xftin Posted January 9, 2005 Posted January 9, 2005 I met a girl this summer at a music festival we were both involved in. We started talking a lot and spending a lot of time together and really hit it off well. I'd never met someone whom I had so much in common with and connected with so well. The second and final week of the festival I asked her out and she said yes. We were both really in love with each other. The hardest part of the relationship was the fact that she lived an hour and a half drive from me and went to school an hour's drive from where I lived. Our schedules also managed to conflict precisely and completely. After not seeing each other for five weeks, we were finally able to meet for about 4 hours in San Francisco, where she had an orchestra rehearsal. We were both really happy to see each other. Three days later, she broke up with me over the phone, saying that she felt that her life right now couldn't handle this kind of relationship. She said she wasn't breaking up because she didn't love me anymore but because she felt that right now there were some things that she felt that I wouldn't understand about her and a side to her that she thought I may not like as much. I felt like I hadn't been given a chance to see this "other side," so how could I know if I would like it or not? A week after breaking up with me, she sent me an email saying that there would probably be other guys in her life, but that they wouldn't have the same status as I did. This happened back in October. In December, a close friend and I noticed that both of us had feelings for each other and we started dating. When my ex found out about this, she sent me an email saying that she still wasn't over me and wished more than anything that we could be together but knew that we couldn't because of our lives. I wasn't really sure about how to respond to this - I had been trying to get over her for a while and thought that I had finally started moving on. My friend that I was currently dating and I discovered a few weeks into the relationship that it was doing something negative to our friendship, so we stopped dating. Now I've found out that my ex is going out with a guy she met at a dance, and I'm realizing that I'm not over her. I still love her deeply. She was like my soulmate. I want to get over her. I need to move on. I just don't know how. I was in love with this girl for two months. She broke my heart, and now it's taking me longer than the time we were together to get over her.
kypepeo Posted January 14, 2005 Posted January 14, 2005 I know that your feelings run deep but love takes a lot longer than 2 months. This girl could be your soulmate but love is not a feeling.It's a decision that comes from really knowing someone, and I mean knowing ALL or at least most of the person and that only comes by spending time with that person, seeing how they react in certain situations and dealing with that. She probably thinks that you wouldn't like her as much if you knew about her past but you have to make her understand that you are interested in who she is inside and not what she has done. She has to give you a chance to find out who she is even if she doesn't tell you about all that other stuff because this deserves a chance. Once you really know her and love her, you'll be able to get past whatever it is she's afraid of. You two clearly care alot about each other. Don't pressure her to be your girlfriend at this point. Take it slowly. Sit her down and give this a try. Don't see other people to avoid that complication of jealousy and pain. Be friends, hang out,send e-mails and get to know her. Most importantly,tell her that you are not ready to let her go without a fight,no matter what she has done before. Tell her how much she means to you and stick it out. All the best!!!
SuperFantastico Posted January 17, 2005 Posted January 17, 2005 Ok, long distance relationships dont work out well. I say screw her. She dumped you and has the bloody nerve to plant the seed of doubt in your heart when you are in anouther relationship. Attention vampire. Only time will get you over her, but what will speed it up is a) dont talk to her anymore b) keep dating. Its the only way. when you have feelings these intense for people just a few words from them will reverberate though your mind for weeks. So like any addiction, cold turkey is the way to go.
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