planb1973 Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 Never in my life did I think I would be in this situation. I have never been a casual dater, I always ended up in relationships. But coming out of a particularly long and toxic relationship I just wanted to meet some new people and have some company. Nothing serious. I now have 3 women all extremely interested in me. I had assumed that after a couple of dates with each that they would start dropping off, but no. All three of them I have been seeing for over a month now and as I try to distance myself they all want more. What is a guy to do. The problem is that I like each of them equally. They are all very nice, sweet, successful and attractive. I almost want to invite them all out at once and see who is left standing. 1
Raena Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 I have a strong suspicion that if you invite them all out at once, you'll be the only one left standing. Maybe. They might trample you down in their haste to get away from you. 9
CptSaveAho Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 foursome if you played your cards right... 2
Woggle Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 Dating is like finding a job. Once you have one it is much easier to get one.
damien201 Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 Never in my life did I think I would be in this situation. I have never been a casual dater, I always ended up in relationships. But coming out of a particularly long and toxic relationship I just wanted to meet some new people and have some company. Nothing serious. I now have 3 women all extremely interested in me. I had assumed that after a couple of dates with each that they would start dropping off, but no. All three of them I have been seeing for over a month now and as I try to distance myself they all want more. What is a guy to do. The problem is that I like each of them equally. They are all very nice, sweet, successful and attractive. I almost want to invite them all out at once and see who is left standing. Just keep dating them all simultaneously until it explodes in your face.
Aquanut Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 I've been there. It was under VERY similar circumstances. I asked a friend what I should do. He said I had a problem that was good to have but since 2 of the 3 were in the same social circle I had to choose. I did not choose the one who was the most outgoing. I didn't choose the one who made the most money. I chose the last one I started dating. The theory being if the other two had been right for me I would not have started dating her. I was very comfortable around her and actually had no intention of dating her but it just kind of ended up that way. It was a great choice. She's my fiancée now. 4
Fondue Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 Been there, man. Just earlier in the summer, in fact. Except a lot worse. Like, try double that number worse. Had to mature a bit after it got too hectic. I was spending all my free time + more on these dates. Not to even mention the money... I eventually chose one and had to break it off with the others. It was hard, but it got easier. Once you break it with one, you kind of develop your reasoning and what to say to make it quick and easy. Goodluck, man. Seriously.
mrs rubble Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 Do they all know your multi-dating? If not, tell them! Then see who's left. I was seeing 2 guys before I settled with my current man, they both knew about each other.....guy no1. didn't seem to be too serious about seeing me until he heard about guy no.2...then he got all serious. How did I choose? Very carefully! Good luck man! I remember guy 2 begging me to make a choice, which I eventually did in his favour. Only you can choose.
CptSaveAho Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 Just keep dating them all simultaneously until it explodes in your face. hopefully it explodes in their face
meeji Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 I almost want to invite them all out at once and see who is left standing. My roommate did this and that is how he chose the girl he is with now. They are making it last..
Author planb1973 Posted January 8, 2014 Author Posted January 8, 2014 I don't think the foursome is going to happen. I haven't told any of them about the others but if I am asked I will be honest and let them know I am dating other women also. Luckily none of them have brought up "The talk" The one I most recently started to see is the one I am most interested in, go figure its the one who I have not slept with. but I can tell she is going to jump me the next chance she gets.
nomadic_butterfly Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 Never in my life did I think I would be in this situation. I have never been a casual dater, I always ended up in relationships. But coming out of a particularly long and toxic relationship I just wanted to meet some new people and have some company. Nothing serious. I now have 3 women all extremely interested in me. I had assumed that after a couple of dates with each that they would start dropping off, but no. All three of them I have been seeing for over a month now and as I try to distance myself they all want more. What is a guy to do. The problem is that I like each of them equally. They are all very nice, sweet, successful and attractive. I almost want to invite them all out at once and see who is left standing. This is exactly why I don't multi-date or date guys that to my knowledge multi-date. Good luck.
nescafe1982 Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 I hope you were joking about inviting them all out at once. Sounds to me like you're still not invested in any of them to carry on exclusively or enter into another full-on relationship. If I were in your shoes, I would avoid getting too involved physically (even though it can be difficult to slow things down when a natural pace sets in), and buy yourself a couple more weeks to think about this one. I mean, if you're going to progress into a relationship with one of these women, she best start to stand out in your mind before you go there, you know? And if after a reasonable time none of the three come off as particularly special to you... perhaps not a single one of them is perfect for you. Good chemistry is hard to find... but still it's easier to find than a true, lasting connection. edit to add: sleeping with more than one woman while multi-dating is a bad idea for all kinds of reasons... including the state of confusion you're in right now. I have no qualms with multi-dating and think it's the best way to make a good match. But when you're also sleeping around, you expose everyone to risk, and that's not cool. 3
devastated777 Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 Sounds like me right now. I managed to piss off two today. I knew this would happen. I have been straight from the get go, as far as telling them I do not want to date. Just go out on occasion. After today, I am positive that I am not ready to date. Period. I enjoy the texting and companionship, when I go out but then they want to be exclusive and you can only dodge that bullet for so long. today was my day for two. I figured two birds, one stone. go me.
Author planb1973 Posted January 8, 2014 Author Posted January 8, 2014 I do know better than to invite them all out at once. That was just a joke. As for getting physical. I have been sleeping with one of them. I had vowed not to but well things happened and I cant change that. The second one went for it the other night and at the last second I stopped it before it went all the way. The third is the one I like the best so I am going to move as slow as I can. I know it is getting time to end things with the one I am sleeping with or atleast talk to her about the fact that I don't see things progressing past a FWB relationship. She is so nice I don't want to break her heart.
devastated777 Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 Ugh. that really sucks. Good luck with that. You're gonna be a dumper now. lol sorry, that isn't funny, I know.
Versacehottie Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 After today, I am positive that I am not ready to date. Period. Do guys really take a time out? I thought it was just us. And how long can those bullets be dodged. My friend has a theory that guys DON'T put it on pause if they are actually interested, but I don't agree. However, she has more proof than I do. You might be some solid proof. As far as OP goes, I would keep dating the last two. In your first post you said you liked them all equally, but then in subsequent posts you said the 1st one you don't really need. So you really have your answer about her and at least should do the right thing and let her go, if only to selfishly have more clarity for yourself. Regarding the other two, wondering if you feel like you prefer the 3rd BECAUSE you haven't slept with yet? I agree with taking it slow though. What I find interesting is in your first post, you said they were all equal but then as posts continued you have preferences. So maybe really deep down, you know the answer already. I have been there too. My suggestion is to ENJOY THE RIDE.... 1
nescafe1982 Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 I do know better than to invite them all out at once. That was just a joke. As for getting physical. I have been sleeping with one of them. I had vowed not to but well things happened and I cant change that. The second one went for it the other night and at the last second I stopped it before it went all the way. The third is the one I like the best so I am going to move as slow as I can. I know it is getting time to end things with the one I am sleeping with or atleast talk to her about the fact that I don't see things progressing past a FWB relationship. She is so nice I don't want to break her heart. Well, if you're thinking you might get serious with any of them, you need to stop having sex with all of them. What happens, for instance, if the one you're really into right now finds out you've had sex with other women while you're dating her? You might say "well technically I was allowed to, we weren't exclusive yet," but it doesn't matter... it would still hurt her feelings and I'm sure she wouldn't stick around. As for the one you don't see as more than FWB, you need to cut that one off cold. You can't just have sex with someone who was expected more than that... even if she goes for it (just to get a piece of you) that would make you kind of scummy for using her like that. The only way FWB works is if both parties go into it with that expectation. But to get back to the point: multi-dating only really works when you're not hopping into the sack with any or all of the people you're dating. Sex changes things, adds expectations/complications, and creates drama. Those are not things to pursue when you're trying to get to know a few women at once.
Untouchable_Fire Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 I don't think the foursome is going to happen. I haven't told any of them about the others but if I am asked I will be honest and let them know I am dating other women also. Luckily none of them have brought up "The talk" The one I most recently started to see is the one I am most interested in, go figure its the one who I have not slept with. but I can tell she is going to jump me the next chance she gets. It's not a big deal until you start sleeping with one. At that point you made your choice and let the others go. Otherwise it's cool to date until becoming exclusive. They may be dating other men as well.
devastated777 Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 Do guys really take a time out? I thought it was just us. And how long can those bullets be dodged. My friend has a theory that guys DON'T put it on pause if they are actually interested, but I don't agree. However, she has more proof than I do. You might be some solid proof. As far as OP goes, I would keep dating the last two. In your first post you said you liked them all equally, but then in subsequent posts you said the 1st one you don't really need. So you really have your answer about her and at least should do the right thing and let her go, if only to selfishly have more clarity for yourself. Regarding the other two, wondering if you feel like you prefer the 3rd BECAUSE you haven't slept with yet? I agree with taking it slow though. What I find interesting is in your first post, you said they were all equal but then as posts continued you have preferences. So maybe really deep down, you know the answer already. I have been there too. My suggestion is to ENJOY THE RIDE.... I am a girl so don't count me as solid proof about dudes. sorry
Recommended Posts