freebird31 Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 I was just thinking of my ex, my first relationship, and my first love. It really was magical and all those things. Sometimes I am not even sure if i know what love really is. I cant say that i love him..but i cant say that i dont love him either...I am not sure if i know what it is. But what we shared was so wonderful. They say that your first breakup is always the hardest. Because you feel like you cannot care for another person the same way again, which is exactly how I feel. Even if my ex and I were to get back together, it would not be the same relationship...it would be different...tainted a little. it wouldnt be that same innocent and magical relationship we once shared in the beginning. There would be problems we would have to face: learning to trust again. I guess I am not just grieving on the relationship we lost, but the magic that was once there. That i probably wont get back...I dont know what my second relationship will look like in the future, but i just hope it at least competes with my first /: I hope i feel all the same things i once did...
ayudorama Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 If it's any consolation, I share the same fears. Sometimes I wonder if there's something wrong with me to only have had my first love (and heartbreak) at 28. Everyone else I know including my ex has had countless loves at their age. I, like you, wonder too if I ever understood love. Or what I felt for him was love. I knew however without a doubt that I have never placed someone's else happiness above mine and I've never put in so much effort to care for another human being before him. What felt to me as magical, to him may not have been the same. (I'm not his first love but he insists I was his first true love) I sure have many doubts about love.
kat1012 Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 I just lost mine 5 months ago. It was so hard. I too don't know what love is anymore. I thought I love him, but people say if you love someone, you love him for what he is, you wont try to change him, you also love his shortcomings. I knew I really cared for him, I believe I still do, but back then, I didnt like him playing phones games when we were hanging out, I didnt like drunk call me, I didnt like being too spontaneous with me and like my time and plans dont matter. I have bickered/talked to him about it. But even though becoz of all these, I still wanted to be with me, however is it because I really loved him or just because I dont want to break up and be single? I have met 1-2 guys who are interested in me. one i even went on a few dates with, but in the end I didnt want to to date him because I felt like it didnt have that magical feeling or spark I once felt with my ex. It's so hard. I feel like I can never find someone that will make me have that magical feeling again
Lizzay03 Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 Nothing compares to your "first love" but you will meet someone whom things will be better with, different of course but better
Onmymind Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 (edited) 2 and a half months ago I lost mine as well. I feel exactly like you do I want on a date with a girl three times and I felt nothing. I kept comparing her with my ex, I know she was very nice very sweet and definitely into me. I guess only time will allow us to rationalize things fully in our minds and in our hearts. It takes a very long time for some and very short times for others. I'm just counting on time and the growing strength of my mind partnering properly up with my heart. It seems that inevitably that this is always a battle of the mind and the heart, the heart convinces you that you love this person unconditionally no matter what happens in your mind tells you that this is what's happening and that it cannot be love. It's terrifying, it also feels like you're numb on the inside that that love you once had never be felt again. It also feels like you've forgotten how to love someone that you thought you knew exactly what love was. I'll bet that you also thought that no one loved their significant others like you did your ax, it was exclusive to you. I felt my love for my ex was unlike any other. She was my baby girl, I treated her like a baby girl and she acted so cute and sweet,even though we both knew we were adults. It was just a part of our language to each other that everyone has mutually. We ask ourselves how can they throw all this way so easily, not something that I feel like we'll never know. You just have to keep going every day, you have to make yourself an amazing person without them, and you have to realize that you are an amazing person and someday you'll understand what that means for someone else to love you. I'm truly banking on everything I just said. Edited January 8, 2014 by Onmymind Damn siri 1
gem29 Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 My first relationship ended 4 weeks ago and it's harder than I ever imagined, but I know eventually I'll move on. It's just hard because normally I adapt to situations quite quickly but he pushed for things to get more serious, I allowed myself to become vulnerable and then he left me... I'm gutted and can't quite accept that I don't have him anymore and my first relationship ended the way it did. But I suppose I've just got to give myself time. Doesn't stop it from hurting now, though.
livingnightmare Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 My first Love and mother of my child after 6 years rode off into the sunset, and I mean rode off literally on the c**k carousel, I felt all the above, but once the rose tinted glasses fall off you realize the roses were covering the smell of the shlt and blocking an ugly sight. Hopefully we will all look back (and our exs 2) and they will say "the one that got away" and we will say ... well we wont say nothing, they will be insignificant. 1
Afailure Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 I miss her,i miss her so much.We were together for just 2 months and 2 weeks and the break up happened 8 months ago.If you're curios about my story it's a pretty long read but i would be curios about other people's opinion. We attend the same college so practically i get to see her almost every day.We kinda rushed things coupled with some arguments she reached the conclusion that we don't match. I told her so many times that i'm sorry,that even though things seem pretty bad i could have made it work if she would have given one last chance as i now know what i did wrong,that even though i may have been annoying at times i truly loved her but to no success ,she fell out of love and has moved on,she loves someone else and by the looks of it she's madly in love with him,i guess he treats her the way i should have but i failed to because of my stupidity. Everyday is hell,i feel ill,i can barely eat,i can't stop the tears,i don't even want to sleep because i dream of her. No,i can't move on,she was the girl i dreamed of having for such a long time and the thought of someone else having her is destroying me. I guess i deserve this punishment and i have reached the conclusion that in the end i will be alone.Love just isn't meant for me.
MoooOinkBaaa Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 I lost my first love too, together eight years I'm 26. That was four months ago. I was hers too BUT she's already moved on and apparently in love with someone else who she has a crush on but he has no interest. What does that say about her? I feel totally fooled. I don't know what love is because that's not love. I still can't even TALK to other girls or give them my attention. I hate my ex too I never want her back, ever. I really hate her.
KatZee Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 I know none of you will believe this right now, but there WILL come a day when you look back on your first love and feel absolutely nothing. Like legit nothing. Memories of them will also fade. No matter how amazing you think the relationship is/was, how much you idealize them, the day will come where you only have very few snippets of memories, the years have a way of doing that. My first love was when I was 17-19. I'm 29 now. I loved the S.HIT out of that guy. And for a long time, no one came close to being as amazing as I thought he was. But as each subsequent relationship came and went, our memories faded further into the background. We haven't spoken in a very long time, we had kept in loose touch a while back, but nothing in a long time. Now he's a stranger to me. We aren't friends. I feel complete indifference to him, and honestly at this point, I wouldn't even date him because what I had loved back then, isn't what I love right now. I've changed too much. I still remember certain things, but even though he was my first love, the guy to take my virginity, my first virtually EVERYTHING, he's still faded into virtually nothing. I do recall loving him very much, but I can't comprehend the feeling. I don't even remember what it was like, I just know that I did. You'll find another, and then another, and then probably another. Don't ever think that your first love is the be all and end all. That's why they're called "firsts" because there will be seconds, thirds, fourths, etc. 3
Author freebird31 Posted January 9, 2014 Author Posted January 9, 2014 I know none of you will believe this right now, but there WILL come a day when you look back on your first love and feel absolutely nothing. Like legit nothing. Memories of them will also fade. No matter how amazing you think the relationship is/was, how much you idealize them, the day will come where you only have very few snippets of memories, the years have a way of doing that. My first love was when I was 17-19. I'm 29 now. I loved the S.HIT out of that guy. And for a long time, no one came close to being as amazing as I thought he was. But as each subsequent relationship came and went, our memories faded further into the background. We haven't spoken in a very long time, we had kept in loose touch a while back, but nothing in a long time. Now he's a stranger to me. We aren't friends. I feel complete indifference to him, and honestly at this point, I wouldn't even date him because what I had loved back then, isn't what I love right now. I've changed too much. I still remember certain things, but even though he was my first love, the guy to take my virginity, my first virtually EVERYTHING, he's still faded into virtually nothing. I do recall loving him very much, but I can't comprehend the feeling. I don't even remember what it was like, I just know that I did. You'll find another, and then another, and then probably another. Don't ever think that your first love is the be all and end all. That's why they're called "firsts" because there will be seconds, thirds, fourths, etc. May I ask you....the second time you fall in love, is it anything like the first? I mean...is it just as extraordinary and magical , do you feel all the same things you feel the first you fell in love.?
MoooOinkBaaa Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 17-19 is barely two years. I have eight years of memories to forget...
KatZee Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 17-19 is barely two years. I have eight years of memories to forget... We officially dated for those years. Then remained attached, fwb, and all emotionally and physically connected until I was 22. We moved apart and kept contact through webcam and office for years after that. Don't trivialize someone's breakup just because it didn't seem as long as yours. A breakup is a breakup.
KatZee Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 May I ask you....the second time you fall in love, is it anything like the first? I mean...is it just as extraordinary and magical , do you feel all the same things you feel the first you fell in love.? If you meet someone else to fall in love with then yes. Love is rare though.It's not something that comes around everyday. I didn't fall in love again for 7 years.
John83 Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 Broke up with my first love 11 years ago when i was 19. It took years to truly get over her. I had a good act that i was over her to friends and family but inside i still missed her. I eventually met my current ex at 23 and loved her far more than my first love, she gave me 2 wonderfull children and a great 7 years. Point is i thought id never love again after first love but did and it was magical.
Wingless Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 Well, sometimes we believe that our first serious relationship is our first true love (or only) when that really isn't the case. I know this from experience. When I was in 9th grade (2007 ish), I thought I was with my first true love and only love (that was my first relationship.. Everything was so magical and after we broke up, I could never imagine loving someone else like that again. It just wasn't possible in my mind. (Basically, he broke up with me because he had gotten into drugs and we were arguing and he hit me and after he said I deserved better than that and he couldn't handle being with me knowing it could happen again. He said he was going to get his life together and make sure he was clean and steady before he tried to work on a relationship with me because he loves me too much to hurt me. He literally vanished from my life; there one day, completely gone the next) I was angry, shocked, hurt, lost, confused, and sunk into a depression that lasted 8 months. Since that time, I dated a numerous amount of guys, I never felt the same way about them as I did him. None of them had a spark or magic. After about 5/6 years (Really, that long), I had practically given up on trying to find a love like that again, it was impossible, I had lost my true love and he hadn't been able to kick his addiction. I was set to be miserable for the rest of my life. Then one day, I met my current boyfriend and it was literally instant. All that magic, emotions, sparks, whatever you want to call it was there instantaneously and 100x stronger than what it was with my ex. The love I feel for him is nothing compared to the previous guy that I thought I was so in love with. I've never felt so connected to another person in my life. Looking back, I really thought I was in love with my ex, but I wasn't. Don't get me wrong, my feelings for him were strong, I loved him, but nothing like they are with my current boyfriend. It's a different kind of love and it's really hard to explain/understand until you feel it. I wish I could help more in trying to explain it, but I just can't. It's hard haha.
jonsnuh Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 First loves are overrated. Once you get over the hurdle and reframe the your perspective that firsts are a novelty that gets stale and prevents you from living your life. What's to say that doing or going to the same places with someone else won't make it an even better experience or different experience than with your first? I say don't hold back. Nostalgia is after all, "pain" and "ache". 1
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