realfriends Posted January 7, 2014 Posted January 7, 2014 I know ill probably be told, you miss the OLD her or kick her off the pedestal but I just wanted to share my emotions. She was always so good to me. She was my pride and joy. Nothing made me happier than her. I wanted nothing but the best for her, no matter what that was. Looking back, we both made some mistakes, but our love was so true. I miss her face. I miss her smile and her voice. I miss the love we shared. How could something like this of happened? Why isn't she fighting for a second chance from me? Why does it seem like she just ran away? Is she scared? Scared of the pain she caused me. Scared of the label that she'll have to live with for the rest of her life. Scared that people will look at her differently. Sometimes, I try to give her the benefit of the doubt and say that she's trying to heal and let me heal. Other times I say **** her. She isn't here for me and my darkest hour of which she brought upon me. I read forums on how to try to forgive. I go to counseling and learn what it really means to forgive. Than, I look at my situation and even wonder should I forgive. Why should I forgive someone that broke my trust after 5 years, and hasn't even fought for it back. Hasn't even tried. She's shown remorse, but to her, theres greener grass out there. I then think, one day, if she ever comes back, all the things I would say. "How do you know theres still not someone better out there? Did you try everyone?" "How can things work since we are heading to graduate school now?" I thought maybe this was all just a blessing in disguise, to help mend our relationship to something stronger than it could of ever been. I now have doubts. The pain of which I was forced with. Something she will never understand. The pain of my love running away. Never knowing if they are going to come back. Never knowing if the person who you talked to for 5 years will ever talk to you again. I try to tell myself I miss the old her. I still find it hard to believe that everything we worked for, everything we were planning for is gone in the blink of an eye. I still love her. I think I always will.
julzfromsa Posted January 7, 2014 Posted January 7, 2014 Im having a bad day myself and absolutely everything that you have shared is what i feel. My relationship was 11 years, since i was 17. I also miss her, and I also know i miss the old her, but I still MISS the old her. Doesnt really make me feel better. All i know is that its done, and she is gone forever and whatever is left of my life I have to make it work as best as possible. I also HAVE FAITH that this will not last forever. One day I will not think of her, and if i do, i know the pain will be gone. I do wish there was a pill to fix me. Or a Destroy Ex's life button somewhere but the only way to get better is straight through the grief. Sometimes i would give anything just to run my fingers through her hair again or to hear her laugh, or for her to make me some tea, but it WILL never happen.. I am at peace with that now. FIND your peace first and then slowly we heal.. With you mate - trust me, im with you
mantlefan Posted January 7, 2014 Posted January 7, 2014 I still want my ex back sometimes. But then I realize that she probably broke up with me to get with my friend, even though she listed all these other reasons. Maybe they were a part of it (and admittedly, some of them are good reasons for breaking up), but it's hard to really look at the situation honestly and not see them as excuses. We never tried to solve the issues, they never really came out of her back pocket until her original justification for the breakup fizzled out (She wanted kids, I wasn't sure, after really agonizing over it for weeks after the BU, I realized I do want them, but by that time her "feelings had changed.") I still sometimes want to do anything for her, especially "save" her from her evasiveness and sometimes lies that will only make her a prisoner and miserable in the future. But even if I truly was going to be there whenever she needed me, I can't trust her anymore that she would be honest about when she needs me. It's liberating in some ways, but it's also a hollow feeling, that I can't trust her anymore. She used to be so wonderful, but now, with all that dishonesty, she is slowly being taken off my pedestal.
Author realfriends Posted January 9, 2014 Author Posted January 9, 2014 Its weird how people literally just 180 A year ago, her BEST FRIEND told her to dump me because she doesn't know what else was out there. She told me how stupid that was and how she'd never leave me. A year later, she's gone because of those exact words.
mantlefan Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 Its weird how people literally just 180 A year ago, her BEST FRIEND told her to dump me because she doesn't know what else was out there. She told me how stupid that was and how she'd never leave me. A year later, she's gone because of those exact words. I'm 24 and some of my friends want to set me up with 30 and older women. I am more than a little hesitant, but I guess one benefit of dating significantly older women is that they DO know what else is out there
flightplan Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 ... I guess one benefit of dating significantly older women is that they DO know what else is out there Mine was in her 40s and smoking hot... and I'm not exaggerating. She told me I was the best she ever had in every way, no one made love to her or made her feel loved like I did.... BUT her religion said otherwise. I can't tell you how many of her girlfriends were complaining about their boyfriends, husbands, etc. wishing they never got married or could find someone else. We use to joke about it and relish how lucky we were. Haaaa ! Jokes on me...
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