Ending a friendship

[LazyLibra]

I've typed this out 4 times and it's always been a long winded post and I'm trying to make it to the point.

 

My Friend/Coworker for years is starting to bother me to the point where I don't want to hang out with him or socialize at work.

 

It's hard to explain but both my coworkers and I get the feeling that he treats me like his "Girlfriend". We're both males, I'm straight and there has been some speculation about his sexuality but that's not the point.

 

He is emotionally draining and needy. He's always been a sensitive guy but he's starting to get very annoying. He will go to the washroom and cry over everything and get mad if I don't follow him out and ask what's wrong. He will call me and start with "I needed you today where were you!" In a crying/panicked voice. These are little things he's getting upset about, example someone at work he feels is ignoring him.

 

If i'm not 100% attentive and all about him he will call me out saying "why are you ignoring me, I feel like you were ignoring me all day". Where in fact I was VERY busy or In a bad mood (which I'm allowed to be from time to time)

 

Recently it's been happening more and more and I feel as if I'm enabling this behavior by not being firm?

 

He always asks for hugs, waits for me in the parking lot to walk into work, always takes lunch with me.

 

If I deviate from his plans for the perfect day he freaks out and cries.

 

People at work are talking and soon I'll be on the outs as they think the relationship is weird.

 

He's so sensitive and unstable I feel if I was too harsh/honest with him he would harm himself or me. He's made indications in the past about being suicidal.

[devilish innocent]

I generally don't like to diagnose people, but this guy seems to fit the definition of borderline personality disorder to a tee. There are resources on the internet if you want to look up how to deal with a friend who has borderline personality disorder.

 

I think if you want to end the friendship, then you just have to let him know. If he seems at all scary or threatening after that, then make sure to report the issue to HR.

 

Your other option is to try to maintain some type of a friendship, but set some boundaries with him. You'd need to sit him down and let him know exactly what is and isn't acceptable behavior to you. Then be consistent and firm in enforcing those boundaries. Otherwise, he's likely to become very insecure every time you change the rules on him.

 

Good luck!

[Debanked]

So you're quitting your job?

[WordvAction]

Dude sounds like a stage 5 clinger; don't give in to his childish games and do as you please. He'll take the hint eventually (after crying and moaning) and cling on to someone else.

[preraph]

I think the guy either has a bad crush on you in which he's not considering your feelings or that you're straight OR he's a hot mess in general and always has to have someone to babysit him. Either way, I think you need to tell him you can tell he's looking for someone to be there and depend on and that you are not that guy. Maybe even tell him if you weren't working together, you two would probably never have ended up even friends. It's not your problem if he's unstable. Break up with him and tell him you fully intend to be polite with him at work and do business together as necessary with no hard feelings and want him to do the same. Then if he doesn't, take it to a supervisor and get someone transferred.

[Heatemyheart89]

Oh no! This seems to be really affecting you. This guy seems manipulative. I would just act a lot more busy ( or be busy). If he calls your phone just ignore it. If needs be block him. Hopefully he will give up!