Author Superman2024 Posted January 10, 2014 Author Posted January 10, 2014 Babolat, I don't think you have the full picture if you think it's even close to stalking. That term is thrown around way too much. I've only sent her 3 messages and she replied to one within a 15 day period. All of my messages were sent with no less than 4 days apart. I'm not someone who goes to bars to meet random girls. I'm very selective and they must share a common faith. Finding good Christian girls in my rural area who I'm attracted to is not an any task, so giving up too easy is not a good option for me.
winny Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 Babolat, I don't think you have the full picture if you think it's even close to stalking. That term is thrown around way too much. I've only sent her 3 messages and she replied to one within a 15 day period. All of my messages were sent with no less than 4 days apart. I'm not someone who goes to bars to meet random girls. I'm very selective and they must share a common faith. Finding good Christian girls in my rural area who I'm attracted to is not an any task, so giving up too easy is not a good option for me. Are you sure she is a good Christian girl? Anyways you need to understand that: You cannot make someone like you. If they don't .. They don't... Sending many messages or showing them how good you are doesn't make any difference. If she is the one for you she will come to you. The more you try to chase the more she will run away.... If you don't believe us then do as you please... And see what happens ....
Shaun-Dro Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 Hello, there's a girl who used to attend my church who I recently recognized on Facebook. She always caught my eye but I never had the opportunity to speak to her. I didn't realize it until recently but she went off to college and is now about 2 hours away. We have a few mutual friends but we are not friends on FB. I'm 29 and I believe she's 22. I recently decided to send her a message introducing myself. She is very active on FB and has over 1,000 friends. Every time I've sent her a message she's seen the message very quickly but takes a very long time to reply. After I sent the first message she took a full week to respond. It was a positive response, she remembers me from church, and asked me a question but she hasn't replied since. I'm not sure what this means and I'm not exactly sure what to do next. I know I shouldn't send another message right now. I'm not sure if I should do anything or just wait this out a few more days. If she doesn't respond within a week then what? I've thought about having a mutual friend contact her or find out if she's seeing anyone but I've been hesitant to do this. I'd like to send a friend request, get her email, and then get her number but I know I need to be cautious about moving too fast. Below is the conversation. Did I say or do something obviously wrong here? Me 12/26/13 4:10PM: Hi xxxx, we've never met but I’d like to introduce myself to you. My name is xxxx and I've been attending xxxx Church for many years now. I went to high school in xxxx (please don’t hold this against me, LOL!) and I live between xxxx and xxxx. I've noticed you at church a few times in the past and recently recognized you on FB. You may or may not remember my face, but I felt compelled to contact you. Evidently you left an impression on me and I wanted to start a conversation so we could get better acquainted (if you would like to of course!) I hope you had a wonderful Christmas! Her 1/2/14 10:57AM: Hey xxxx, you look super familiar and I do remember seeing you a few times at church. I won’t hold it against you that you went to xxxx if you don't hold it against me that I went to xxxx lol. I had a great christmas, how was yours? Me 1/2/14 3:16PM: It's really great to hear back from you xxxx. OK, you're safe since you went to xxxx . They share the same colors and I always admired their basketball program since ours was so bad! Our family had an extra dose of Christmas this year. My parents, grandparents, brother & his family, and I went to Disney World earlier in December for the decorations. What an amazing place that is! I have some pictures posted if you would like to see them. I also went to my grandma's on Christmas Day and had another Christmas this past Sunday for extended family. It seemed like a zoo at their house on Sunday (not from the relatives!) because someone brought over three puppies and there was a micro pig running around! I've never seen such a thing but it was very friendly and acted like a dog (minus the oinking, squealing, and bristly hair). Here's a picture of my baby niece xxxx petting it. (Cute picture of niece and micro pig attached) I noticed on your timeline that you just graduated from college. That's a great accomplishment and congratulations! I imagine I haven't seen you at church in a while because you've been at school in xxxx. Do you plan on coming back to this area, staying there, or not sure yet? You seem like a very special person and I have much more that I'd love to share with you. Me 1/6/14 1:21PM: (I sent a big smiley face icon right before this message but it was actually an accident) I don't know if you're an animal lover or not but here's a site that I like to visit that's sure to brighten your day and give a good laugh You talk way too much and she already sees this which has turned me off, so can you imagine what you did to her and I'm a guy. 1
winny Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 You talk way too much and she already sees this which has turned me off, so can you imagine what you did to her and I'm a guy. Yeah she doesn't know him at all n he bombarded her with unnecessary info n now after no reply he wants to keep messaging... Am a girl and I have been approached by such guys n all I feel for them is pity. Sorry if I sound rude but that's the truth. There is a small chance of salvaging the situation if he takes a break but OP isn't getting that point
Shaun-Dro Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 She may just be slow to respond to messages too. It took 7 days for her to respond to my first message and I was surprised when she did. It's almost been that long again so we'll see. At least she hasn't actually told me she's not interested or said to stop sending messages, but maybe most girls just don't respond rather than saying they're not interested. I'd personally rather just know so I don't have to wait. I'm no expert, but if she doesn't respond now it doesn't necessarily mean she's lost forever does it (especially since we don't even know each other)? Maybe she's interested in someone else now and may become interested in me in a month or two. Evidently she had some interest or she wouldn't have responded to the first message. If she doesn't respond and I never take any additional steps I would feel I gave up too easy. Another thing, it sounds to me like you never had a girlfriend. You make a lot of virgin errors for a 29 year old. 1
Cabinet Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 "Hey, I just realized I went a little overboard on that first response. Sorry about that! I think I was trying too hard to make the perfect reply and just kept writing. I’d still like to have a casual, friendly chat (if you’re not a weirdo or something, LOL!). If you’re up for that great, but if not that’s OK too. What do you think?" This may help repair the damage done and give some hope to the conversation continuing on. THIS would be going overboard again! See? You can't help yourself. There are so many mistakes in just that simple message. I know you didn't send it, but let me tell you what my reaction would have been, just for your educational purposes: 1) admitting you went overboard - makes you seem needy, weird and weak 2) saying you were 'trying too hard to make the perfect reply' - this tells her right there that you are WAY too invested in her. WHY do you need the "perfect reply?" You don't! It's supposed to just be a friendly facebook chat and that phrase right there told her (coupled with 1 above) that it is anything but that to you. (creepy!!!!!!) 3) THEN you tell her you are up for a chat if she isn't a weirdo.... well, I can tell you that she is already suspecting you ARE a weirdo and adding a LOL doesn't make that sentence ok. You don't even know her enough to be joking that she is a weirdo. 4) Next mistake - you give her an out. You say it's ok if she isn't up for it? Why even say this? As a female - it makes me think the man is insecure and weak. I don't want someone who says "Do you like me? It's ok if you don't like me, but do you like me?" That is a huge turnoff. 5) saying that there is damage done.... yes, there is but don't acknowledge it unless she says it. Don't just call it out yourself! At this point you need to leave her alone and realize you probably have scared her off. You didn't mean to but further contact just makes it worse. Live and learn! (You seem like a super nice guy and so don't take it too hard because it is clear your heart was in the right place. Just don't be so over eager next time and edit, edit, edit before you hit send. 2
Author Superman2024 Posted January 10, 2014 Author Posted January 10, 2014 My first message to her was a little long and she replied positively to that. I took her response as an opening to talk more, especially since she asked me a question. Yes, my second message was too long but it was nicely written. My third message was not too long. Surely you don't think sending 3 messages within 15 days is too much? I haven't sent her a message since I posted on this forum which was 4 days ago, so am I not listening to your advice? I've just been throwing around ideas here, not to her. If there is any pity it would be unnecessary! I've always been an incredibly happy, content, positive, and very successful person and this is apparent on my FB profile. I do appreciate everyone's input. I'm not only learning from here but other places as well and from this I'll decide what my next moves will be.
ana0pera Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 bluestealth, give it some time, keep yourself busy, you have already initiated a lot of conversation and if she is interested she will contact you back. give her some time! whenever i am inundated with messages from guys it turns me off, and if it's someone I don't even know that well it comes off as stalkerish. Wait a few weeks before you send her anything else, and it would be great if you could piggy-back on something else going on in her life or in the community, such as a religious holiday or her birthday. Don't obsess over it. You said it's hard to find a good, attractive, Christian girl in your rural town; have you tried Christian OLD sites? You might be able to find someone in your town or a nearby town that you click with. Also look into singles groups at your church or other churches. Use your time that you'd be writing messages to her to pray for her, yourself, and that you two can form a friendship (or something more) if it's God's will. You will find that it is a much better and healthier use of your time. Good luck
Author Superman2024 Posted January 10, 2014 Author Posted January 10, 2014 Good advice ana0pera! I've been on Christian Mingle but there's not a lot of girls on there from my area. Match seems to be the best and you can search based on religion. I've actually been praying exactly that. If it's not God's will it won't happen!
WhiteTan Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 (edited) UGH, I wouldn't even want to read long messages like that from my boyfriend let alone from some random guy who hit me up on Facebook out of the blue. A guy did this to me from school last summer and I finally had to ask him to leave me alone because he wouldn't take a hint. DON'T BE THAT GUY. (anymore) Edited January 10, 2014 by WhiteTan
Author Superman2024 Posted January 14, 2014 Author Posted January 14, 2014 Well, I waited nearly a week since my last message to her and two days ago I sent her a message and just said "Hi, how are you?". There's been no reply yet but this time it doesn't show that she's even seen it and it doesn't seem like she's been that active on FB. Since the message was so short it's possible she read it but didn't open it and it's also possible her timeline is set to friends only but I'm not sure. I'm sure most would advise to move on but my only concern is that she never had a complete or accurate impression of me since it was all online interaction (I much preferred an in person intro but didn't see her around anymore). I believe she did show some interest from her response but my reply may have surprised her. If she knew more about me I think there's a good chance she'd be interested in moving forward. In other words she may not realize what she's missing out on. Any non-creepy effective alternatives here rather than giving up? If it matters I do see her family at church and we do have mutual friends that I trust. I admittedly have a hard time with silence as a response no matter who it is. There's not much to lose at this point by trying something else but I don't want to offend her either.
Author Superman2024 Posted February 8, 2014 Author Posted February 8, 2014 Well, long story short I got things back on track. She sent me a message that she just recently started talking to someone but would let me know if it didn't work out and would love to be friends. I agreed so she sent me a friend request (which I promptly accepted). Ever since (last 5 days) we've been chatting up a storm exchanging nearly 20 messages each, although it's slowed down the past day. We've shared a lot and I'm thinking I should offer to talk to her even though she said she was talking to someone else. Any thoughts?
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