newmoon Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 Just curious about whether your partner had debt when you met and how much their debt was in comparison to yours. Did you end up together and if so, did their spending habits improve or not?
CarrieT Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 I will be 50 years old next summer and I just got married for the second time (after being single for 25 years). I entered into the marriage with considerable debt; about $150k compared to my partner's $25k debt. Our spending habits are a bit better as we are working down our debt together - something that was harder for me by myself.
Silly_Girl Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 I had just cleared all my debt. He has a few thousand in house-related loans that we're working on. He's not a fool with money and we had a similar approach as to levels of reasonableness and priorities so the fact I'd got a bit ahead of him wasn't enough to be a red flag for me.
dichotomy Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 (edited) Just curious about whether your partner had debt when you met Yes she did and how much their debt was in comparison to yours. She refused to tell me, later I found out and it was honestly not that much (to my income) and was nothing I would have been worried about if she was honest. I had no debt (other than normal stuff like mortgage and car loan and a few bucks on a credit card) and a near perfect credit rating and large credit limits. Did you end up together and if so, did their spending habits improve or not? Yes we did but with legal protection of my assets , her habits kind of improved from bad to average but she was on cash only method for a while so hard to mess up, also there was an agreement I would take over ALL financial matters for both of us and could open any letter or bill. I cleared up her debt (with her help), she did not have a credit card until about a year ago. 10 Characters Also let me be the first to confess that, while I manage the household finances, and have done well in my life with debt...my own credit card debt as gone up way to high in the last year with one kid in college and house repairs. I am now the one with more debt. So I am not perfect either. Edited January 9, 2014 by dichotomy 1
d0nnivain Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 We both had debt but it was "good" debt. I had a mortgage & he had student loans. We both still have some of that debt. My consumer debt was larger than his but I get paid cyclically so I run it up, then pay it off. He had a car loan but I didn't. Our spending habits are similar. The problems arise when there is a huge imbalance for no good reason.
nescafe1982 Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 I have considerable student loan debt (around 60K, but down from just over 100K), and my SO had no debt and considerable savings. Being with him has allowed me to pay down some of the debt more quickly, for instance, he pays a larger proportion of the housing expenses so I can service the loans each month. Neither of us have accrued large sums of consumer debt, though... which is what I venture this OP is talking about. If you're with a chronic over-spender, talking about budgeting goals, even with a planner if necessary, is a good thing to do. If you're with someone who has a lot of debt to pay down, the best thing to do is create a monthly quota, a figure that doesn't break the bank but allows them to pay back the debt over time.
Debanked Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 Wife had around $10K in student loans and I had around $5K left on my car. We both had good jobs so we paid it down fairly quick. I think we got around $12K in cash from the wedding and her parents gave us around $30K when we bought our first place. Both sets of parents were extremely generous helping us get a good start. Wife was always excellent with the bills. She's the math-smart one and handled our finances. Never an issue until about two years ago when everything went off the rails. I take partial responsibility for my lack of involvement. Ignorance was bliss. I keep a much better eye on things now. We do everything together. 1
Author newmoon Posted January 10, 2014 Author Posted January 10, 2014 thanks for your responses everyone, it's great. my favorite idea is this: Yes we did but with legal protection of my assets I would want that as well, a great financial pre-nup. I am very good financially and have no debt (aside from a car and mortgage, which is normal) and my current partner has 10K in debt; he doesn't think it's a lot but to me it's astronomical because I have never had any debt. I don't want it to be a negative against him, but I'm not interested in helping anyone pay down their debt for things they purchased long before my involvement with them. And his debt isn't for education or anything 'useful' - just bad spending habits and not caring about bills:-(
d0nnivain Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 newmoon In the grand scheme of things, while I agree that $10k can be a lot, it's not insurmountable. I'd get that paid off before marriage rather than trying to guard against it being your responsibility.
dichotomy Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 (edited) It was not so much a prenup, but I did consult with a lawyer. She had an ex-husband and issues from that marriage around debt and other things legal. Primarily the advice was that premarital assets are premarital assets - so for a while there was no co-mingling of bank accounts, no cosigned debt, no shared anything - everything separate. She moved into my home and was not added to the title or deed, or even phone, cable or other accounts - for several years. Lastly I put my home and assets into a trust which would prevent others from getting to it. However, it all got cleared up by the time we had a child, and then her name was added to the house deed and mortgage (we refinanced) , and we shared just one common checking account. However to this day - she simply rights me a check from her account every month for her "share" of the bills and expenses, and I pay just about everything from my own account. It works and this has never been an issue in our marriage. I got the skills for the bills. Edited January 10, 2014 by dichotomy
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