pinkie Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 So, I'm 3 months post breakup and have been strict NC. He hasn't. I've received texts randomly in these months, drunk and a merry christmas and then today when I checked the mail (It's my birthday)... There was a beautiful card, a gift card AND a hand written note stating that he knows he screwed up 'big time' and misses me, still loves me, thinks of me every minute of every day and would love to have me back forever, but doesn't blame me if I won't have him back. He stated that his communication skills are horrible in relationships and that he's working on it. Is this enough to even 'consider' another try? Are these breadcrumbs? He was the dumper. I feel there were a multi-tude of issues with him. Nothing he couldn't fix if he tried, but character flaws. He can be really sweet though too... obviously. I've really been working on myself since our breakup and it was our 2nd. Trust is so hard to get back. I do love him, but I don't want to keep getting hurt because he won't face his own demons. Not sure I can trust this. Of course I lit up, but then the tears of reality hit. What do you guys/gals think? What would you do? Barky any input from you would be great as well. ***We aren't 20's, 30's... we are older... is this ridiculous for me to be posting this?
Philosoraptor Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 First, what do you want? It's not about what anyone else thinks. Second, do you believe that these issues are fixed and this won't go down the same path for a third time? Can you forgive, forget, and allow this to be a completely new relationship? If you are not certain of this then giving it another try is likely not going to go smoothly. It seems as you are hesitant and that in itself is you telling yourself not to trust it. Sweet gestures do not fix the issues that plagued the relationship in the past. 1
LostConfused123 Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 So, I'm 3 months post breakup and have been strict NC. He hasn't. I've received texts randomly in these months, drunk and a merry christmas and then today when I checked the mail (It's my birthday)... There was a beautiful card, a gift card AND a hand written note stating that he knows he screwed up 'big time' and misses me, still loves me, thinks of me every minute of every day and would love to have me back forever, but doesn't blame me if I won't have him back. He stated that his communication skills are horrible in relationships and that he's working on it. Is this enough to even 'consider' another try? Are these breadcrumbs? He was the dumper. I feel there were a multi-tude of issues with him. Nothing he couldn't fix if he tried, but character flaws. He can be really sweet though too... obviously. I've really been working on myself since our breakup and it was our 2nd. Trust is so hard to get back. I do love him, but I don't want to keep getting hurt because he won't face his own demons. Not sure I can trust this. Of course I lit up, but then the tears of reality hit. What do you guys/gals think? What would you do? Barky any input from you would be great as well. ***We aren't 20's, 30's... we are older... is this ridiculous for me to be posting this? First of all HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! Hope it's a great one!! As for what you should do. . . I don't really have any advice. (big help huh?) LOL!!! I just mean, you know this relationship better than anyone and if you both still have love for each other (seems to be the case) then I would give it a chance but be VERY CAREFUL!!! Proceed with CAUTION!!! Best of luck!!! Keep up posted!! 1
polynomial Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 My ex swore to god he would change, begged me for 2 months.. only to dump me 4 times after i took him back! I dont think i ever trusted him again after the first dump tho.. Dont get me wrong, there is a chance that he might have changed. but it is very unlikely, especially if its too soon after the break up and he hasnt had the time to sort himself out properly. 1
Author pinkie Posted January 8, 2014 Author Posted January 8, 2014 First of all HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! Hope it's a great one!! As for what you should do. . . I don't really have any advice. (big help huh?) LOL!!! I just mean, you know this relationship better than anyone and if you both still have love for each other (seems to be the case) then I would give it a chance but be VERY CAREFUL!!! Proceed with CAUTION!!! Best of luck!!! Keep up posted!! Thank you LostnConf for the bday wish and your words of caution!
Author pinkie Posted January 8, 2014 Author Posted January 8, 2014 First, what do you want? It's not about what anyone else thinks. Second, do you believe that these issues are fixed and this won't go down the same path for a third time? Can you forgive, forget, and allow this to be a completely new relationship? If you are not certain of this then giving it another try is likely not going to go smoothly. It seems as you are hesitant and that in itself is you telling yourself not to trust it. Sweet gestures do not fix the issues that plagued the relationship in the past. ^^^THIS!!! Thank you for the reminder... It's so easy to get swept up in nostalgia of the good and not really think about what make the fundamentals of a solid relationship. Especially in multiple rounds! Thanks! 1
Simon Phoenix Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 I mean, I think second chances are ok. But third, fourth, etc? That reeks much more of codependency and games than love. Ultimately it's your call, but if it didn't work twice, the odds of it sticking in try three are slim and none. 1
pickflicker Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 2 break ups would make me very wary to attempt a third. As Simon said, a second chance - yes, feasible. A third and onwards? I'm not a fan. If you do decide you want him back in your life, I'd be setting some ground rules - the first being, you are platonic friends ONLY until further notice. It's up to you. 1
Author pinkie Posted January 8, 2014 Author Posted January 8, 2014 2 break ups would make me very wary to attempt a third. As Simon said, a second chance - yes, feasible. A third and onwards? I'm not a fan. If you do decide you want him back in your life, I'd be setting some ground rules - the first being, you are platonic friends ONLY until further notice. It's up to you. Sound advice.
pickflicker Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 Sound advice. Yep, no sex, no kissing, etc. Basically, treat him like one of the gals. 1
Author pinkie Posted January 9, 2014 Author Posted January 9, 2014 Simon Phoenix.... I think you hit the nail on the head!!!! Which brings me back to the multitude of issues... I'm pretty sure I don't have the energy for his games and he is somewhat of a narc- This could just be him trying to get more supply. I sent him a 'Thank you' and he responded in kind and thanked me for replying. I won't pursue a third chance. I agree with everyone for the most part. It just seems pointless. Plus, he's told/shown me who he is. I choose to believe him.
AlexfromBoston Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 Pinkie, just go with your gut and proceed with caution. Give him a "trial run" and if you don't see an inkling of a change then just cut the ties. 1
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