High_hopes Posted January 7, 2014 Posted January 7, 2014 Is there ever a time to say your sorry? Lets forget about no contact for a moment. I recently posted my first few posts here and it had to do with running into my ex of a year ago and ignoring each other. We had contact once since. The relationship was complicated and there about a dozen reasons why we should not have gotten involved right off the bat non of which had anything to do with how we felt about each other. Short of it is, that in hindsight I was wrong about so much of the advise (solicited and unsolicited) I gave her. I was wrong to tell her how she should live her life, how she should handle her past, her child, her ex, her family...on and on....most of all I was wrong to stay with her even though I knew she needed to be alone and I knew it. I even said it. It's complicated...very. I feel like it's a monkey on my back. I have felt that way for a year even though I've seen other people. I know she wants nothing to do with me, she's was very cold to me in the end. I feel a little guilt and I feel that she may not be happy or even able to move on because of a lot of things I've said.
RDawg Posted January 7, 2014 Posted January 7, 2014 Then maybe you should write to her and apologise for everything you feel you owe her an apology for? Maybe she doesn't care to hear it but it might relieve your guilt. I don't see the harm.
Itspointless Posted January 7, 2014 Posted January 7, 2014 Nothing wrong with trying to be just, in my opinion. No matter what she thinks of it, it shows your integrity (or at least that you try to be). 3
notthathard Posted January 7, 2014 Posted January 7, 2014 I read your other post... no don't do anything. Your just going to come off as a crazy person. She wasn't answering your calls or responding... means she doesn't want talk/hear from you.
Author High_hopes Posted January 7, 2014 Author Posted January 7, 2014 I read your other post... no don't do anything. Your just going to come off as a crazy person. She wasn't answering your calls or responding... means she doesn't want talk/hear from you. That may end up being the popular opinion. There is a part of me that wants to forget her forever and snub her each and every time I see her, if I ever do again. Though I think thats a game. My biggest concern..the biggest concern...is that now that I've run into her (which was inevitable) I'd be doing it for the wrong reasons and would only end up disappointed. It's confusing me and the analytical part of me thinks that the very fact I feel confused about that tells me I'd be doing it for the wrong reasons. However, I really do feel I was wrong about so much and want to tell her.
im_thedude Posted January 7, 2014 Posted January 7, 2014 I too have a lot of regret about how I acted toward my ex both during our relationship as well as after our relationship. If she has already ignored you for such a long time though, it's best to just internalize these feelings, learn from them and move on. I personally have so many things I would like to say to my ex, but it's so futile because I know she doesn't want to hear it, nor will it change the past. Part of letting go, I hear but haven't quite conquered, is letting go of the regret as well.
Author High_hopes Posted January 7, 2014 Author Posted January 7, 2014 I too have a lot of regret about how I acted toward my ex both during our relationship as well as after our relationship. If she has already ignored you for such a long time though, it's best to just internalize these feelings, learn from them and move on. I personally have so many things I would like to say to my ex, but it's so futile because I know she doesn't want to hear it, nor will it change the past. Part of letting go, I hear but haven't quite conquered, is letting go of the regret as well. You may be right here for sure. Is their any part of you that thinks saying something would help that other person to be able to have a chance at happiness? Maybe they were screwed up and unhappy before you and saying how you feel will help them move on. ??
d0nnivain Posted January 7, 2014 Posted January 7, 2014 In a situation where reconciliation is still possible, an apology will often go a long way. By the time you get to the point of break up you are probably long past the point where saying I'm sorry will change the outcome.
Zahara Posted January 7, 2014 Posted January 7, 2014 I read your past threads. You made attempts to reach out and she has ignored you. I think at this point you are looking for excuses to keep making contact until she lets you in. You're concocting things in your head to find ways to soften her/break her into responding. You are not responsible for her happiness and if you state that she has always been somewhat difficult to deal with, what you have to say will not change who she is and how she views life. A few words from you, especially someone she isn't keen on, won't change a thing. I've said this before, silence is difficult to accept but it is a clear and loud message. 1
Sleepyhead Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 I also struggle with the regrets and mistakes I made-- I think that could be what's holding us back. I did apologize to my ex and he sincerely accepted my apologies and thanked me, but the guilt still eats me up alive some days. At this point I don't think you should apologize to her because it won't really help until you first genuinely forgive yourself. It helps to tell yourself that you will never make those mistakes again in your next relationship, and that you have grown as a person because of those mistakes you made. You are a human being with flaws, but take comfort in knowing that this is something you can avoid in the future and won't have to experience it again. 1
Author High_hopes Posted January 8, 2014 Author Posted January 8, 2014 I also struggle with the regrets and mistakes I made-- I think that could be what's holding us back. I did apologize to my ex and he sincerely accepted my apologies and thanked me, but the guilt still eats me up alive some days. At this point I don't think you should apologize to her because it won't really help until you first genuinely forgive yourself. It helps to tell yourself that you will never make those mistakes again in your next relationship, and that you have grown as a person because of those mistakes you made. You are a human being with flaws, but take comfort in knowing that this is something you can avoid in the future and won't have to experience it again. True. Thanks. I also struggle with a lot of promises I made to myself and to her that I haven't kept. One of the reasons she drifted from me is because i've been struggling financially, having changed my careers and invested in my own business. She was such a huge huge supporter and my biggest fan. That's what I loved most. At this moment though, a year later I am still struggling with my business and financially. I haven't changed and I am a bit depressed and lack confidence. I actually have another post going about my struggle with confidence and motivation.
vassilbg Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 I know how you feel. I was in the same situation post BU about 1.5 months now. She apologized about a week or two after we split. I remained calm and collected and was kinda short and rude to her. It took me a long time to gain perspective with what went wrong. I recently sent her an apology and it was very well received. I didn't realize that I was harboring guilt that was keeping me from really moving forward so I said what I needed to say. Her and I are somewhat communicating again, but I'm honestly just confused at this point on what I want... Its going to be an interesting few months coming up
Author High_hopes Posted January 9, 2014 Author Posted January 9, 2014 I know how you feel. I was in the same situation post BU about 1.5 months now. She apologized about a week or two after we split. I remained calm and collected and was kinda short and rude to her. It took me a long time to gain perspective with what went wrong. I recently sent her an apology and it was very well received. I didn't realize that I was harboring guilt that was keeping me from really moving forward so I said what I needed to say. Her and I are somewhat communicating again, but I'm honestly just confused at this point on what I want... Its going to be an interesting few months coming up You said it's been 1.5 months? Then you said its taken you a long time to gain perspective. You also said you remained calm and collected and was kinda short and rude to her. I am a bit confused. First, short and rude isn't calm and collected. Second, Every situation is different but in my opinion 1.5 months is like yesterday when it comes to a relationship break up. It's so brand new. I'm sure you've gained some perspective and there is nothing wrong with communicating your feelings if she hasn't made it clear to leave her alone. 1.5 months is like the heart of the honeymoon during a break up. I haven't been with this girl for over a year and a half.
pickflicker Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 You said it's been 1.5 months? Then you said its taken you a long time to gain perspective. You also said you remained calm and collected and was kinda short and rude to her. I am a bit confused. First, short and rude isn't calm and collected. Second, Every situation is different but in my opinion 1.5 months is like yesterday when it comes to a relationship break up. It's so brand new. I'm sure you've gained some perspective and there is nothing wrong with communicating your feelings if she hasn't made it clear to leave her alone. 1.5 months is like the heart of the honeymoon during a break up. I haven't been with this girl for over a year and a half. And that length of time hasn't really changed you prespective either. She's made her position clear, forcing contact isn't going to change anything, just as it wouldn't have changed anything all those other times.
Reels Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 Don't think so much about her, unless you have something interesting to do with her now. I know its not in your control, and then "monkey on my back", loved that term too.
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