actually be willing to give me. Just about every possible response he could give me scares me tbh so I won't contact him. Sorry to hear about your situation. Hope you're feeling better now, health & emotional-state wise. I think that more than anything, staying in contact keeps reinforcing that you are broken up. You keep seeing how different your interactions are with your ex, and it really hurts. I remember talking to my ex, and he was talking about going on vacation and his son's soccer game. It gives you somewhat of a high, but them you realize how different things are. There's no need to go through all of that. It's self inflicted pain.
margot13 Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 That's what I'm mainly afraid of, how he'll react and how much support he'd actually be willing to give me. Just about every possible response he could give me scares me tbh so I won't contact him. Sorry to hear about your situation. Hope you're feeling better now, health & emotional-state wise. I do really feel for you, it is hard and sometimes lonely but I think lonlier when you don't get what you want from them. I'm doing great, slowly getting better and actually proud to do it without him. After all I was independant before I met him..... Doesn't mean I don't miss who he was everynow and then :-)
Simon Phoenix Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 It would be extremely pathetic and extremely counterproductive. Any time you feel bad you are going to text him? So you'll always be in a cycle of either a) feeling bad because you aren't talking to him or b) feeling bad because you are and he won't provide you with the relationship you want? F*ck that. This process sucks, but don't be a codependent lump of crap (not saying you are). Last thing you want to be is a youngnlove89/BlessYourCottonSocks type person, someone who is so lazy and keeps trying to cut corners that they never get anywhere besides being in painful limbo. You have other friends, you have family. Contact them. Hell, find a homeless person outside of your apartment/house and talk to them. Go to the zoo and talk to the animals. Talk to everyone besides your ex. 2
Author polynomial Posted January 11, 2014 Author Posted January 11, 2014 It would be extremely pathetic and extremely counterproductive. Any time you feel bad you are going to text him? So you'll always be in a cycle of either a) feeling bad because you aren't talking to him or b) feeling bad because you are and he won't provide you with the relationship you want? F*ck that. This process sucks, but don't be a codependent lump of crap (not saying you are). Last thing you want to be is a youngnlove89/BlessYourCottonSocks type person, someone who is so lazy and keeps trying to cut corners that they never get anywhere besides being in painful limbo. You have other friends, you have family. Contact them. Hell, find a homeless person outside of your apartment/house and talk to them. Go to the zoo and talk to the animals. Talk to everyone besides your ex. I do feel like a codependent lump of crap to be honest But realising I don't want to be that, I shall keep NC. Thanks for the advice!
Author polynomial Posted January 12, 2014 Author Posted January 12, 2014 Hi, Curious how you are going? Hey, thank you so much for asking. I'm doing alright. Yesterday I decided to start changing my eating habits to see if it will have an effect on my illness. (Not a weight problem). I am quite positive about this. I haven't contacted him and probably never will I reckon. Cause I figure, what ever he's been up to, I am not ready to know. So I'm just gonna have to try and power through this alone. Hope all's well with you, too.
margot13 Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 Hey, thank you so much for asking. I'm doing alright. Yesterday I decided to start changing my eating habits to see if it will have an effect on my illness. (Not a weight problem). I am quite positive about this. I haven't contacted him and probably never will I reckon. Cause I figure, what ever he's been up to, I am not ready to know. So I'm just gonna have to try and power through this alone. Hope all's well with you, too. Good to hear, if you want to PM me feel free... Maybe our problems are similair :-)
Author polynomial Posted January 12, 2014 Author Posted January 12, 2014 Good to hear, if you want to PM me feel free... Maybe our problems are similair :-) I don't seem to be able to PM you.. I think you need a certain amount of posts for it to activate? :/
whichwayisup Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 So lately i have been battling with not breaking NC. ive been having some health issues and am super depressed because of them. lately all i do is lie in bed and cry and think about texting him about how much i need him right now because life is going downhill. only things stopping me are a) it would look pathetic, b) him potentially ignoring me or replying something other than what i expect is scaring the shxt out of me. so.. i wont do it, i know. but could someone please give me some insight how to move on.. ;( Remember the people who love and care about you, real friends that will support you. I understand you want to reach out to him, feel comforted by him, hope that he will care and say kind things but the reality is, he is not in your life anymore, he's not a friend or someone you can rely on. Let yourself grieve and cry, it's okay to do that and feel down...Just don't let yourself be down for too long. I hope your health is improving and it's not serious. I've only read this one post so I don't know if you updated. 2
Author polynomial Posted January 15, 2014 Author Posted January 15, 2014 Remember the people who love and care about you, real friends that will support you. I understand you want to reach out to him, feel comforted by him, hope that he will care and say kind things but the reality is, he is not in your life anymore, he's not a friend or someone you can rely on. Let yourself grieve and cry, it's okay to do that and feel down...Just don't let yourself be down for too long. I hope your health is improving and it's not serious. I've only read this one post so I don't know if you updated. Thank you. im currently trying different things for my health, so well see if anything will improve. i dont have the urge to contact him anymore as i know it will lead to nowhere. So thats an improvement i guess
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