katiep Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 (edited) Hey guys. My ex boyfriend broke up with me 6 months ago because he was deployed and wanted to focus on deployment. We had been together for a year when we split and we both cared for each other. We had a clean break, nothing bad was said and we even kept in touch a bit. He recently returned home and he messaged me last week. He has been texting me everyday, and asked me to meet and talk this weekend. I agreed to meet and have been friendly in my responses, but I have remained short because I don't want to be too available until I know what his intentions are. Anyway last night when I said goodnight he responded "Night, don't be a stranger :)" What do you think he meant? Does that mean he wants me to contact him?? I don't want him to think I don't want to talk to him, but I also want him to work a little if he wants to be back in my life. I think he might be trying to feel if I'm still interested as I haven't given much away. Sorry if this sounds too silly, I guess I just want to do this right. It feels a little weird initiating any conversation with him just now because I've spent six months telling myself "Don't message him!" Haha. Thanks! Edited January 9, 2014 by katiep Added more info!
whichwayisup Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 Go see him. Make a plan for coffee and talk to him, find out where his head is at and what your hopes are, what his hopes are. He doesn't seem to be playing you, he's reaching out and texting you, so give him the benefit of doubt. Do coffee or lunch. 1
LadyM Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 It sounds like there is real potential for a reconciliation here. Please let us know what happens after you meet with him! 1
thefez Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 he wants to see you i would say. but is not being pushy. seems pretty positive. and i will echo whichwayisup's sentiments there.
Author katiep Posted January 9, 2014 Author Posted January 9, 2014 Thanks everyone! I'm really nervous. Do you guys have any advice about when I see him this weekend? How to act, things to say? I guess I'm over analyzing this. I'm definitely interested in reconciliation if he is.
mammasita Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 I just wanted to jump in and say that he was very mature in breaking up with you before deploying......lots of crazy $hit happens out there. Not only when it comes to doing our jobs, but when it comes to being faithful and maintaining a relationship while also staying focused on our jobs. Meet up with him and see what he has to say. Like I said, he did a real mature and good thing when you broke up on good terms before he left!!
Author katiep Posted January 9, 2014 Author Posted January 9, 2014 I just wanted to jump in and say that he was very mature in breaking up with you before deploying......lots of crazy $hit happens out there. Not only when it comes to doing our jobs, but when it comes to being faithful and maintaining a relationship while also staying focused on our jobs. Meet up with him and see what he has to say. Like I said, he did a real mature and good thing when you broke up on good terms before he left!! Hi mammasita, we actually split a few months into his deployment because he was so stressed. I don't hold anything against him though, I actually supported him, he is EOD so I can't imagine what he was experiencing. Thanks for the encouragement! I'm getting so excited to see him, I just hope it goes the way I want it to lol
Luke12345 Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 Yes you're over analysing this, you don't sound nervous, you sound giddy its nice to see, go get him! Be yourself!
Fufu Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 Just be yourself when you meet him. you will be fine.
David87 Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 Hi mammasita, we actually split a few months into his deployment because he was so stressed. I don't hold anything against him though, I actually supported him, he is EOD so I can't imagine what he was experiencing. Thanks for the encouragement! I'm getting so excited to see him, I just hope it goes the way I want it to lol Don't be to excited or at least don't show him that and you will be fine. Keep us posted.
Author katiep Posted January 9, 2014 Author Posted January 9, 2014 Thanks everyone! It's hard not to be excited but he won't be seeing that I'll keep you all updated after we meet this weekend... He is still texting everyday (responding quickly, keeps the conversation going) so it seems like he's interested. We will see!
Fufu Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 Thanks everyone! It's hard not to be excited but he won't be seeing that I'll keep you all updated after we meet this weekend... He is still texting everyday (responding quickly, keeps the conversation going) so it seems like he's interested. We will see! Seems like he is keeping the momentum going which is a good sign. However just to be safe, do not be overly emotionally happy before you really find out what exactly he has on mind. All the best.
Author katiep Posted January 13, 2014 Author Posted January 13, 2014 Hi everyone, so he finally got to town last night and he asked me to dinner tomorrow night (Tuesday). He has continued to make conversation with me and even texted me Saturday night while he was out with his friends. I don't think I specified this before, but our relationship has always been long distance. It's a four hour drive, but he has family here so he comes here regularly. Actually, despite the distance we saw each other every weekend for the entire year we were together before he deployed (besides training weekends.) My point is, he will be in town until next Saturday and then he will go home and go back to work. I'm posting today because I've had time to let this all sink in and I'm having a lot of doubts/ second thoughts. Being in contact with him for the last 10 days has made a lot of feelings come back for me. I'm sure this is obvious, but I think what's best for me in this situation is all or nothing from him. I'm not interested in a friendship at this point (I'm not saying that's what he's trying, he has been flirty with me). I'm just saying if he doesn't want to be in a relationship with me 100%, I don't want to be in contact with him right now. Otherwise I'll just end up unhappy and insecure. I don't really know what I'm asking. I guess I always hear stories about being strung along by exes and I don't want to be in a situation like that. I guess maybe... Is it unrealistic to expect that he will want to jump back into things? I don't know how this works or what to expect. I've read that you're supposed to put everything behind you and act as if this is a first date, but it's hard to think of it that way when I still have feelings for him. I want to put everything behind us, I don't hold anything against him at all. I just don't want to be in a situation where lines are blurry and I'm confused. But then again maybe I'm rushing things already? Am I over-thinking this or being too insecure? I know he's been reaching out to me which is great. When he first asked me to meet he specifically stated that he wants to talk about things. Maybe I'm being too guarded/insecure. I'm just nervous and don't want to get hurt again.
Fufu Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 Hi everyone, so he finally got to town last night and he asked me to dinner tomorrow night (Tuesday). He has continued to make conversation with me and even texted me Saturday night while he was out with his friends. I don't think I specified this before, but our relationship has always been long distance. It's a four hour drive, but he has family here so he comes here regularly. Actually, despite the distance we saw each other every weekend for the entire year we were together before he deployed (besides training weekends.) My point is, he will be in town until next Saturday and then he will go home and go back to work. I'm posting today because I've had time to let this all sink in and I'm having a lot of doubts/ second thoughts. Being in contact with him for the last 10 days has made a lot of feelings come back for me. I'm sure this is obvious, but I think what's best for me in this situation is all or nothing from him. I'm not interested in a friendship at this point (I'm not saying that's what he's trying, he has been flirty with me). I'm just saying if he doesn't want to be in a relationship with me 100%, I don't want to be in contact with him right now. Otherwise I'll just end up unhappy and insecure. I don't really know what I'm asking. I guess I always hear stories about being strung along by exes and I don't want to be in a situation like that. I guess maybe... Is it unrealistic to expect that he will want to jump back into things? I don't know how this works or what to expect. I've read that you're supposed to put everything behind you and act as if this is a first date, but it's hard to think of it that way when I still have feelings for him. I want to put everything behind us, I don't hold anything against him at all. I just don't want to be in a situation where lines are blurry and I'm confused. But then again maybe I'm rushing things already? Am I over-thinking this or being too insecure? I know he's been reaching out to me which is great. When he first asked me to meet he specifically stated that he wants to talk about things. Maybe I'm being too guarded/insecure. I'm just nervous and don't want to get hurt again. Take it slow. If he is genuinely serious in getting back with you, let him take the lead, initiate and action. You don't have to do much at your side. You do need to think thoroughly if this is what you want and to evaluate if it's worth the try (because every rs always has a certain degree of risk of unworkable.)
Chi townD Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 It's kind of a new trend that's going on with service men and women in the military. To break up before a long deployment. You see so many men and women getting Dear John or Jane letter from back home. Or they discover that they're being cheated on back home and if your in dangerous location, those people do have their heads screwed on correctly and it could be very dangerous for them and their follow soldiers, Marine's, Airmen or Sailors. He might have gotten caught up in the trend. Go out to dinner and have a good time WITHOUT expectations. If he breaches the subject about getting back together, then you really need to know the answer as to why he broke up with you in the first place. If you're going to entertain getting back with him, then YOU need to set up boundaries and rules. Perhaps counseling sessions. But, I'm getting WAY ahead of myself. Just go out and have a good time!
Armyguy123 Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 As a military man myself, I would be very careful. He was on a 6 months deployment (I'm assuming its not American, bc thats short compared to US Army deployments) Anyways while on his deployment he probably did not get to have any "contact" with women, and probably thought about you a lot, keep your guard up and don't let him use ya. and a response to Chi TownD, my ex did the opposite. I wanted to stay with my ex for my 18 month training but she dumped me before it started. For most deployed troops the thought and comfort of knowing you have someone to come home to is what keeps ya going over there, I don't think its a trend at all.
Author katiep Posted January 14, 2014 Author Posted January 14, 2014 As a military man myself, I would be very careful. He was on a 6 months deployment (I'm assuming its not American, bc thats short compared to US Army deployments) Anyways while on his deployment he probably did not get to have any "contact" with women, and probably thought about you a lot, keep your guard up and don't let him use ya. and a response to Chi TownD, my ex did the opposite. I wanted to stay with my ex for my 18 month training but she dumped me before it started. For most deployed troops the thought and comfort of knowing you have someone to come home to is what keeps ya going over there, I don't think its a trend at all. Hi Armyguy123, I really appreciate your response. Always interesting to hear the opinions of other military men! It actually is the US Army, it was a 9 month deployment and he's EOD. We stayed together for the first four months, and have been broken up since. He's been back in the US for about 3 weeks now, 2 weeks when he contacted me. Anyway you bring up a good point. I'm 21 (he's 25) and I'm still really close with my mom, and this is her main concern. I'll be sure to be careful and keep my guard up. Thanks for the heads up.
Author katiep Posted January 14, 2014 Author Posted January 14, 2014 Take it slow. If he is genuinely serious in getting back with you, let him take the lead, initiate and action. You don't have to do much at your side. You do need to think thoroughly if this is what you want and to evaluate if it's worth the try (because every rs always has a certain degree of risk of unworkable.) This is a good point. I guess this is more of his thing. So I just need to relax. Phew. I definitely want to give this a try... I really care about him. And even if it doesn't go how I would like I won't have any "what ifs". Or at least that's what I'm telling myself. Lol
Author katiep Posted January 16, 2014 Author Posted January 16, 2014 Hey guys, I just wanted to update you all and thank you for giving me advice and listening to me over the last week! I met with him yesterday. I was really nervous but managed to pull it together and be confident. I didn't bring up the break-up, we just talked and laughed... Had a great dinner, just like old times. He asked me if we could get coffee afterward and I agreed. He brought "us" up. He told me that he misses me, that he still loves me, and that he hopes I'm not angry with him. He said he was under a lot of stress and he had felt like it was the best decision for him at the time (Looking back NOW I agree.. We took on a huge task trying to withstand a deployment considering we had only been together for a year). Even though I am a little hurt at how he handled things when we split, I have decided to put all of those things in the past so I told him no, of course I am not angry. I feel that I learned a lot about myself and grew in my personality in our time apart. I also learned a thing or two about deployments and relationships, which may be useful later on- Actually I would do a lot of things differently if I could go back. And finally... He told me that he would like to get back together and be in a committed relationship with me again. Of course I am very happy because this is what I was hoping for. I told him that I would like to take things slow, physically and emotionally, as I have changed a lot since he left and I'm sure he has too. We have another date Friday and have been texting all day today. I know my situation was different that most (and who knows this may all fall apart tomorrow) but I just wanted to share a few things that I learned along the way! I think the single most important thing I did during this process was to actually let him go. I wanted to beg him to stay and keeping trying to make our relationship work... and there were so many nights when I was absolutely dying to message him, but I didn't. If I had of done those things, I really don't think he would have come back to me. So cry all you want to your friends and family, or post on here, but leave them alone. It's also really important to find the things that make you feel better and help you move forward. For me, I found it was running. If I had a bad day or felt upset, I would run with my headphones and a good playlist. Even at night! It always made me feel better when I felt like I was having a really bad day. I spent tons of time with my friends, I learned how to play guitar, I even went skydiving! I also traveled a lot. So not only did these things make me feel better, but I had so much to catch him up on last night, and I could tell that he was genuinely interested and impressed with everything I had to say. So basically... There's nothing you can do to make them come back, but there are plenty of things you can do to screw up your chances. I know this is obvious and posted all over this thread, but I'm just thinking out loud... Thanks again guys!
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