Spoonss Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 It's really embarassing to say this, but lately I am having so much trouble with girls because my ex when she dumped me after 5 years for another guy. It has killed all the confidence I had. I went to a dark place and even though its been about 10 months since the breakup I still think why would any girl want me? If some one who loved me could just leave for a better option. I am so shy now it really sucks. I just dont know what to do anymore. I figured by now this insecurity would have gone away.
LostConfused123 Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 It's normal. Don't be so hard on yourself I guarantee, if George Clooney got dumped and rejected he would feel the same way. Rejection HURTS!!! You will get your confidence back. Just takes a little time. Hang in there!
notthathard Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 The best way to overcome shyness is to do the complete opposite. Everytime your in front of a girl just spark up a conversation. What have you got to loose... nothing! Don't try to pick them up just talk to them normally. The more you do this the more you will get less shy.
Ordinaryday Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 same thing happened to me. I have always been a very insecure person with a low-self-esteem, and getting dumped just made it worse! one girl who dumped me back in march 2012 tried saying something like "dont worry, you can just go to the next girl you have lined up" and I remember thinking "do you have ANY IDEA how long it took me to get the confidence to message you and ask you out? the confidence that is now destroyed? 'next girl I have lined up'? what girl? you ARE THE ONLY girl who has shown any interest in me in years and you're dumping me!" "next girl" indeed!
Ordinaryday Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 The best way to overcome shyness is to do the complete opposite. Everytime your in front of a girl just spark up a conversation. What have you got to loose... nothing! Don't try to pick them up just talk to them normally. The more you do this the more you will get less shy. that's thing thing though.... you do have something to lose... what is left of your fragile confidence. I tried this strategy a few times and even though I was polite and non-confrontational and non-sleazy, some of the girls outright said to me "I am taken, so please don't hit on me", said this to my face. so yeah, nice idea but it can backfire.
InnocentMan Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 Taking your confidence and/or your self-esteem from another human, is always going to be end badly for you. It's natural to lose some confidence after a betrayal, but if you don't recover reasonably quickly, perhaps you weren't so confident to begin with. Being sad about it after 9 months or so, is fine, but your natural confidence should be starting to return, if it was there before the relationship started. This probably explains why people jump from person to person so quickly. They get all their esteem and confidence from other people. Without someone to constantly validate them, they feel no sense of worth. Your confidence should come from within. If your not feeling it, ask yourself why. It probably has nothing to do with your ex-gf. 3
LostConfused123 Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 Taking your confidence and/or your self-esteem from another human, is always going to be end badly for you. It's natural to lose some confidence after a betrayal, but if you don't recover reasonably quickly, perhaps you weren't so confident to begin with. Being sad about it after 9 months or so, is fine, but your natural confidence should be starting to return, if it was there before the relationship started. This probably explains why people jump from person to person so quickly. They get all their esteem and confidence from other people. Without someone to constantly validate them, they feel no sense of worth. Your confidence should come from within. If your not feeling it, ask yourself why. It probably has nothing to do with your ex-gf. Wow!!! Well said/written!!! Spoonss, this is awesome advice!!! Every one of us could benefit from these words!
Author Spoonss Posted January 8, 2014 Author Posted January 8, 2014 I would like to say I was a very confident person before we started dating. As I stated we dated for 5 years. The combination of growing through my early 20s to mid 20s during this time along with her abuse probably added to it. I will get close to a girl then I get scared that she will do the same thing my Ex did to me. Just to clarify. It sucks. Thank you guys for all the advice.
Runnersx Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 It happens. My first serious girlfriend dumped me (very bad ending) and called me all sorts of bad things and destroyed my confidence. Then I met other girls who saw the same things more or less in me that the first one did and fell for me after I put the charm on. Its kinda weird, but you have to keep in mind the qualities that made that girl fall for you to begin with. Because I've found that most girls are similar, in that they all will fall in love with charm, kindness, strength, masculine, mysterious characters. Just because one girl fell through the cracks...your self confidence should really not be wrapped up in one person. Especially once you see the tools they date after you. Everyone has different tastes at different times, you shouldn't take it personally. 1
strive Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 Don't look for someone else to love you. The next person who should love you is yourself. Do the things you want to do. Buy the things you want to buy. Go to places you want to go. Happiness is attractive. Confidence is attractive. If you have both, it will be so easy for someone else to love you. 1
d0nnivain Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 what are you good at? What makes you happy? Engage in those things so you remember what success feels like. As you get a little better & some level of confidence returns, make a list of your good qualities. Get a family member or good friend to help you. Write or type the list neatly & re-read it every day when you wake up & before you go to sleep . . .kind of like an affirmation. 1
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