Scared/Gut feeling.

[Mondmellonw]

So, hey everyone.

The first time I got here I tried to explain my flaws on my relationship.

It lasted only for 7 months.

I broke up with him on his birthday, via FB.

At first he was the nicest guy I ever met. No one ever treated me the way he did...

Truth is, I ignored the red flags:

 

1. Drinking issues.

2. Left a LTR (5 years) with a cheater (their relationship was mostly about sex and partying).

3. It was only a month after that we started our relationship.

 

He convinced me that he didn't cared about her anymore.

There were many weird details. He still stalked her. He "hated" her.

I never confronted him about any of those details (and I just don't want to write them here, there's a lot of weird stuff involved and I'm still struggling with the whole chaos); I just saved them on my memory. I was getting more and more insecure. I wanted to make it work, but for the research I've been doing he might be an NPD. (I study psychology).

 

As I said: I broke up with him via social media, on his birthday, for a silly situation.

 

Then I apologized for a few things I did... And he responded to say:

"You're lying to other people about what really happened, stop being so obsessive, insecure and stupid. You're mentally ill and I want you to get the **** outta my ****ing life".

 

Again, for what I know now, all of my responses during the relationship were normal. I'm not saying I'm perfect, but my responses were normal and I found out a lot of lies during the RL post break up...

 

He convinced everyone around him his ex was crazy and he was a hero.

 

Now he is doing the same with me. He got really drunk, he slept with that cheating ex, and is currently dating one girl friend of mine that supported me during our break up.

 

If I'm right and he is truly an NPD, this is just as cycle and he might search for me.... God knows when.

 

The last time I made contact with him was before I did this research.

I told him I wish I never met him (true, but now I have some remorse on making him see I had feelings for what he did).

 

Should I be scared?

Idk. I might be paranoid.

 

 

I just wanted to post this. Today I'm going back to my routine, so I'll be a little absent from this, if anything happens, I'll be asking you guys for advice or help.

You have been an enormous part of this strange chapter of my life.

I need to recover myself from this.

 

 

I really I'm thankful to all of you, and I wish the best for you.

[mantlefan]

He seems all over the place. He may say he wants you out of his life, but then just coincidentally he goes after one of your close friends?

 

 

I don't know. I think it might be realistic to think that he isn't going to leave you alone. But I don't think you are in any actual danger, other than the danger of him interrupting your healing with his craziness.

[Mondmellonw]

He seems all over the place. He may say he wants you out of his life, but then just coincidentally he goes after one of your close friends?

 

 

I don't know. I think it might be realistic to think that he isn't going to leave you alone. But I don't think you are in any actual danger, other than the danger of him interrupting your healing with his craziness.

Who knows.

For what I've been reading (Narcissists, Sex and Fidelity - The Somatic Narcissist, The Asexual Cerebral Narcissist, Extramarital Affairs, and Paraphilias) I don't know if I should be scared.

Only thing for sure is that NC is the best choice, but that might make him angry.

[Haydn]

Best stay away eh? My ex was similar, whether BPD or NPD, she was violent and scary and all over the place. Everything in her mind seemed fantasy even after dumping i still got accused of all kinds of horrible things. Not pleasent. Please keep away from him. Take care..

 

 

Who knows.

For what I've been reading (Narcissists, Sex and Fidelity - The Somatic Narcissist, The Asexual Cerebral Narcissist, Extramarital Affairs, and Paraphilias) I don't know if I should be scared.

Only thing for sure is that NC is the best choice, but that might make him angry.

[Mondmellonw]

Thanks, I will.

I didn't responded to his last message, it was two days ago. I won't.

[Mondmellonw]

Does any other person here has experience with this kind of people?

[Haydn]

Find `Downtowns` threads. very useful.

 

Does any other person here has experience with this kind of people?

[AlphaC]

So, hey everyone.

The first time I got here I tried to explain my flaws on my relationship.

It lasted only for 7 months.

I broke up with him on his birthday, via FB.

At first he was the nicest guy I ever met. No one ever treated me the way he did...

Truth is, I ignored the red flags:

 

1. Drinking issues.

2. Left a LTR (5 years) with a cheater (their relationship was mostly about sex and partying).

3. It was only a month after that we started our relationship.

 

He convinced me that he didn't cared about her anymore.

There were many weird details. He still stalked her. He "hated" her.

I never confronted him about any of those details (and I just don't want to write them here, there's a lot of weird stuff involved and I'm still struggling with the whole chaos); I just saved them on my memory. I was getting more and more insecure. I wanted to make it work, but for the research I've been doing he might be an NPD. (I study psychology).

 

As I said: I broke up with him via social media, on his birthday, for a silly situation.

 

Then I apologized for a few things I did... And he responded to say:

"You're lying to other people about what really happened, stop being so obsessive, insecure and stupid. You're mentally ill and I want you to get the **** outta my ****ing life".

 

Again, for what I know now, all of my responses during the relationship were normal. I'm not saying I'm perfect, but my responses were normal and I found out a lot of lies during the RL post break up...

 

He convinced everyone around him his ex was crazy and he was a hero.

 

Now he is doing the same with me. He got really drunk, he slept with that cheating ex, and is currently dating one girl friend of mine that supported me during our break up.

 

If I'm right and he is truly an NPD, this is just as cycle and he might search for me.... God knows when.

 

The last time I made contact with him was before I did this research.

I told him I wish I never met him (true, but now I have some remorse on making him see I had feelings for what he did).

 

Should I be scared?

Idk. I might be paranoid.

 

 

I just wanted to post this. Today I'm going back to my routine, so I'll be a little absent from this, if anything happens, I'll be asking you guys for advice or help.

You have been an enormous part of this strange chapter of my life.

I need to recover myself from this.

 

 

I really I'm thankful to all of you, and I wish the best for you.

 

WHO?? ARE YOU KIDDING?? The guy told you, " I want you to get the **** outta my ****ing life".

 

You are obviously obsessed with him, otherwise you wouldn't be looking for people here to agree with you. Anybody with reading comprehension skills can read through your deception. Lets see.... you were in a "relationship" your words, with a guy one month after he ended his 5year LTR. That proves you are insecure, nobody heals in one month, you were his rebound, FACT! Then, while with you he is stalking his ex (same thing you are doing now to him). It was pretty clear he was not over her since he kept talking about her while you were with him. You should never have let this man into your life.

 

Now he is dating one of your friends and you are jealous, you dump him and come on here for support. Sorry but I think you need to leave this guy alone and stop stalking him. I had a woman do his to me (stalk), and it is scary. You are trying to make him the bad person here but remember this:

 

1. You dumped him and he moved on (to your friend), you didn't!

2. You are doing all this research to place him into one these categories pursuant to the DSM IV or 5; (means you are not over him - trying to diagnose him so you can tell him he needs help, oh please!!!);

3. You then apologize to him and try to get him back, at this point he told you the quote above;

4. Lastly you come here to get everyone to agree with your assessment and make him look bad and stalker like, but who is doing the stalking??

 

OP Get Real, I know your type, move on!

[Mondmellonw]

WHO?? ARE YOU KIDDING?? The guy told you, " I want you to get the **** outta my ****ing life".

 

You are obviously obsessed with him, otherwise you wouldn't be looking for people here to agree with you. Anybody with reading comprehension skills can read through your deception. Lets see.... you were in a "relationship" your words, with a guy one month after he ended his 5year LTR. That proves you are insecure, nobody heals in one month, you were his rebound, FACT! Then, while with you he is stalking his ex (same thing you are doing now to him). It was pretty clear he was not over her since he kept talking about her while you were with him. You should never have let this man into your life.

 

Now he is dating one of your friends and you are jealous, you dump him and come on here for support. Sorry but I think you need to leave this guy alone and stop stalking him. I had a woman do his to me (stalk), and it is scary. You are trying to make him the bad person here but remember this:

 

1. You dumped him and he moved on (to your friend), you didn't!

2. You are doing all this research to place him into one these categories pursuant to the DSM IV or 5; (means you are not over him - trying to diagnose him so you can tell him he needs help, oh please!!!);

3. You then apologize to him and try to get him back, at this point he told you the quote above;

4. Lastly you come here to get everyone to agree with your assessment and make him look bad and stalker like, but who is doing the stalking??

 

OP Get Real, I know your type, move on!

Thanks for your opinion, but you're judging just a piece of the picture.

 

You're right, I obsessed over this after the BU.

I don't need people to agree with me as he is doing with our mutual friends. I mean, why would I want such thing if you don't even known him? That doesn't cures me from this, it doesn't bothers him neither. In fact, I don't want or need to bother him, I need him to stop the gossiping about me. He is trying to bother me, telling lies about me to the people I know.

 

We started the relationship because we BOTH wanted too.

He was very charming, he even made a song for me and it was public, the whole thing. (Everyone knew he was cheated and that he wanted to be with me for who I was) I never harassed him or anything in order to make what I wanted too.

I believed he was ready to be in love again. For what he said, their relationship was doomed 2 years ago. He is 26, I'm 20.

The thing is: He lied the whole time, they never had clousure on that thing they had together. He manipulates things as he pleases. I don't need to give all the details here, since I don't find it so anonymous.

 

I don't want to "fight" over this. I just want advice/opinions.

 

This is a fact: I'm not stalking him anymore.

I know what I know for what he is been telling to my friends.

[Chi townD]

Personally, I just think he's really hurt and is venting at you. I mean, come on! You broke up with him on his Birthday? Over social media?!?!

 

Even if he was a complete douche rocket, I wouldn't be your biggest fan either.

 

He's venting. Keep ignoring him and he should just go away. The texts will become less frequent and then nothing.

[Mondmellonw]

Personally, I just think he's really hurt and is venting at you. I mean, come on! You broke up with him on his Birthday? Over social media?!?!

 

Even if he was a complete douche rocket, I wouldn't be your biggest fan either.

 

He's venting. Keep ignoring him and he should just go away. The texts will become less frequent and then nothing.

I know... and this is exactly why I apologized to him, I truly felt sorry about all my mistakes. I was becoming very insecure.

Truth is, he cheated on me, should I blame myself for all? ... Idk, but I guess not.

It is the very first time I broke up with someone like this.

I'll never do it again, it's cheap... However, I don't know if I should be feeling bad for it any longer, since he lied to me the whole time.

...I'll be patient. Thanks Chi.

[Chi townD]

You need to let go of your guilt. Yeah, he cheated on you and you have EVERY RIGHT to drop him like a bad habit (although, your timing sucked and that gave him the ammo he needed to try and make you the bad guy).

 

Okay, he may have been saying some mean stuff about you to others. But, people aren't stupid (for the most part) they know that there are two sides of a story and not to take things at face value. They can ask you if they want and you can tell them the truth.

 

If he needs to make you the bad guy to make himself feel better, then whatever dude! What's most important is that you know what the truth is. As long as he starts leaving you alone.

 

Sooner or later, he'll leave you alone. And stop psycho-analyzing him! Sometimes people are asshats because they want to be an asshat!

[Mondmellonw]

You need to let go of your guilt. Yeah, he cheated on you and you have EVERY RIGHT to drop him like a bad habit (although, your timing sucked and that gave him the ammo he needed to try and make you the bad guy).

 

Okay, he may have been saying some mean stuff about you to others. But, people aren't stupid (for the most part) they know that there are two sides of a story and not to take things at face value. They can ask you if they want and you can tell them the truth.

 

If he needs to make you the bad guy to make himself feel better, then whatever dude! What's most important is that you know what the truth is. As long as he starts leaving you alone.

 

Sooner or later, he'll leave you alone. And stop psycho-analyzing him! Sometimes people are asshats because they want to be an asshat!

Yes, you're right. I should not make this the center of my life.

I don't want to be like him (during the relationship he analyzed every move I did, I'm not exagerating)... Thanks again.

[AlphaC]

Mondmellonw wrote,

 

"This is a fact: I'm not stalking him anymore."

 

Be honest with yourself, you are still pining for him. He is now with your gf who, according to you, was there for you when you guys broke up. First of all, never ever stalk someone again, that's the worst feeling in the world. You are 20 years old, you are young and have your whole life ahead of you. This guy is a cheater, he doesn't respect you or your feelings, he sleeps around and is now sleeping with your friend and his ex. You deserve better for yourself, you are smart, studying psychology (yikes). I dated a school psychologist once, she analyzed everything i said, told me my upbringing was faulty, i told her she was faulty and dumped her. If you are in college there has to be tons of eligible bachelors who would like to date a smart woman, keep your eyes open.

[Mondmellonw]

Mondmellonw wrote,

 

"This is a fact: I'm not stalking him anymore."

 

Be honest with yourself, you are still pining for him. He is now with your gf who, according to you, was there for you when you guys broke up. First of all, never ever stalk someone again, that's the worst feeling in the world. You are 20 years old, you are young and have your whole life ahead of you. This guy is a cheater, he doesn't respect you or your feelings, he sleeps around and is now sleeping with your friend and his ex. You deserve better for yourself, you are smart, studying psychology (yikes). I dated a school psychologist once, she analyzed everything i said, told me my upbringing was faulty, i told her she was faulty and dumped her. If you are in college there has to be tons of eligible bachelors who would like to date a smart woman, keep your eyes open.

Yes, I'm not anymore, wich, yes, it means I was... But I don't want to anymore, and I decided to stick to it. When I found out about this site and the "NC" I felt it was a big signal for my recovery.

 

And well, your ex... Not all students of that area are the same, but I know what you mean. It's better if you keep that business away from your relationships, we all have flaws, but there are things I cannot dismiss in this specific situation, I need to learn from it (myself, other people) and to recover from it, I don't want to date another "bad" guy.

 

You're right. I'm still struggling with the "let go", even when we have all those lies on the table now, I feel guilty for some stuff, I am aware that no relationship is on just one person, it's always about two people.

[AlphaC]

Yes, I'm not anymore, wich, yes, it means I was... But I don't want to anymore, and I decided to stick to it. When I found out about this site and the "NC" I felt it was a big signal for my recovery.

 

And well, your ex... Not all students of that area are the same, but I know what you mean. It's better if you keep that business away from your relationships, we all have flaws, but there are things I cannot dismiss in this specific situation, I need to learn from it (myself, other people) and to recover from it, I don't want to date another "bad" guy.

 

You're right. I'm still struggling with the "let go", even when we have all those lies on the table now, I feel guilty for some stuff, I am aware that no relationship is on just one person, it's always about two people.

 

 

Good for you, stay strong, it's situations like these that bring about good lessons. You are young and are preparing yourself for a good future, be happy with what you have, your ex was put into your life to teach you a lesson, stay positive!!

 

Yes you are right about this site, it helped me a lot too, mostly because i realized I was not the only one going through heartache, when you care you get hurt, FACT! This site is a community, we know each other by anonymous screen names but we value each others message and thoughts.