slider95 Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 Im kinda involved in a situation with a woman who was separated until her husband found out she was seeing someone else . He hacked her cell phone and intercepted texts message , phone call logs and emails . And he even has heard voice mails . He also has GPS located her with the OM and called her as soon as she left him. This all happened over the span of about two weeks , its like he knew it all along but was just leaking the evidence slowly . He was upset with her when he confronted her with the evidence , but she denied everything saying they were just friends , even though the texts, voice mails would definitely indicate otherwise. She says he is acting cool , they don't talk about it. What is this guy thinking ? Is he in denial or planning some major move? I have been there myself and I know I was in denial initially but it wore off and I was pissed . I know the pain involved is major , I have been there . I just cant understand how he is handling this so well like nothing happened. To the BH what are the emotions this guy is currently experiencing ? My wounds aren't fresh anymore so I cant remember the different stages all I know is that it sucked , but life went on and got much better.
Sub Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 I'm a little confused, so please clarify: You're not the OM in this situation? Also, by whose account are they "separated"? People tend to throw that term around somewhat loosely.
NotCamelot Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 1. Someone is trying to take what is still his. 2. She is cheating because they are still married, separted NOT divorced. (right?) Both of these give the reason to feel like he does and do the things he does. 1
Owl Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 I'd suggest that you focus on your own side of things, rather than try to wrap your head around what he's feeling. There are all kinds of possibilities in what he may be thinking/planning. But you can't control any of that. The real question is...now that you know that they're NOT seperated, and she's willing to lie to him in order to keep your affair with her going...what are YOU going to do with that information? How does this go with YOUR moral compass, YOUR feelings, YOUR plans? 1
Author slider95 Posted January 9, 2014 Author Posted January 9, 2014 I have stepped away from the situation but she continues to call me , I went NC and then she came to see me , she said we both know walking away is not an option . I do love her and told her to address her situation with her H and then we can move forward . I see no signs of her wanting to fix her marriage with her H . She has already called me 7 times today. My question was how can this guy be soo cool given the info he has and I guess it could be many things.
Owl Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 I have stepped away from the situation but she continues to call me , I went NC and then she came to see me , she said we both know walking away is not an option . I do love her and told her to address her situation with her H and then we can move forward . I see no signs of her wanting to fix her marriage with her H . She has already called me 7 times today. My question was how can this guy be soo cool given the info he has and I guess it could be many things. Again...what does that matter? If you're removing yourself from the situation until she gets her marriage resolved, how/why he's playing it cool is irrelevent. Tell her not to contact you again until she gets her marriage situation resolved, completely. Make it clear you will not continue to remain in contact with her until that occurs. 3
drifter777 Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 I have stepped away from the situation but she continues to call me , I went NC and then she came to see me , she said we both know walking away is not an option . I do love her and told her to address her situation with her H and then we can move forward . I see no signs of her wanting to fix her marriage with her H . She has already called me 7 times today. My question was how can this guy be soo cool given the info he has and I guess it could be many things. Why do you think he is so "cool" about this? Because his cheating wife - your affair partner - tells you so? And she wouldn't lie about this because - why? This is the woman calling you seven times this morning so you can't believe she's not willing to bend the truth to see you again. Stop trying to analyze what/how her husband is reacting because you don't know the truth and you can't see into his mind anyway. Stand by your position that she resolve her marriage issues before you will see her again. My opinion on dating/sexing while separated is that if one of the spouses believes they are actively trying to reconcile, it's cheating. If both spouses agree to see other people while the divorce moves through the legal process then it's not. But that's just my opinion because it makes clear sense to me. 5
Spark1111 Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 I think this is a ticking time bomb man.... Stay away, no contact at all! She gets caught again you MAY be in danger. I am not kidding. She may be telling him it's over between you two, and telling you he is so cool as if he doesn't care. Cheaters lie, lie, lie and usually, after DDAY, do everything in their power to have it all go back the way it was. Oh, and keep a journal of the phone calls, emails, etc. You may need PROOF of HER continued pursuit. If she is caught again, she will most likely lie and say it was YOU who could not let HER go. Hopefully you will have a chance to show him before he pulls the trigger. 4
AlwaysGrowing Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 I have stepped away from the situation but she continues to call me , I went NC and then she came to see me , she said we both know walking away is not an option . I do love her and told her to address her situation with her H and then we can move forward . I see no signs of her wanting to fix her marriage with her H . She has already called me 7 times today. My question was how can this guy be soo cool given the info he has and I guess it could be many things. You asked for NC until she resolves the issue of being married. She came to see you, told you that walking away was not an option for either of you (spoke on your behalf), then called you 7 times. How do you feel that she seems unwilling to abide by your boundaries. How do you think this will look like in the future?
harrybrown Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 I think H and his boys just purchased shotguns and are going hunting. If you are smart, you will keep a distance and keep NC until she is divorced. Do not go get machine guns. H is hurt, angry and is hurting so bad, he is going to make others hurt as well. He does not care about the consequences. Someone is going to share his pain. His wife ripped his heart out, threw it in the fire, and shyt on it. He knows what is going on. The bomb will explode, do not be close by, and by the way, if she will cheat with you, she will cheat on you. Prepare for the pain of the heart ripped out and set on fire. You can not keep cool, when this occurs. Stay far far away go deep NC until the divorce is final. Better yet find someone that will not cheat on a spouse. You will be much happier in the long run. 2
BetrayedH Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 I have stepped away from the situation but she continues to call me , I went NC and then she came to see me , she said we both know walking away is not an option . I do love her and told her to address her situation with her H and then we can move forward . I see no signs of her wanting to fix her marriage with her H . She has already called me 7 times today. My question was how can this guy be soo cool given the info he has and I guess it could be many things. Yes, it could be many things. It could be that she has verbally recommitted herself to the marriage. It could be analysis paralysis on his part. It could be that he's just gathering evidence and planning his divorce. It could be that he's waiting for his background check to finish on his handgun purchase. Let them do what they're going to do with this marriage, without any outside influence from you. At minimum, wait until she's moved out and papers are filed. Wanna be smart? Wait at least a year after the divorce has finalized. 3
Author slider95 Posted January 9, 2014 Author Posted January 9, 2014 I have been where he is and trust me I was very mad at one point , but I had way to much to lose ( my kids) to do anything stupid that would jeopardize my freedom , I wanted to kick his a$$ but instead I just divorced her and now I have my kids by myself raising them now solo for 9yrs and my XW and she now pays me child support. I said it before It wanst like a picked off some guys wife , she was seperated from him for 7 months when I met her , she had moved on obviously without his knowledge . But I have stepped away and I do feel bad for the guy now , I can definitely empathize with him. He is a good dad and has a successful business as well , hopefully he wouldnt be stupid enough to throw his life away for doing something stupid . The bottom line is I was told it was over and she still says it is . But I told her to show me the papers when she gets them and then we will talk. 1
tiredofitall2 Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 I have stepped away from the situation but she continues to call me , I went NC and then she came to see me , she said we both know walking away is not an option . I do love her and told her to address her situation with her H and then we can move forward . I see no signs of her wanting to fix her marriage with her H . She has already called me 7 times today. My question was how can this guy be soo cool given the info he has and I guess it could be many things. Walk away until she gives you proof that she is divorced. This s adultery and you don't want to be involved. It has problems written all over it. If she was not being truthful to her BH she can do the same top you. I was involved in the exact same situation with my STBXW. She and I were intimate while she was "talking" to this OM. She was lying to both of us. Sure we were separated, but we saw each other every weekend and spent lot's of time as a "family" with our 4yr old daughter. One night I caught her and all hell broke lose after that. She said to me she just needed time to think and would fix things with me for our daughter's sake. All lies!!!! It is typical for people to hold on to one R as they start the next one just to have one or both as back up plans. Not cool! Not worth it, plenty of fish in the see that are not married and are not liars. 1
tiredofitall2 Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 I have been where he is and trust me I was very mad at one point , but I had way to much to lose ( my kids) to do anything stupid that would jeopardize my freedom , I wanted to kick his a$$ but instead I just divorced her and now I have my kids by myself raising them now solo for 9yrs and my XW and she now pays me child support. I said it before It wanst like a picked off some guys wife , she was seperated from him for 7 months when I met her , she had moved on obviously without his knowledge . But I have stepped away and I do feel bad for the guy now , I can definitely empathize with him. He is a good dad and has a successful business as well , hopefully he wouldnt be stupid enough to throw his life away for doing something stupid . The bottom line is I was told it was over and she still says it is . But I told her to show me the papers when she gets them and then we will talk. Good job, I wish the POS OM my wife was screwing with had been as honorable as you. But he didn't care for my STBXW or my DD. He just wanted to get laid.
Recommended Posts