thefez Posted January 7, 2014 Posted January 7, 2014 (edited) OK this break up is somewhat complicated (arnt they all) but requires some back story and setting up. i met my now ex on a dating website. she was living separately from her then partner (and had done so for a good month) with her teenaged son. I am separated but due to circumstances still having to live with my ex and our child. (due to bot being able to live independently due to financial restrictions :/ not ideal i know - separated 2 years) we met (at the end of august) and when we did it was just for a coffee and a chat but she was "quite attracted to you " her words not mine! Anyway we got on and could chat easily and it was good we progressed and talked a lot and it became after about 3 weeks more serious and there was much more than just physical attraction I didn't want to pressure her but i had developed feelings for her moreso that just wanting physical love. she felt the smae and we continued chatting everyday on the phone texting and seeing each other once a week if not more. she was always more than happy for more time together. I was happy wiht this as it was a bon to ahve someone who really did want me. the only restriction on this was after her previous relationship she was not keen on having another man move in so soon (she cares deeply for her son - and rightly so). I eplained that i would see her as much as i could but sometimes it would be difficult for a while till i could be truly independent. so for September and October it was great we met had fun and bar one time i was a little late after meeting some friends never really argued) sadly mid novermer my Ex's stepmother died - I'm not a heartless b&%$%£d and helped her out - my ex is an only child and this is her last living relative. A few weeks later there was a lot of building work being carried out on our home leaving it a mess and being a huge disruption (i am self employed and use the dining room as my office - all the work that needed doing messed this up for nearly 3 weeks and necessitated me working in near no space or not at all and also due to some epic failures having to do a portion of the work myself. Needless this was quite a strain with my normal work, the disruption and having to put in extra on top. i wont pull any punches and say in that two week period form the start of December i was a bit slow to respond to calls and texts and that due to her home life i wasn't able to see her. On the 15th of december i got a text and was took4 hour late replying when she replied i blew my top and said (in the heat of the moment i should quit while i am behind) she was upset and asked if that was it but she would always be friends. i didn't reply. 3 days later i sent her an apology and groveled profusely.. some time for contemplation and reflection for me. she responded and accepted my apology and we bantered as we ever did. the next day i texted her and we seemed normal. about mid day she texted to say "we are just friends now ok" whcih shocked me and the bottom fell out (yes i know how it feels now) her reasons were sound.. she had been hurt previously and she wouldn't take that chance again.. i made a profuse apology and made what happened clear. she was.. neither negative nor positive.. but we carried on chatting and calling.. i assumed i would have to prove myself (i didn't make an "i have changed statement i did change) anyway we bantered and texted and she was.. somewhat flirtatious to me.. i would say we were texting at our normal rate i mena christams eve christmas day and boxing day were a blur of texts and a daily calls. She said we were just friends.. but her tone was warming to me (hell on christams day one of the texts contained our little codeword for your making me very horny and i want - she even said "if you carry on being cute i wont be able to resist) you this carried on till the 29th when i asked her if we would make a date and see each other. Sh said no and that she was seeing someone else.... cue the bottom falling out again... i asked and she said it was her best friend of 15 years..... i asked if it was what she wanted and she said she was happy i litterlly ahd to say sorry and hang up. a few days later i called and asked how when and what.. she was wary saying she didnt wnat to hurt me more.. to which i said it was impossible the nub was the monday after i blew my stack she went to her best frined explained it all and said she had always felt for him (he is btw coming out of a divorce right now, i was well aware of him being her friend and she was helping him through it) he said the same thing and that as they say is that. Now i am being helped through by a wonderful friend who has been a saint.. I am wondering about it all. was i a convenient rebound or was she really in love with me. Sh has stated she wants to be friends (ha!) now the problem is the texting is still going on and even a few phone calls (one very emotional form her when i was stating what i was doing with my life ) i realize now a period of NC is deseperatly needed (oh abit late i know) so far its only been 24 hours i do know however she will try and text me - and her messages ahve been mixed "understand i am with someone" and dont wait for me" and "right now i am happy" but also flirts and random messages late at night or so (plus her i ma happy/with someone hardly reek of i am in love with my best friend and its great!") to the point last night when i foolishly respnoded to a text and added she was alucky girl her words were "lol" "if i was that lucky i wouldn't be here right now" (a reference to being financially strained and having a limited amount of free time" "but hey i am happy with what i have got" is she on the rebound and the friend a poor decision for her - i have not given up on her i am realistic that whatever happens will happen. i do love and miss her but if she is happy then so be it i just don't want her hurt (i am no expert on rebounds but within 24 hours and wiht your beft frined) Having had my friend be objective and clear headed I have come through and actually made progress and change to myself and thinking - she has seen this I am committed to NC so will wait and see but her behavior seems confusing and erratic if not almost harmful (my frined thinks she wants both of us and is hedging her bets) Sorry for such along winded post (should have told you to get popcorn and a drink!) Edited January 7, 2014 by thefez better title
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