How To Identify Lack Of Empthy in Men

[Untouchable_Fire]

I had a guy like that. It was a turn off.

 

Can you say insecurity?

 

My advice would be to develop some independence and lower the level of drama.

 

Men who lack empathy are also very selfish. Look at how he views the world and treats people. That will be a much healthier indicator.

[Leigh 87]

Put it this way: I will be UTTERLY SHOCKED if he turns out to be a liar and cheat because I just DONT get that vibe from him.

 

He is super super talkative and nice to my parents; he loves my parents and tries to talk a lot to them.

 

My parents don't have any in cling that something is off with him. My dad ALWAYS had bad feelings about the guys who DID turn out to be jerks.

 

 

I realize my nf could be a raging psychopath. ... but do u really think I have enough evidence to leave him yet?

[xxoo]

Leigh, you're getting distracted by one person's suggestion that he is a liar and cheater. Everyone else is saying that his response was 100% normal. Focus on the balanced view, not the extremes. Trust that you'll be able to tell if there is reason to worry; there will be clear red flags.

[Leigh 87]

How long have you been dating? Did he say that he was in love with you?

 

Frankly, if you were someone that I was IN LOVE with, I would:

 

1. Assess whether it was a true emergency and if you NEEDED me now

2. If so, make, at least, a few moments available to communicate with you on the phone to console

 

That's if I were in love or deeply cared about you. If we are just gf/bf, I don't know how responsive I would be. One thing I didn't like about your bf's response was his lecturing about when, why and other people having real problems so he isn't going to drop everything....such a lecture is patronizing and dickish. Forgive me, but anyone who needs to lecture you on this matter as an explanation why he wasn't as responsive is a dick to me.

 

Off topic here, but what the hell is it with this FB thing? He has a more personal method of communication called the phone and he gets on FB to chat????? I seriously wonder about some people now days. He would rather chat on FB than talk to you. Sheesh.

 

 

He texts and calls me daily. He goes on fb in addition to that.

 

He fell in love about two to three weeks after first laying eyesnon me.... met the 29th November, said he lovede on the 21st Dec on his bday. He's had two long term relationships prior to me....

[Iguanna]

I'll only say this: the enemy of the good is the better. Enjoy what you have and stop worrying that you don't have more.

[Leigh 87]

I think this thread can be closed now, as I've got the responses I need.

 

I'm no longer concerned. All is good.

[letmoc]

You and your friend seem way too wrapped up in each other's love lives. That's a little immature and you will learn not to share so much as you get older. It clouds how your friends and family see your partner and can make things really difficult. And until this man gives you something to distrust him for stop putting him under a microscope.

[pteromom]

Well I need my boyfriends actions to align with the actions of a man who is crazy in love.

 

I think these is an unrealistic expectation in most relationships. If you want a guy to act "crazy in love", then you have to find a guy who thinks like you do and wants the same thing. It's not common.

[pteromom]

You have set up a expectation in life and then are doomed to be disappointed when others do not share those same expectations.

 

I agree. Leigh, you should worry less about him showing you he is "smitten" with you, and more about just getting to know him as a person and making sure your values align. In a long-term relationship, feelings come and go. But if you form a strong friendship based on integrity, communication, and mutual effort to make things better, you can weather the storm.

 

If him being nurturing when you are sick or hurt is important to you, it is your responsibility to communicate that to him. Just because he isn't the same person your friend's boyfriend is doesn't mean he is less in love with you than her boyfriend is with her. It doesn't work that way - they are two different people.

[Mrlonelyone]

I agree. Leigh, you should worry less about him showing you he is "smitten" with you, and more about just getting to know him as a person and making sure your values align. In a long-term relationship, feelings come and go. But if you form a strong friendship based on integrity, communication, and mutual effort to make things better, you can weather the storm.

 

 

For all the dark disturbing things I may post here which reduce us to meat robots looking to get off. .. ^ This Leigh. This is so very true.

 

 

Friendship is the basis and foundation, passion is the mortar, and companionship is the bricks for your and your boyfriends house.

 

 

A relationship has the potential to become a greater friendship and partnership than any other you will ever have in your life. It has the potential to bond you to someone heart, and soul and through children and grandchildren...for as long as there are humans on this earth.

 

 

We are the proof of this. We are here because numerous people made sure not to let "friends" stop them from choosing someone who makes them happy. (among other less pleasant scenario's...but the point still holds.)

[Fondue]

I hate this to come off as offensive, so I apologize beforehand.

 

Your expectations of a man are unrealistic. To need to be "smitten" by you early on and drop everything to tend your needs at your beck and call is a little absurd.

 

I think every person has the responsibility to be at least somewhat independent. If you are lightly ill (you said it only lasted one morning), then you should be able to take care of yourself and not be expect your man to be there for you just because you're not having a good day. I don't think I could date a woman who has these expectations. I don't think babying someone is at all healthy.

 

Mind you, I just spent 4days in a row last week taking care of my sick girlfriend. Everything from cooking every single meal, to putting her on a medication regimen, and to even giving her backrubs. I actually hated myself half way through this ordeal because I spent my days off that week treating this lady. Even though she is my girlfriend, I felt like she should be able to fend for herself at least somewhat. It was daunting. I'm an RN, so maybe what I'm speaking is stupid, as I am "supposed" to help, but babying someone just killed it for me. I was ecstatic when she finally went home and I had a day to myself. I know she was sick, so I am expected to be there, but I can only imagine what it feels like when you're expected to be there for someone for every little thing. That's just... Too much.

[pickflicker]

I think your friend should keep her mouth shut and concentrate on her own relationship.

 

Just because she got landed herself a deferential bloke that she "calls and he drops everything" (seriously, what self-respecting person does that?), doesn't mean that is the ideal.

 

We all have problems and we all have lives. I can't drop everything when someone I love is in disaster. It's just not practical. I have my own issues and problems to take care of. If a friend calls me in distress, I will take the time to chat to them on the phone and hopefully make them feel better, but I can't just 'drop everything.' No one with work and a partner and friends and hobbies and a house to run can do that.

 

Her boyfriend sounds like he's got no life outside of his relationship.

[CrystalCastles]

I think your friend needs to mind her own business. It's not her place to provide commentary of your relationship.

 

Honestly, if I were in her boyfriend's shoes, I wouldn't be able to last a week. I'd feel like her slave boy, rather than a man in a relationship.

 

I think you need to stop comparing your man and your relationship to other's. It's entirely unrealistic for someone to drop everything and come running. That would be exhausting for your man, and he'll eventually dump you for it. He's not your personal clown or joker, here to entertain you whenever you feel like it.

[ascendotum]

You and your friend seem way too wrapped up in each other's love lives. That's a little immature and you will learn not to share so much as you get older. It clouds how your friends and family see your partner and can make things really difficult. And until this man gives you something to distrust him for stop putting him under a microscope.

 

A lot of women share stuff about their lives with gal pals and get advice form the 'girlfriend committee'. I don't think its necessarily immature, but maybe how they react to some of the advice might be. I've seen a number of relationships put under stress from women benchmarking their guy against their friend's bfs/husbands, who do more or spend more or are a lot more romantic. Its valid to take some advice gained on board, but the situation in this thread is not applicable imo. As MrLO said too, gfs, sister inlaws, cousins are not always motivated with the best interests. I've seen a few that got a big kick out of creating jealousy, or disharmony when they didn't like their friend's guy

[Els]

I think it depends on how often these little upsets are happening, and how serious he perceives them to be. If you are having little family upsets every week or somesuch, then yes, I think it wouldn't incur more than a 'there there' from most people. On the other hand, if it was a huge, once-in-a-decade kind of blow up, then I'd expect him to be there. Similarly with your puking; if you were just hungover then I wouldn't expect much, if you had a serious illness I'd expect more.

 

How long have you been with this guy?

 

I also agree that your friend needs to mind her own business.

[Janesays]

Here's an example of a man with no empathy....

 

When I was 22, I found a lump in my breast. Biopsy came back inconclusive. So I had to have surgery to remove it so doc can take a better look. I was scared. Scared I might die in surgery and scared that if I didn't die in surgery, I'd die later from cancer. So scared that on the way to the hospital, I started to quietly sob in the passenger seat.

 

My boyfriend, annoyed by my crying, stopped the car and kicked me out IN THE SNOW. I had to walk the last 2 miles to the hospital and went into surgery alone.

 

I think you are behaving a little bit like a drama queen. Drama queens always tank their relationships. Dont believe me? I bet your friend and her beck and call boyfriend won't be together by the end of the year. Mark me.