whiteknighted Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 Next week marks a year since I split with my ex. It's clear he's never coming back, I've been trying to move on as best as I can but if I'm honest with myself, I've been keeping a place for him in my heart and life but it ends now. A few days ago, one of his friends deleted me from Facebook. This was a person whose wedding I had been to and had socialised with quite a lot and I was quite hurt by it. I then had the strange realisation that perhaps I'd been deleted because my ex is now in a new relationship - I even had a very clear vision of his Facebook status being changed to indicate such. I felt horrible waves of anxiety and panic and was tempted to break my strict NC by snooping on his facebook, or seeing if he still had a profile on a particular dating site, just to confirm my fears. But I stopped myself from doing so. I've no evidence he's in a new relationship, but I'm going to assume that it is the case and more specifically, he's with the person he met 10 days before he split us up (and lied about where and when he'd met them). I'm going to use this 'knowledge' to finally let him go. I deserve better, I have spent a year in sadness and pain and holding out hope for someone I can ultimately do better than and who discarded me like a pair of worn out old shoes. This is me moving forward! 4
jphcbpa Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 You cannot move to the next chapter in your life if you keep rereading the previous one. 4
David87 Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 Good for you Whiteknighted, I'm happy ho hear this, because you deserve better.
mantlefan Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 I was worried that if I used conscious effort to try to get over my ex, I would be repressing feelings and not really letting me heal properly and all that crap. When a relationship ends, it becomes time to move forward. It ended for a reason. It's important to realize you put on blinders and put someone on a pedestal. It's OK to fight your prejudices and idealism, and realize that because it ended, moving on is the right thing to do. 1
Author whiteknighted Posted January 9, 2014 Author Posted January 9, 2014 I feel like I've got all the answers that I'm ever going to get, I've seen as much of his pain as he's ever going to share, I've apologised for all the mistakes I made but ultimately I'll never get the resolutions or apologies I seek from him. I realised recently that I don't need him, I just want him. But he doesn't need or want me. So, here's to the future. 1
williesd Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 When you break up, the other person copes in there own way. If they've moved on, they don't want to provide answers, they've move on. I've taken to writing, processing in my head and accepting, I won't get answers to questions or thoughts I have. It just doesn't happen. But I do wish you the best in moving forward. A years a long time to wait and have hope. I've had a few months and can feel in a few more months, I'll be with someone new and really happy. It's a struggle day to day, but life gradually goes forward. 2
Mondmellonw Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 While I was reading I became scared for you, when you were about to check him. Good thing you didn't do it You should feel proud of yourself and most important, let go, so you can be free again and get your happiness back. Blessings. 1
Author whiteknighted Posted January 9, 2014 Author Posted January 9, 2014 When you break up, the other person copes in there own way. If they've moved on, they don't want to provide answers, they've move on. I've taken to writing, processing in my head and accepting, I won't get answers to questions or thoughts I have. It just doesn't happen. But I do wish you the best in moving forward. A years a long time to wait and have hope. I've had a few months and can feel in a few more months, I'll be with someone new and really happy. It's a struggle day to day, but life gradually goes forward. Yeah, a year is a long time and that's why I'm not letting it take up any more of my life. I've detailed it in my other posts, but I think he screwed up my healing process by telling me after 4.5 months that he wasn't looking for a relationship with anyone else, he didn't feel like he was capable of being in one ever again but if he did it's me he'd want to be in one with - and that there was nobody better for him than me. Despite a few months later saying he didn't mean any of that - it stopped me moving on. But now I renounce it - it's me who doesn't want to get back with him and I can't wait to meet someone else 1
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