Superman2024 Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 Hello, there's a girl who used to attend my church who I recently recognized on Facebook. She always caught my eye but I never had the opportunity to speak to her. I didn't realize it until recently but she went off to college and is now about 2 hours away. We have a few mutual friends but we are not friends on FB. I'm 29 and I believe she's 22. I recently decided to send her a message introducing myself. She is very active on FB and has over 1,000 friends. Every time I've sent her a message she's seen the message very quickly but takes a very long time to reply. After I sent the first message she took a full week to respond. It was a positive response, she remembers me from church, and asked me a question but she hasn't replied since. I'm not sure what this means and I'm not exactly sure what to do next. I know I shouldn't send another message right now. I'm not sure if I should do anything or just wait this out a few more days. If she doesn't respond within a week then what? I've thought about having a mutual friend contact her or find out if she's seeing anyone but I've been hesitant to do this. I'd like to send a friend request, get her email, and then get her number but I know I need to be cautious about moving too fast. Below is the conversation. Did I say or do something obviously wrong here? Me 12/26/13 4:10PM: Hi xxxx, we've never met but I’d like to introduce myself to you. My name is xxxx and I've been attending xxxx Church for many years now. I went to high school in xxxx (please don’t hold this against me, LOL!) and I live between xxxx and xxxx. I've noticed you at church a few times in the past and recently recognized you on FB. You may or may not remember my face, but I felt compelled to contact you. Evidently you left an impression on me and I wanted to start a conversation so we could get better acquainted (if you would like to of course!) I hope you had a wonderful Christmas! Her 1/2/14 10:57AM: Hey xxxx, you look super familiar and I do remember seeing you a few times at church. I won’t hold it against you that you went to xxxx if you don't hold it against me that I went to xxxx lol. I had a great christmas, how was yours? Me 1/2/14 3:16PM: It's really great to hear back from you xxxx. OK, you're safe since you went to xxxx . They share the same colors and I always admired their basketball program since ours was so bad! Our family had an extra dose of Christmas this year. My parents, grandparents, brother & his family, and I went to Disney World earlier in December for the decorations. What an amazing place that is! I have some pictures posted if you would like to see them. I also went to my grandma's on Christmas Day and had another Christmas this past Sunday for extended family. It seemed like a zoo at their house on Sunday (not from the relatives!) because someone brought over three puppies and there was a micro pig running around! I've never seen such a thing but it was very friendly and acted like a dog (minus the oinking, squealing, and bristly hair). Here's a picture of my baby niece xxxx petting it. (Cute picture of niece and micro pig attached) I noticed on your timeline that you just graduated from college. That's a great accomplishment and congratulations! I imagine I haven't seen you at church in a while because you've been at school in xxxx. Do you plan on coming back to this area, staying there, or not sure yet? You seem like a very special person and I have much more that I'd love to share with you. Me 1/6/14 1:21PM: (I sent a big smiley face icon right before this message but it was actually an accident) I don't know if you're an animal lover or not but here's a site that I like to visit that's sure to brighten your day and give a good laugh Humor Train (Seen 1/6/14 10:56PM)
winny Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 That message is just too big!!! Don't send more lines than what she sends you. Even though the content was fine it seemed as if u r trying too hard n she might have been surprised. And scared how many such long messages u r gonna send if she replies. Leave it like this for few days... N then just say - hi how are you. If she replies then send short messages. Don't send your whole life story! 1
Author Superman2024 Posted January 9, 2014 Author Posted January 9, 2014 Thanks, I agree with you that I wrote too much. I did shorten up my last message and tried to lighten things up, but maybe it should have been even shorter. I'll give it some more time and see what happens. At what point should I ask her about sending a friend request, getting her email, or her number?
winny Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 The way u chose to lighten things up by sending a video.... that would seem weird to me if I was in the girl's place. U don't even know her at all. She would think you have been stalking her all this time.... n now trying too much... Right now (if she responds to your hi how are you) just try to make small talk like - how was her day. What are her hobbies. What music she likes... if she keeps on talking and you exchange 10-15 messages... and she is responding positively and sending some smileys and LOLs... say - hey am adding you to my friends list. And just send a request. Meanwhile try to find out if she is single. Her first reply seemed very positive... So if she doesn't have a bf you have a chance to know her. Just don't bog her down with lots of information. Keep it short and sweet and casual and fun. Sending videos are fine if they are done as part of some conversation or u have gotten comfortable with each other... else it seems weird... 1
winny Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 Please don't say all this to her till you are actually dating her - You seem like a very special person and I have much more that I'd love to share with you. 2
Author Superman2024 Posted January 9, 2014 Author Posted January 9, 2014 Thanks winny. It actually wasn't a video but just a website with funny animal pictures. There's a link at the bottom of my first post (Humor Train). Sending a link to this site wasn't weird was it? I agree a video would have been too much and that I over did it with the "special person" line. I will certainly keep things short and casual from here. Even with these mistakes I'd think she'd still reply at some point but we'll see. Maybe she's busy asking our mutual friends about me to make sure I'm not a stalker!
BlametheIrish Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 She's 22 and in college. She probably has a million guys her age fawning over her. I wouldn't get my hopes up if I were you. But if you insist on pursuing her take the other posters advice to heart. Coming on too strong is a big turnoff. Keep things light and positive.
Author Superman2024 Posted January 9, 2014 Author Posted January 9, 2014 She just graduated from a Christian college in December so I'm sure she's been approached many times during this period. It really seems she's single though because there is no mention of a relationship status and I can't find any pictures of her with a boyfriend or anything on her timeline that would indicate a relationship.
winny Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 She just graduated from a Christian college in December so I'm sure she's been approached many times during this period. It really seems she's single though because there is no mention of a relationship status and I can't find any pictures of her with a boyfriend or anything on her timeline that would indicate a relationship. You seem to like her too much... how much do you know about her? Don't build this fantasy world in your mind with her being the perfect woman. It will make you do silly things. When you talk to her (if that happens and she is single) try to find out if she is really as nice as you think her to be.... and then you can think of liking her as much as you do now NOT before that ! Just remember that, she may not like you, or she may not be as good as she seems... or even if she is... you may not be compatible... when you remind yourself these things and bring yourself back to reality every time you go into your fantasy world... you will show just the right amount of interest in her. This girl or any other girl in future.
d0nnivain Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 I don't think you can start a relationship on FB but that's me. I'd keep talking to her . . . liking her posts & what not but don't rely on FB. The next time you see her in person, walk up & introduce yourself. During that conversation ask her on a proper date & for her phone #.
Babolat Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 Hello, there's a girl who used to attend my church who I recently recognized on Facebook. She always caught my eye but I never had the opportunity to speak to her. I didn't realize it until recently but she went off to college and is now about 2 hours away. We have a few mutual friends but we are not friends on FB. I'm 29 and I believe she's 22. I recently decided to send her a message introducing myself. She is very active on FB and has over 1,000 friends. Every time I've sent her a message she's seen the message very quickly but takes a very long time to reply. After I sent the first message she took a full week to respond. It was a positive response, she remembers me from church, and asked me a question but she hasn't replied since. I'm not sure what this means and I'm not exactly sure what to do next. I know I shouldn't send another message right now. I'm not sure if I should do anything or just wait this out a few more days. If she doesn't respond within a week then what? I've thought about having a mutual friend contact her or find out if she's seeing anyone but I've been hesitant to do this. I'd like to send a friend request, get her email, and then get her number but I know I need to be cautious about moving too fast. Below is the conversation. Did I say or do something obviously wrong here? Me 12/26/13 4:10PM: Hi xxxx, we've never met but I’d like to introduce myself to you. My name is xxxx and I've been attending xxxx Church for many years now. I went to high school in xxxx (please don’t hold this against me, LOL!) and I live between xxxx and xxxx. I've noticed you at church a few times in the past and recently recognized you on FB. You may or may not remember my face, but I felt compelled to contact you. Evidently you left an impression on me and I wanted to start a conversation so we could get better acquainted (if you would like to of course!) I hope you had a wonderful Christmas! Her 1/2/14 10:57AM: Hey xxxx, you look super familiar and I do remember seeing you a few times at church. I won’t hold it against you that you went to xxxx if you don't hold it against me that I went to xxxx lol. I had a great christmas, how was yours? Me 1/2/14 3:16PM: It's really great to hear back from you xxxx. OK, you're safe since you went to xxxx . They share the same colors and I always admired their basketball program since ours was so bad! Our family had an extra dose of Christmas this year. My parents, grandparents, brother & his family, and I went to Disney World earlier in December for the decorations. What an amazing place that is! I have some pictures posted if you would like to see them. I also went to my grandma's on Christmas Day and had another Christmas this past Sunday for extended family. It seemed like a zoo at their house on Sunday (not from the relatives!) because someone brought over three puppies and there was a micro pig running around! I've never seen such a thing but it was very friendly and acted like a dog (minus the oinking, squealing, and bristly hair). Here's a picture of my baby niece xxxx petting it. (Cute picture of niece and micro pig attached) I noticed on your timeline that you just graduated from college. That's a great accomplishment and congratulations! I imagine I haven't seen you at church in a while because you've been at school in xxxx. Do you plan on coming back to this area, staying there, or not sure yet? You seem like a very special person and I have much more that I'd love to share with you. Me 1/6/14 1:21PM: (I sent a big smiley face icon right before this message but it was actually an accident) I don't know if you're an animal lover or not but here's a site that I like to visit that's sure to brighten your day and give a good laugh Humor Train (Seen 1/6/14 10:56PM) My first response, your reply was too long, too much detail. Probably scared her off. Words like "special person" and "love to share"....too much. 2
Zahara Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 Agree with Babolat. Too eager. Special person? You haven't even met her. Sometimes can come off corny or desperate. Keep it simple. If you see her in church, approach her. Also, don't say anything more on FB unless she replies and even then, keep it short and casual. 1
Author Superman2024 Posted January 9, 2014 Author Posted January 9, 2014 Thanks for the input everyone. You are absolutely correct winny. I don't know her well enough and I did come across as liking her too much. There is a good chance she isn't interested and I'll have to move on if this is the case (but I won't give up too easy!). d0nnivain: Unfortunately, I don't see her at church anymore and she is about 2 hours away. I would have definitely introduced myself in person if the opportunity came. FB was my only option and I went for it. This was the first time I've contacted a girl on FB like this, so my lack of experience has certainly not helped. I agree a relationship can't be built on FB or online and one face-to-face meeting would have been 100 times more effective. If I can get to the point of getting her number I can move this to real life. Babolat, Zahara: I certainly should have worded my message differently. Too late to change that now so I have to move forward from here and hope she's eventually responsive. I really don't want to send her another FB message, but if I don't hear from her in over a week I may have to send something short like: Hey, how's it going?. Would it be a mistake to ask a mutual friend to find out if she's interested at all?
Babolat Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 I really don't want to send her another FB message, but if I don't hear from her in over a week I may have to send something short like: Hey, how's it going?. Would it be a mistake to ask a mutual friend to find out if she's interested at all? No! Leave it... No mutual friend either.
winny Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 No! Leave it... No mutual friend either. No... if you don't hear from her then that means she is not interested... single or not single...
Zahara Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 No, don't send anything more if she doesn't respond. And don't ask any friends. It's very, very simple. When someone is interested, they reciprocate. When you hear silence, take that as a response. 1
Kingkaneda Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 Lets be honest: She is probably not going to respond to you anymore. Best thing is to learn from what you did wrong this time and use that knowledge for the next time you approach a girl online. You can always send a short "hi, how are you?" in a week or so. It will probably not work, but maybey it will make it easier for you to let go.
Author Superman2024 Posted January 9, 2014 Author Posted January 9, 2014 She may just be slow to respond to messages too. It took 7 days for her to respond to my first message and I was surprised when she did. It's almost been that long again so we'll see. At least she hasn't actually told me she's not interested or said to stop sending messages, but maybe most girls just don't respond rather than saying they're not interested. I'd personally rather just know so I don't have to wait. I'm no expert, but if she doesn't respond now it doesn't necessarily mean she's lost forever does it (especially since we don't even know each other)? Maybe she's interested in someone else now and may become interested in me in a month or two. Evidently she had some interest or she wouldn't have responded to the first message. If she doesn't respond and I never take any additional steps I would feel I gave up too easy.
winny Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 She may just be slow to respond to messages too. It took 7 days for her to respond to my first message and I was surprised when she did. It's almost been that long again so we'll see. At least she hasn't actually told me she's not interested or said to stop sending messages, but maybe most girls just don't respond rather than saying they're not interested. I'd personally rather just know so I don't have to wait. I'm no expert, but if she doesn't respond now it doesn't necessarily mean she's lost forever does it (especially since we don't even know each other)? Maybe she's interested in someone else now and may become interested in me in a month or two. Evidently she had some interest or she wouldn't have responded to the first message. If she doesn't respond and I never take any additional steps I would feel I gave up too easy. Too much invested too soon! I want you to write down her best qualities which are attracting you to her so much. 1
Author Superman2024 Posted January 10, 2014 Author Posted January 10, 2014 That's a good idea. I can't quite put my finger on or explain why I'm so attracted to her though.
winny Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 That's a good idea. I can't quite put my finger on or explain why I'm so attracted to her though. Then don't try so hard
Author Superman2024 Posted January 10, 2014 Author Posted January 10, 2014 If I send her another message, there may be another way to handle this rather than just saying Hi. Would it be a good strategy to admit the mistakes of my first response and apologize in a casual or amusing way? Something like this: "Hey, I just realized I went a little overboard on that first response. Sorry about that! I think I was trying too hard to make the perfect reply and just kept writing. I’d still like to have a casual, friendly chat (if you’re not a weirdo or something, LOL!). If you’re up for that great, but if not that’s OK too. What do you think?" This may help repair the damage done and give some hope to the conversation continuing on.
winny Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 If I send her another message, there may be another way to handle this rather than just saying Hi. Would it be a good strategy to admit the mistakes of my first response and apologize in a casual or amusing way? Something like this: "Hey, I just realized I went a little overboard on that first response. Sorry about that! I think I was trying too hard to make the perfect reply and just kept writing. I’d still like to have a casual, friendly chat (if you’re not a weirdo or something, LOL!). If you’re up for that great, but if not that’s OK too. What do you think?" This may help repair the damage done and give some hope to the conversation continuing on. I would say no. Don't say anything at all. Just behave as if you never sent that message. Don't refer to it. Start afresh. Give it a few days break. Say a simple Hello How are you after that... and leave it at that... Am still not getting why are you so much hung up on her.... let go... take a deep breath.. LOL Sometimes things don't work out when you try too hard... sometimes you have to leave it alone. If you were dating this gal or she was or GF, things would have been different. But you don't even know anything about her... where is your self respect??? 1
Babolat Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 She may just be slow to respond to messages too. It took 7 days for her to respond to my first message and I was surprised when she did. It's almost been that long again so we'll see. At least she hasn't actually told me she's not interested or said to stop sending messages, but maybe most girls just don't respond rather than saying they're not interested. I'd personally rather just know so I don't have to wait. I'm no expert, but if she doesn't respond now it doesn't necessarily mean she's lost forever does it (especially since we don't even know each other)? Maybe she's interested in someone else now and may become interested in me in a month or two. Evidently she had some interest or she wouldn't have responded to the first message. If she doesn't respond and I never take any additional steps I would feel I gave up too easy. I am usually quite about posts like this, but dude, let it go, really. She knows you are interested..now, move on, chase after some other girl(s). You are borderline stalking now. 1
Babolat Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 if i send her another message, there may be another way to handle this rather than just saying hi. Would it be a good strategy to admit the mistakes of my first response and apologize in a casual or amusing way? Something like this: "hey, i just realized i went a little overboard on that first response. Sorry about that! I think i was trying too hard to make the perfect reply and just kept writing. I’d still like to have a casual, friendly chat (if you’re not a weirdo or something, lol!). If you’re up for that great, but if not that’s ok too. What do you think?" this may help repair the damage done and give some hope to the conversation continuing on. no! No! No!
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