ariawuu Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 I am going to message my ex for space because we haven't taken time apart after he ended our four year relationship. its been 10months and we are at least best friends for the mean time but lately i cant cope with him changing and im still stuck on a bad rollercoaster. Is it too late to save us another chance? I know this break has to happen but i just need your opinion and thoughts if the break will unite us as a couple again. Any helpful response is appreciated. thanks guys
xUnknown Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 I am going to message my ex for space because we haven't taken time apart after he ended our four year relationship. its been 10months and we are at least best friends for the mean time but lately i cant cope with him changing and im still stuck on a bad rollercoaster. Is it too late to save us another chance? I know this break has to happen but i just need your opinion and thoughts if the break will unite us as a couple again. Any helpful response is appreciated. thanks guys If there is no hope for you to get back together NOW, then yes, asking for your space and going NC would be a good idea. It gives you both time to heal and work on yourselves.
Author ariawuu Posted January 9, 2014 Author Posted January 9, 2014 I don't have a great support network going for me right now..barely at all really. i feel hesitant to send the message.. How does anyone find the strength to do this especially if they have little support?
jphcbpa Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 I don't have a great support network going for me right now..barely at all really. i feel hesitant to send the message.. How does anyone find the strength to do this especially if they have little support? if you are staying friends out of support from them, then you are doing it for the wrong reasons. Sounds like going NC and healing is for the best if you cannot work it out now. You have support here online. Can you find a therapist and 12 step support in your area?
Author ariawuu Posted January 9, 2014 Author Posted January 9, 2014 if you are staying friends out of support from them, then you are doing it for the wrong reasons. Sounds like going NC and healing is for the best if you cannot work it out now. You have support here online. Can you find a therapist and 12 step support in your area? 12 step support? never heard of it.. sounds American (I'm from Australia btw) but I'm going to look it up. Thanks for the suggestion. I'm questioning whether I should discuss it with him first before I go on this journey or just send a text message. I really need all the help I can get because I want to stop feeling attached/obsessed with this person and feeling like I love him wayyyy too much that it's controlling my life! I only
Author ariawuu Posted January 9, 2014 Author Posted January 9, 2014 if you are staying friends out of support from them, then you are doing it for the wrong reasons. Sounds like going NC and healing is for the best if you cannot work it out now. You have support here online. Can you find a therapist and 12 step support in your area? 12 step support? never heard of it.. sounds American (I'm from Australia btw) but I'm going to look it up. Thanks for the suggestion. I'm questioning whether I should discuss it with him first before I go on this journey or just send a text message. I really need all the help I can get because I want to stop feeling attached/obsessed with this person and feeling like I love him wayyyy too much that it's controlling my life! I only allowed myself to stay best friends with him is because I feel that even if I fix myself and be ready for him.. he will still want to wait for a better time to start a relationship and I fear he might fall for somebody else. Another fear.. is if I come back happy and start falling in love with him again.. which would be devastating if it was just one sided.. He tells me to not be insecure because he loves me and falling in love for him is hard. So if he does fall in love again.. it'd probably be that girl he will end up with. And with all these thoughts they keep me back from moving forward. Because I'm just so scared out of mind.
jphcbpa Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 12 step support? never heard of it.. sounds American (I'm from Australia btw) but I'm going to look it up. Thanks for the suggestion. slaa (sex and love addicts anonymous)
jphcbpa Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 I only allowed myself to stay best friends with him is because I feel that even if I fix myself and be ready for him.. he will still want to wait for a better time to start a relationship and I fear he might fall for somebody else. Another fear.. is if I come back happy and start falling in love with him again.. which would be devastating if it was just one sided.. He tells me to not be insecure because he loves me and falling in love for him is hard. So if he does fall in love again.. it'd probably be that girl he will end up with. And with all these thoughts they keep me back from moving forward. Because I'm just so scared out of mind. your happiness does not depend on the outcome of this relationship or any future relationship. happiness come from you. you are in charge of that.
Author ariawuu Posted January 10, 2014 Author Posted January 10, 2014 your happiness does not depend on the outcome of this relationship or any future relationship. happiness come from you. you are in charge of that. it's painfully hard to see that anyone else can make me as happy as he does.. I don't get how I have become so unhealthily attached. I still haven't sent the message..I feel like I'm jumping from a hint of denial to anger to grief to acceptance to denial and it goes round and round.
Arieswoman Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 Have you seen this book? "It's called a Break-up because it's broken" by Greg Behrendt & Amiira Ruotola-Behrendt ISBN 0-00-721559-2 published by Harper-Collins It's an interesting read.
Author ariawuu Posted January 11, 2014 Author Posted January 11, 2014 Have you seen this book? "It's called a Break-up because it's broken" by Greg Behrendt & Amiira Ruotola-Behrendt ISBN 0-00-721559-2 published by Harper-Collins It's an interesting read. hello! no..I haven't. Can you explain roughly how it's interesting or what you took away from this book?
erklat Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 I prefer going ninja without a heads up as it is obvious why it has to happen, but your choice.
Author ariawuu Posted January 11, 2014 Author Posted January 11, 2014 (edited) I prefer going ninja without a heads up as it is obvious why it has to happen, but your choice. To ninja or not to ninja.. you're right it is a choice. Some might find it easier to just stop contact without warning, but for me..as obvious as to why it needs to happen..I find it hard to hurt/confuse/etc someone I care and love. I think I prefer to give them the no contact message just so I won't be dealing with the temptation to answer his calls/text messages when I suddenly go all cold on him. I feel like it gives a more graceful touch to yourself. but that's just in my situation. Edited January 11, 2014 by ariawuu
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