Dadubwa Posted January 10, 2005 Posted January 10, 2005 I'm in need for some major Help A.S.A.P.!!!!!!! Here's my sistuation... I'm 16 I'm a lesbian and I'm dating this awesome, awesome girl Named "Kayln". Kayln and I have been dating for about 10 months and we're very very much in love, in fact I would love to marry her (if it was legal in my state and all lol) We spend more time together than most every unmarried couple I know, she sleeps over all the time it doesn't matter if it's school the next day or church she comes to church (which is very important to me!) She's over at my house anywhere between 2-5 days a week! I love it! I really do. I love my house, I love my parents, I love my brother. My parents and my brother love us both very much and they're open with my sexuality and they think Kayln is wonderful! She spent Thanksgiving with us and came to our Christmas Eve Party and she met my whole family (as a "friend" lol) and they all think she's a great girl! ...The ONLY THING is that everytime she asks me to come over to her house I really shiver to the idea of it, and I'm goanna tell you why.... A) Kayln's mom and dad are split up, and I realize that and I'm totally cool with that (on the account of most ALL my friends familys are split up, which is fine.) I totally embrace our differences that my family is REALLY tight together and hers isn't as much as mine is. I HAVE NOTHING AGAINST THAT! The only thing is the things she tells me about her Mom's boyfriend (Eddie) isn't the most friendly things...in fact I'm kinda scared to meet him. I've seen him and said "Hi" to him like once lol and they know me because I'm always in school plays with Kayln and of course they see me on stage alot and stuff. So I'm scared to Meet Eddie a whole lot. Her mom on the other hand seems pretty cool when she's ALONE lol...without Eddie, because I hear Eddie isn't really open-minded! B) I'm not a 100% fan of kids, it's not that I don't like them, it's just that I feel really uneasy around them..in fact they mostly intimidate me! The thing is Kayln has 2 younger brothers and then 3 other kids that live with her (Eddie's kids) I've always tried to be like a friendly mommy type and make kids laugh because I normaly make kids around my age laugh but anything older or younger I'm screwed, I'm just not funny to them! C) I've been over at Kayln's house but not as Kayln's "Girlfriend" and I guess that's what scares me the most, not to mention her mom is a very religous person and she's all "for" homosexuality...but that's ok I guess. D) The 4th and main reason I'm really scared of going there is....in my first relationship I had dated a girl who's mother really didn't like me, she'd call me things like "D*ke" and "Fat" and "Stupid" things like that, which is weird because I honestly never did or said any to make her hate me so! But her mom was out of control, I mean she really was she like hit her kids, she was crazy. I just don't want Kayln's mom to be the same way. Both of my relationships I had been in I dated girls from broken homes. So I need help how do I over come A) Mom's scary boyfriend??? B) Little brothers and sisters that I'm scared of!?? C) A simple minded house-hold who doesn't really respect/understand the relationship??? D) The worry of some type of back lash from her mom??? I really want to be able to go to her house without being so scared of meeting her family. It seems I have trouble telling her how I feel about it. I don't want to upset her and make her think I don't like her family, I'm sure they're all wonderful people, but from what I heard, I'm not all to sure how they'll like me, or worse our relationship.. Some one, anyone...I just need a little bit of a guide, sorry this was so long..
allina Posted January 10, 2005 Posted January 10, 2005 Hi, I think you sound very smart and level headed = ) I'm not sure of one thing here though, does you'r girlfriends mother know she is gay? And if she does has she accepted it? Often there is not an ideal way to deal with things but this is what I think A) Mom's scary bf- be polite and say hello, but remember that you don't have to be buddies or have a conversation with him right away if you don't feel like it. Also remember that people often do not get along with step parents, and that there are 2 sides to every story, so maybe he won't be as bad as you think. B)I kinda understand the kid thing, I'm uneasy around kids too, maybe because I'm an only child. Some kids are quiet and shy so they may not even come to see you or talk to you. If they are the more outgoing ones just smile, wave and say hello. If they talk to you smile and talk back, if they show you something (a picture or toy) compliment it. C) When it comes to a not so openminded household, some people can never be truely understanding or openminded. But it looks like even if they don't agree or understand they still love her and care about her. I suggest just being polite and respectful so that her mom does not feel like she has to worry about her "little girl" As she gets used to you and sees her daughter happy she will probably become more and more accepting. D) I'm not really sure, some people are just mean spirited, but be polite, thats all you can really do. And if something like this does happen again you can at least know that it isn't about you or your fault, and that it is the mother's personal issue.
Author Dadubwa Posted January 11, 2005 Author Posted January 11, 2005 I'm totally goanna use what you said. Kayln's mom know she's gay and she's "ok" with it, but it seems like she's only "ok" with it when Eddie isn't around. Thank you so so so so so much!
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