Jesseklaver Posted January 7, 2014 Posted January 7, 2014 Hi all, I need some advice on the following. Thanks in advance Context: I have been in a relationship with my ex for 4,5 years with some ups and downs. Biggest down was in 2013 when we broke up for 2 months. I went NC and got through the painful period. I convinced myself to never take her back until I coincidentally met her at an event. We had sex, dated a couple of times and I decided to give it another shot. Things went well since then and we got engaged in the first week of November 2013. However, we had a lot of discussions and fights about our future. This stems from our different cultural backgrounds and the fact that I had some mild mental health issues. Also her mom and dad where heavily involved in the marriage discussions. Eventually I had the feeling that I was clashing with my girl due to her being told to believe in certain principles which did not match my expectations of her. Eventually this caused so many fights between us that we decided to break up 1,5 week ago since we did not believe the marriage would be a success. Since then I'm in NC and feel a lot of pain, which is now less than in the first couple of days. Need advice on: The last night we saw each other I was very rude to her (insulting her and being cold) since I felt betrayed (gave her a second chance last year) and emotionally hurt. I did not give her a proper goodbye and did not wish her the best for the future. I'm thinking of inviting her for dinner so that we can end the relationship as adults without our egos standing in the way. I'm only afraid that seeing her will be like scratching the healing wound. What do you guys think I should do? Btw, I'm now 200% convinced that a relationship between us is doomed to fail.
Philosoraptor Posted January 7, 2014 Posted January 7, 2014 Are you serious? If you are certain the relationship has no chance then why waste any more time? All you'll do is have an emptier wallet and more pain. Seems like you're reaching for a reason to see her more than anything. Feels like I should smack you on the nose with a rolled up newspaper and say "no!". 1
polynomial Posted January 7, 2014 Posted January 7, 2014 Most likely it will not make you feel better, set back your healing process and have you longing for me imo.
David87 Posted January 7, 2014 Posted January 7, 2014 Read your thread as a diferent person..... DON'T CONTACT HER, don't send texts or emails, leave her alone for now.
Author Jesseklaver Posted January 7, 2014 Author Posted January 7, 2014 Thanks for the advice guys, I appreciate it. Honestly, I do not want her back. I do not believe we have a future together, and she cannot convince me anymore to get back together. So getting her back is not my intention and also not the reason for NC. But I do love her as a person and wish her the best in life. I want her to know this and remember me as who I was in the relationship, not who I was on the last day full of anger and bitterness. I feel guilty about treating her like garbage on the last day before NC. That is why I just want to apologize and wish her the best before going into NC for good... Is that such a strange thought? 1
devastated777 Posted January 7, 2014 Posted January 7, 2014 Read my thread. Maybe it will help you with your "trying to redeem yourself" I tried to basically apologize for being a bitch (which I dont think was my intent 100%) and all I got was "I miss your dog". I can't copy my thread. Im not that good but its Broke NC after 4 weeks. 1
Bigcitydreamer Posted January 7, 2014 Posted January 7, 2014 I've done this before and it ended in a reconciliation which then ended in a break up once again. My ex was pretty eager to get back together after I sent him a message saying that I was sorry for the way things ended, my actions, and I hope you remember the good times some times. He wanted to give it another shot and I caved. I did that because I had a lot of guilt and I also still cared about him. I think dinner is way too extreme and inappropriate. You guys are broke up, you can't ignore that when people break up there is no need to eat dinner together. I'd send off a message or an email very short no longer than absolutely necessary just wishing her well. That may help your consience but it most definitely will set you back. You will get extra sad after you send it and dwell on it for too long wasting more time on her. I don't want you to get the idea that sending this type of message leads to a reconciliation. You said yourself you don't want that but I do understand the need to absolve yourself of guilty feelings. So basically: 1. Preferably do not contact her. No real point to it. Will cause additional sadness in your life. 2. You might go ahead and do it anyways but no more than a simple short message and expect no response or if you do get a response that it will probably upset you. 2
Author Jesseklaver Posted January 7, 2014 Author Posted January 7, 2014 Read my thread. Maybe it will help you with your "trying to redeem yourself" I tried to basically apologize for being a bitch (which I dont think was my intent 100%) and all I got was "I miss your dog". I can't copy my thread. Im not that good but its Broke NC after 4 weeks. Thanks for replying devastated777. I can understand that it hurts if he only replied with "I miss your dog". However, that means that you were expecting him to tell you something else. The only thing I want to do is send information (apologies and wish her all the best). I don't care about her reaction to it.
Zahara Posted January 7, 2014 Posted January 7, 2014 Thanks for replying devastated777. I can understand that it hurts if he only replied with "I miss your dog". However, that means that you were expecting him to tell you something else. The only thing I want to do is send information (apologies and wish her all the best). I don't care about her reaction to it. Then send her an email and apologize and shut the door. No need to do the dinner thing and keep digging at wounds. 1
Author Jesseklaver Posted January 7, 2014 Author Posted January 7, 2014 Thanks guys, I think it will be a short message with apologies and wishing her all the best. Somewhere I do realize that it would be strange to meet up again if only a short message would suffice. I guess it's a way of rationalizing something that's bad for you. Like an alcohol addict who's trying to quit saying ahh only one sip can't hurt, my intention is not too drink more than one sip.
Recommended Posts