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How much did they REALLY know [about the affair]?


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Posted
During the affair, how much did the other woman or other man know about you and your private life?

 

 

She was able to know everything about me as my privacy settings where friends of friends (my husband is a friend) on facebook. She even went as far to try to council him on how to help me through my father's death. YUCK!!!! Yes they were in the middle of the EA while my father was dying and continued talking while I was pregnant. She even tried to plan a meet up with him at my house when I was 5 months pregnant and out of town meeting my newly born nephew. YUCK!!!

 

And all this while she was screwing her boss too.

 

 

Were they living close to you? Neighbours? Friends?

 

 

She lives about 30 mins away from our current city and 5 minutes away for the city my FWH grew up in. Which makes me suspect that every time he visited his sick grandmother....it might have been an excuse.

 

She was also a relative of his high school friends...she used the I had a crush on you in high school to start stroking his ego.

 

Did you know them?

 

 

Nope....I grew up on the west coast. Moved to his home state without any of my family or friends.

 

Did any of these factors influence the way the affair was conducted or influence the length of time it continued?

 

 

 

Nope....it was mostly conducted over facebook and email. I thank god everyday that his free time included coaching and watching our kids while I worked overnight. Otherwise it would have been easier for them to meet up in real life.

 

Our other woman lived over 300 miles away, and as my husband was working a three month away/at home pattern at the time, his travel arrangements made his visits to her home relatively easy, (she lived close to the airport he uses for travel) and distance of course created the opportunity for a completely separate 'other life'.

 

 

I wondered how everyone else had been affected (or not) but some of the above elements and if proximity made a difference to their knowledge of you.

 

 

see bolded.

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Posted

It appears that for many it is painful to discover that the WS has been discussing and sharing some depth of personal information.

 

 

Almost like airing dirty linen in public. It is enormously uncomfortable to realise the depth of this kind of sharing............................

  • Like 2
Posted

Probably very little. According to my wife, they never discussed our marriage. Supposedly he never inquired about the state of her marriage or the husband (me).

 

The way I see it, he was getting to hook up with the hot girl at work that everyone was drooling over. Why rock the boat. He was getting what he wanted: sex with a voluptuous co-worker.

 

I knew of him, and he know of me. He lived about 30 minutes from our house.

Posted

there was nothing bad I could say about my spouse. I told my AP what a great guy he was. Ap also said great things about his wife, I knew who she was, and I knew it was true. We actually talked about how we could do this to two great people and what losers we were...

he told me that they had lost a baby. I couldn't believe it. That is a deeply personal thing. However I shared something else deeply personal with him. God, I was a cruel B ( T C H.

Posted
During the affair, how much did the other woman or other man know about you and your private life?

 

I did know NOTHING. The married man did not even tell me he was married. At one point he admitted that he was married before, but since he moved to Lund three years ago is not anymore. He told me it did not work out because he and his wife had a long distance relationship all the time. That sounded plausible, because while she lives in the US, he lived all the time in Europe, Great Britain, Sweden and now Germany. He even had another affair here in town before he hooked up with me. Well, to me he was refering to her as his former "girlfriend".

I got suspicious when he did not want to spent the holidays with me, after us already dating for three and a half month. That was when he finally told me he was going to have a Christmas holiday his wife instead. I knew him for 9 month and he was behaving like a single man all the time.

 

I am in NC now and try to avoid bumping into him, but I am sure he is already hooking up with some other woman, because he always had several female "language partners".

Posted

This may sound kind of twisted the other way, but I sometimes feel resentment that OM might know more about me and my wife and us (at that time) - then I will ever know about him/her/them (for that time).

 

My wife did eventually/accidentally share one or two personal things about him (slipped up and said something in an argument with me), but for the post part she has withheld and refused to share personal things about him and their relationship (not uncommon with WS to refuse intimate/personal details about affair or affair partner). What I know is more factual and general profile stuff.

 

So how much did you really know about them - ya know?

 

Ah well - buried in the past now.

Posted
During the affair, how much did the other woman or other man know about you and your private life?

 

Very little. Part of my compartmentalization was that I rarely spoke of my H to the xOM. I don't know if I even every mentioned H's name.

 

Were they living close to you? Neighbours? Friends?

 

I met xOM online and he lived about 10 miles away. However, he lived in a suburban area while I lived in an urban area so rarely did either of us venture into the other's neighborhood.

 

Did you know them?

 

I did not know xOM or any of his circle before, and I still don't, as far as I know. I never met any of his circle.

 

Did any of these factors influence the way the affair was conducted or influence the length of time it continued?

 

I don't think distance was a factor...though probably the fact that I didn't share anything about my H or marriage prevented some of the closeness that one sometimes sees here in affairs.

 

 

Hope this helps.

  • Like 1
Posted
This may sound kind of twisted the other way, but I sometimes feel resentment that OM might know more about me and my wife and us (at that time) - then I will ever know about him/her/them (for that time).

 

My wife did eventually/accidentally share one or two personal things about him (slipped up and said something in an argument with me), but for the post part she has withheld and refused to share personal things about him and their relationship (not uncommon with WS to refuse intimate/personal details about affair or affair partner). What I know is more factual and general profile stuff.

 

So how much did you really know about them - ya know?

 

Ah well - buried in the past now.

 

Don't worry about it.

 

They do not divulge because they are protecting the AP.... They do not divulge because even THEY, NOW FOG-CLEARED, are gob-smacked at what they shared about you with a stranger.

 

Shame, shame and more shame.....and it now galls them the verbal diarrhea they exhibited to promote closeness....like a cocaine addict. EVEN THEY cannot believe it....they shut up because they cannot go there and continue to stand themselves.

 

I like to think, what could they have said? I was work 3 jobs, taking care of our children and aging parents, and house, bills and pets? If they spun that cruelly, and their AP helped them, that's ON THEM.

 

Or like Solo's MM...his wife has hip therapy on Thursdays and his pregnant daughter is suffering from hemorrhoids.

 

PAY it no mind. DO NOT let it bother you. It was either drivel, unkind or untrue...and even they can't stand who they were when they uttered it.

  • Like 2
Posted

My Ex OM knows everything you could possibly know about me...He even Knows things My Ex doesn't know about

Posted
During the affair, how much did the other woman or other man know about you and your private life?

 

 

Were they living close to you? Neighbours? Friends?

 

 

Were they further away?

 

 

Did you know them?

 

 

Did any of these factors influence the way the affair was conducted or influence the length of time it continued?

 

.

 

My ExMM knew who my husband was, where he worked. I on the other hand was friends with his wife so I knew very well. I would catch Exmm saying things about his STBXW that I knew for a fact weren’t true. I tried to separate really life from my affair.

 

I live in New York city so I could be anywhere in the city within minutes. I was friend with my Exmm wife.

 

I don’t know if my friendship with his wife effected how the affair progressed. In the long run I think what I did was a blessing I know that sounds weird her stbxH(Exmm) was serial cheater and cheated on her many times. At the time I only knew of one affair he had. As of now she working on getting a divorce and moving on. I’m glad I can still call her my friend we aren’t as close as we used to be maybe in time we can fix that.

  • Like 1
Posted

I would say OW knew very little about me, H did share some things about our marriage, what was heard wasn't always what was said and what was said was always from H so, from his perspective. After D Day and she asked a number of things, she came to the realisation that what is heard isn't always what is said or is.

 

H and I had a conversation about what had been said, it pissed me off no end that he even spoke about me, a one time comment by him about how he had a microwave meal for dinner, said to her that I didn't cook, she took pains to tell him that she cooked for her family each night. The reality was that I worked a high profile job, was the main breadwinner and prepared all our meals at the weekend. H was astounded when OW threw at me that if I was home taking care of H things might have been different. Ironic. Another was that H said we hadn't had sex for a while, which was true, what I shared with her was that I was having chemo, but that we were intimate. A thousand and one comments said one way and heard another.

 

I asked H why, he said that he always felt he didn't deserve me, that he only deserved someone like OW (not snarky and I berated him for saying it) and so didn't even think of her as a relationship, what we had was in a box marked protect, in another, the train crash of what he and OW had. TBH, why would anyone even think they could know another from he said, she said. I would urge all OW/OM to find out for themselves and let the BS know. No quicker way to find out how both the BS and WS is. Blast open the compartmentalised box and let it all out there.

  • Like 3
Posted

You are the third person I've read about who was having chemo when a man went out and screwed around on them. WTH???WHat the hell is wrong with men who can't be there for their wives when they are sick. I didn't have cancer butmy body was shutting down due to eating so poorly and taking awful care of myself. At my worst, his ass was in bed with her. :(

 

I would say OW knew very little about me, H did share some things about our marriage, what was heard wasn't always what was said and what was said was always from H so, from his perspective. After D Day and she asked a number of things, she came to the realisation that what is heard isn't always what is said or is.

 

H and I had a conversation about what had been said, it pissed me off no end that he even spoke about me, a one time comment by him about how he had a microwave meal for dinner, said to her that I didn't cook, she took pains to tell him that she cooked for her family each night. The reality was that I worked a high profile job, was the main breadwinner and prepared all our meals at the weekend. H was astounded when OW threw at me that if I was home taking care of H things might have been different. Ironic. Another was that H said we hadn't had sex for a while, which was true, what I shared with her was that I was having chemo, but that we were intimate. A thousand and one comments said one way and heard another.

 

I asked H why, he said that he always felt he didn't deserve me, that he only deserved someone like OW (not snarky and I berated him for saying it) and so didn't even think of her as a relationship, what we had was in a box marked protect, in another, the train crash of what he and OW had. TBH, why would anyone even think they could know another from he said, she said. I would urge all OW/OM to find out for themselves and let the BS know. No quicker way to find out how both the BS and WS is. Blast open the compartmentalised box and let it all out there.

Posted

My H was there for me during chemo, held my hand, cried with me, raged with me, told me I was beautiful even with my baldy head and did everything he could. The problem was that he felt he couldn't do enough, that he wasn't good enough and that, coupled with his guilt at being alive after his colleagues died in Iraq all led to him being in a very dark place indeed.

 

it doesn't excuse the A, nothing does, but it helped me to better understand why the man I knew and loved seemed like he had been taken over by space aliens. The A was so very sordid, which is all he felt he deserved, he kept telling me he was a bad man, that he didn't deserve me and all the while I was thinking it was stress and was waiting for the space aliens to go pooft!!

  • Like 1
Posted

exOW THOUGHT she knew about me and our children. I about went through the roof when she emailed me she KNEW ABOUT ME and our children. Turns out she didn't know much at all about us. That made me feel better. She about went through the roof when she realized she didn't know near what she thought she did and that fWH lied to her about a great deal regarding me and our children.

 

It actually creeper me out of my mind to think she knew something "intimate" and private about us. FEW!!**

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Posted

Unfortunately, the other woman my husband was involved with was sick enough to spy on us throughout the affair when he wasn't around with her. She was tech savvy enough to gain access through his email and thus to all our family business as well as financial information and so on.

 

 

 

 

It used to make me feel positively nauseous and violated beyond all reason. In consideration that the woman refused absolutely to even answer the phone to me, there was no possibility of discussing the 'he said she said' business.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Vile. Simply vile.

  • Like 3
Posted
During the affair, how much did the other woman or other man know about you and your private life?

I believe she knew a lot but it was skewed by my WH's belief about our M.

 

Were they living close to you? Neighbours? Friends? MOW was a co worker of WH. He was her boss.

 

 

Were they further away? No

 

 

Did you know them? Yes

 

 

Did any of these factors influence the way the affair was conducted or influence the length of time it continued? The job made it easier to have the A. Being so close working together everyday.

 

 

Our other woman lived over 300 miles away, and as my husband was working a three month away/at home pattern at the time, his travel arrangements made his visits to her home relatively easy, (she lived close to the airport he uses for travel) and distance of course created the opportunity for a completely separate 'other life'.

 

 

I wondered how everyone else had been affected (or not) but some of the above elements and if proximity made a difference to their knowledge of you.MOW knew my work schedule and my private schedule. They had trysts when I was out of town visiting my parents.

 

Answers in bold.

 

I believe our MOW knew an awful lot about me because she regurgitated it back to me :lmao: She is such a vile human being it makes my stomach churn when I think about her.

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Posted
Answers in bold.

 

I believe our MOW knew an awful lot about me because she regurgitated it back to me :lmao: She is such a vile human being it makes my stomach churn when I think about her.

 

 

I understand Lady D, entirely.

 

 

For me, it was the devious nature of the individual, and the vehemence with which she sought to discover everything about me in such an insidious way.

 

 

She had no need to interrogate my husband with a barrage of questions about me, because she was infiltrating all our personal information and correspondence.

 

 

Horrid, and most disturbing.

  • 2 weeks later...
Posted
You are the third person I've read about who was having chemo when a man went out and screwed around on them. WTH???WHat the hell is wrong with men who can't be there for their wives when they are sick. I didn't have cancer butmy body was shutting down due to eating so poorly and taking awful care of myself. At my worst, his ass was in bed with her. :(

 

sorry but is not about men, in fact the more cruel and horrific stories are I have read are from what women did to her loyal husbands, in our society if a woman now days is cheated and abused if she divorces she is secure by allymomney, child support, asset division and even the payment of her lawyer.

 

in the other hand I have read sotories of men that have been cheated for more than 10 years and still have to end paying allymoney for life giving the nice life to his WS and the POSOM, also other sotories like men having to pay CS for many childs when none are biologically his, and lastly women are in my aponion still more unmerciful when their husband get sick and can't work anymore, if you don't believe me go and read X-betaman thread on TAM, and see how women are also unimaginably cruel when they husbands get cancer

  • Author
Posted
sorry but is not about men, in fact the more cruel and horrific stories are I have read are from what women did to her loyal husbands, in our society if a woman now days is cheated and abused if she divorces she is secure by allymomney, child support, asset division and even the payment of her lawyer.

 

in the other hand I have read sotories of men that have been cheated for more than 10 years and still have to end paying allymoney for life giving the nice life to his WS and the POSOM, also other sotories like men having to pay CS for many childs when none are biologically his, and lastly women are in my aponion still more unmerciful when their husband get sick and can't work anymore, if you don't believe me go and read X-betaman thread on TAM, and see how women are also unimaginably cruel when they husbands get cancer

 

 

 

 

I think you may have misunderstood what this post is about. It's title suggests that it is about what was known and discussed during an affair with the other person involved in the triangle.

While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
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