livingnightmare Posted January 7, 2014 Posted January 7, 2014 Just phoned my daughter and as usual the ex is in the background laughing, talking shouting enjoying herself. Im trying to go no contact here and every time I phone my daughter there she is in the background, do these people have any idea that we don't want to hear them? after all the things they done? It's every dam time. I was feeling much better today, this has just made me angry again. I can't keep doing this, this is so awkward with a child involved. Wont this bitch ever understand this? I dont want to hear her fake evil voice. Its hard enough that they are all having a birthday party for her and I cant be there. Times like this I wish I lived in Afghanistan. She would soon learn some manors.
Author livingnightmare Posted January 8, 2014 Author Posted January 8, 2014 Well ignore that comment about Afghanistan I do not mean it, I was just venting the anger. Well on top of trying to go no contact and the above. I get a txt msg off a different number that is not blocked telling me my daughter has a cough and I gave it to her by smoking around her... Unbelievable, I go out my way to never smoke in front of my daughter always have and always will, I also know my daughter wouldn't make that up to her mom. So what the hell she is playing at I do not know. I nearly text back with everyone of the betrayals she thinks I don't know about, but for the first time ever I said you know what, F it. She's only going to text back with more illogical nonsense that will wind me up more. I'm going to make more effort to control my mind from now on. The shlt I have clocked onto recently throws everything in a new light, its like a revelation awakening my mind. I refuse to let her bother me. I refuse to be dragged into arguments with her any more. I am worth more than her. I am growing. I am strong. I am free. I have the ability to love. I will see the warning signs next time. I'm just waffling on really, but loveshack does help me vent. I know that if I had never came here for advice I would not understand zero of what I now know, and more than likely have been even further behind on my healing. I can not express how when I drifted into a very very long slump into drinking the words on this forum stuck in my brain, they were in my subconscious and helped pull me back. For that I can never express how grateful I am. 4
LostConfused123 Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 How are you doing now? I know you must be beyond angry. Sorry you're going through this! 1
Author livingnightmare Posted January 8, 2014 Author Posted January 8, 2014 How are you doing now? I know you must be beyond angry. Sorry you're going through this! Hi LC, thanks for popping in, I'm feeling much better now. I was very angry at first, but this has helped with the big picture of things. I'm feeling a strange calm at the moment, I would have loved to be there at the party, but we are having our own on the weekend and going ice skating with her cousins. I hope one day I can become indifferent, but knowing all the things my ex done and with the strong chance and possibility I only know the tip of the ice burg, also with the sacrifices that I have made for her and have to live with it makes forgiving much harder. I will get there, its not easy but seeing her in all this evil light does wonders lol
LostConfused123 Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 Hi LC, thanks for popping in, I'm feeling much better now. I was very angry at first, but this has helped with the big picture of things. I'm feeling a strange calm at the moment, I would have loved to be there at the party, but we are having our own on the weekend and going ice skating with her cousins. I hope one day I can become indifferent, but knowing all the things my ex done and with the strong chance and possibility I only know the tip of the ice burg, also with the sacrifices that I have made for her and have to live with it makes forgiving much harder. I will get there, its not easy but seeing her in all this evil light does wonders lol It sounds like you are in the anger phase and from the many posts I have read on here, the anger stage is actually a great thing. I personally don't have that "pleasure" I mean I was dumped in the falling in love stage so I never got to the point of getting to know his annoying flaws. . LOL!! Even the way he dumped me was very respectful. Anyway, I have read post after post of the anger stage and from what I have learned it is crucial for our recovery and it's almost like something "magical" happens. It seems as though you are on your way to indifference. I would hold on to that anger. Although, it probably seems counterproductive. I mean, who the hell wants to feel cranky??? Feels like crap but much better than feeling sad. Best of luck to you in your healing and recovery!! 1
Author livingnightmare Posted January 9, 2014 Author Posted January 9, 2014 It sounds like you are in the anger phase and from the many posts I have read on here, the anger stage is actually a great thing. I personally don't have that "pleasure" I mean I was dumped in the falling in love stage so I never got to the point of getting to know his annoying flaws. . LOL!! Even the way he dumped me was very respectful. Anyway, I have read post after post of the anger stage and from what I have learned it is crucial for our recovery and it's almost like something "magical" happens. It seems as though you are on your way to indifference. I would hold on to that anger. Although, it probably seems counterproductive. I mean, who the hell wants to feel cranky??? Feels like crap but much better than feeling sad. Best of luck to you in your healing and recovery!! Yeah I went through the anger stage before a few times. I really feel I am on the way to indifference, I'm realising its all in the mind, the more positive I think, the more of her negative traits I think of, the betrayals and lies and the fact she didnt even make any effort on the relationship even though we have a child, it makes me look at it from an outside perspective, the stronger I feel about she truely is not worth it, the better I feel. Yeah I'm tired of feeling cranky and bitter, I'm not going to let this get at me any more. For the first time last night I was thinking about is there anyone else out there for me, it was a good feeling as I never thought of anyone else or a future with another lol.
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