Simon Phoenix Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 Correct Simon. Being friends would be hard at the moment. But as time passes maybe and I'm in another relationship who knows. BU still feels fresh to me after four months. Obviously, keeping any contact with her is not doing good for me now. Could be because we broke up once before and things worked out for round 2, up until now. But to wear my heart on my sleeve, call me niece whatever, I was hoping with time she would realize what a lost I was or her rash decision to break up with me out of the blue was a mistake. I don't know. Just need to move on and focus on myself for now. Thanks for everyone's advice. If you've broken up twice, why the hell would you want a round three? I mean, I get wanting a second chance, but if it fails twice, it sure as sh*t isn't going to a work a third, fourth, fifth time, etc. It transforms from love to codependency at that point. 1
Author Kermit76 Posted January 11, 2014 Author Posted January 11, 2014 Yeah. That's the question of the day. Round 3? Why? Probably because I feel she made a rash decision after she got cold feet after a weekend at a wedding. Actually admitted by her. So, I wish she really thought about her decision not to say she is having regrets. Just wished we could have talked about it and tried to make it work. We never fought and got a long so well. But they do say fooled once, fooled again. I probably would be a fool to take her back for another round, lol.
Simon Phoenix Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 Yeah. That's the question of the day. Round 3? Why? Probably because I feel she made a rash decision after she got cold feet after a weekend at a wedding. Actually admitted by her. So, I wish she really thought about her decision not to say she is having regrets. Just wished we could have talked about it and tried to make it work. We never fought and got a long so well. But they do say fooled once, fooled again. I probably would be a fool to take her back for another round, lol. So you are going to just put yourself in position (if she for whatever reason chooses to go back with you, which she's given no indication of) for her to make another impulse decision and dump you just cause? That's codependency brother. It's time for you to go NC not only to get over her, but to get to a point where you can stand on your own two feet and you aren't so dependent on a person who seems to be, at best, a flake. 1
Author Kermit76 Posted January 11, 2014 Author Posted January 11, 2014 +1 Self-esteem with me. For sure. Glad you pointed that out. My confidence dropped very low after the break-up. Also, moved to a new city, got a new apt, job, friend died. So many changes happened at once. And I felt all alone.
Author Kermit76 Posted January 11, 2014 Author Posted January 11, 2014 Nicely said Simon. You are correct. I have some work to do. Thanks
Simon Phoenix Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 +1 Self-esteem with me. For sure. Glad you pointed that out. My confidence dropped very low after the break-up. Also, moved to a new city, got a new apt, job, friend died. So many changes happened at once. And I felt all alone. Not trying to make you feel like crap. But yeah, going out and making friends (even male friends to grab a beer with) would probably do you some good. Don't worry about your ex or meeting other women right now, just work on rebuilding your social circle a bit. You'll find that your confidence will grow if you do that. 1
Author Kermit76 Posted January 11, 2014 Author Posted January 11, 2014 No I appreciate the advice Simon. Thanks. Definitely some things on the new years resolution list I need to make happen.
Kalinka1 Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 Hmm you see - as much as I agreed with the above in terms of me bringing unnecessary sacrifice, being obsessed and such, I disagree with this one. I am not keeping myself in the lives of my exes (apart from my attempt at making things civil with psycho-lunatic). We are friends. We are in fact best of friends who rely on each other and tell each other everything. (talking about 2.5 and 4.5 years of relationship guys). None of that prevented me from meeting any of them and falling in love. And both of them are in relationships with girls who would sometimes stay over at my place if they are in town. Maybe we're all weird.
pickflicker Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 Hmm you see - as much as I agreed with the above in terms of me bringing unnecessary sacrifice, being obsessed and such, I disagree with this one. I am not keeping myself in the lives of my exes (apart from my attempt at making things civil with psycho-lunatic). We are friends. We are in fact best of friends who rely on each other and tell each other everything. (talking about 2.5 and 4.5 years of relationship guys). None of that prevented me from meeting any of them and falling in love. And both of them are in relationships with girls who would sometimes stay over at my place if they are in town. Maybe we're all weird. You may want to start your own thread on this.
Kalinka1 Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 Nah, I am leaving. Good luck, Kermit! Think long and hard what YOU want and what YOUR boundaries are and what CR*P you are willing to put up with and make an action-plan on that basis. xx
Author Kermit76 Posted January 11, 2014 Author Posted January 11, 2014 Thanks Kalinka. Good luck to you too Better days ahead.
Simon Phoenix Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 Nah, I am leaving. Good luck, Kermit! Think long and hard what YOU want and what YOUR boundaries are and what CR*P you are willing to put up with and make an action-plan on that basis. xx Your advice really didn't have anything to do with his situation at all.
Kalinka1 Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 Your advice really didn't have anything to do with his situation at all. Really? I thought it was important to leave it up to him whether or not he trusts his interpretation of his ex's behaviour in terms of breadcrumbs or not, how he feels about both scenarios and how he decides to react to them (considering his own emotions and boundaries in terms of again - both scenarios).
Simon Phoenix Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 Really? I thought it was important to leave it up to him whether or not he trusts his interpretation of his ex's behaviour in terms of breadcrumbs or not, how he feels about both scenarios and how he decides to react to them (considering his own emotions and boundaries in terms of again - both scenarios). He's still pining for her to get her back (which is why the breadcrumbs are causing him to start multiple friends), not looking to try to be a friend after the fact. If he was able to rechannel at this point, he wouldn't have started multiple thread on it. He's trying to figure out how to make apple pie and you are pushing a recipe for carrot cake. 1
Author Kermit76 Posted January 11, 2014 Author Posted January 11, 2014 Classic Simon! He's trying to figure out how to make apple pie and you are pushing a recipe for carrot cake. 1
Kalinka1 Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 OK, rephrasing then: if you, Kermit (who knows your ex better than any of us here) thinks that there is a chance of apple pie... think about your next move. But dig deep and be prepared for how it feels if it doesn't turn out to be apple pie and think about it - if you are willing to take the risk of not getting apple pie in the end. Better?
Author Kermit76 Posted January 11, 2014 Author Posted January 11, 2014 Thanks everyone once again for your advice. Feeling better. I will do nothing. Stay in NC. Will keep you updated if anything happens but it won't be on my end. Feel I've done nothing to sabotage getting back together if she ever hints to wanting to talk (unless she reads LS, lol). But if its over then I think I bowed out with maturity and class.
Simon Phoenix Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 OK, rephrasing then: if you, Kermit (who knows your ex better than any of us here) thinks that there is a chance of apple pie... think about your next move. But dig deep and be prepared for how it feels if it doesn't turn out to be apple pie and think about it - if you are willing to take the risk of not getting apple pie in the end. Better? I don't agree with it, but at least it's on topic
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