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Posted

the story goes a little something like this...

 

i was caught off guard by my girlfriend of 3 years... she was quiet for a week and everytime i asked her what was wrong she would say nothing... finally she told me it was us and she was unhappy, bored and just didn't want to be in a relationship anymore. i went into panic mode and tried to make things work and keep her around but it didn't work.. we never really had fights or anything she just bottled it all up and now it has all come out without me knowing and it sucks... this all happened exactly 1 week before christmas...

after that we didn't speak for a few days but agreed to see eachother for christmas... christmas day was like nothing ever happened it was like we were still bf/gf we had sex n everything and it messed with my head... anyways after that we didn't talk for 3 days.. then i couldn't take it and i called her up one morning, we went to the beach had breakfast at a cafe and went for another long walk and we had fun... then i couldn't help myself i asked her if shes enjoying being single she said yes n that she hasn't thought about getting back together with me... took her home we had sex again that day.. then i was thinking all day about it and thought she was getting the best of both worlds (me basically being a boyfriend and shes single too)

so i called her at around 12:10am 31st december... told her i can't talk too her anymore because it's killing me just being a friend n that i'd need to try and move on... i lasted 7 1/2 days with no contact.

 

today i cracked and i text her asking if she was free for dinner, she replied once she finished work and she thought i didn't ever want to hear from her again and i explained that wasn't the case...

we went out for dinner it was a really good night i know i shouldn't of but i asked a couple of questions towards the end of the night asking if she missed me at all she said not really but she felt like texting me a couple times.. and that she just sees me as a friend now.

 

dont know what to do im thinking going no contact again but she'll probably text me eventually because now she might think/know im open to talk

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Posted

so here it goes 10pm 7th of january starting no contact.. see how it goes

any advice for if she texts me asking how i am?? should i reply should i not?

i want her back our relationship was great i think she just got bored.

 

thank you for anybody who reads this =)

Posted
so here it goes 10pm 7th of january starting no contact.. see how it goes

any advice for if she texts me asking how i am?? should i reply should i not?

i want her back our relationship was great i think she just got bored.

 

thank you for anybody who reads this =)

 

NC means you have to ignore her texts, good luck:)

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Posted

cheers dave, it's going to be hard to ignore the texts... i feel it might just push her away.. at what point do i actually respond

Posted
cheers dave, it's going to be hard to ignore the texts... i feel it might just push her away.. at what point do i actually respond

 

I say give it at least a month. Keep posting here when you get a text from your ex.

Posted

I think you need to go and work on yourself for a while.

Something is making her board in the relationship, you need to work out what that something is.

 

It will take a while but you can't keep going back to her in the current state your in. She doesn't want it.

 

You asked her if she is missing you... maybe your being too needy/clingy.

 

How was the relationship when you first started going out compared to now? If you don't remember read emails/SMSs. You might have changed since the relationship started.

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Posted
I think you need to go and work on yourself for a while.

Something is making her board in the relationship, you need to work out what that something is.

 

It will take a while but you can't keep going back to her in the current state your in. She doesn't want it.

 

You asked her if she is missing you... maybe your being too needy/clingy.

 

How was the relationship when you first started going out compared to now? If you don't remember read emails/SMSs. You might have changed since the relationship started.

 

appreciate your response and i agree with everything you said, i think she's bored because we didn't do much as a couple i was lazy i got too comfortable and we didn't do much together and yeah i would come across a bit needy or clingy i like to think it's not as bad as when we first broke up i for some reason just like to ask those kind of questions? but while we were together i was the total opposite?

the relationship was good fun we never had problems or fights we truely loved eachother i think we never missed a day without talking to eachother untill a week ago... things probably did change i wasn't as fun because i was too comfortable and didn't think she would leave me

Posted
appreciate your response and i agree with everything you said, i think she's bored because we didn't do much as a couple i was lazy i got too comfortable and we didn't do much together and yeah i would come across a bit needy or clingy i like to think it's not as bad as when we first broke up i for some reason just like to ask those kind of questions? but while we were together i was the total opposite?

the relationship was good fun we never had problems or fights we truely loved eachother i think we never missed a day without talking to eachother untill a week ago... things probably did change i wasn't as fun because i was too comfortable and didn't think she would leave me

 

I've been through this sort of thing with my ex at the moment (during 1 of our breakups) who I'm having a completely different issue with right now. Right now I'm NCing her because I don't want her back, she hurt me bad, but that's another story. But before (the 1st time we broke up I wanted her back) I did this and it worked a treat...

 

Firstly you need to take yourself away from the situation, really sit yourself down and think about if you really want her back? And DONT lie to yourself.

 

You need to think over EXACTLY what it was she was bored with, and if you feel there were any other things that pushed her away from you.

 

If you do then KEEP yourself away from the situation. Focus entirely on yourself in making yourself a better person, and mainly working on improving the things that pushed her away in the first place. If she texts, calls, emails etc. then message back, be polite, but be short and sweet. Your far too busy with other things, there are exciting new opportunities happening in your life right now, develop a playful sense of humour when messages these SHORT messages, and life is great! This makes women think, oh he CAN live without me, he seems more fun too.

 

I'll be honest and blunt mate, if she was bored, it sounds like you might have been too clingy too, you need to do the complete opposite! If you text her, call her, ask her out to dinner...and you will want to, DONT! This will drive you crazy but if she has any feelings for you and cares about you in any way it will also drive her crazy having no contact with you. Post here instead if you feel like picking up that phone.

 

Now this sort of thing can take a month, it can 2, maybe even more depending on how long it takes for you to improve yourself. But while you're doing it all, make sure in some indirect way she notices these changes in yourself, noticing the effort you're making, DO NOT make it clear it's for her though, it's all for you buddy, or at least that's what we want her to think. And remember life is GREAT for you! ;) even if it's not. *wink wink*

 

Then when all is set in place you need to tell her that you guys need to talk and you want to meet up. Now it's easy enough for guys and girls to SAY they're going to change and be a better person for the other, but you've actually gone and done it, you've got hard evidence. Now's the time to make her know this and say something along the lines of, ""I know I made some mistakes during our relationship, and I wanted to take full responsibility for those. I shouldn't have done [whatever it is you did] to you, and I feel horrible now. But the biggest mistake I made was losing you. I don't expect anything from you, I just want you to know that." Prove you've made the changes, ask to try it again and if all this fails then I'd say it's a lost cause, but as I said, it worked a treat for me!

 

And at the end of the day whatever happens, keep smiling buddy, there's 6 billion other people in the world!

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Posted

yeah you're spot on luke i agree man i guess that is the plan i was trying to carry out but i just cracked after a week... i feel better this time around though. still not sure wether to completely ignore her messages or to just be polite n short with them? that's if she does end up messaging... but best bet seems to be to leave the relationship talk with her for atleast a month

Posted

If you want her back then reply, but MAKE SURE it is short and sweet like I said. Trust me she WONT show it, but it will be grinding her gears that your life is fantastic without her.

 

Don't reply at all (the old NC trick) if you want her out of ur life. That's a tool used to heal and get over someone.

 

Don't put a time limit on it either, all situations take different lengths of times. My advice would definitely don't do it too soon like first few weeks at least but do it when you feel you've actually achieved these goals. I can't stress enough how going back with that hard evidence is important to this success.

 

Good luck man.

Posted

What you're feeling right now are the symptoms of withdrawal. There's a reason they say love is a drug. Read the links in my signature, they will help you to start your healing process. Post here often and let us know you're doing. You will move on, it will just take some self control and will power on your part.

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Posted
What you're feeling right now are the symptoms of withdrawal. There's a reason they say love is a drug. Read the links in my signature, they will help you to start your healing process. Post here often and let us know you're doing. You will move on, it will just take some self control and will power on your part.

 

thanks heaps, had a good read of both links and they've helped alot... looks like it's going to be full no contact unless shes banging down my door wanting another chance

Posted

Just thought I'd let you know your not alone mate. My girlfriend of three years broke up with me two months ago to go join the circus. We had been having limited contact up until the start of the year, and I was working on my communication and trying to just be supportive of her. However she rang me on the 1st to tell me she was dating her acrobatic partner - the one I had trusted her to spend 10 to 20 hours a week alone with because she said She didn't feel that way about him. With the news came the realisation thatwe had been struggling the last few months because she had been developing feelings for him, and building resent ment towards me because of all the imperfections me (while not talkling me about them).

Basically I realised that she had utterly betrayed my trust, so I've been no contact since then apart from a email explaining why I thought she'd betrayed me and that I couldn't remain friends with someone who would do that.

 

It has been incredibly hard, worse than when she initially brie up with me to experience this betrayal. I guess I'm just warning you not to get your hopes up. NC doesn't usually bring them back, but it does at least protect you

 

--- Day 1 ---

 

was pretty easy actually, i feel fine didn't think about it as much as i did last week while i was no contact... i read this thread which really helped me realise/understand what was going on... it almost describes my situation perfectly.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/251986-grass-greener-syndrome

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Posted
Just thought I'd let you know your not alone mate. My girlfriend of three years broke up with me two months ago to go join the circus. We had been having limited contact up until the start of the year, and I was working on my communication and trying to just be supportive of her. However she rang me on the 1st to tell me she was dating her acrobatic partner - the one I had trusted her to spend 10 to 20 hours a week alone with because she said She didn't feel that way about him. With the news came the realisation thatwe had been struggling the last few months because she had been developing feelings for him, and building resent ment towards me because of all the imperfections me (while not talkling me about them).

Basically I realised that she had utterly betrayed my trust, so I've been no contact since then apart from a email explaining why I thought she'd betrayed me and that I couldn't remain friends with someone who would do that.

 

It has been incredibly hard, worse than when she initially brie up with me to experience this betrayal. I guess I'm just warning you not to get your hopes up. NC doesn't usually bring them back, but it does at least protect you

 

that's so rough bro, i feel for ya. ofcourse if something like this happened i'd fall from where i am right now back to below where i was the 1st day we broke up... nobody wants to hear that... cheers for sharing your story it will help me not have high hopes and to expect the worst. thank you

Posted

Thanks man, I hope it helps, and I hope things do work out for the two of you!

 

 

QUOTE=wordisbond;5453728]that's so rough bro, i feel for ya. ofcourse if something like this happened i'd fall from where i am right now back to below where i was the 1st day we broke up... nobody wants to hear that... cheers for sharing your story it will help me not have high hopes and to expect the worst. thank you

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Posted

Work on yourself first, you can do it.

 

At this meantime, don't think about establishing contact.

 

It's all about you now, you are the priority, you are the focus :)

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Posted

--- Day 2 ---

 

it's going all good, thinking all this positive energy will crash over the weekend though when i won't know what she's upto or who she's with but all that's out of my power? why should it matter right? im beginning to see that it doesn't matter we're both single now so she can do what she wants.. just have to be a man about things and let her go if there's any chance of her coming back... this no contact thing has been so much easier the 2nd time around im not sure why though but im starting to see the bigger picture and starting to do all that self improvement stuff and keep busy and it actually does help

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Posted

i can't help but check out what she's upto on facebook or instagram everyday even though i know it's bad (im never gonna see anything i like) don't know wether to delete her off those 2 things or not.. will it push her away forever? we don't really have any reason to be mad at eachother we left eachother last on good terms... it's half way through day 3 and i'm missing her a bit today

Posted
i can't help but check out what she's upto on facebook or instagram everyday even though i know it's bad (im never gonna see anything i like) don't know wether to delete her off those 2 things or not.. will it push her away forever? we don't really have any reason to be mad at eachother we left eachother last on good terms... it's half way through day 3 and i'm missing her a bit today

 

I would recommend blocking her 5 minutes ago.

But, if you are desperately in angst over feeling like that will push her away, maybe it's worth it to tell her why you are cutting her out of your life?

 

 

(Other members please advise)

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Posted

--- Day 4 ---

 

starting to struggle a bit i always do when it comes around to friday & saturday nights.. i'm so tempted to contact her just to do something tonight but i haveto resist or i'll end up having to start no contact all over again... i'm close to breaking though i'll do my best not to

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Posted

day 5

 

is finally over n done with... can;t wait to make it to one week... im getting better at this although i've almost cracked a few times... i keep asking myself this question today though like she said we grew apart and that she doesn't feel the same anymore and that i haven't done anything wrong... what's the reason for her not talking too me for days on end if she still cares about me

Posted

Time went so slow after my breakup. So I get the 'is finally over n done with' bit.

 

You can care about someone but not want to be in a relationship anymore. I've been there.

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Posted

yeah but how can they go from talking every single day to not talking at all like it doesn't bother them

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Posted

today is like day 8 and on my way home from work i randomly drove past my ex... i got home had a shower and i had a message on my phone from her that said

"seen ya!"

do i even reply?

she thinks we're like best friends or something but hasn't said a word to me in 8 days

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