Bigcitydreamer Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 My ex and I recently broke up after a 3 year relationship. I am very sad that it has ended as I had so much hope that he was the one. Since breaking up I've had guys hit on me and ask me to hang out and I feel uncomfortable doing so. I broke up with my ex because he was a selfish jerk and didn't treat me how I want to be treated. So you would think that I would be able to move on but that's not the case. No matter how much hate I have towards my ex right now I can't bring myself to engage another guy. I have never understood how some people go from one relationship to the next. I just can't do it even thought I've had to opportunity. It makes me too sad for some reason and I'd expect that I'd cry on the date. I can picture it now. Most of my friends are not like this. They seem to find comfort in talking to other guys whereas I feel sick thinking about it. Too bad I couldn't shut these negative feelings off and get out there.
strive Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 People who don't give themselves time to process the breakup and grieve will always live with the ghost of their exes in small or big ways. Those people just replace and never let go. Don't be too hard on yourself. There's no set time frame on when to start dating. If you're not ready, it's perfectly normal and healthier too than jumping from one RS to another. 2
thefez Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 You can only do what you want when you feel ready. There is a lot of emotion and feelings you have and need to deal with first. Go at your own pace. Some people recover quicker - my ex was with her best friend 24 hours after we split (i.e so quick i dint know hat i had done) I dont think it's a good idea (but i would say that) but if she is happy (and she has said she is with someone and "right now I am happy" it's not for me to argue or tell her how she feels.
mtnbiker3000 Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 My ex and I recently broke up after a 3 year relationship. I am very sad that it has ended as I had so much hope that he was the one. Since breaking up I've had guys hit on me and ask me to hang out and I feel uncomfortable doing so. I broke up with my ex because he was a selfish jerk and didn't treat me how I want to be treated. So you would think that I would be able to move on but that's not the case. No matter how much hate I have towards my ex right now I can't bring myself to engage another guy. I have never understood how some people go from one relationship to the next. I just can't do it even thought I've had to opportunity. It makes me too sad for some reason and I'd expect that I'd cry on the date. I can picture it now. Most of my friends are not like this. They seem to find comfort in talking to other guys whereas I feel sick thinking about it. Too bad I couldn't shut these negative feelings off and get out there. There is no magic formula. If you're not ready, then you're not ready. You don't need to do something you don't want to in order to follow the 'norm' or impress someone else. Do what works for YOU!!! Maybe it will be in another week. Or month. Or year. Doesn't matter to me. Only matters to you People who don't give themselves time to process the breakup and grieve will always live with the ghost of their exes in small or big ways. Those people just replace and never let go. I don't know. I think these same people who end an RS due to their cheating, or end it long before they actually break up (like my ex) have no problem jumping right into the next RS (like my ex). They've already made their decision to leave, so they are ready for a new one. It's very weird to me, but I can see how their mind works in this manner...
Author Bigcitydreamer Posted January 8, 2014 Author Posted January 8, 2014 I just don't get WHY I'm not interested in anyone else. I'm ok with it I guess besides the fact that I think it would help me move on faster.. But why is it my ex has this residual effect on me. I am functioning half decently at school and around my friends but the thought of dating others just doesn't feel right. It's like my standards are sky high and unless someone is basically flawless I can't see myself making the effort for anyone. I feel a guilt too like its disrespectful to my ex. That's weird because he doesn't care about respecting me.. Breakups suck and my life is ruined for the next 3 months.
seekingpeaceinlove Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 It's been 5 months since my break up and I am far from being ready to date again. In fact the first 2 months post BU I was absolutely disgusted by men. I was so irritated when they hit on me, looked at me, talked to me. Odd, but true. Now, I'm indifferent towards them with no interest in trying to date again at the moment. In fact, I think it's going to be a while for me. I've been focusing on myself spending tons of time with my friends and family which has helped propel my healing. And you know what? I'm feeling great! Focus on yourself and the rest will fall into place. My ex and I recently broke up after a 3 year relationship. I am very sad that it has ended as I had so much hope that he was the one. Since breaking up I've had guys hit on me and ask me to hang out and I feel uncomfortable doing so. I broke up with my ex because he was a selfish jerk and didn't treat me how I want to be treated. So you would think that I would be able to move on but that's not the case. No matter how much hate I have towards my ex right now I can't bring myself to engage another guy. I have never understood how some people go from one relationship to the next. I just can't do it even thought I've had to opportunity. It makes me too sad for some reason and I'd expect that I'd cry on the date. I can picture it now. Most of my friends are not like this. They seem to find comfort in talking to other guys whereas I feel sick thinking about it. Too bad I couldn't shut these negative feelings off and get out there. 2
mantlefan Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 I just don't get WHY I'm not interested in anyone else. I'm ok with it I guess besides the fact that I think it would help me move on faster.. But why is it my ex has this residual effect on me. I am functioning half decently at school and around my friends but the thought of dating others just doesn't feel right. It's like my standards are sky high and unless someone is basically flawless I can't see myself making the effort for anyone. I feel a guilt too like its disrespectful to my ex. That's weird because he doesn't care about respecting me.. Breakups suck and my life is ruined for the next 3 months. My ex is pretty much the only person I have had romantic feelings for. She is also still on my mind a LOT. Put those two together, and she is going to come into my head in a dating situation. The key to getting over that is finding someone who interests me in that way again, and to get my ex out of my head so much by NC. I don't know how long it is going to take, but it will happen. 1
pickflicker Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 People who don't give themselves time to process the breakup and grieve will always live with the ghost of their exes in small or big ways. Those people just replace and never let go. Don't be too hard on yourself. There's no set time frame on when to start dating. If you're not ready, it's perfectly normal and healthier too than jumping from one RS to another. Not necessarily. Some people are just better at compartmentalising. I've found in the past, that regardless of the length or ending of the relationship, I've been ready to begin casually dating after 3 months. That seems to be my healing point.
jphcbpa Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 Good for you. This is a good sign. You have validation from within and do not need someone in your life to make you move on. Keep healing, growing, learning and enjoy your alone time. Someone will be worth the effort down the road. 1
Haydn Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 I had this issue with women. Was turned off by healthy advances. But i am in a new RS. Slow slow. Every woman i meet is different and that`s great. So i want to move forward with this girl. It's been 5 months since my break up and I am far from being ready to date again. In fact the first 2 months post BU I was absolutely disgusted by men. I was so irritated when they hit on me, looked at me, talked to me. Odd, but true. Now, I'm indifferent towards them with no interest in trying to date again at the moment. In fact, I think it's going to be a while for me. I've been focusing on myself spending tons of time with my friends and family which has helped propel my healing. And you know what? I'm feeling great! Focus on yourself and the rest will fall into place. 1
Author Bigcitydreamer Posted January 8, 2014 Author Posted January 8, 2014 It's been 5 months since my break up and I am far from being ready to date again. In fact the first 2 months post BU I was absolutely disgusted by men. I was so irritated when they hit on me, looked at me, talked to me. Odd, but true. Now, I'm indifferent towards them with no interest in trying to date again at the moment. In fact, I think it's going to be a while for me. I've been focusing on myself spending tons of time with my friends and family which has helped propel my healing. And you know what? I'm feeling great! Focus on yourself and the rest will fall into place. Disgusted is a good word, I can relate to that feeling. It's so weird and hard to explain! Me and my best friend just so happen to be going through a breakup right now and for similar reasons too, pretty weird. The difference is is that she has went on dates with more than one person and even met someone she seems to really like. All this in less than a month for her. She's always been this way and most of my friends are similar. Me on the other hand, I'm home feeling like crap reading loveshack and breakup articles. Like a poster above said, I do wonder if people who jump from relationship to relationship have issues later on but it really doesn't seem like they do.
Author Bigcitydreamer Posted January 8, 2014 Author Posted January 8, 2014 Good for you. This is a good sign. You have validation from within and do not need someone in your life to make you move on. Keep healing, growing, learning and enjoy your alone time. Someone will be worth the effort down the road. Is that what it is? Haha Thanks for the insightful comment and encouragement.
seekingpeaceinlove Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 Yay! I'm glad to hear that you've found someone who's piqued your interest! Steady and slow is right. I had this issue with women. Was turned off by healthy advances. But i am in a new RS. Slow slow. Every woman i meet is different and that`s great. So i want to move forward with this girl. 1
Haydn Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 Suddenly a person just turns your head. You have no idea when it will happen. But when it does you just know. Disgusted is a good word, I can relate to that feeling. It's so weird and hard to explain! Me and my best friend just so happen to be going through a breakup right now and for similar reasons too, pretty weird. The difference is is that she has went on dates with more than one person and even met someone she seems to really like. All this in less than a month for her. She's always been this way and most of my friends are similar. Me on the other hand, I'm home feeling like crap reading loveshack and breakup articles. Like a poster above said, I do wonder if people who jump from relationship to relationship have issues later on but it really doesn't seem like they do.
devastated777 Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 Strange for me because I have done both. My 8 year marriage, by the time I cut the cord, I was miserable for 2 years. We both were and admitted it but neither one had the umph to do it. I finally said look, now is the time. I met someone instantly and really thought, so this is why it never worked with someone else. Boy was I mistaken. I then got dumped and he is the reason I am on this site but anyway...I have succumbed to the fact that I am not the slightest bit interested in anyone. Noone holds a candle to his mean heartless self. ugh
Fufu Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 My ex and I recently broke up after a 3 year relationship. I am very sad that it has ended as I had so much hope that he was the one. Since breaking up I've had guys hit on me and ask me to hang out and I feel uncomfortable doing so. I broke up with my ex because he was a selfish jerk and didn't treat me how I want to be treated. So you would think that I would be able to move on but that's not the case. No matter how much hate I have towards my ex right now I can't bring myself to engage another guy. I have never understood how some people go from one relationship to the next. I just can't do it even thought I've had to opportunity. It makes me too sad for some reason and I'd expect that I'd cry on the date. I can picture it now. Most of my friends are not like this. They seem to find comfort in talking to other guys whereas I feel sick thinking about it. Too bad I couldn't shut these negative feelings off and get out there. Be yourself, don't date when you are emotionally unready. I was single for 3 years after my previous break up and I'm glad I stayed single until i was ready to date... it's the best thing ever!
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