conmorse Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 My ex gf and I have been broken up for 2 months now. Been in NC pretty much since the break up, and I don't know if im just having a really bad day but im completely relapsing. I'm losing control of my emotions, I looked through all the pictures I put away of me and her. Can someone help me feel better?
Bigcitydreamer Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 Not that this will make you feel better necessarily right now but that feeling you have will pass. Tomorrow you will wake up and you might feel better and back on track again. It's ok to be sad sometimes. Hope you feel better soon.
LovelyDaze Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 MOST of us have done it. Any ex I have ever had, I relapsed. Just when I thought I was coming out of it, I crashed. Your emotions will fluctuate for awhile until you heal. The thing is, the healing is all up to YOU, not your ex. Allow yourself less and less moments of the "woe is me" type of feeling and start doing things that make you happy again. Don't allow your ex to totally shut down the rest of your life. That is giving them to much power. You WILL come out of this even happier than before!
flightplan Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 Without knowing your situation, it may help to sit down and write a note to yourself detailing all the things that she did that irritated you. Spell out all the negative personality quirks, all the things she did that pissed you off, anything that is negative about her, write it down. From time to time, go back and read what your wrote... here's some other advice: Ask yourself if she really makes you happy? Be honest with yourself about the extent to which she's really meeting your needs. Chances are you're longing for the relationship that you wish it could be, and that you want to be in love with the person you wish she was. "There are times when you break up with somebody and you start missing them and you start thinking about all the good things. And then you're back with them for about 10 minutes and you go 'Oh yeah! Now I remember why it didn't work out!'" Don't kid yourself about what it was really like or glorify the past.
Author conmorse Posted January 9, 2014 Author Posted January 9, 2014 Here's the whole story. I made a thread about it, but ill just post it anyways.. My Ex and I were dating for 2 years. She just turned legal in September, 19 here in Canada, and I'm 20. We Broke up in November, so it has been a month and a half post break up. Throughout our relationship she and I never really got into any major fights, mostly just conversations about things we needed to work on together such as communication and whatnot. She's sort of the shy and innocent type of girl who's really simple and easy going, but doesn't really express her emotions that often. While I'm pretty outgoing, laid back and like to be open with my emotions. I thought things were going pretty well between me and her until one random night in November where she texted me and asked if she could come over and talk. I knew right away that something was up. She came over to break up explaining that she had slowly been feeling distant from me, she didn't really feel the same way anymore, she had issues she needed to work on like expressing her emotions and that she no longer wanted to be together anymore. I was basically blind sided by all of this. Apparently she had been feeling this way since mid October (few weeks), but kept it all to herself. She never discussed it with me or even any of her friends. Remember how I said she doesn't express her feelings very often? Well this was probably the first time I had seen her cry or break down in the 2 years that we were dating. She said the typical things that she still loved me, but she thought I loved her more than she loved me. I'll admit that there were times where i got carried away with being a hopeless romantic. Anyways, we broke up that night and she said that she still wanted to be able to meet up or talk in a few days. Fast forward 5 weeks later still nothing. Now I respected her decision of wanting space and initiated no contact right away. Just recently I heard from a mutual friend of both mine and the ex, that curiosity is really killing her. She's been curious as to what I've been doing and what I've been up to. I've remained NC since the breakup and deleted her on Facebook and other social media. I also found out that she has no problem if I wanted to talk to her, but she just doesn't want it to be another "break up" all over again and that she wouldn't know what we'd even talk about. I've been dying to talk to her since the break up, but I know that it should be her to reach out first as shes the "dumper". From this mutual friend, I also found out that since the break up, she has done a complete 180 (GIGS?) and started excessively going out clubbing, drinking and exploring whats out there. Apparently she wants to "live" up to her 19th year and since she's only been with me and one other guy before. In other words she wants to experiment. 3 weeks after the break up I hear that shes already started spending time with a guy who I knew. I was of course shocked as to how she seemed devastated with breaking up and then all of sudden being able to move on so quick, but after reading through these threads I realize that she had already emotionally checked out before we broke up. Anyways, the guy who she started spending time with is known to be a sleaze and sleeps around with any girl he can get with. Completely out of character for her to start spending time with him, and also very incompatible. (GIGS?) I've become so lost and confused as to the person who she's becoming and what her intentions are. I've deleted her on facebook and other social media and have been in NC with her since the break up. It hurts hearing whats happening to her because the girl I was with for 2 years was completely gone. I've been tempted to break NC to at least get some sort of explanation from her, but i know as the dumpee that's not a good idea. As the dumper she should be the one reaching out or making an effort. From what I've heard from this mutual friend is that my ex has been curious to know what I've been doing or how i've been. However she said that shes okay with the thought of talking, but doesn't want it to be another "break up" all over again. To me that sounds like she doesn't really care or has moved on. Throughout our entire relationship I was I was always the one who did "chasing", so for me to immediately stop chasing her after the breakup is going completely against the grain. Not once have I "begged" or "pleaded" other than the initial break up, so its going against everything she knows about me. Is this why shes curious? Was she expecting me to try to "beg" and "win" her back, but is now rather confused when I did the complete opposite by going No Contact?
mtnbiker3000 Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 1. Two months is just getting started. It's not a relapse because you're still in the teeth of the emotions. Feel them. Accept them. It will be a roller-coaster ride of up, down, forward, back and everything in-between. And the 2 month mark is historically a rough one. 2. Don't look through old pics. I've got a bunch in a drawer and bunch more in some folder on my computer. I made the mistake of looking at some of them early on and had the same outcome as you. I haven't done it since (10 months) 1
Fufu Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 My ex gf and I have been broken up for 2 months now. Been in NC pretty much since the break up, and I don't know if im just having a really bad day but im completely relapsing. I'm losing control of my emotions, I looked through all the pictures I put away of me and her. Can someone help me feel better? It's the emotional roller coaster rides... take it easy, it's part of the healing process for break ups. My suggestion is to keep away the pictures, the more you look at them, the more you miss her. Out of sight, out of mind.
Fufu Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 (edited) Here's the whole story. I made a thread about it, but ill just post it anyways.. My Ex and I were dating for 2 years. She just turned legal in September, 19 here in Canada, and I'm 20. We Broke up in November, so it has been a month and a half post break up. Throughout our relationship she and I never really got into any major fights, mostly just conversations about things we needed to work on together such as communication and whatnot. She's sort of the shy and innocent type of girl who's really simple and easy going, but doesn't really express her emotions that often. While I'm pretty outgoing, laid back and like to be open with my emotions. I thought things were going pretty well between me and her until one random night in November where she texted me and asked if she could come over and talk. I knew right away that something was up. She came over to break up explaining that she had slowly been feeling distant from me, she didn't really feel the same way anymore, she had issues she needed to work on like expressing her emotions and that she no longer wanted to be together anymore. I was basically blind sided by all of this. Apparently she had been feeling this way since mid October (few weeks), but kept it all to herself. She never discussed it with me or even any of her friends. Remember how I said she doesn't express her feelings very often? Well this was probably the first time I had seen her cry or break down in the 2 years that we were dating. She said the typical things that she still loved me, but she thought I loved her more than she loved me. I'll admit that there were times where i got carried away with being a hopeless romantic. Anyways, we broke up that night and she said that she still wanted to be able to meet up or talk in a few days. Fast forward 5 weeks later still nothing. Now I respected her decision of wanting space and initiated no contact right away. Just recently I heard from a mutual friend of both mine and the ex, that curiosity is really killing her. She's been curious as to what I've been doing and what I've been up to. I've remained NC since the breakup and deleted her on Facebook and other social media. I also found out that she has no problem if I wanted to talk to her, but she just doesn't want it to be another "break up" all over again and that she wouldn't know what we'd even talk about. I've been dying to talk to her since the break up, but I know that it should be her to reach out first as shes the "dumper". From this mutual friend, I also found out that since the break up, she has done a complete 180 (GIGS?) and started excessively going out clubbing, drinking and exploring whats out there. Apparently she wants to "live" up to her 19th year and since she's only been with me and one other guy before. In other words she wants to experiment. 3 weeks after the break up I hear that shes already started spending time with a guy who I knew. I was of course shocked as to how she seemed devastated with breaking up and then all of sudden being able to move on so quick, but after reading through these threads I realize that she had already emotionally checked out before we broke up. Anyways, the guy who she started spending time with is known to be a sleaze and sleeps around with any girl he can get with. Completely out of character for her to start spending time with him, and also very incompatible. (GIGS?) I've become so lost and confused as to the person who she's becoming and what her intentions are. I've deleted her on facebook and other social media and have been in NC with her since the break up. It hurts hearing whats happening to her because the girl I was with for 2 years was completely gone. I've been tempted to break NC to at least get some sort of explanation from her, but i know as the dumpee that's not a good idea. As the dumper she should be the one reaching out or making an effort. From what I've heard from this mutual friend is that my ex has been curious to know what I've been doing or how i've been. However she said that shes okay with the thought of talking, but doesn't want it to be another "break up" all over again. To me that sounds like she doesn't really care or has moved on. Throughout our entire relationship I was I was always the one who did "chasing", so for me to immediately stop chasing her after the breakup is going completely against the grain. Not once have I "begged" or "pleaded" other than the initial break up, so its going against everything she knows about me. Is this why shes curious? Was she expecting me to try to "beg" and "win" her back, but is now rather confused when I did the complete opposite by going No Contact? She's not expecting you to beg and plead. If i am the dumper, I mean it for real when I say I'm outta the relationship. She leaves you, it's her choice. If she has anything upset about you or the relationship, perhaps she could have tell you instead of choosing to leave. This means that she doesn't want to work things out anymore. Doesn't matter if she is curious about what you are doing now after the break up, it doesn't spell out clear in action she is feeling regrets by her actions and wants to work things out with you. A break up is a severe of relationship between 2 once-closed together individuals. There are cases where dumpers don't even know exactly why they want a break up (my ex don't even know why he wants to break up with me and his reasons kept changing whenever I try to prob him, I got sick of it and started NC and till today he never get back to me, and I'm in a new relationship - I'm so GLAD i make the decision to MOVE ON because why should I waste my time on someone who doesn't WANT to be with me for REAL) There are so many scenarios out there where dumpers show curiosity in their dumpees is just a way of being guilt-less. (If the dumpee is doing fine, that means he/she doesn't blame me for leaving them) It's your life now. Break up hurts/angers us lots and always more so for dumpee because we just don't expect our so-called partner to walk out from us so out of a sudden. But this is the reality, fact. Every relationships come with a certain limit of risk. Focus on yourself, move on. Love yourself more. By then, when you are ready, be with someone who truly wants to be with you no matter what. Edited January 9, 2014 by Fufu
Author conmorse Posted January 9, 2014 Author Posted January 9, 2014 I'm feeling a little better after your guys' post. It's nice to know it's okay to still feel like this and relapse every now and then. What she's done after the breakup is disgusting and difficult to accept. It's hard not to think about the good things in the relationship, but at the same time what hurts the most is realizing she's not the same person anymore and things she's done after the breakup taints the memories I have left of her.. To be completely honest with myself I miss her...well, I miss who she used to be and what we used to have.
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