livingnightmare Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 This sudden feeling today hit me, I feel like such an idiot for acting the fool, begging, drunk txts, drunk insults, you name it I done the lot and I don't do things by half. I probably done things that are not even on the list of what you shouldn't do. I feel a great relief, yes I thought I was over her, but something has popped up to bring it back to mind, but this time its different, I don't feel so down hearted all of a sudden. Maybe there will be a few ups n downs yet to come, but this feeling is one I don't recognise, a lovely calming feeling. A feeling of confidence in the path to choose. Her provocative text yesterday I did not respond too, and that's a first for me. I felt like it briefly but let my head take control, I feel great for doing that. Well to get back to my point, the shame, the shame, the shame, how could I have lowered myself to the levels I went too for this beastly hearted woman. I feel like a plonker today, highly embarrassed of how I let this effect me. I'm hoping this is a step forward. 2
Philosoraptor Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 Don't focus on what you did before but on where you are now. Just continue to take care of yourself and find enjoyment in every aspect of life... as life is much too short to worry about the pains of the past. 4
LostConfused123 Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 Don't focus on what you did before but on where you are now. Just continue to take care of yourself and find enjoyment in every aspect of life... as life is much too short to worry about the pains of the past. Definitely!! I am usually very level headed and can keep my emotions almost "business like" BUT, in the throes of a breakup with alcohol added, I have done some really stupid things that I was ashamed of! I cringe even thinking about them ((shudders)) You are not alone at all!! We must forgive ourselves!! 2
Author livingnightmare Posted January 8, 2014 Author Posted January 8, 2014 Great bit of advice there Philosoraptor, I guess I'm just reflecting on lessons learned and feeling more hopeful for the future and what I must do now to get there. Haha LostConfused123 yes that alcohol with emotions running high is a deadly thing. I'm having a bit of a chuckle at some of my antics at the same time think I'll just put it down to experience lol 1
BC1980 Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 Be careful of getting trapped in thoughts about the past. I know it's easy to go down that road, but it's counterproductive. Don't give anymore energy to your ex. Concentrate all your energy on moving forward. I used to think of all the things I should have done and convinced myself that it could have worked if I had done all of these things. Just let if go. What's done is done, for better or worse. Keep moving forward. 2
AnyaNova Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 I did a lot that I am ashamed of too. One particular facebook post to him really makes me cringe. But post relational end feelings, (in my case) massive sleep deprivation, and the fact that my brain cells weren't even close to firing in concert due to a vitamin deficiency led to a really horrible combo and me posting stuff and issues that were way way too personal. Part of me wonders sometimes if the reason he hasn't broken NC, is because he can't forgive me/doesn't trust me anymore because of it.
fixing Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 Im delighted your starting to feel confident m8!! Its real progress As for the regrets, let it go mate. We all do things crazy when we are in love! Keep up the no contact man, dont let her reel you back in with her vindictive ways! Your in control now. Keep it going, and stop going over your petty mistakes, you are only human!
Author livingnightmare Posted January 8, 2014 Author Posted January 8, 2014 Be careful of getting trapped in thoughts about the past. I know it's easy to go down that road, but it's counterproductive. Don't give anymore energy to your ex. Concentrate all your energy on moving forward. I used to think of all the things I should have done and convinced myself that it could have worked if I had done all of these things. Just let if go. What's done is done, for better or worse. Keep moving forward. That's what I have been doing, getting trapped in my own thoughts, I feel as if I'm overcoming it now, I been concious of it the past few days and it really makes a difference. I'm realizing we continue to hurt ourselves with negative thoughts, I guess like everything its mind over matter. I did a lot that I am ashamed of too. One particular facebook post to him really makes me cringe. But post relational end feelings, (in my case) massive sleep deprivation, and the fact that my brain cells weren't even close to firing in concert due to a vitamin deficiency led to a really horrible combo and me posting stuff and issues that were way way too personal. Part of me wonders sometimes if the reason he hasn't broken NC, is because he can't forgive me/doesn't trust me anymore because of it. lol Im cringing at everything I done, lessons learnt. I wouldn't even think about why he hasn't contacted you, if he wanted to contact you he would it doesn't matter. I was doing the same fixating on why I was like I was, will they contact me. etc, it is counter productive to healing. He doesn't even deserve your thoughts! Im delighted your starting to feel confident m8!! Its real progress As for the regrets, let it go mate. We all do things crazy when we are in love! Keep up the no contact man, dont let her reel you back in with her vindictive ways! Your in control now. Keep it going, and stop going over your petty mistakes, you are only human! Thanks mate, Im seeing the power of letting go now, I feel like I never before, I just blocked it out. Its a massive relief feeling like this, maybe I'm not out of the woods yet, but my axe is getting sharper and I see the light lol. Yeah Im putting it down to experience, I'm sure it will come in handy one day and can be used as a lesson, even if just to advise someone. Control is the word, I really do feel in control of what happens for the first time in a long time.
AnyaNova Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 lol Im cringing at everything I done, lessons learnt. I wouldn't even think about why he hasn't contacted you, if he wanted to contact you he would it doesn't matter. I was doing the same fixating on why I was like I was, will they contact me. etc, it is counter productive to healing. He doesn't even deserve your thoughts! Many people have told me this. In one sense it is true, and in another sense, I'm not sure he was ever given the tools to be able to be able to stand up, either. It is true and not true. However, mostly, if it twinges at all now (when my vitamin levels aren't sinking), it is because i fear I lost someone who could be a very good friend, and the chance at such a friendship because of it.
Author livingnightmare Posted January 14, 2014 Author Posted January 14, 2014 Many people have told me this. In one sense it is true, and in another sense, I'm not sure he was ever given the tools to be able to be able to stand up, either. It is true and not true. However, mostly, if it twinges at all now (when my vitamin levels aren't sinking), it is because i fear I lost someone who could be a very good friend, and the chance at such a friendship because of it. Yeah I know that feeling about the friends, if my ex hadn't have been so brutal my daughter would be seeing us getting on as colleagues now, I cant see me ever being a friend to her in all honesty, but I do hope for the day I'm 100% indifferent. You will to, vitamins or none :-)
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