Onethirtyeight Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 (edited) I'm a male college student and I have another male roommate who will be living here next year. We have a third roommate who is graduating. The house is set up where the only space we really share is the kitchen, living room, garage, and the laundry room. We all have our own rooms and bathrooms with large closets. We can pretty much avoid each other if we want. The replacement we found is a girl and she's been our friend for about a year. The only issue I see with her is she tends to hit on every guy around her when she's drunk and has tried to get me to have sex with her before and has made out with all of us on separate occasions. Again she's a nice person but she also gets around. My roommate and I have been drunk around her plenty of times and had lots of opportunities to have sex with her. I really don't think either of us would sleep with her even if we got smashed and she threw herself on us. Even if my roommate did do it I'm not going to be jealous. I don't think we have to worry about that making the house awkward. What I am worried about is the sexual tension that may still be there simply because of how she is. I mean last year at a super bowl party she stuck her face in my crotch and started telling me to give her a back rub. That sort of thing really doesn't bother me as long she doesn't do it in front of female guests. My roommate is a little but more uptight about that and would probably freak out if she did that to him. I just hope that or me bringing other girls over doesn't create some weird sexual tension. To be clear this girl does not want to date me or my roommate but I get the feeling she would have sex with me, my roommate, and might have with the roommate that is leaving (he has a gf but avoids the question). Does that sound like its going to be a problem? EDIT: This is my current Pros vs. Cons list: Pros: -She can afford to pay rent -She likes to cook -We know her and think she's a nice person -Doesn't smoke or do drugs -Her alternative is a random person we find to fill the spot Cons: -Isn't super tidy but none of us are either so as long as the mess is contained to the upper part of the house with the bedrooms it doesn't matter -She gets kind of "easy" when she drinks and flirts a lot when she's sober -Will be bringing random dudes she hooks up with and I'm going to want to keep my valuables out of sight because of that. Edited January 9, 2014 by Onethirtyeight
Els Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 Can't you just set up boundaries with regards to what she does to you and your roommate? You have every right to say, "Ugh, don't do that" when she sticks her crotch in your face if you don't like it. Aside from that, IMO who she hooks up with isn't really your business. Don't you and your roommates bring girls home too?
Author Onethirtyeight Posted January 9, 2014 Author Posted January 9, 2014 Can't you just set up boundaries with regards to what she does to you and your roommate? You have every right to say, "Ugh, don't do that" when she sticks her crotch in your face if you don't like it. Aside from that, IMO who she hooks up with isn't really your business. Don't you and your roommates bring girls home too? To set the record straight it was my crotch and her face. The thing is she does it when she's drunk, like really drunk, she's gotten better about it but that kind of thing still happens. Then as a drunk guy its really tempting to just go with the flow and I really don't want to yell at her about it so I just try to push her off or nicely tell her I'm not interested. I can talk to her about when she's sober and she will promise not to do it but then the next time she's drinking she'll be trying to sit on my lap or something. I just accept that its going to happen. Then who she hooks up with only becomes my business because they're in the place I live and I'm going to have to interact with them. I'm also a little worried about them potentially messing with my stuff. No one in the house currently does random hookups so I don're really know what to expect. I tend to avoid bringing girls over but it happens on occasion, I've never seen one of my roommates bring a girl over, and the third is actually engaged and his fiance is pretty cool. So we don't have lots of women coming and going.
Els Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 Oh, okay. If both of you don't bring girls over, then you could talk to her about potential boundaries for that sort of stuff. If they stay mostly in her room though rather than hanging around the common areas a lot, IMO it shouldn't be a problem.
preraph Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 I think it all comes down to if you want a lowkey peaceful household or a household full of drama, because this girl is a whole lot of drama and she's likely going to be playing all of you and everyone who comes over. As a woman, I would never want someone around who I'm not interested who hits on me. I realize for some guys, it's just sort of flattering, but it just seems to me that it will lead to problems. She might even get the wrong idea somewhere along the way and put it out that one or the other of you are "taken," which would be believable since she lives with you. I'd pass and get a lower key roommate who'll just stay out of your space.
Author Onethirtyeight Posted January 9, 2014 Author Posted January 9, 2014 Oh, okay. If both of you don't bring girls over, then you could talk to her about potential boundaries for that sort of stuff. If they stay mostly in her room though rather than hanging around the common areas a lot, IMO it shouldn't be a problem. I feel the same way. What I'm mostly worried about is anything that might come from her end if when she does sexual things to me. The situation I'm thinking of is all three of us are on the couch watching a movie and putting a few beers back. Then because she's really small she gets drunk really fast and starts getting all touchy feely. She'll eventually get shot down before either of us really does anything with her. I'm wondering if repeated events like that would result in her getting weird. I'm just thinking how there are a lot of guys that would get really frustrated in her shoes if they were constantly trying and stopping short.
Author Onethirtyeight Posted January 9, 2014 Author Posted January 9, 2014 I think it all comes down to if you want a lowkey peaceful household or a household full of drama, because this girl is a whole lot of drama and she's likely going to be playing all of you and everyone who comes over. As a woman, I would never want someone around who I'm not interested who hits on me. I realize for some guys, it's just sort of flattering, but it just seems to me that it will lead to problems. She might even get the wrong idea somewhere along the way and put it out that one or the other of you are "taken," which would be believable since she lives with you. I'd pass and get a lower key roommate who'll just stay out of your space. Yeah, that's kind of what I'm worried about. So you do think she might get weird about it. I know I'm not and I can't imagine the other roommate would. Part of the problem is our only other option is to find someone random. As crazy as it sounds this is late in the game for finding a place for next year as the spots fill up really fast, so most the people who are on top of things have their housing figured out. Our original replacement super chill dude is a little too chill and might fail out so we can't go with him. So I am temped to go with her because I at least know her and can probably set some ground rules about people coming over.
anna121 Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 Yeah, that's kind of what I'm worried about. So you do think she might get weird about it. I know I'm not and I can't imagine the other roommate would. Part of the problem is our only other option is to find someone random. As crazy as it sounds this is late in the game for finding a place for next year as the spots fill up really fast, so most the people who are on top of things have their housing figured out. Our original replacement super chill dude is a little too chill and might fail out so we can't go with him. So I am temped to go with her because I at least know her and can probably set some ground rules about people coming over. Ok that was funny. I say do not ask her. It sounds like you get to choose, so approach the sitch like a professional - meet with as many people as possible, ask for references if you can, check them out online. Lots of perfectly together people have stuff come up where they might have changed their plans and be late in the game. Yes, it's a risk but with this current candidate there are KNOWN risks.
bubbaganoosh Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 Then you make house rule that you all can live with and stick to them. But in all honesty I think it's a bad idea and it will ruffle feathers somewhere down the line. Keep looking for others to fill the spot.
Debanked Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 Yup. Train wreck in the making. You'll live and learn...
SpiralOut Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 It's a bad idea. When you feel worried about something, it's for a good reason.
preraph Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 I see why you're thinking you at least know her and could do worse, but I'd say she's going to end up making it uncomfortable around there. Plus if she's throwing herself at guys in general, it's going to be a lot of her guests around. So you'll end up with random people in the place anyway. Put a little ad for a roommate. Be specific in it about if you're wanting someone who is lowkey. Be specific about the amount and type of partying. If you don't want a stoner, put that. If you don't want the place to turn into a party place, put that, so you attract the right roommate fit for you. If you do plan to party a lot, put that. Be specific about guests allowed. And you should probably just get a guy.
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