cindel221 Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 I don't even know where to begin. My fiancee left me on Monday out of the blue, there were no signs. We had been in a very stable long distance relationship for six years. We had been BEST friends for 13 years. We talked every single night on the phone. He really didn't have any friends and had recently got a couple and I had supported everything (as per usual). We never fought, he had issues like everyone else but the day before he broke up with me, we were talking perfectly normaly and he told me loved me and such. Then the next day I called and his phone wasn't working, I didn't think a whole lot of it at first. Then hours later I got an e-mail ending the relationship. He did it through e-mail!!! And he changed his number and blocked everything in social media so there was nothing I could do to reply, he could not handle me replying I guess... Even though we don't even fight - it was like being in a surreal paranoid movie. Who changes thier number?!?!?! I am still in a state of shock. I have no idea why he did what he did. I could have dealt with a break-up. It would have hurt but my heart is soooo broken now because of how he broken up with me. He did it one day before I was supposed to return to university and so far I have not gotten back to school and am not sure if I can return this semester. I just feel so awful. I can't move, I am in so much pain. I lost my best friend and the person I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with in one day. The pain is incredible. I trusted him with everything and now I feel so betrayed. I know that he is the coward and he is not worth it but I can't help what my body is feeling right now. I know that time is the only healer but I don't know how to get to that point because I feel so much pain.
David87 Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 I don't even know where to begin. My fiancee left me on Monday out of the blue, there were no signs. We had been in a very stable long distance relationship for six years. We had been BEST friends for 13 years. We talked every single night on the phone. He really didn't have any friends and had recently got a couple and I had supported everything (as per usual). We never fought, he had issues like everyone else but the day before he broke up with me, we were talking perfectly normaly and he told me loved me and such. Then the next day I called and his phone wasn't working, I didn't think a whole lot of it at first. Then hours later I got an e-mail ending the relationship. He did it through e-mail!!! And he changed his number and blocked everything in social media so there was nothing I could do to reply, he could not handle me replying I guess... Even though we don't even fight - it was like being in a surreal paranoid movie. Who changes thier number?!?!?! I am still in a state of shock. I have no idea why he did what he did. I could have dealt with a break-up. It would have hurt but my heart is soooo broken now because of how he broken up with me. He did it one day before I was supposed to return to university and so far I have not gotten back to school and am not sure if I can return this semester. I just feel so awful. I can't move, I am in so much pain. I lost my best friend and the person I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with in one day. The pain is incredible. I trusted him with everything and now I feel so betrayed. I know that he is the coward and he is not worth it but I can't help what my body is feeling right now. I know that time is the only healer but I don't know how to get to that point because I feel so much pain. Hi Cindel, I'm sorry that you have to go through this, we are here to support you. He is such a coward for dumping you via email, common who does that after a long therm relationship. Don't contact him because you deserve better.
Fufu Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 dumping someone over an email is seriously a coward move, and for someone you are with 13 years. Good riddance. I think this hurts a lot, give yourself some time to grieve and cry, but after that move on with your life. You deserve someone better. 1
strive Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 Since the BU is very recent, I suggest you read this right away to prevent any more heartaches (and potential bad moves/decisions from you) Breakup Recovery Guide Also remember the golden rule of LS: if you feel like contacting your ex post here first. A lot of people who have gone through/are going through the same thing are here for you. So post anything whenever you want. 1
notthathard Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 What the... That's wrong. Who does that? Emailing to break up is something that teenagers might do but not with someone who you have been friends with for 13 years and engaged with. If my feelings changed and I was with them for that long I would do everything in my power to try to work it out with her. At least fckn try. That's a decade and a bit not 3-5 years like most. People like this make me pissed off.
Simplysimon Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 Ok....he had obviously planned this. He must have been thinking of breaking up for sometime it was just a case of having the guts or waiting for the right moment typically after you created an argument. It's about guilt and blame. He can blame u because of the argument cut himself off so he doesn't have to respond cos of the guilt. Let him have his moment. You must and I repeat you must seem to not give a dam. Don't track him, contact him or anything. He will be back. If you act like a needy, I need you, I miss you person he will pull away more. Sit tight and just wait. If he comes back your in, if not then you look for someone better. Don't break no contact. He has to make the first move. Good luck
flightplan Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 I don't even know where to begin. My fiancee left me on Monday out of the blue, there were no signs. We had been in a very stable long distance relationship for six years. We had been BEST friends for 13 years. We talked every single night on the phone. He really didn't have any friends and had recently got a couple and I had supported everything (as per usual). We never fought, he had issues like everyone else but the day before he broke up with me, we were talking perfectly normaly and he told me loved me and such. Then the next day I called and his phone wasn't working, I didn't think a whole lot of it at first. Then hours later I got an e-mail ending the relationship. He did it through e-mail!!! And he changed his number and blocked everything in social media so there was nothing I could do to reply, he could not handle me replying I guess... Even though we don't even fight - it was like being in a surreal paranoid movie. Who changes thier number?!?!?! I am still in a state of shock. I have no idea why he did what he did. I could have dealt with a break-up. It would have hurt but my heart is soooo broken now because of how he broken up with me. He did it one day before I was supposed to return to university and so far I have not gotten back to school and am not sure if I can return this semester. I just feel so awful. I can't move, I am in so much pain. I lost my best friend and the person I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with in one day. The pain is incredible. I trusted him with everything and now I feel so betrayed. I know that he is the coward and he is not worth it but I can't help what my body is feeling right now. I know that time is the only healer but I don't know how to get to that point because I feel so much pain. So sorry to hear your going through this. I can relate. My BEST friend of over 10 years BU with me. We we're also in a LDR and talked EVERY night. I would fly up to see her every other weekend. We had some incredible weekends and we talked constantly. Looking back on it now, I can see I wasn't in the relationship I thought I had. All this time I thought we we're a team. I thought we we're slaying the dragons together... but we really weren't. She quit on us for whatever reasons. My love for her blinded me to things I should've seen but didn't. I won't go into them, but in the end, I think it's a blessing that it happened. I know you don't feel like that now, but take some time and put some no contact distance between the two of you and I'll bet at some point you'll begin to see things you didn't notice before. Hang in there.
stillafool Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 I lost my best friend and the person I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with in one day. The pain is incredible. I trusted him with everything and now I feel so betrayed. I know that he is the coward and he is not worth it but I can't help what my body is feeling right now. I know that time is the only healer but I don't know how to get to that point because I feel so much pain. I'm so sorry for what you are going through. This guy is the biggest coward I've ever heard about. I know you love him but he really is a piece of shyt. More than likely he was seeing someone else and cannot face you to tell the truth. I don't think you should respond even if he reaches out to you. What he has done is unforgivable.
Author cindel221 Posted January 9, 2014 Author Posted January 9, 2014 Thank you guys for the support. The funny this is is that already I would not take him back even if he came begging, I know that. My trust is broken too much. I mean he sent me a bussiness composed letter and changed his phone number, when we were perfectly normal the weeks leading up. He just wanted to slink into the night and not deal with the real world I guess but my heart is still broken. I am not contacting, I couldn't call him if I wanted and I haven't been e-mailing because it will just hurt me more than anything because I will never hear back from him and I will never get the closure I so desperately seek from him. The pain is so intense. I know that I will be ok in the end but right now I can't see that, I can only see the pain. I can't even get out of bed. I just wish this wasn't robbing me of so much. I hate life right now. I hate him more. I trusted him so much, why would he do this to me. People can be so cruel. Sorry for rambling, I just feel so overwhelmed.
Author cindel221 Posted January 9, 2014 Author Posted January 9, 2014 So sorry to hear your going through this. I can relate. My BEST friend of over 10 years BU with me. We we're also in a LDR and talked EVERY night. I would fly up to see her every other weekend. We had some incredible weekends and we talked constantly. Looking back on it now, I can see I wasn't in the relationship I thought I had. All this time I thought we we're a team. I thought we we're slaying the dragons together... but we really weren't. She quit on us for whatever reasons. My love for her blinded me to things I should've seen but didn't. I won't go into them, but in the end, I think it's a blessing that it happened. I know you don't feel like that now, but take some time and put some no contact distance between the two of you and I'll bet at some point you'll begin to see things you didn't notice before. Hang in there. Thank you - I already see things that were there that I pushed aside. I knew them then and I know them now. They are little comfort right now but I know in the long run they will be of great comfort and I know he was not the right person for me. I would never want someone would be so cruel and uncaring towards someone they had loved for so long. It just hurts so much right now. Wouldn't it be nice if we could skip the pain?
CaliBabe Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 I am so sorry you are feeling this pain. I am at work sitting here trying to focus and all I can think about is my betrayal. I am a zombie. I just sit here hurting. I can feel your pain.
John83 Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 Sorry to hear of your pain, what he done was a real cu*ts trick. Take comfort in the fact he is far away, it will make it easier to move on not having a constant reminder. We share the same breakup date. Take care
BC1980 Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 This is cold and obviously calculated for some time. I would not be surprised if he met someone else because of the way he completely removed you from his life.
flightplan Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 Thank you - I already see things that were there that I pushed aside. I knew them then and I know them now. They are little comfort right now but I know in the long run they will be of great comfort and I know he was not the right person for me. I would never want someone would be so cruel and uncaring towards someone they had loved for so long. It just hurts so much right now. Wouldn't it be nice if we could skip the pain? I know the pain all too well and feel my trust was violated. She was very cold and distant when she BU. I was a zombie the first month. It was like being in a car wreck and walking around in a daze. They have no concept what they're putting us through, but I will tell you, it does get a little better. It takes time, a lot of time, but even though life is not very good right now, just do what you can, one step in front of the other, embrace the pain, cry, get mad, do whatever and you'll eventually come to realize you're lucky you didn't get married. Now that you know what he's capable of and what kind of puke he really is, consider yourself lucky.Take care of yourself.
Mariposa10 Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 What a ****ing pig!! I would be in complete shock too, thinking he had gone crazy or something. Sounds like at the end you dodged the bullet with this horrible horrible being. This is your time to be selfish! Do not be surprised if he comes back crawling. Maybe he met someone and got really excited about it. If I were you I'd block him too, just in case. How old are you two? I can imagine you two have been together since high school? What you're feeling right now is completely normal. I would be freaking out, going crazy right now, sounds like you're more mature than me. We're all here for you!!
Author cindel221 Posted January 9, 2014 Author Posted January 9, 2014 This is cold and obviously calculated for some time. I would not be surprised if he met someone else because of the way he completely removed you from his life. I really don't think so at all. He really didn't have any friends. He was an introvert. I knew where he was all the time - we talked every night. I don't think I am in denial about that part. I just think he was a huge coward about breaking up - he has a lot of anxiety issues, but so do I and I would never do that to someone. It is not an excuse, ever.
Author cindel221 Posted January 9, 2014 Author Posted January 9, 2014 What a ****ing pig!! I would be in complete shock too, thinking he had gone crazy or something. Sounds like at the end you dodged the bullet with this horrible horrible being. This is your time to be selfish! Do not be surprised if he comes back crawling. Maybe he met someone and got really excited about it. If I were you I'd block him too, just in case. How old are you two? I can imagine you two have been together since high school? What you're feeling right now is completely normal. I would be freaking out, going crazy right now, sounds like you're more mature than me. We're all here for you!! Thanks. I am basically going crazy right now, but more in a depressed way. I just feel down and hurt. I don't think this is about another person in his life - I just think it was about him being a coward. I know him, even if I didn't see this coming, and I always knew he was scared of confrontation. I just didn't think he would take it to these levels. I certainly didn't think he would take it to these levels with me. I hate him so much right now, yet I love him - you know? I miss him something terrible. To have my best friend/fiancee taken all in a day is brutal. I don't think I will have hear from him again. I have to accept that at some point. We have known each other since we were 19 years old, I am 31 now. I can't imagine my life without him in it. I don't have any control over it though and I know it will be for the best. I just wish it felt that way right now.
Fufu Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 Thanks. I am basically going crazy right now, but more in a depressed way. I just feel down and hurt. I don't think this is about another person in his life - I just think it was about him being a coward. I know him, even if I didn't see this coming, and I always knew he was scared of confrontation. I just didn't think he would take it to these levels. I certainly didn't think he would take it to these levels with me. I hate him so much right now, yet I love him - you know? I miss him something terrible. To have my best friend/fiancee taken all in a day is brutal. I don't think I will have hear from him again. I have to accept that at some point. We have known each other since we were 19 years old, I am 31 now. I can't imagine my life without him in it. I don't have any control over it though and I know it will be for the best. I just wish it felt that way right now. You are a grown up and an independent woman. Life is still awesome, or even better without him. You can do it. Recovery from break up is not gonna be an immediate thing, but step by step, gradually you will be happy with your new life. Do not settle with someone who doesn't respect you at all.
seekingpeaceinlove Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 Cruel and Brutal. So sorry that you're going this, OP. Break ups are hard enough as it is but to be cut off in such a cold & heartless manner is utterly devastating. There's not much we can say to ease your pain but know that everything you're feeling is normal. You're in the worst of the grieving stage right now..shocked, confused and hurt. Let it out. He was a part of your life, your daily routine, you feel as if a huge part of you is missing. It's gut-wrenching, I know. Surround yourself with loved ones and just continue to let out your emotions. For one reason or another your ex felt he had to break if off the way he did. You will not make sense of it and may never get the answer you need. Yes, it was cowardly, Yes, it was cruel. Use the anger to fuel you forward. We have no choice but to move forward. I used anger from my break up to make some great changes in my life and 5 months post-BU I'm better off than when I was with my ex. I promise you will get through this. Please be good to yourself and love yourself during this time. Keep reading and posting on LS and take it day by day. (HUGE HUGE HUG)
seekingpeaceinlove Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 I guarantee you, eventually, the guilt of knowing how much he hurt you will eat away at him. You two were together for 13 years and as cold and heartless as he was during the break up, I am sure this will not sit well with him. Eventually, he will contact you. By that time, hopefully, you will have moved on and be indifferent to him. The power is in your court now. 1
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