My Recovery Story

[Nanners]

I'm writing this story so I can look back at how far I have made it with my no contact. I also hope that if someone is having troubles with no contact they can find some motivation in my recovery story.

 

October

 

-Girlfriend breaks up with me via text message, while I'm at work, three days before my birthday, without giving a reason. I agreed with the breakup even though I was hurt and confused. That night my roommate tells me I can drink her off my mind. Big mistake. I also went two days without eating. To sum it up I was a mess.

 

-Two days after the breakup ex calls me. I ignored the first call. She called a second time a couple hours later and I stupidly answered. She apologizes multiple times and claims she wasn't thinking straight because her grandpa died the day before.

 

During the phone call it was revealed that the only reason she called me was because my best friend told her to. I got mad and said something I regret to this day. She apologized again and asked if we could be friends and I told her that I don't know. The last thing I said to her was, "Talk to you sometime" and I hung up on her.

 

-A week went by and a friend called telling me that my ex told him why the relationship ended. She lost interest in me. Did it bring me closure? Not a chance. It meant nothing coming from him.

 

However it was an answer I was looking for so with that knowledge I began to slowly recover by eating more, hanging out with friends, and getting on this forum.

 

-3 weeks after the breakup my friends and I went to a fall fair. I ran into my ex there. I smiled and said hey to her. Her response? Look at the ground and pretend that I didn't exist. That hurt bad.

 

But in that moment I realized she hated my guts and didn't want to see or talk to me anymore.

 

November

 

-With the month of October behind me I began to slowly heal to the point where I could look at other women without feeling guilty.

 

-The first week of November a friend recommended I delete my facebook for a small period of time to help with my recovery to which I did. I had my facebook deleted for one full week before I got bored at work and decided to re activate it.

 

The first story that came across my news feed was my ex was in a new relationship. I was crushed beyond belief. I flipped the screen off, wished her well under my breath and removed her from my friends list.

 

-That weekend my best friend drug my depressed butt out of my house and took me to a party. At the party my ex gfs co workers were there. They came over and talked about the situation a little bit.

 

What they told to me was that the day after the breakup my ex went around work acting depressed and looking for sympathy from her co workers. That's when this new guy, he works with her, came in and wooed her.

 

In a weird way hearing that story gave me a huge confidence boost.

 

-That week at school I began to flirt with a lot of girls. By the third week in November I scored a date with a girl. Granted we only went on one date because we had almost nothing in common but it was a date none the less.

 

-By the end of November I made it my goal to make my ex regret leaving me. I started lifting weights, I ate healthier, I bought a guitar (starting to get better at it), bought new cloths, and I began surrounding myself with new people.

 

December

 

-By the first week of December I asked a new crush out. We went on two dates with the third and fourth one already setup ( we talked about those dates on the second date)

 

With that crush it didn't last. Her grandpa died before the third date and she became really distant with me. I gave her a week to herself and I called to check up on her. She told me that she didn't think dating was a good idea. It sucked a little bit but with the confidence I had I wasn't affect much.

 

-Third week in December I was hanging out with a group of friends. We were running low on energy drinks so we went to the only grocery store in town. At first I didn't want to go because my ex works there but my friends convinced me that she wasn't working that late.

 

When we got there we had a lot of fun goofing off and talking to friends that work their. Standing in line to check out I looked to my left and saw my ex working another register. I smiled at her but she gave me a extremely mean look.

 

Was it a bad situation? Kind of,however, in a twisted way I found it kind of funny.

 

Quick side note. Avoid your exs work like the plague. In my situation its hard because she works in the only grocery store in town.

 

-Day after Christmas I had a new crush. We flirted a lot and even made physical contact. Before I could ask her out she took her ex back. No biggie I'll find someone else.

 

January

 

-Two days after New years I was hanging out with a friend. He was snap chatting his gf when he nudged me and said this is for you. It was a picture of my ex sticking her tongue out smiling giving the peace sign with the caption "Tell him (ex name) says Heey"

 

He asked if I wanted to reply and I told him no. Its crazy to think that if she would of done something like that back in October or even November I would of replied.

 

-The day after that my friend and I went to go pick up his gf from a party at my ex house, I honestly didn't know it was there my friend kept it a secrete from me. Luckily I didn't see my ex. What sucked was that my friends gf was bragging about all the great things my ex gfs new boyfriend did/doing for my ex. I don't think she did it intentionally because she was talking to my friend and not me but it hurt a lot.

 

-The same day I was on facebook when I saw a picture of my ex and her new boyfriend cuddling in her room. It came across my news feed because a friend liked it. It was like someone punched me in the gut hard. I had to change the settings where I wouldn't see pictures from her any more.

 

So the month of January hasn't been so good for me. But the month is still young it will get better.

 

Anyways here I am 90 days of no contact. I honestly didn't think I would make it this long without breaking it. I've had my up and I've had my downs. But the important thing is I am a stronger person than I was 90 days ago.

 

I learned a valuable life lesson (never drink to get someone off your mind), I'm learning a new skill (playing guitar), and overall I feel healthier (lifting weights and eating healthier foods).

 

If your going through no contact right now and are having a tough time with it hear me out. You can make it. Its not easy and at some times it will feel like you're doing the wrong thing but trust me its one of the best tools us dumpees have.

 

Use no contact to better yourself. Go out and learn a new skill, exercise, eat healthier, flirt with other men/women when you feel the time is right, and above all go out with friends especially when you're having a bad day.

 

Before I close this I would like to note that the whole mind set of doing things to make my ex regret leaving me is over with. From now on I'm doing things because I want to.

 

Thank you for reading.

Edited January 8, 2014 by Nanners

[lolitahaze]

Needed to read this. I'm so glad to read things really get better...I just started no contact one week ago after two months talking to the man who dumped me ( I made a fool of myself time after time). I find it so hard to get rid of hope though...but I know I have to keep no contact for good this time. Looking forward to getting were you are now. Good for you!

[mantlefan]

 

If your going through no contact right now and are having a tough time with it hear me out. You can make it. Its not easy and at some times it will feel like you're doing the wrong thing but trust me its one of the best tools us dumpees have.

 

Use no contact to better yourself. Go out and learn a new skill, exercise, eat healthier, flirt with other men/women when you feel the time is right, and above all go out with friends especially when you're having a bad day.

 

Before I close this I would like to note that the whole mind set of doing things to make my ex regret leaving me is over with. From now on I'm doing things because I want to.

 

 

Thanks for this.

 

 

I am only on a week or so of NC after an RS that ended 5 months ago. It's my job to go through old files at work and sort them, and my ex worked there 5 years.

It's a tough day, but your story lets me know there's hope.

[Rocky89]

Great story. Its exactly what I needed to read right now. I'm only a week into no contact and its rough. If you don't mind I have a couple questions to ask.

 

After 90 days do you still miss your ex? Do you still have feelings of hope with getting back together? And do you feel like you are fully healed? I read some where that you are not suppose to contact an ex until you are fully healed.

 

The reason I am asking is because my ex is on my mind every day and I have hope that we will get back together. I really do not want her on my mind and I do not want hope to get back together so I'm hoping that 90 days no contact will get rid of everything.

Edited January 9, 2014 by Rocky89

[Nanners]

I'm glad everyone likes my recovery story! Here's to another 90 days

 

Great story. Its exactly what I needed to read right now. I'm only a week into no contact and its rough. If you don't mind I have a couple questions to ask.

 

After 90 days do you still miss your ex? Do you still have feelings of hope with getting back together? And do you feel like you are fully healed? I read some where that you are not suppose to contact an ex until you are fully healed.

 

The reason I am asking is because my ex is on my mind every day and I have hope that we will get back together. I really do not want her on my mind and I do not want hope to get back together so I'm hoping that 90 days no contact will get rid of everything.

 

I'm going to answer your questions, however, I want you to know that everyone recovers in their own timely manner.

 

- Yes but not as often. The first 30 days of no contact she was on my mind 24 hours a day 7 days a week even when I was with friends. At the 30-60 day mark I would still miss her almost everyday, however, if I was busy with friends or with school work she wouldn't cross my mind. By the 60-90 day mark, on average, I would think about her every other day but again if I kept my self busy she wouldn't cross my mind. Presently at the 90 day mark I have found that she only crosses my mind when something happens that reminds me of her. Like our song coming on the radio, or smelling perfume on someone that she use to wear.

 

-Some weeks I do but some I could care less. My ex was a great person but what she did to me was almost unforgivable. I know I will find some one else that will treat me just as good and wont leave me out like yesterday trash.

 

- I would say I am healed. Here's some examples on how I know I have healed; When I ran into her back in December I felt nothing, I no longer have the urge to communicate with her, I can look back at our past relationship and smile, and I no longer hate or resent her for what she did to me (I have forgiven her).

 

Just because I'm healed doesn't mean I want to talk to my ex. Sure I owe her an apology for what I said to her over the phone, however, I know deep down that its not the right time to do that.

 

One of the best things I can tell you to do is make yourself busy. With your ex gone I'm sure you have a lot of free time, I know there was with me. With that free time do something to better yourself.