I contacted my boyfriend's ex after he told me not to contact her. What will happen?

January 7, 2014

He's in hospital at the moment.

She told me that:

1) he's young and a man and will take a while to grow up (he's 31; she's 40)

2) He lives like he's in his 20s (he hasn't worked for 6 years and lived rent free with girlfriends over that time)

3) He uses sex to self-medicate himself

4) He is scared of living life

5) He never apologises

6) He is so frugal that if people didn't help him out he's probably waste away and die and that him being so cheap is a form of self-hatred.

7) No-one can help him, he will have to find the answers himself.

Let me explain myself: He got with me and didn't tell me for a month he was still sleeping with her. He has now told me that when he leaves hospital he will probably stay with her for a couple of months to recover. I phoned her up to pass on this information myself.

What do you think he will say to me if he finds out?

She seemed quite nice to talk to and thanked me for calling her.

January 7, 2014

Who cares? He sounds like a loser. Why would you want to be with someone like this????

Even if you assume she was just spiteful and making stuff up, the fact that he plans on going to stay with his ex for a couple of months after he gets out of the hospital is enough of a reason to step back from a relationship with him.

January 7, 2014

Is she going to let him live with her again after all she said about him?

January 7, 2014

Is she going to let him live with her again after all she said about him?

I think she might. She cheerily accepts him as he is - she replied to me 'stay with me for months....? I don't know, I'd have to talk to him about that'... It wasn't a 'no way!'.

January 7, 2014

That's odd isn't it. It would seem if they were broken up and he's now with you he would want to be with you through his recovery. Does he want you to come over there to visit? BTW, he more than likely will be upset that you called her. He probably didn't want you to know the things she told you. He knew she would tell you these bad things about him. Yet, she takes him in. Odd.

January 7, 2014

What do you think he will say to me if he finds out? .

This man you declare as your boyfriend was cheating on you and is now about to go and live with his ex and you're more concerned about what he will say to you if he finds out you spoke to his ex?

January 7, 2014

That's odd isn't it. It would seem if they were broken up and he's now with you he would want to be with you through his recovery. Does he want you to come over there to visit? BTW, he more than likely will be upset that you called her. He probably didn't want you to know the things she told you. He knew she would tell you these bad things about him. Yet, she takes him in. Odd.

Actually I want asking her about her experiences of living with him and she confirmed everything by expanding on what I said. I told her I was fed up of walking everywhere to save pennies.....

The reason why he wants to stay with her is because he will have free accommodation. The alternative is living with his mother but she smokes a lot and he hates that.

January 7, 2014

This man you declare as your boyfriend was cheating on you and is now about to go and live with his ex and you're more concerned about what he will say to you if he finds out you spoke to his ex?

I know.... I liked talking with his ex. It confirmed a lot. As he is in hospital, I don't really want to visit him.... could be a blow up.

January 7, 2014

I need to add some details:

He has come to visit me in the UK and he is from the USA (where his family/ex live). In order to save money he will stay with his mother or his ex.

He got sick and is probably broke now because he had no travel insurance (he's cheap). To him it's logical to live with his ex (she lives in a big city and he goes on about how he's going to make a pile of money in a private members club... he worked in one 6 years ago). It's offensive to me.

Edited January 7, 2014 by Toucan_Pecan2

January 7, 2014

What in the fresh hell?

Of course she's telling you he's no good. Why? So that you dump him and she gets him all to herself.

He cheated on you with her. Now he is going to live her. Girl, you're getting played like a fiddle. He's clearly going to have his cake and eat it, too - and you're alright with it? My goodness...this guy is good.

January 7, 2014

What in the fresh hell?

Of course she's telling you he's no good. Why? So that you dump him and she gets him all to herself.

He cheated on you with her. Now he is going to live her. Girl, you're getting played like a fiddle. He's clearly going to have his cake and eat it, too - and you're alright with it? My goodness...this guy is good.

I am so angry right now. I feel vengeful and it's really bad. What the hell do I do? He's in hospital now, his flight leaves on 12th. I don't know if he can even catch the flight and I don't want to visit him in the hospital to check (I went every single day for months acting as an unpaid nurse (he had to poop in a bowl etc). This is a ****ed up situation, because now I feel I'm, made to look like the evil one if I don't help him.

January 7, 2014

I am so angry right now. I feel vengeful and it's really bad. What the hell do I do? He's in hospital now, his flight leaves on 12th. I don't know if he can even catch the flight and I don't want to visit him in the hospital to check (I went every single day for months acting as an unpaid nurse (he had to poop in a bowl etc). This is a ****ed up situation, because now I feel I'm, made to look like the evil one if I don't help him.

You're made to look like the evil one if you don't help him?!?!

I'm so confused by the way you think. The man cheated on you. Now he is going to live with an ex. Hello!

January 7, 2014

I am so angry right now. I feel vengeful and it's really bad. What the hell do I do? He's in hospital now, his flight leaves on 12th. I don't know if he can even catch the flight and I don't want to visit him in the hospital to check (I went every single day for months acting as an unpaid nurse (he had to poop in a bowl etc). This is a ****ed up situation, because now I feel I'm, made to look like the evil one if I don't help him.

As opposed to him being the evil one when he continued having sex with another woman? Or wanting to shack up with his ex?

There are real, professional nurses in the hospital. They will care for him. It's not your responsibility to coddle him when he treats you poorly. He will be just fine.

January 7, 2014

I need to add some details:

He has come to visit me in the UK and he is from the USA (where his family/ex live). In order to save money he will stay with his mother or his ex.

He got sick and is probably broke now because he had no travel insurance (he's cheap). To him it's logical to live with his ex (she lives in a big city and he goes on about how he's going to make a pile of money in a private members club... he worked in one 6 years ago). It's offensive to me.

Seriously. Send this user and his completely co-dependent caretaker "ex" (who sounds more like his mother-figure) to Dumpsville.

Why in the world would you want a piece of this action?

Send him home to "mother."

Or tell us why you think this is a worthwhile investment.

I can tell you what will happen:

He'll get pissy.

You'll feel guilty.

He'll go live with his ex and bang her.

He'll keep you on a string.

Every time you pull the string because he is cheap, inattentive and narcissistic he will bring up how you "aren't trustworthy" and "didnt support him when he was sick" so he "had to go live with his ex."

Then when the argument is done you can buy YOURSELF the flowers and chocolate to apologize.

Meanwhile, he'll pull the same sh*t with his ex telling her that "she owes him a place to stay at the very least" because she "ruined his new relationship with YOU."

HAVE FUN WITH THAT.

I hope the dimes he saves get stuck in his asscrack.

January 7, 2014

You're made to look like the evil one if you don't help him?!?!

I'm so confused by the way you think. The man cheated on you. Now he is going to live with an ex. Hello!

His family was getting updates from me about his condition constantly. Then I found out his mother was ringing up his ex to share everything and I felt absolutely used and betrayed. So I rang his ex up directly to tell her about his condition.............I mean I am the one nursing him!!! His ex claimed she didn't seek out anything, they phoned her. I can't be angry with her except that she will no doubt take him in again and I will feel like crap for giving so much. My mother tells me that it will be a blessing if his ex takes him back because it will get him off my case, but I am so angry now. I don't know how to handle my anger.

Edited January 7, 2014 by Toucan_Pecan2

January 7, 2014

I am so angry right now. I feel vengeful and it's really bad. What the hell do I do? He's in hospital now, his flight leaves on 12th. I don't know if he can even catch the flight and I don't want to visit him in the hospital to check (I went every single day for months acting as an unpaid nurse (he had to poop in a bowl etc). This is a ****ed up situation, because now I feel I'm, made to look like the evil one if I don't help him.

If thats what it means to be evil......

Then dammit, BE EVIL.

Seriously.

Not every play needs a villain.

This play already has a cheap, cheating idiot.

That's good enough.

Worry less about what people might think about yiu and more about how this idiot is using you.

You dont owe him months of helping him poop.

January 7, 2014

This guy is an out of work leech that cheated on you and you are worried what he thinks about you?

I would just cut off all contact with this person. You don't need to explain a thing to him. He has no allegiance to you so don't have any for him.

January 7, 2014

If thats what it means to be evil......
Then dammit, BE EVIL.

Seriously.
Not every play needs a villain.
This play already has a cheap, cheating idiot.
That's good enough.

Worry less about what people might think about yiu and more about how this idiot is using you.

You dont owe him months of helping him poop.

I feel exhausted and used. I mean really, his appendix burst and he got a wound infection so it makes him seem fragile, but he barred me from seeing my male best friend (jealousy) and I had no one to offload to about his behaviour for months. I'm burnt out and sometimes I wish him dead. I feel like I am turning into a horrible person.

January 7, 2014

This guy is an out of work leech that cheated on you and you are worried what he thinks about you?

I would just cut off all contact with this person. You don't need to explain a thing to him. He has no allegiance to you so don't have any for him.

He has some private photos/videos of me that I want him to delete. They don't have my face in them, but I have felt I have to play nice with him for him to delete them. For a long time he refused to delete them. I'm worried he will keep them.... but another part of me thinks who cares because there is really nothing identifiable on them.

January 7, 2014

He cheated on you.

He is planning on moving in with his ex.

He's a cheapskate that makes you walk everywhere.

He had you working as his unpaid "nurse".

He has pictures of you and you don't trust him not to share them.

His actions offend you.

So tell me... why do you want to be with him? Do you think you have no choice but to settle for this? Do you think if you love him enough, he'll turn into a motivated, generous, successful person?

January 7, 2014

He cheated on you.

He is planning on moving in with his ex.

He's a cheapskate that makes you walk everywhere.

He had you working as his unpaid "nurse".

He has pictures of you and you don't trust him not to share them.

His actions offend you.

So tell me... why do you want to be with him? Do you think you have no choice but to settle for this? Do you think if you love him enough, he'll turn into a motivated, generous, successful person?

I don't want to stay with him. I just want him to delete pictures of me. The thought of him arousing himself (or even just having them on his computer... I mean don't I have a right to say, please just delete them) on my photos and then sleeping with his ex disgusts me.

January 7, 2014

Let it go.

This guy has already tried to isolate you and manipulate you.

The photos will go where he decides whether you are nice to him or not. Dont let anyone take pictures of you that you dont want publicized for that very reason.

And at this point they have given him a lot of power over the situation.

you ARE being used and he is a classic user.

You are also being manipulated by guilt.

Him manipulating you and you telling yourself reasons to feel guilty.

Really notice and work on that.

Feel guilty when you do something worth feelibg guilt over and correct it.

Feeling guilty does not make you an indentured servant to a user.

Read Boundaries by Cloud & Townshend

Please. Because people will use you your whole life if you dont work out that guilt trigger.

January 7, 2014

I don't want to stay with him. I just want him to delete pictures of me. The thought of him arousing himself (or even just having them on his computer... I mean don't I have a right to say, please just delete them) on my photos and then sleeping with his ex disgusts me.

Since he is in the hospital, can you get to his computer to delete them?

January 7, 2014

Since he is in the hospital, can you get to his computer to delete them?

I don't know his password and some I emailed to him so they would be in his mailbox....

January 7, 2014

I don't want to stay with him. I just want him to delete pictures of me. The thought of him arousing himself (or even just having them on his computer... I mean don't I have a right to say, please just delete them) on my photos and then sleeping with his ex disgusts me.

Um, yes you DO have a right to say "delete my photis please. I dont want then in your possession anymore."

Seriously, yes you do.

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I contacted my boyfriend's ex after he told me not to contact her. What will happen?

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