napy666 Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 My friend has been dating this 36 year old man for 1 year next month. She wants to settle down, she wants to have a kid, she wants to have a family, she wants to get engaged, and she wants him to move out of his family's apartment and move in with her at her parent's house in the backhouse/guest house. My friend wants all of this to happen but to me it sounds like he does not. He says he wants to get married, he says he is going to purpose and be engaged to her and wants to move out and in with her. But he can't do any of this due to the lack of money. He does have a job at a print shop making $10 an hour and can make more if doing overtime but doesn't want too. Him and her have sex a lot but yet she has not gotten pregnant yet. She did get herself checked and she is fine but doesn't seem like nothing is happening. He has not gotten himself checked out yet. She and him fought over this fact that she isn't getting pregnant and nothing is wrong with her and it is probably him. She's going on 25 this weekend - to me it seems like she wants everything and he doesn't. She says his ex-girlfriends left him due to the lack of money. He says he has been looking for another job but he doesn't want too, he doesn't want to go to school. The reason he has to stay at home even though his family his mom and sister want him to move out and want him to live his own life and have a kid and a family and get married, he can't move or do anything because they're liked tied onto him they want him to go but yet don't want him to go. He has a niece and even this niece doesn't want him to move out he isn't the niece's dad but it sure seems that way. My friend just doesn't know what to do anymore.
Tayla Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 No where did I read that they love one another, maybe they could step back and try that route....things seems too rushed on her "wants".
amaysngrace Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 You are calling him a Mama Boy but she wants him to move to her parents' place instead? Did I read that right?
nescafe1982 Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 You are calling him a Mama Boy but she wants him to move to her parents' place instead? Did I read that right? I was thinking the same thing. My additional question is this: if she (your friend) wants to grow up, settle down, get married, and have a child, why is she still living with her parents? It seems to me that the best way forward is for her to get out on her own. It'd be difficult to find a man who is marriageable if she doesn't get herself established as an independent, adult woman.
Author napy666 Posted January 9, 2014 Author Posted January 9, 2014 Because she has to help her mom pay bills and they have a guest house so she thinks that house would make a good home. But if things turned ugly like a fight then she says her and him would find their own place. And my friend has her driver's license, uses her mom's car because her mom doesn't drive, and has a job and a college degree. Isn't all of that independent enough?
amaysngrace Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 I don't think I'd be too happy to move into my in-laws backyard. I can't really say that I blame him.
CC12 Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 I think your "friend" has a lot of growing up to do. I'm not talking about a driver's license, diploma, or job. What I mean is, she seems to be making some really questionable decisions. She's actively trying to get pregnant with a man she's been dating for less than a year. They don't live together, they're not engaged, and they don't have any realistic plans for the future. She also thinks that a 36-year-old man should have no problem at all with moving into his girlfriend's mother's guesthouse. I don't think your friend is thinking rationally, especially since she's trying to bring a baby into this. The boyfriend must have a very special personality for your friend to have latched onto him so hard, because on paper, he doesn't sound so good. Eleven years older than her, lives with his mother, has no ambition, is bad with his own finances, and she believes he's infertile. Does she think she can change him into the kind of person she actually wants to be with? She'd be wrong. She and him fought over this fact that she isn't getting pregnant and nothing is wrong with her and it is probably him.Fighting with him because he hasn't gotten you pregnant yet is really self-centered, and just plain mean. I can only imagine what these fights might sound like - "It's your fault that I'm not pregnant yet because there must be something wrong with your man-junk." Am I at all close? If so, you need to apologize to your boyfriend and change the way you treat the people you care about. Good luck, OP.
Author napy666 Posted January 15, 2014 Author Posted January 15, 2014 This guy has a lot of stuff to pay for, credit cards, phone, car, car insurance, the apartment his family is living in he pays $500, but he doesn't want to grow the balls and tell his sister he is moving out, he needs to wait for her to make the move and want to move out and find her own place for herself and the her kid. But she isn't even trying. My friend says well when she gets her taxes the sister, she can then buy her own apartment but I know she won't. The sister doesn't want the brother to move away. But this guy is 36 years old he needs to get out.
Shepp Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 I dont believe however good a friend you are you can ever really totally understand someone else's relationship. Relationships don't always make sense from the outside. All you can do as a friend is support her and be there to pick up the peices if it all goes belly up!
Emilia Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 My friend has been dating this 36 year old man for 1 year next month. ...... She's going on 25 this weekend - to me it seems like she wants everything and he doesn't. She says his ex-girlfriends left him due to the lack of money. He says he has been looking for another job but he doesn't want too, he doesn't want to go to school. The reason he has to stay at home even though his family his mom and sister want him to move out and want him to live his own life and have a kid and a family and get married, he can't move or do anything because they're liked tied onto him they want him to go but yet don't want him to go. He has a niece and even this niece doesn't want him to move out he isn't the niece's dad but it sure seems that way. My friend just doesn't know what to do anymore. He is 36 living at home with a ****ty job. Great catch. She is 25 if I'm reading it right. She's been with this guy for a year and trying to get preggas even though they don't have a home. No stability, no money, nothing solid long term. Because we need more lazy and irresponsible parents to bring children into this world...
Author napy666 Posted January 17, 2014 Author Posted January 17, 2014 They both have a job, they have money, both have a car and license. Just she says finding their own place costs too much money, so she thinks living at her place in the backhouse would be better for them because they could save money and help her mom out with bills etc.
Janesays Posted January 17, 2014 Posted January 17, 2014 You write about "your friends" life an awful lot, Don't you? Either you are a busy body who needs to mind her own business or this "friend" is actually you. Which is it? 1
turnera Posted January 17, 2014 Posted January 17, 2014 Neither one of them is mature enough to be getting married OR having a child.
Author napy666 Posted January 18, 2014 Author Posted January 18, 2014 It's not my life. I am just trying to help her by seeing what others can say about the situation.
turnera Posted January 19, 2014 Posted January 19, 2014 Then stay out of it. If napy is smart enough to come to a place like this to learn and grow, I think it's great that she would try to help her friends do the same. I know I use the knowledge I glean here in my real world life with other people. I can't make them do anything, but I CAN share what I've learned.
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