Crushed with humiliation, lonely

[parisinthesnow]

First post, hello.

What can I say. I think I need some tips on how to be me again. Ive lost who I used to be. Im so confused right now.

 

I got into a relationship with my first love, a guy I hadnt seen in fifteen years. I'd been through a few terrible years, my parents died, I was a single Mum, then this guy re appears from my past declaring that he'd been searching for me for years, he loved me, carried my photos, please could we give it another chance?

 

I was lonely and flattered, and I sucked it up, I believed him.

 

Very soon into our relationship he was controlling. I recognised those signs, jealousy, wanting to know who i was talking to, on the phone, facebook, anything. He accused me of cheating. I'd been on my own for four years before he came along, cheating was never on my agenda, but he would go mad shouting, calling me a slag then storm off to his mothers. Then I would placate him, assure him I wasnt cheating and he would come back happy again. I started to wonder if he was cheating on me, y;know that...he's accusing me so maybe he's at it...it became toxic. we both thought the other was cheating. He text me and told me he'd slept with someone else. Then told me he'd made the whole thing up just to hurt me. That he loved me and he was sorry. I believed him?

 

The destructiveness of this relationship got worse and worse. Violence crept in when I said i was going on holiday with my friends. He pulled my hair and threw a lit cigarette at me. He sent abusive texts. He left and I went on holiday. Only to accept him back when I returned.

 

Thats what lonliness and needing someone did to me. I took back time and again a person that had humiliated, abused me verbally and emotionally and now even physically because I am afraid of being alone. Night after night of lonely boredom. yes I have a few friends but most of them think im an idiot because of what this guy has done and what ive let him do. Every time he walks i say its the last time and they are sick of hearing that now.

 

This guy has walked out on me more times than i can count. Once I had a bath and he walked out on me while i was in the bath. He would always come back begging for another chance, he'd turned a corner, or hed say i wasnt ready but i am now, bring flowers, book holidays for us, meals and familly days out. It would be perfect. The man i needed and wanted, all i ever wanted was a family for my little one.

 

It would only ever last a week. Our history was the one thing that i stood for and forgave him for his wrongs. I think he is troubled, he has issues. Ive been the best person i could have been with him. Faithful forgiving and loyal.

 

The last time he walked i snapped. I have had enough of this merry go round. I cant take anymore. It hurts so much. We have no future, no plans, were going no where. I feel so used and stupid. Hes texting and calling saying he loves me one minute, hates me the next.

 

Hes trying to make me feel dreadful to be honest.

 

For the first time I realise I dont feel like me anymore. I actually feel like im losing myself, my confidence and independence have disappeared. Its affecting my work, my concentration, im not going out, i feel bad. I feel sick thinking he may be with another woman, im having nightmares about it.

 

How do i get back to me again? How do I move on and be happy again?

Its been so long

 

I need some advice xx

[crackerjax9]

It's very hard to get out of an abusive relationship and I applaud you for doing it. I was in an abusive relationship but physically and emotionally for three years. What you need is space, alone time to figure yourself out. Go to the gym, read a book, go out with girlfriends a lot!

 

Also, I recommend the book "Why does he do that?". Taught me a lot about the relationship and the manipulation behind it. It definitely made me feel more empowered reading it.

[flight E]

First thing is to avoid him like an accident, like a deadly disease, like a black mamba. Believe me I know how hard it is but never see, talk or do anything with him again for a very long while. Then you must heal and regain you. It's hard but if you don't you will damage you to the point where you will hate yourself. Get back your humanity. Walkaway finally

[David87]

Wow he's a scumbag, don't ever talk to this guy.

 

I think that you already made the first step in being happy by dumping him.

 

Ignore all his calls or texts and even change your phone number if you have to, block him on facebook and if he still bothers you go to the police because that is harassment.